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ash nazg durbatulûk ash nazg gimbatul ash nazg thrakatulûk agh burzum-ishi krimpatul #ASHNAZG #DURB #BURZ

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Try fitting bones, teeth, shells + a sharp rock into a loincloth. At minimum, it will be extremely uncomfortable

(two things off the top of my head in LOTR that make more sense if he's wearing at least a shirt and pants: Faramir's guys see Gollum flitting through the trees and think he could be a black squirrel from Mirkwood, which is more sensible if he's wearing dark clothing (no doubt ragged and frayed from being out in the wilderness for forever), which could reasonably be taken for dark fur at a distance. Also, when Frodo discards his orcish mail shirt, Gollum finds it and starts wearing it, which strongly implies he at least knows how to wear clothing, something that's sort of left in doubt in some portrayals)

Yep!

But also, it had become pretty nearly universal to depict him loinclothed (or entirely nude) in illustrations before the movies were made, which is probably why they went that route.

We only know Gollum has clothes in part because he was being drawn that way when jirt was still alive to say 'Hey, why is Gollum naked? I never said he was naked?'

There's another weird evolution of visual design here... Gollum was stealing his clothes from orcs. Well, orcs are usually depicted naked now too, for some reason, so there's nothing for him to steal but a loincloth. Sméagol can't get a break.

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Aragorn : Best King

All the ‘Aragorn has no idea how to rule a country’ jokes make me ridiculously, outrageously and hilariously cross.  1) Aragorn became king at the age of 88

2) he grew up in Rivendell meeting every kind of Elf, Dwarves, Men, even the odd Hobbit. He’s a scholar who speaks many languages, and there seems no reason to think his education in history, strategy and diplomacy was not extremely thorough. 

3) He ruled the Dunedain of Arnor as soon as he was old enough.  

4) He has previous experience of everything : Moria?  Done it before.  Redhorn Gate?  Done that too.  Wildlife of Eregion?  He knows what’s typical. History of Amon Sul?  Knows it. Tom Bombadil?  Recognises him on sight.  Secret routes through the marshes, pubs in Bree, enemies of Bree that Bree doesn’t even know exist?  Knows all that, has a plan for dealing with it.  Strong enough in terms of enchantment to be able to pull a hospital full of people afflicted with the Black Breath from their coma, and to rip the Palantir out of Sauron’s control and turn it to use as he wished.  Only needed a quick reminder about the Paths of the Dead, obviously he’s not too scared to use them. 

4) He’d been to Gondor before in disguise and become a great captain in the days when Denethor was young.  He knows Gondor really well.  He also knows Rohan really well, and rode with Theoden.  He may need to do a little catching up on modern issues, but since Denethor & Theoden are now dead, he’s got all the knowledge and experience that both countries have just lost. 

I don’t know how he is on tax codes, but that’s what kings have stewards for. 

‘Aragorn has no idea how to rule a country’ is like ‘Why didn’t the Eagles’ only WORSE. 

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That is an excellent point. Gwaihir and his buddies canonically steal sheep

The Lord of the Eagles would not take them anywhere near where men lived. "They would shoot at us with their great bows of yew," he said, "for they would think we were after their sheep. And at other times they would be right. [...] The eagles had brought up dry boughs for fuel, and they had brought rabbits, hares, and a small sheep.

-The Hobbit, Chapter 6: Out of the Frying-Pan into the Fire

So! I'm pretty sure they're not immune to Ring That Is Historically Phenomenally Good At Helping You Steal

I know that the nitpicking over why the Fellowship didn’t just ride the eagles to fly directly to Mordor has been talked to death, there’s more than enough answers. The Doylist answer is that would stop the whole book from existing, or replace it with a wholly different book all about eagles. The Watsonian answer is that a) the eagles are a noble independent people not a taxi service, b) the quest is a stealth mission and huge massive giant eagles are not stealthy, c) Mordor has air supremacy and the eagles could only fly to Mount Doom after Sauron was defeated and the Nazguls all gone.

But just now, option d) occurred to me: do we really trust the eagles to withstand the ring? If it tempts Gandalf and Galadriel, surely it tempts Gwaihir the Windlord. Do we want to create the Dread Lord of the Skies? He would wear the Ring on his lovely sharp claw! He would fly higher and swifter than the winds of the world! He would build a magnificent nest from the broken timbers of Edoras! He would eat so many people! All elves and men would be forced underground!

