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Jason: I’m an amazing driver!

*someone in the street blocking the rode*

Jason: I’m gonna run them over don’t tell Bruce

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Dick: One more time, and this time try and walk straight

Jason: none of us here are straight, none of us.

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meanwhile, in the alt timeline

nick fury: so you’re telling me. loki is gone with the tesseract

nick fury: there is a surveillance video of tony stark. in the same room as tony stark

nick fury: THERE WERE TWO CAPTAIN AMERICAS??

nick fury: AND STEVE IS BROKEN AND WONT SHUT UP ABOUT SOME GUY NAMED BUCKY

nick fury: AND WE STILL DONT KNOW WHY??

the avengers: you forgot the part where there were two hulks caught on tape—

nick fury:

nick fury: THE W HAT

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“skip dinner and become thinner” more like “skip dinner and you have an eating disorder please get help”

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My friend made a realization

Miles Morales is MCU canon.

In Spiderman Homecoming, there is a black guy seen at the beginning buying weapons from Vulture and is later “interrogated” by Spiderman. We learn that this man’a name is Aaron Davis, and what is Miles uncle aka the Prowler’s name?

Aaron Davis.

Give me Miles Morales in the MCU or give me death.

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Somewhere between (งಠ_ಠ)ง and  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  every day.

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No other than Loki looks this mischievous even when just turning around.

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when she says she doesn’t send nudes

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I am a peddler of chubby cat pics

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An open letter to APPLE

Are you aware that your facial recognition software does not recognize that animals have faces?

Sincerely,

My cat is the only other person I trust.

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Happiness Will Come To You.

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(x)

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My last brain cell cannot handle an army of papaya fruit right now.

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Trauma you can never recover from:

Getting flipped of by your cat with his adorable toe bean