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[adamandbrittanyinhawaii]

One Last Gift

Being a parent is a total minefield of emotions.  You hear a sad story about a kid or parent that you don’t even know and all of the sudden it can tear you apart.  It can be so visceral for me to learn about mistreatment of kids in the news that I try to avoid reading any articles with rough headlines on the topic.

Tonight I was up late working (even though it is the night before Thanksgiving) when suddenly Palmer starts crying loudly.  I go to find that he has vomited everywhere on his bed and now we are shifting into overdrive clean up and wash mode in the middle of the night.

After getting him cleaned up, getting some more vomit out, showering him, laying down towels, washing his sheets and setting up a barf bucket, I was laying in bed with him as he curled up on my body for comfort in an effort to fall asleep.  As I looked at the ceiling trying to stay awake I was just writhing in so much pain, feeling for baby Pete and what he was going through.  Even something so little just rips at my heart.  It’s a funny thing this whole parenthood business.

And yet I thought, Papa prepared me for one last thing when he passed away: parenthood.  I still get a knot in my chest anytime I think about Papa and long to have one more Saturday afternoon on the porch with him.  But he passed away just a few months into my son’s life and that grief and heart ache that followed really stung (and still stings).  However I’m starting to feel that it was not in vain.  Parenthood will surely have many peaks and valleys ahead and learning to manage that emotional rollercoaster is very important to guide the boys properly into adulthood.  Papa’s passing helped prepare me for that and in case I ever forget about that or any other gift he gave me, I just have to look at baby Pete’s middle name and be reminded of the gift I got to know him for so long.

[adamandbrittanyinhawaii]

Being Grateful

Something I’m trying to focus more on isn’t negative space on something, but rather the positive.  So as an example, don’t think about what is missing, rather focus on what I do have that is joyful.

The application of this largely comes in the form of trying to process through the loss of my grandfather.  I should be thinking about how grateful I am to have had him in my life as opposed to not currently having him in my life.  Further, even though he isn’t with me currently, I can still carry much of my memories with him forward so it’s not as though there is no trace of him even in his physical absence.

I’m reading a book currently about a guy who ran a fraudulent banking operation.  While it is a self inflated memoir, it is still quite obvious as a reader that just about everyone in the man’s life is there to get something from him, most often money.  What a sad life in spite of all of his wealthy opulence.  

It has me thinking though of how few of friendships we get to have in life where there is no exchange of goods or services.  There is no obligation to the relationship, but it is solely pursued for the earnest connection it brings both people.

To me, that was my relationship with my grandfather.  We enjoyed each other’s perspectives, stories, jokes and opinions.  Sure we were related, but that wasn’t the basis of the relationship as the years moved along.  If all planned family activities and holidays ceased, I still would’ve sought out phone calls and visits with him.

When I was a kid, we got to know each other through the obligations of family gatherings and holidays and to a lesser extent, times when my grandparents were needed for childcare.  However as I grew older I had more agency since there was no longer the “need” to visit.  To me, that’s when you get to find out how strong friendship bonds are.  Will a friend forego other more convenient options to see you?

To me, I guess of my many wishes for Baby Pete, I wish that he gets to have many people in his life that match that description.  It is the genuinely good people in our life that we have an inseparable bond with that are so rare.  People flutter in and out of our lives.  There are people that stay in our lives despite their toxic impact.  But the ones that we get to enjoy for many years are the special relationships that make our hearts warm day to day and year to year.  Those people in our lives are one of the greatest joys life has to offer.  I’m trying to be more grateful for having a few of them myself.

[adamandbrittanyinhawaii]

Theme Of The Year: Loss

I’m sure the title of this makes it sound a bit depressing and the genesis of it certainly is.  What got me thinking about this was seeing another reminder of my grandpa and wishing he was around.  He was always a great conversation.  I bet his dad would’ve loved to get to see him grow into the adult he became.  Sadly he passed away when Papa was 23.  I still struggle to reckon with the fact that he’s not here.  It got me thinking that maybe this year is all about loss.

My grandpa wouldn’t want anyone fussing over loss for an entire year though, in fact he struggled to let anyone fuss over him at all.  So while there is a very obvious form of loss this year with Papa, what is less obvious are the other losses this year.  In some ways, it are the other losses that I’m learning just as much from.  As a new parent, I’m learning a lot about the loss of schedule flexibility.  I’m learning about the loss of not planning, I can’t fly by the seat of my pants as much.  I am learning that I can’t just do everything, I have lost the ability to not prioritize since time is suddenly very much finite.  Baby Pete is definitely creating some unique challenges but within that loss is gain of course.  If we lose something, the void gets filled.  So these things being lost are due to what is being gained: Baby Pete.  And within that loss I’m learning much about myself and what I value.  For me to say yes to something means more often saying no to something else.  As an example, I’m learning that I value running, but perhaps not a specific performance within that. Loss, and more broadly change, really puts into contrast and focus what we care most about.  

