acehet

[acehet]

cool coool cool cool anyway seeing as how for the most part ace discourse is dead, except for a few stragglers and jokers here and there; i guess i can finally link to my main!

@kissimirrit

and some of you probably knew about my old account @/kevv or katidoj or whatever but they’re abandoned now.

coolcool cool cool.

[acehet]

i check back periodically like. once a year. to see if ace discourse is still going on 6 years later.

anyway here’s spade’s yearly update: i’m a trans guy aroace lesbian. yes you can also call me a straight guy. yes you can also call me a lesboyan. he/him lesbian. i am still also aroace. fun fun fun!!!

i’m pro-mogai and pro-bi/pan lesbian. i’m pro-any queer identity claimed in good faith.

when i started this blog in uhh? 2015? 2016? i was still pretty exclusionary despite claiming to be an inclusionist. i was still in the process of leaving behind truscum/trandmed ideology and i still held onto some bigoted beliefs. like asexuality wasn’t a spectrum and pansexuality was just bisexuality under a special label and other queerphobic beliefs. i even hated the word queer LOL. i also frequented in radfem spaces.

ANYWAY some people might not know this but ace discourse was actually popularized by a group of aroace radfem women who frequented in truscum spaces in 2012/2013 (i was around when the word “truscum” was coined! originally it was just trans guys telling other trans guys that you can’t ID as an ftm lesbian!!! GUESS WHAT I AM NOW LOL) that i used to be a part of. we called ourselves “asexual elitists” and basically all the ace discourse points argued are directly parroted from there. they’re just old truscum and radfem arguments repackaged and reworded.

cool have fun see you next year. glad to say that my several years of unlearning problematic beliefs has finally paid off and i am now officially someone that 14 year old me would hate!

if you have a funky gender or orientation i LOVE you. if you have funky pronouns i LOVE you. keep kickin fucky pals.

has ace discourse ended yet?

[acehet]

has ace discourse ended yet?

[acehet]

hi, spades here. it’s been a long time.

a lot of you have known me as a straight-oriented aroace trans guy, but i can’t call myself a man anymore after i feel like i’ve failed as one.

i’ve known about my intersex variation for awhile, that i was on the androgen insensitivity spectrum. that i had internal testes that were removed. that i have xy chromosomes. that i don’t have a uterus.

what i didn’t know is that i had COMPLETE androgen insensitivity syndrome. that i was not what i magically hoped was lower and partial. that HRT would work on me.

i’ve tried testosterone. multiple ways. it won’t work on me. in the past when i noticed it not working, i opened up a bit on here and tried to get myself used to the idea of reidentifying as a lesbian, becoming apathetic to the idea of no longer being a man.

well, the day has finally come. i’m a lesbian.

[acehet]

So you like being in no romantic nonsexual relationships with girls. So friends. You just described friendship

ah yes i love the idea of being married and raising a child together with my FRIEND. i love referring to my FRIEND as my girlfriend. we’re just out here.... gals bein pals.... bein just friends with my girlfriend. ah yes. friends.

[acehet]

Straight trans people are great! Ily! You aren’t any less queer because you’re straight!

[acehet]

[acehet]

hey, me from 2 years ago, guess what;

no you’re not.

sometimes i consider calling myself demiromantic but then i remember i’d rather shove a large sword into my chest cavity than do that

[acehet]

Just curious, what's the meaning behind your URL? (given youre not het)

hey sorry this took a long time to get back to!

my first url was allosexuel. then i changed it to acehet later because at the time i identified as an aroace guy who exclusively dated women. and because at the time “acehets”/”arohets” were what exclusions were trying to exclude. so i thought it’d be funny.

right now i don’t mind if people still see me as a straight man. i also don’t mind if they see me as a lesbian. i don’t mind how people perceive me. i just go along with whatever people view me as, and, to be honest with you? maybe i’m somewhere in that spectrum with a very high level of apathy lol.

i'm dysphoric and i like being in nonromantic/nonsexual relationships with girls. do with that what you will.