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sometimes it's very annoying to have a Problematic Blorbo, as they say, because people will make up stuff that they did, or take what other characters said they did at face value and then you have to be like "no that isn't true!!" and it makes you look deranged because then people will go "you're defending this guy?? who did [actual crimes]". YES they did the actual crimes NO they didn't do the other crimes

and then there's the ones who go "yes they did the crimes but it was BASED because it was [thing it most definitely was not]"

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Yep!

But also, it had become pretty nearly universal to depict him loinclothed (or entirely nude) in illustrations before the movies were made, which is probably why they went that route.

We only know Gollum has clothes in part because he was being drawn that way when jirt was still alive to say 'Hey, why is Gollum naked? I never said he was naked?'

There's another weird evolution of visual design here... Gollum was stealing his clothes from orcs. Well, orcs are usually depicted naked now too, for some reason, so there's nothing for him to steal but a loincloth. Sméagol can't get a break.

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I can never emphasize enough how the stories cited above that break the rules are also wildly successful.

See, because there's a tendency for a certain brand of very confident writing advice-givers, once they have ascended enough to acknowledge that their tastes aren't universal but not enough to be good at giving writing advice, to realize they can't really lay down an absolute. But they really want to. So they will go 'this is the right way to do it. Of course you can do whatever you want because it's your story. There's no REAL right way, but if you don't do it this way people won't like it and it won't sell. And like one person might read it haha. But it will be meaningful to you! That's what matters (loser)'

There are many reasons to write a story, and it's totally possible that your personal goals are met by completing the work and nothing further. I do not intend to imply that you need to want anything other than that- that's not my point. However, the implication I'll see sometimes is that you have to elect not to care about certain measures of success if you're opting for artistic freedom. Actually, you can have any type of success you personally want to achieve by writing a work with full artistic freedom that does tons of things you're not supposed to do. It's not either/or. Commercially successful, popular and trendy, historically long-lived work can be weird and esoteric, it can be disturbing and off-putting, it can even be.... just plain bad

Anyway, jirt gets tons of flak for describing things too much all of the time and yet he allowed generations of people to not know that gollum is supposed to be wearing clothes

Every 21st century piece of writing advice: Make us CARE about the character from page 1! Make us empathize with them! Make them interesting and different but still relatable and likable!

Every piece of classic literature: Hi. It's me. The bland everyman whose only purpose is to tell you this story. I have no actual personality. Here's the story of the time I encountered the worst people I ever met in my life. But first, ten pages of description about the place in which I met them.

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I’m obsessed with the bit in the Hobbit films where Thranduil tells Legolas to go find Aragorn— because if you care enough to dive through the layers of obscure knowledge it takes to understand the timeline, then you’re also the exact kind of LOTR Film Nerd who knows why the moment actually doesn’t make sense.

Tiny brain: “oh cool Legolas will find Aragorn”

Small brain: “ummm actually in the first Hobbit film it says that The Hobbit take place 60 years before Bilbo’s 111th birthday in lord of the rings? So wouldn’t Aragorn be a baby?”

Medium brain: “ummm actually if you watched the extended cut of The Two Towers, it’s made clear that Aragorn is a descendant of Numenor who has an abnormally long lifespan. He is 87 at the time of Lord of the Rings; 60 years earlier, he was 27, a very reasonable age for him to have made a name for himself as a ranger.”

Large Brain: “Ummmm actually in the book it’s confirmed that there’s a twenty-year gap between Bilbo’s 111th birthday party disappearance to Frodo leaving the Shire with the Ring. The Hobbit quest happened 60 years before Bilbo’s famous birthday party. 87-60-20=7 years old. Aragorn would be a lil guy. He would not yet be Strider, the timeline makes no sense.”

Giant brain: “ummm actually the screenwriters have confirmed that the 20 year gap is not canon in the film’s universe. First, it’s really not portrayed as a 20-year-gap in the films— it’s written and shot as if it were a couple months. The screenwriters were also aware of the implications of removing it. For example, in a behind the scenes commentary they discussed how their portrayal of Frodo is much younger than the version in the book —because they removed the 20-year gap. Film!Frodo is an innocent youth going out on his own for the first time, in contrast to the book’s more mature adult— and that deeply affects his characterization throughout the trilogy.

We can consider Legolas’s journey to meet Strider an official canon confirmation that the 20-year gap did not happen in the film’s universe. So the timeline makes sense!”