This year we are losing access to our normal rhythms of life, we have lost several friends to moves, we’ve lost getting to meet with friends from church regularly, we’ve lost the ability to even host friends at our house.  It’s been challenging to say the least.  These, like the loss of Papa Pete, are still more difficult to tell what exactly is being gained standing here today.  It feels like there are no offsetting gains.  But I’ve never found that to be true in life to this point so I don’t expect it would be true now.  These things take time to play out and hindsight is 20/20 (like the year!) so I’m trying to remain hopeful that there are a ton of wins on the other side of all of this, some I may already be taking for granted.  After all, my dad always told me growing up that attitude is everything so we have the power to direct our own outcomes.  Where do you think he got the benefit of that positive outlook from?  You guessed it, Papa Pete.

[adamandbrittanyinhawaii]

Be Better

These past few days have quite frankly been awful.  I think I’m over the isolation quarantine has brought but more than that, June was always a month that reminded me a lot of my Papa: D-Day, his birthday and Father’s Day.  Grieving always sits right under the surface waiting to be stirred and those acute reminders that it is there feels a bit like picking at a fresh wound. 

I’ve been looking through a lot of old photos of my grandpa.  I wish I had more.   I’ve noticed he only smiles in a fraction of them.  It’s not that he was a grim or sour personality, but it just seemed to be his way.  That makes it all the better when a photo captured him with a smile, cause you knew it wasn’t empty, staged or vacant.  I can feel the warmth.

I think about that face often.  I also think of all the faces I had to look out during his eulogy.  It’s sort of mind blowing how many people were there.  After all, he had out lived most of his friends in town, his family largely lives out of state, the last 5+ years he hasn’t been able to get around town all that much to socialize like he’s used to.  On top of all of that, usually only very close people will come to a funeral as calling hours are the place for more casual acquaintances.  And yet there we were, filling up the church with more people than I’d ever seen in that church, not an empty seat or dry eye in the house.  We all wanted one more hug, one more conversation, one more laugh with Papa but our time had run out.  I think how amazing it is that so many people came from so far away to descend on little Erie, PA to say goodbye to a 95 year old man that if you wanted to see him for much of the last decade, you needed to go to him.  But there’s a simple reason why we all made the pilgrimage up there: he was worth the trip.  

I think back to when one of our neighbor’s died in his mid-40s.  The community turned out in droves because a man in the prime of his life is reaching so many lives through work, through his kids, etc.  But a long since retired man with much of his family out of state that has outlived much of his generation, that’s not a funeral that gets well attended.  And I don’t know if others in that crowd had the same feeling of inadequacy as me, but I was thinking that if I didn’t see the funeral I would think it isn’t possible to be a positive force on so many lives for so long.  I think my grandpa would say to that: don’t cut yourself short.  You can be better, but you have to start by expecting more from yourself.  Not that your goal is a packed house at your funeral, rather that is the result of constantly making the world a better place, one ounce of kindness, one act of patience, one relationship at a time.  My grandpa wasn’t extraordinary because of an advantaged upbringing nor was it because he invented some cool widget. He worked at a phone company for 40 years in the same town and lived in the same house with his wife for nearly 70 years.  That’s not exactly what makes front page news nor is it what people get hyped up about when they are 8 years old dreaming of their life possibilities.  And yet his life was extraordinary, not because of the circumstances he was born into or the accolades from others, rather it was his character that made the difference.  So whether it was cracking a joke with a waiter at a restaurant or making time for friends when he’d see them around town, he demonstrated through actions that everyone mattered, that their life was valuable and that he believed in them.  It’s not mere audacity.  He always held himself to a high standard so it makes sense that he would believe others could reach their goals too.  

So as I fumble around with my feelings of grief, loss, sadness and insecurity that my grandpa’s passing brings, he still bears encouragement.  I know he would be hopeful, he’d remind me that things can and will get better and that I’m in control of my happiness and outcomes.  He’d tell me that my future doesn’t have to be anchored by my past. (I think he might also add a caveat that if it’s not done with character and integrity, then it isn’t going to be positive).

Going back to my initial comments on feeling bitter and fed up with CV, even Papa provided a road map for these times.  As his world shrunk, his abilities began to fail and he was stripped of his pride in being able to take care of himself, he fought harder than anyone I know in beating back the negativity.  My aunt would go over and visit my grandparents and when she’d walk into the living room my grandma and grandpa would be sitting there side by side holding hands.  She’d inquire what they were doing and the answer was usually the same: “counting our blessings”.

