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wish there were some unseen omnipotent voice shouting “WARMER” or “COLDER” everytime i make a decision because i am pretty much flying blind here
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i NEED to sit by the SEA and FORGET that i’m ALIVE
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Someone: "How are you today?”
The hallucination of Edward Cullen that I keep around at all times: "Lie."
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sir will you please stop doing the worm your wife is in labor
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THIS IS WHAT GOOD PUSSY SOUNDS LIKE: [GEIGER COUNTER GOES WILD]
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no offense but like… why are people obsessed with king kong and godzilla
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My Mom just accidentally prematurely sent an email to an accounting firm… It was supposed to say ‘I am afraid that we will have to postpone our meeting”
but she hit send when all it said was
Hi Jeffrey,
I am afraid
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do not stand at my grave and cry i am not there i do not vibe
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me: i’m fine
internally: *the tunnel scene from willy wonka*
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