Galaxy brain: “okay, but even if the timeline works with the LOTR films, this new backstory doesn’t work with the LOTR films’ portrayal of Legolas’s character.

In the Hobbit films, it’s retconned that Legolas went to find Aragorn because he was so overwhelmed by all the death he witnessed in the Battle of the Five Armies. It’s retconned that he has a mother who died when he was young, and a grief-stricken father, and that he’s constantly Angsting over both. it’s also retconned that Legolas was in unrequited love with a grieving woman who loved a dwarf tragically killed in battle. Legolas feels he can no longer stay in the Woodland Realm because of all this loss, which is why he decides to find a new purpose with Aragorn.

But in the Lord of the Rings films, part of Legolas’s character arc is that he’s witnessing death and mortality up close *for the first time in his immortal life.* He’s a fae magical immortal who’s not used to death affecting him personally. This character arc is unique to the films. (it is not reallllllly in the books, and doesn’t jive with the way Tolkien writes elves in general— but it is the way the films chose to rewrite Legolas’s storyline. )

film!Legolas reacts to Gandalf’s death with bewilderment, acting lost, as if he’s experiencing emotions that are entirely new to him. This acting decision is discussed explicitly in behind the scenes materials. Legolas has rarely encountered this kind of death, not in a way so close to him personally, so it’s hard for him to even comprehend. Legolas’s unfamiliarity with mortal death continues through Boromir’s death and into the Two Towers, where he gradually grows more worried over the lives of Aragorn/ the people of Rohan. He reacts with bewildered anger when told to leave Aragorn for dead, and then lashes out at Aragorn when he thinks that everyone at Helm’s deep will die (only to receive the response: “then I shall die as one of them.”)

This character arc ends in Return of the King, with a famous bit of dialogue that does not appear in the books. Gimli says he “never thought he’d die side by side with an elf,” and Legolas cheerfully responds “what about side by side with a friend?” Mortal death goes from something Legolas finds distant/unfamiliar, to something he accepts as a natural part of living among mortals.

This is similar to the changes the films make to Arwen’s character, vs the original book. In the films, both of the “young” elves have arcs about encountering death up close, and yet continuing to love the mortal world. The films contrast them with the “older” wearier elves like Elrond and Galadriel. Obviously this theme is more of a focal point in Arwen’s plotline, but it’s also relevant to Legolas. (And! In early drafts of the Two Towers, Arwen joined Aragorn at Helm’s Deep— I have a theory that the scenes where Legolas worries over Aragorn’s death were originally written for Arwen.)

So!

if you care enough about the Lord of the Rings films to understand that “there is no twenty year gap,” that Frodo is a young ingenue instead of middle-aged adult, that the films have their own storyline/characters/timeline separate from the books, and that therefore the timeline of Legolas meeting Strider can make sense …

….then you also probably care that Legolas had a specific character in the LoTR films, and this new backstory contradicts it.

Giving Legolas a new core motivation where “he’s overwhelmed by angst/grief from encountering too much death” undercuts his entire characterization in LOTR, which was meant to be about encountering mortal death up close for the first time. It also cheapens really impactful moments from LOTR— like Orlando Bloom’s performance after the death of Gandalf, where he really captures the idea that this fae immortal is struggling to comprehend the ordinary human emotion of grief.

And that’s why so many critics get that moment in The Hobbit wrong XD. People always try to critique it from a timeline/continuity perspective, when in reality, the timeline continuity makes perfect sense!!! The actual problem is the way it poorly attempts to retcon Legolas’s entire characterization. And IMHO that’s a much more serious flaw than a continuity error. It’s not “making a math mistake,” it’s undercutting the meaning of Legolas’s story in LOTR.

Super Mega Galaxy Brain: “nothing in the hobbit films is canon except the pieces I like”

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if mario was trapped in a cave for generations he would gradually become pale and lose his eyes and start hunting for fish and centipedes by sonar but he wouldnt lose his overalls or hat

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The theme reveal's out yay yay yay

Art fight relaxed their rule on submitting fan AU designs of copyrighted/canon characters this year. i am punishing them for it

I focused in on the most nonsensical things i do with this character in an attempt to prove as strongly as I could that this is suitably AU to fit within the terms of service. if I am mistaken about that someone is going to have to take the step of reporting me for posting cringe ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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That's wonderful, I bet half the time he reports on what the neighbors are doing he has no idea what he witnessed, or why it's significant that Mrs. Blorbo across the way was sewing a RED button on her dress instead of a GREEN button or something like that