[adamandbrittanyinhawaii]

The Name

Obviously it is quite an honor when someone thinks of you in such a way that they want to name their child after you.  I can’t say that I’m a huge fan of kids getting the exact same name as a parent as I feel like that comes with some implicit baggage and undue expectations, but otherwise is a pretty cool tradition.  Obviously Baby Pete is named after some awesome people however is not carrying the same First-Last pairing of an ancestor.  Anyways, I bring this up just so that I can share a really cool story about my grandpa that not many people know.

In the war, my grandpa was one of the youngest guys in his unit.  So it is a really interesting twist that he was looked up to by his peers.  My favorite story is that of a friend that was a gambler and didn’t trust himself to not waste his paychecks in late night poker hands.  He needed to save some of the money to send back to family so he asked my grandpa to hold onto it.  There was a time when my grandpa woke in the middle of the night to his friend begging for the money but he held firm for the guy’s sake.  

Little known fact though is that when my grandpa returned home from the war, many years later, he would find out that a guy in his unit, one he didn’t even talk to that much, thought so much of him that he named his son after my grandpa - but used our last name as his son’s first name!  Easily the only person in the US with that first name.  But a super cool way to honor him and to those of us that got to know him, is of little surprise.

[adamandbrittanyinhawaii]

Today is D Day. I'd always call my grandpa on D Day to talk. It was a small tradition but our tradition. Another excuse to chat, another opportunity to hear him laugh and ask about what was new. He's not here anymore so now that is gone. A day that was remarkable suddenly is just another day, much like his upcoming birthday. But half of the party in the tradition is still here, dialing the number, hoping the other line picks up. It rings through. There's nobody on the other end. I'm left to stand on my own, to navigate in my own courage. He can't shoulder that for me anymore. I have to learn for myself.

[adamandbrittanyinhawaii]

Questions I Wish I Could Ask

Even though I got a lot of time to ask a great number of questions to my Papa Pete I continue to have new questions bubble up in my brain that I wish I could’ve asked him.  So in an attempt to upload the thoughts from my cluttered brain I thought I could write them here

1. What do you remember about my other grandparents?

2. What is your version of events when you and Grandma met for the first time?

3. Do you have any regrets about your time in the war?

4. Were there any good friends or kindred spirits that you wished you got to stay in better touch with over the years?

5. What was the name of your old coworker that you would teach at the schools with?

6. What made you initially want to help out at the foodbank?

7. What good stories do you remember about your step father?

8. If you could change one thing about Erie, what would it be?

9. What do you appreciate most about Erie?

10.  What’s something you wish you knew about retirement before you started it?

11. How was Grandma and your mom’s relationship?

12. What do you think your dad would’ve thought about Grandma had he gotten to meet her?

13. Of all the years at your church, which pastor was your favorite or most memorable?

14. Do any of your birthdays stand out?

15. What’s the best piece of advice you remember getting?

[adamandbrittanyinhawaii]

That Vacancy

I was reading a friend’s blog the other day.  To be clear, I don’t know many people that have a blog.  I’d say if there are even 3 I’d be shocked.  So not like there is a vast network I’m drawing from.  But him and I have a lot in common and he was talking about how he is now pivoting his blog from being about travel adventures and his photography to a deep dive on his grandfather’s war experience.  I often think of the losses, both of people that lived in the era of WWII and also of places like the Home of the Brave Museum that may lose the stories due to going out of business.  However, it is easy to miss the wins like him taking a renewed interest in learning and sharing the stories of his deceased grandfather.  

Similarly, I’m encouraged by the dozens of people that asked to get a copy of my grandfather’s war memories and will get to know him in a brand new light even though he is gone.  One of his friends wrote a very nice e-mail to me after his wake upon receiving the memoirs, saying that Papa was proud of me and he loved that I took the time for recording his war memories.  I still remember talking to him that first month after sending it to him.  Grandma said he read it a half a dozen times by that point. In fact he caught a few parts I misheard the recording so I had to make updated drafts to correct my mistakes.  Luckily I made it before his eyesight started to slip away so that he was able to enjoy it without assistance.

I didn’t have a greater point to the war stories being shared, but just wanted to talk about them.

There’s a lot of nice sounding phrases, quotes or poems that surround something as universal as death.  We try so hard to catch lightning in a bottle to explain or cope with something that is far too complex to fit into a quote.  You aren’t going to hash out the mourning of someone meaningful in a 1 hour funeral service, you aren’t going to feel relieved because you read a nice quote somewhere.  That being said, it brings small doses of comfort at times to hear others grapple with the same things.  One quote I read that resonated is mourning is so difficult because there is a vacancy where you are used to pouring out love.  Sort of says it all right there I think.  There is a vacancy.  In time, we fill in that vacancy, but not wholly or completely.  It’s sort of like patching cracks on a driveway.