[acehet]

i know i’ve written about this before when i was questioning my romantic orientation because of that whole debacle, and i found it.

i was desperately wishing to be aromantic again and no longer feel that crush, that having a crush sucked and other aromantic people who felt the self-loathing that i did were not missing out on anything. it’s truly a rush of everything at once and a loss of rationality.

but it passed, and i found myself once again thankful to be aromantic, to not have these feelings, and to never want them again.

i mean, it happened once and it can surely happen again in the future, but if i find it happening again– this time i won’t let them grow out of confusion of what they are, i’ll make them stop as soon as i recognize them.

tl;dr having a crush made me thankful that i was aromantic as soon as it was over

god i’m so inactive.

anywhoo i’m gonna talk a bit about some positivity.

i used to absolutely loathe the fact i was aro. i would only let people refer to me as ace, and only mention i was aromantic if i HAD to separate my romantic and sexual orientation for whatever reason.

i still mostly refer to myself as ace and let it just be assumed my aromanticism is innate in that single descriptor, but i’m not ashamed of it anymore. 

i’ve had one crush, and the horrible throw-uppy feeling that lingers for months that comes with it was enough for me to wish to go back to being 100% aromantic during that whole process. it’s traumatizing, to not have control of yourself and feel like throwing up and avoiding someone you really like.

the feeling passed in february(or january? december? i can’t remember actually) and i found myself thankful for that, and glad i no longer felt those intense feelings for anyone. honestly? it’s something i never want to feel again, and i’m glad i haven’t. and if i begin to, i’ll make sure to stop it immediately.

it makes me happy to be aromantic. i’m proud to be aromantic. i’m proud to be myself, every part. i’m intersex, asexual, aromantic, and i’m happy. <3

[acehet]

this might be a take too hot take but y'all really have to start acknowledging straight trans people a part of the lgbt community

[acehet]

god i’m so inactive.

anywhoo i’m gonna talk a bit about some positivity.

i used to absolutely loathe the fact i was aro. i would only let people refer to me as ace, and only mention i was aromantic if i HAD to separate my romantic and sexual orientation for whatever reason.

i still mostly refer to myself as ace and let it just be assumed my aromanticism is innate in that single descriptor, but i’m not ashamed of it anymore. 

i’ve had one crush, and the horrible throw-uppy feeling that lingers for months that comes with it was enough for me to wish to go back to being 100% aromantic during that whole process. it’s traumatizing, to not have control of yourself and feel like throwing up and avoiding someone you really like.

the feeling passed in february(or january? december? i can’t remember actually) and i found myself thankful for that, and glad i no longer felt those intense feelings for anyone. honestly? it’s something i never want to feel again, and i’m glad i haven’t. and if i begin to, i’ll make sure to stop it immediately.

it makes me happy to be aromantic. i’m proud to be aromantic. i’m proud to be myself, every part. i’m intersex, asexual, aromantic, and i’m happy. <3

[acehet]

Hot take

You can’t separate out polyamory and kink and queer communities overlapping history into neat little, mutually exclusive time lines because you think kink is yucky or because you have some weird hate torch you’re carrying for polyamorous people.

The three communities developed together, symbiotically, and still overlap in many of the same ways today.

To exclude kinky and poly points of view from queer discussions is ignorant, ahistorical, and a byproduct of an assimilationist outlook that ultimately only rewards cis, white, monosex, middle/upper class, perisex, abled WASP types who try their best to look as straight as possible while throwing everyone else under the bus for their own benefit.

It also silences kinky and/or poly queer people who want to (rightfully) discuss their overlapping identities and the ways the cishetero/monogamous/sex-negative society we live in views them.

[acehet]

happy national coming out day i’m an aroace lesbian who uses male pronouns thanks for coming to my tedtalk only 2 of my friends know

[acehet]

what do you mean by "soulmated" in your bio

i have a soulmate!

[acehet]

i wanna talk about it but i really dont wanna talk about it

[acehet]

me: *cries in asexual*

me: *laughs nervously in asexual*

me: *screams in asexual*