@boromir-week day 6, change of fate: Boromir goes to shire and meets rosie and elanor

And they got him some proper clothes! (it was expensive)

(referenced bag end from lotro (https://lotro-wiki.com/wiki/Bag_End))

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@boromir-week day 6, change of fate: Boromir goes to shire and meets rosie and elanor

And they got him some proper clothes! (it was expensive)

(referenced bag end from lotro (https://lotro-wiki.com/wiki/Bag_End))

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Hey, for anyone wondering why I stopped streaming- I didn't intend to drop this- I thought this would be a fun thing to do on weekends (because when i get days off during the week, there are errands, you know) but as soon as I decided to do that, I started getting scheduled to work every weekend. I mean it's been four straight weeks of working every weekend. I am working next weekend too. So... it's just going to take a very long time to stream the whole game I guess. they gotta give me saturday off eventually 🤷‍♀️

I will be going live streaming The Lord of the Rings: Gollum™™™ in about an hour. Stream will be here:

I plan to start with about 15 minutes of The Lord of the Rings: The Adventure Card Game to let people trickle in :) then I'll stream Gollum gameplay for about an hour which should get us halfway through chapter 2

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Boromir Week 2025 - Day 6 Prompts

Change of Fate - Denial is not just a river in Egypt. The first chapter of Two Towers and last 30-ish minutes of Fellowship didn't happen. So, what role does Boromir play in the rest of the events of the War of the Ring? Does he become the Fourth Hunter? Does he join Gigolas' contest at Helm's Deep? Does he take the Paths of the Dead? Does he try to beat up the Mouth of Sauron for insulting Aragorn, or is he wounded at the Pelennor Fields and joins Merry in setting up Farawyn?

Fourth Age - Does Boromir become the Steward? Or does he abdicate his birthright to Faramir, leaving canon alone, and decide instead that he's done with war and politics and magic jewelry and wearing shoes and he's just going to live in the Shire, smoke weed and babysit hobbits for the rest of his life?

Alternate Universe - Have you ever wanted to write a Coffee Shop AU or a cheesy Hallmark Romcom fic? What about a Disney AU (because Boromir riding into Rivendell is totally a Disney Prince entrance)? A fic where Boromir meets Ned Stark, or Boromir travels back in time to the First Age? Or embrace your dark side with a Dark!Boromir AU, and bring enough cookies to share! 🍪

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*checks date*

After being dormant for 10 years, Boromir Week will return from mountain and from sea June 14-20, 2025!

If you are a Boromir girlie/gent/stan/simp, then this event is for you! So, come join us, and bring your fanfiction, art, gifs, moodboards, and headcanons that highlight everything you love about our Captain of Gondor!

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Tolkien Horror Week is back for another year of celebrating all the terrifying and unsettling bits of Tolkien's work! The event will run from October 26th to November 1st and accepts all types of fanworks. There is an AO3 collection for the event here.

Below are some suggested prompts for each day of the week. They are not mandatory; feel free to combine them or disregard them entirely.

Day 1: Angband, Utumno, & Tol-in-Gaurhoth | beautiful and yet horrible of shape | captives and thralls Day 2: Angmar & Minas Morgul | lit with a fell light | specters and wraiths Day 3: Mordor & the Dead Marshes | enmeshed in shadows | spells and enchantments Day 4: The Barrow-downs & the Old Forest | cold be hand and heart and bone | mists and mires Day 5: Mirkwood, Nan Elmoth, & Taur-nu-Fuin | hunted like wild beasts | beasts and monsters Day 6: Nan Dungortheb & the Paths of the Dead | phantoms of terror | webs and snares Day 7: Isengard, Moria, & Númenor | old and forgotten | rituals and sacrifices

Please mention @tolkienhorrorweek in the body of your post and tag #tolkienhorrorweek and #tolkienhorrorweek2025 in the first 10 tags. You may also submit a post. Please tag any content warnings/gore and place any NSFW content beneath a read more/link to AO3.

For more information, see the FAQ. If you have any questions, drop them in the ask box.

Art is by John Howe.

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and i do Not know the way

1k words with inspiration: literally 10 minutes or less of writing. a breeze

1k words without inspiration: i will do it. i will take the ring to mordor