I think it is natural for me or maybe others to assume that Baby Pete is that “driveway patch” given he arrived just months before my grandfather passed and is carrying his name.  I try to get there but my mind just doesn’t work that way.  I look at him and the blue eyes commonality makes me smile, but I don’t expect him to be a new Papa Pete.  He’s 100% a different person with a whole new story to write.  He brings a new loving relationship into my life, but that isn’t some sort of 1:1 tradeoff that I wish it could be.  When we roll around on the floor or go on runs together, I’ll stare into his eyes, brush his hair from right to left and for a moment get to be reminded of Papa Pete.  It is fleeting and if I’m honest, illusionary.  Baby Pete isn’t responsible or even related to me trying to mourn Papa Pete.  I don’t know how exactly to say it, but that’s as near as I can explain it.  Like I said, quotes are nice, but this is just not something you can put a nice bow on and be done with.  

So now that I’ve explained how no online wisdom will bring proper comfort, I thought I’d end with just that because it ends this post on a better note than I’m able to.  It is a poem I’ve read many times these last few months.  It is simple, and written by a granddaughter that simply misses her grandpa

I know it hurt you; It hurt me too, But now that you're gone All I know is I miss you. You were there for so long. I never thought you would leave. I thought you had another year Waiting up your sleeve. The day that you left Was the saddest of my life. I remember sitting at home And crying all day and night. I might be selfish, But I wish you were here Or that you stayed For one more year. I know you loved me, And I still love you too, So I'm trying to be strong Just for you. I know I'm not perfect. I know I'll never be. I just hope you're up there And that you're proud of me. You had to let go Even though you were holding on for so long, But there's not a day I don't think of you And how you were so strong. I just want to tell you That you're always in my heart. Even though I still cry, I know we're not apart.

[adamandbrittanyinhawaii]

Melancholy & Opportunity

Mourning is difficult because it feels like you are lying down wrapped in a cold, damp blanket.  It subdues your focus.  Sometimes it sits quietly in the back of your mind and sometimes it takes control of the front of your mind with little ability to focus on other items.  I’ve never really been one to wrestle with anxiety, depression or sadness, but I think going through this I can better empathize with those that due.  Even bursts of grieving feel like an unbearable weight.  You almost just hang onto the hope that it will pass, but at the same time you don’t want it to because to do so feels somehow callous and selfish.

I read recently that mourning is the result of being used to directing your love to a person and now having nowhere to give it, leaving a deep vacancy.  In the moments of life that are up and down, it can be hard to appreciate our friendships completely.  It’s much easier to take it for granted when things are good and grow distant and frustrated when they aren’t.  I suppose then that grieving and loss ought to be a reminder to me to not be thankless or ungrateful.  It should be an opportunity to renew my celebration of the wonderful people I’m lucky to have in my life.

I was thinking about how if this was a commercial blog I’d have to get back to it.  I can’t just wallow in the same thoughts of grief and despair.  But that is the beauty of what this blog is.  An outlet, a way to do things on my time, not the timelines and expectations of the world.  I’m grateful for that.

Amid this sadness though, I do try to have moments where I look towards the future.  After all, the sharpness felt from personal loss does fade with time.  It’s just how we heal.  Thank goodness though right?  Otherwise my brother may still have never forgiven me for half the things I did to him in childhood.  Chipped tooth anyone?

I’m also optimistic because perhaps this is meant to shift me towards something that I don’t see.  I remember when my neighbor died suddenly I found myself reading the Bible independently for the first time in my life.  I didn’t have that expectation in my mind.  Similarly, there is likely to be twists and turns that come from this that I can’t foresee standing here today.  Maybe it will be drawing closer to family members that took a back burner to my time with Papa.  I know I have some ideas in my mind for things I can do that I have yet to commit to.  I like to think that a positive comes out of this but it isn’t a guarantee.  I’m not owed that.  I like to envision positive thoughts for the sake of carrying me through some of the tough days. But the future is unknown and relationships and feelings are intangible and hard to dictate.  I think the best I can do right now is hope.

[adamandbrittanyinhawaii]

Restarting

I want to restart this blog and get it going again.  I’ve probably lost all of my readers in the mean time, so now I may be truly writing to nobody.  I guess I’ll find out based on if anyone mentions that they’ve read it.  First of all, I hate things going unfinished and I only wrote about the first day of our Ireland trip, so right there is enough to get under my skin and get back out there. I suppose some might also think that I should post about our son as well, seeing as how the last time I posted on here was our first night in the hospital, still before he was born.  I probably will be light on pictures or info about Baby P, just for security purposes, but maybe I can mix in fun anecdotes.  Putting myself in his shoes, he probably would not appreciate having an online directory of detailed pictures or embarrassing memories for all to see, so I’ll try to keep it up to a standard that a hypothetical 20 year old Baby P would appreciate.  In fact I think I’ll just refer to him as Baby Pete from here on out because in a way, that is his name, but obviously isn’t a formal name.

