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this is probably the funniest thing i have ever seen

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DO. IT.

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“Estoy cavando una tumba, no me voy a matar hoy, pero… sabes, por si acaso”

—Escorpio, Virgo, Piscis, Capricornio, Cáncer, Tauro

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Lol fucking facts 😂

signs as the black girls you’re bound to meet in your life

aries: she can probably beat you in arm wrestling, and while she won’t brag about it without prompting, if you decide you wanna act like you’re the HNIC, she’ll be quick to take you down a peg. your absolute best friend or the worst nightmare of an enemy, like she won’t go all out of her way to fuck with you, but you’ll be fucked with. remembers everything. not exacty the “mom” of the friend group, but lowkey responsible… unless she’s bored.  taurus: the friend who makes sure you ate and pulls snacks out her bag if you didn’t. always down for a laugh. falls asleep when y’all hang out at the house. not about short-term friendships or relationships, so if you end up in one with her, remember that she can and will cut you off at anytime bc this means like… nothing to her lol like yall are friends but it’s not that srs. loyal until you hurt her then just fades back out your life without a word unless you decide to fix your mouth to ask why, then get ready for an earful.  gemini: takes screenshots and has all the receipts, so don’t think about lying on her unless you wanna be all the way exposed. her room either looks like a five-star suite or like all the drawers barfed on the bed and chairs (and maybe floor), just depends on what day of the week it is and if anyone’s coming over. dressed to kill. nice until you do something wrong, then don’t know you. has EVERYTHING in her bag. knows all the sales. most likely to slash your tires. cancer: carl thomas - emotional.mp3. just so many feelings. super nice until she’s SUPER NOT. the actual mom friend if your mom had you at 14 and was growing up with you. like, she’ll hold you when you’re sad, but she’s also down to go hit the club afterward. always watching, like in the beyonce-peeking-through-the-blinds kinda way, she knows everything, she’s just not saying anything. super loyal as long as you return the favor. geniunely surprises you when you find out her kinks.  leo: highest expectations in the crew besides virgo because… well, have you seen her? have you seen the effort she puts into herself, her career, her life? seriously, like keep up. big softie deep down inside who just wants to be loved and treated like a princess but also worshiped like a queen like, why is this so hard? turns to mush inside if someone she likes is around, but trying to act like they’re no big deal and annoying bc she’s not gonna admit someone has that much hold on her. like things just so, so stop FUCKING with her stuff. virgo: going to the top and not gonna let anything stop her… but if anything does they’re breathing fire and huffing smoke and being pissy about everything. always has advice and if you don’t take it, it serves you right when shit goes wrong. petty and stands by it. bougie but usually cute about it. probably has an impressive, color-coded day planner or everything scheduled into her phone. biggest betrayal is purposefully getting in her way.  libra: super cutie who wants everyone to get together and bake a cake full of rainbows (but also somehow an evil genius if need be?). never ask her to pick where y’all are going to eat, because she’ll end up trying to take a vote or something instead of outright picking. always has a crush on/kinda sorta thing with somebody (changes/rotates constantly depending on who’s paying her attention), or the one in a relationship that she’s 149% all about. loud. kinda goofy. same room dichotomy as gemini, ‘cept hers is pillow paradise.   scorpio: nicest person with the shortest temper, and the worst part is that it SMOLDERS. the living embodiment of “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”. the friend you go to when you have a bad breakup bc she’ll put you in tight-ass dress, do your makeup, post you on ig to make sure your ex sees, and then take you out on the town to forget everything except how bad-ass you are. gotta check on her periodically cuz she’s not about to let anyone know when she’s suffering (she’s the one who Gets Shit Done, what does she look like asking for help?) sagittarius: sweetheart with her own agenda. private and you don’t even know it. better justifying/deflecting genius than libra, which is kinda scary, tbh. coordinator extraordinaire, which turns into manipulator extraordinaire unless she’s done some emotional work on herself. lashes out when she’s hurt on some FUCK IT ERRYBODY CAN GET IT type shit but will maintain that she’s unbothered. nice as long as you remain on her good side forever and always. social climber and unashamed about it.  capricorn: the only one more ambitious than virgo, but not wasting her breath giving out advice lol if you wanna know her secrets to success, you can buy her book when it comes out. doubt her and you’re dead to her. the actual evil fucking genius, like between the fact that her talk game and diplomacy skills are on point and the fact that she refuses to let anyone make a fool of her, just don’t try her. like if you fuck her over and she just stares at you and then smiles and goes “have a nice day” or something, you’re just dead, you’re gonna die.  aquarius: not about to waste her breath warning you about anything  more than once. good intuition, but doesn’t usually trust it. a little out there, but it makes you smile cuz she’s just a cute-ass weirdo. good luck tryna pin her down buddy lol she knows the biggest resource she has at her fingertips is her life itself and she’s dedicating it to fun, freedom, and the existential greater good. bounces back from everything but doesn’t forget who didn’t help.  pisces: flower child whose hand you might need to hold sometimes (both to guide and to console). the one who’s not about to jump into the roast session cuz last time y’all hurt her feelings (but she also got in like a REALLY good one that one time, y’all still talk about it). always wants the aux cord cuz she has a song she REALLY wants you to hear. very dreamy about her music. everyone’s favorite baby besides libra. sometimes naive, but in the cutest way bc they truly want to believe that the world is a good place, so she’s really personally hurt over injustices. 

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Dinner Time! I ate this a few hours ago but whatever. It’s lettuce, avocado, tomato, onion, olives, chicken, and cucumbers. It also came with a ginger salad dressing that was really good.

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Mood