actuallysatan23

[actuallysatan23]

My dog's really a study in Buddhism. He can see my muffin wrapper and he's miserable. Crying. He needs to eat my muffin wrapper so bad.

I get up and throw it away. He forgets about it immediately and happily goes to sleep.

You are not sad because you do not have a muffin wrapper, my beautiful boy, you are sad because you want the muffin wrapper.

[actuallysatan23]

sometimes you'll see a bird for the first time and when you look it up you learn that its name is the Common Dirt Bitch and its range is Everywhere and there are 400 million of them in your state alone

[actuallysatan23]

asked my students if they wanted to share stories about what they did over spring break and this kid goes "you know the field behind costco?" and we all nod and he says "I got lost in the field behind costco."

[actuallysatan23]

a redditor has mushrooms growing out of his homes electrical sockets

[actuallysatan23]

any deep breathers online? any fans of a really good deep breath? how about a nice hearty yawn? breathing in a bunch of air feels so good

[actuallysatan23]

Hey dude. I noticed that you seem to be having a lot of symbolic association with the ouroboros icon and I just wanted to know if you were like. ok. or like, that you're experiencing time linearly and not stuck in an eternal loop of the same events.

[actuallysatan23]

Culture is so obsessed with the idea of lone geniuses that it doesn't really appreciate that most of the progress of science (and likely every other discipline) occurs collaboratively, in babysteps, and usually through a lot very tedious, utterly unsexy, work.

[actuallysatan23]

dominant things you can say during sex

i didnt hear what you said

hold on i need to blow my nose

wow

i feel kind of nauseous

is this anything

i don't know

this kind of reminds me of that one song

we can probably ignore that noise if you want to

why is my sock wet

it smells bad in here

that was weird

where are my glasses

ow

this is normal

sorry

just 2 chill people chilling

this is cool

can you say that again

are we good

youre actually naked

[actuallysatan23]

The end of America in just 100 days. Electing Republicans has consequences.

[actuallysatan23]

When you are a classical musician and the public asks you to play Queen …

[actuallysatan23]

real friends will copy your serial killer patterns when the police have you in custody so that the police think there’s no way that you’re the killer because you were in jail at the time of the murder

[actuallysatan23]

if it sucks hit da bricks <- litany against sunk cost

take it easy but take it <- litany against burnout/apathy cycle

fuck it we ball <- litany against perfectionism

now say something beautiful and true <- litany against irony poisoning

[actuallysatan23]

i say we give it 3 days just to be sure

[actuallysatan23]

i say we give it 3 days just to be sure

[actuallysatan23]

You know those weird horizontal pupils that goats have?…. they get a lot weirder.   Other places to see my posts: INSTAGRAM / FACEBOOK / ETSY / KICKSTARTER

[actuallysatan23]

You apply for 20 jobs on Indeed. The silence is deafening.

You apply for 20 jobs on Indeed. Half of them require you to create an account on the company website. You leave a trail of ghost accounts that will be used once and never again. You never receive a response.

You apply for 20 jobs on Indeed. One employer offers an interview, but it's so rare for you to receive any response that you forget to check the website and you miss the time.

You apply for 20 jobs on Indeed. One employer offers an interview, but you don't know the magic words that signal to the esoteric mind of an interviewer that you're fit for the job.

You apply for 20 jobs on Indeed. One employer e-mails you saying that 'unfortunately, you do not have the qualifications we are looking for'. You check the job again and see you applied to be a menial labourer.

You apply for 20 jobs on Indeed. Half of them require a car. No one stops to ask how you're supposed to afford one with no job.

You apply for 20 jobs on Indeed. One employer offers a job. The commute makes you want to die in your sleep.

You call the HR manager for the workplace in hopes of arranging an interview more directly. They don't even have an answering machine.

Employers complain that no one wants to work anymore.

[actuallysatan23]