I also felt like restarting is an appropriate way to title this point in time.  We are in a new decade, Britt and I are now parents, we are in a (relatively) new city, I’ve lost one of my best friends recently and heck the world is being reset currently by a massive viral outbreak.

For this first post, I wanted to talk about my grandpa.  Man, it’s been ~2 months now and it still feels tough.  I live in another part of the country so I can only imagine what my family members are going through that have more frequent physical reminders of his absence.  I don’t want to make it about me, but that is just as much of the healing process as talking about who my grandfather was.  I think he was the quiet presence, the solid backbone that everyone leaned on.  Now he certainly did a good job raising a family that could go out and live their own lives, but many of us still found ourselves gravitating back to him.  How could we not?  He was so patient, consistent, loving, honest, smart, gentle and genuine.  I think of the fruits of the spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self-control) and these are timeless qualities that he had in spades.  

I get sad throughout my work days now that he’s gone.  I randomly cry in the most non-tangent situations like going on a walk or drinking coffee.  None of these things I am doing remind me of him directly and yet when you bond with someone, there’s a part of you that just starts falling over cause the wall you were leaning on is gone.  Some days I feel like I’m sleepwalking because Baby Pete is not sleeping through the night, other days I feel like I’m sleepwalking because I just want to spend one more afternoon with my Papa Pete it makes me sad.  My grandfather wasn’t a big hugger, he wasn’t going to sit around and say “I love you” to everyone in the family, and yet his feelings couldn’t have been more clear in how much he invested in everyone’s lives, how he listened and offered grace.  Scripture teaches us so much and ultimately gives us hope for believers when they pass away.  That is comforting, but the grief and emotion of loss still remains.

My wife asked me when he had fallen ill how I’d handle him passing away and the truth remains the same: I have no idea.  I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with this raw emotion.  I have no place to put it.  And is it really fair that Papa just lives on in the stories we have to share and in the character that he instilled in so many lives?  I suppose that is the ripple effect we can hope for after were gone and yet it feels inadequate.  Selfishly, I want him back and I’m sure many others feel that way.  It’s still visceral to me.  My heart hasn’t accepted what my mind no doubt knows.  There will be no more trips to the bakery, no more mid day phone calls, no more afternoons on the porch, no more reminiscing about our fun adventures.  

I wish words could do him justice.  But how do I summarize my complex emotions?  How can you summarize a life?  What am I to do when a valuable relationship is taken away?  I suppose in a way, that is the only thing my grandpa couldn’t teach me.  I’ll have to learn all of those things myself.  After all, he certainly did.  I don’t think he ever imagined needing to bury his dad before his 25th birthday, or his siblings or his wife who was 5 years his junior.  My grandpa carried those losses on his heart till the end.  Maybe that is the script for me too.  Maybe that’s the answer to my wife’s question.  Maybe I’ll be “handling” this forever.  

My pastor met with us recently as we prepared for Baby Pete’s dedication and he asked about his unique middle name which is for my grandfather.  Being aware of his passing, he asked about what he was like.  My answer was probably 5-10 minutes longer than he expected but at the end of it he said something to the effect of “by God’s grace, we pray Baby Pete can be just a fraction of those characteristics”.  I certainly hope so.  And as much as I’d like the pain to go away, perhaps it’s best that the pain not go away, or at least not yet.  I’m too busy remembering him and hoping that some of his spirit can show up in Baby Pete, myself and everyone who got to have him in their lives.

[adamandbrittanyinhawaii]

Hospital Thoughts

I think the last 12 months have been uniquely challenging to our lives.  I don’t like the term “harder” because then, it depends on what we are specifically looking at.  The move to Hawaii had a number of challenges such as living together for the first time, adjusting to new jobs/life/weight loss/marriage/etc.  It was a burdensome time without any real friends in 5k mile radius.  The move to VA has been unique as well as we’ve slogged through hot southern summers, gone through a pregnancy and reset our lives with yet another pair of new roles with same employers and all of the adjustments that come with that like me traveling again.

Perhaps the most challenging aspect of the last 12 months has been spiritually, we’ve frankly been unsettled and feels like we still haven’t really found ourselves in that way within Norfolk.  We found a group of Christians in town that have become good friends, but unlike in the past, we had a non-unanimous decision on church.  It was sort of what made the most sense given the options whereas as HI/OH were definitely where we wanted to be.  I think this has paralleled with our spiritual life at home, it has frankly been uneven for the last 12 months.  

While the heart is complex, I can’t help but believe this has contributed to sense of unrest we’ve felt here as compared to HI/OH.  I certainly think perhaps we struggle with the “consumerism” mindset of church to some degree, but that is a post for a different time.  

So it is with this backdrop that I sit here tonight trying to process all that we are going through.  Britt is battling for her health and wellness while the doctors struggle to figure out how to get our son out safely too.  It is this awkward chess game of seeing how the body reacts to each move and hoping that ultimately we will navigate to the safe end point we are aiming towards.  I can’t help but think about this unsettledness we have right now: in our location, in our friendships, in Britt’s healthcare, in the coming change to our family dynamic and of course to our spiritual lives these last 12 months.

I enjoy Hebrews a lot because it is a clear explanation of the Gospel for Jewish believers.  They are looking at the old testament and seeing God so far set apart from creation.  In many ways hard to comprehend and reach.  Then Jesus comes and like a knock upside the head, it’s like “hello you are failing cause you aren’t God, you can’t be God, you never will be God.  Only I can fix this mess you have created.”  Chapter 2 in Hebrews has an awesome line that resonates to me “what is a man, that you’re mindful of him.”  It’s breathtaking in simplicity, that God would care about me, you, anyone.  That to me brings a tear to my eye. There’s no basis for that relationship without God making it.  And why should He care? Our problems are so small and to top it all off, we burned the bridge down between us.  What is a man? A fatally flawed creature that lives in a neverending season of discontent and unrest.  The fact that God is mindful of me and then would send His own son to fix that in crazy.  But if He cares about me, truly an insignificant person, then it stands to reason that He must also care about me and my season of unrest.  For we know that we have a high priest that can make requests on our behalf having fully sympathized with us. 

[adamandbrittanyinhawaii]

The End Of The Scavenger Hunt...For some reason this wouldn’t post on our first post of all our videos

It won’t work!  Poop.  Okay here’s the link: https://vimeo.com/343096460

[adamandbrittanyinhawaii]

Philly - A Step Back In Time

A strange truth about business travel is you go to a lot of places but you never really see them.  On the flip side, our ballpark tour should take us to a lot of places but also give us a chance to explore them.  Philly is the latest example.

We got up at 3am on Friday and took the 5am train north to DC.  It was going to be 6.5 hours to get home so we figured taking the first train out made the most sense.  With wifi, the train ride actually makes for a rather productive trip and helped me not feel so bad about sitting in one place for so long.

First on the itinerary was visiting City Hall which is an iconic building in the middle of town.  However, I failed to book a tour to the top ahead of time so we were boxed out from going up there.  On the upside there was a festival in the center that PM giving away hot dogs, philly pretzels, snow cones and drinks.  A decent consolation prize in my opinion.

But you don’t come to Philly for City Hall, you come for the Liberty Bell and Independence Hall.  The former is easy to go see and there is a small museum with history about the bell.  It’s sort of boring though, not going to lie, but it makes for cool photos.  Much better was the fact that Independence Hall was right there, but getting tickets or doing walk on tours can be tough.  We were able to get in and to have stood in such a historical place was pretty amazing.  Think about it, not only was the Declaration drafted there, but so was the Constitution a decade later!  The fact that it’s still standing despite British occupation is also fairly remarkable.  They even had the original chair Washington sat in.  

For those of you that aren’t history buffs, you may not know Philly was the 1st US Capital.  It wasn’t until ~1800 that it moved to DC.  This meant the SCOTUS actually had its first meetings in Philly for a decade and the highest court in the land consequently had to share a courtroom with the local courts, hence the jury box seen here:

We actually have a number of friends that used to live in Philly so we had no shortage of food recommendations.  For dinner we went to Zahav’s which is a MUST VISIT place.  I’m not going to go all foodie here, but just take our advice and go!  Afterwards we walked to Penn’s Landing, the waterfront park at the Delaware River.  It was super hip with food trucks, a roller rink, hammocks, boats that you can go do happy hour on and so much more.  Of course it only got more enjoyable as the night wore on and the lights reflected off the water.  Needless to say, we were glad we went.

Saturday we were off to the other iconic part of town that stretches from City Hall to the Museum of Art (Rocky steps).  In between is a gorgeous road cutting diagonal between the spots with wide bike lanes (yes!), the Love statue and a few other tourist photo opps.  It was a beautiful and sunny day so we did them all....

To remind you again though, we had a lot of friends that lived here so we had WAY too many food recommendations that we even knew what to do.  Consequently we just tried to do them all.  We went to Reading Terminal which promised to check off a number of them with Amish pastries like Apple Dumplings, Dinic’s brisket sandwiches and homemade puddings.  Somehow we weren’t stuffed to the gills and still made room for authentic boba milk tea in Chinatown!  We went toe the Constitution Museum near Independence Hall which was nice, but nothing to write home about.  Probably more fun was afterwards when we made our way to Elfreth’s Alley, the longest inhabited street in America.  It is SUPER cool and during the summer they even have tours available of the old houses.  Remember, people live there so it is pretty cool that they open their doors to folks.  We went through the designated museum and had some fun getting all dressed up.

We also made time to do one of their “story times” in Elfreth’s Alley which is a fun scavenger hunt of sorts if you go to Philly with kids because it has 12 locations around old town and they give kids stickers as they go to each one.

Since it had been at least 30 minutes since our last food intake, we biked down to Jim’s to have their world famous Philly Cheese Steak and it was fantastic.  Much different than the imitation philly cheese steaks elsewhere and very sloppy.  Somehow we still were hungry enough to go for some ice cream nearby at one of the oldest ice cream shops in America.  In the heat that day I would’ve eaten anything that cold though, regardless of taste.

We made our way down to the ballpark finally for the game.  There’s a lot that can be said about the experience.  First is that they make a “bell ringing” noise everytime a homer is hit.  That was cool.  They also have a giant electric lit bell both inside and outside the stadium.  They also have famous lobster fries that are 1,500 calories per container!!!!! Yowza!  There was a fun party deck in center field but I couldn’t help feeling like this stadium had an odd similarity to the Mets and Nats stadiums.  Kid’s whiffle ball park in centerfield, Shake Shack with a huge stand in center, party deck for adults above that, new/modern stadiums and just generally same feel.  The Nats has a great central location, Mets/Phillies, not so much.  However out of all the ballparks this year, Mets was my favorite without a doubt.  Such awesome food options inside, seemingly a new vendor everywhere you looked, a very intimate feel to the stadium, and while you aren’t in the city like the Nats, the rail line is a stone’s throw from the main exit so it is super convenient.  Excluding CLE, I’d say the Mets, and Orioles have my 2 favorite stadiums, followed closely by Cincinnati.

Sunday we closed the loop on all the final things we wanted to do.  I ran the Rocky steps, we went to go enjoy donuts and coffee, went to giant park behind the Philly Museum of Art and then meandered on back to the train station.  A very fun and successful trip.  Already are looking forward to our next one!

[adamandbrittanyinhawaii]

Weekend Trip To DC

As we continue our merry trip to ballparks around the country, we are making sure to have fun being tourists in each city along the way.  This weekend’s journey: Washington DC!

In a city with this much awesome stuff, we really didn’t need to plan that much out.  We found a hotel near the train station, got the city bike pass for the weekend and went on our merry way all around town.  We of course went to all the memorials on the National Mall, which I won’t bore you with.  Things that are surprising that we did though are as follows:

1. Met Aaron Ross Sorkin while walking around the National Mall (famous author and journalist) while he was playing with his son

2. Watched the Grove City (Ohio) band play a concert at the WWII Memorial

3. Britt went to the FDR and MLK memorials for the 1st time.

4. We bumped into the John Paul Jones and George Mason memorials as well.  The latter actually penned the famous words in the DOC a month before Jefferson in the state of Virginia’s declaration for independence.

5. Ate a orangecicle creme brulee donut!  Also tried a shake shake milkshake for the first time.  Yum!

I was struck by the one common thread of the memorials: all these leaders radically changed and shaped our country, often at cross roads for us.  Jefferson and Washington in getting the gov’t formed and defining its principles, Lincoln (Civil War), MLK (Civil Rights), FDR (War and Great Depression).  Really the National Mall is a collection of defining moments for our country.

If you’ve never read Lincoln’s 2nd inauguration speech though, I highly recommend it.  I’d run through a brick wall after hearing that.  It must’ve been very radical to declare to the nation that slavery was a horrible mark upon the country while it was still ongoing and many folks were profiteering from it.  Both him and Jefferson were men that could’ve been great leaders in any age because their character was defined by timeless principles, not the popular notions of society.  

We went to where Britt used to work and shared dinner with Bill before heading to the ball park.  The stadium is newer and has a very modern scoreboard and sits in a completely face lifted part of the city.  However, there was nothing charming or distinct about it.  The food was all standard fare, there was a party deck up in center field and a few vague references to some historical players like Walter Johnson.  Overall it was lower tier for me, but we did get a picture with the best part of the park: The Presidents!

The Nats bullpen is awful and choked away a 4 run lead in the 7th and managed to lose by 4.  So brutal.  The bullpen also blew the game we saw in NY last month after a great start by their pitcher.

The next day we ventured to the capital, Chinatown, a gelato shop, a Tesla shop!, the White house, the home of The Washington Capitals and the Wharf fishery where all these boats are permanently docked selling fresh sea food.

Being back in the capital was a ton of fun.  It had been 14 years since I last visited (non-work trips at least) and it was great.  Few places in the US can measure up for a history nerd to this city.

[adamandbrittanyinhawaii]

Sharing Our News

Well we had some fun telling folks our news over the last 1-2 months.  My assessment is that after you have 1 kid, nobody really cares if you are having more, or at least breaking the news isn’t nearly as interesting.

Anyways, for posterity, we thought it would be fun to upload our fun videos to the blog.

Here is us telling Britt’s parents after they got to the end of a scavenger hunt:

Meanwhile my brother and SIL learned via video chat when we told them there was a bag we wanted to show them to see if they had any interest in it:

There were still plenty of folks to tell of course though...

Which then led to popping an either pink confetti or blue confetti balloon....

[adamandbrittanyinhawaii]

Day 1 In Ireland: Beautiful Day In New York

Any proper storytelling of this Irish adventure must start in NYC:

One of the joys of living in a small airport town is that you have very limited flight options.  For instance, we used Delta rewards miles to go RT to Ireland and that meant JFK was the best place to connect through since they have nightly red eye flights.  The catch: Norfolk only goes to JFK at either 7am or 10am....so you can either have a 13 hour layover or a 10 hour layover in New York.  We opted for the former and found out that the Mets were in town with a day game and cashed in on visiting a new ball park we hadn’t been to!

Honestly, for New York, I was shocked how good our low budget tickets were.  I mean just a couple feet off the wall in the outfield.

But you didn’t come for a seat analysis!  Let’s skip to the cool stadium highlights.  First off the stadium sort of sits inside a brick wall shell.  So that first stadium picture, inside the brick outer layer is the wrap around walking area.  The way it is built allows for some insulated walkways which has to be really nice in April/September.  Also the way it is built, it feels like a really intimate ball park.  I would have to imagine when the team is good this place gets loud really easily.  Fun other details about the stadium: they have a whiskey bar, a whiffle ball field for kids to hit off a tee, a Shake Shack and a miniature Brooklyn Bridge.  

All of the above is nice and true, but the crown jewel of the stadium is truly the food.  They had a few of the standard hot dog and beer vendors, but the place was brimming with niche food vendors.  I’d buy season tickets if I lived here just to try and work my way around the food and drinks circuit.  Since we couldn’t eat it all, we went strategic with a cup of cookie dough.  Now tell me, honestly, have you ever seen someone scooping cookie dough at a ball park (or any other outlet)?

What’s that? You want to know about baseball at a baseball park?  Well, we got to see Britt’s favorite player (Yan Gomes), the Indians old pitching coach Micky Callaway who now manages the Mets and Rajai Davis came in and played LF in front of us in only his 2nd game of the year!!!! What luck.  Now of course all of you know he is the hero of the 2016 WS for the Indians.  So we started yelling at the top of our lungs about how much we love him (read: I screamed) to which some confused fans asked why and we got to hear a drunken fan nearby explain Rajai’s heroics in Game 7 against the vile Cubs.  The game was excellent as the Mets blew the lead in the 8th, then came back with 3 runs in the bottom of the inning to take the lead back on a 3 run HR.  

On the recommendation of some locals we struck up a convo with we headed to New Park Pizza afterwards and gorged on some authentic hole in the wall NYC pizza (funny story, the couple had 3 kids that were climbing all over and making a scene, so they apologized profusely then added “don’t have kids” which was a bit awkward after we explained one is on the way....I think they tried to segue to what a joy kids are, but memorable moment nonetheless).  The pizza was great and then we headed back to the airport early to do some computer work and relax with free food and drinks at the Delta lounge near our gate.  They had hot showers too which helped make us a bit less grimey before the red eye.

Ireland is unfortunately a ~6 hour flight from NY so you can plan on getting the equivalent of 2 quality hours of sleep in a bed during the trip.  Makes for a tough start to day 2, but that’s a story for another day.

[adamandbrittanyinhawaii]

Motivation

I’m right in the heart of marathon training right now.  By the time I get to Mid-May I will have run ~700 miles this year.  A lot of that is geared towards one goal in mind: breaking 3:30 in the Cleveland Marathon in May.

If I had to guess, most people that meet me probably don’t expect I would be a person that has taken too many set backs in life.  I would say relative to the average person, that is probably true.  However, I’ve never been a believer in judging someone who fails at something.  If we aren’t failing, then we never are really trying to achieve are we?  Shouldn’t we be pushing to the ends of ourselves?  Perhaps not in all things, but at least in some things.

I used to keep an inspiration board tacked up above my pillows when I was in high school.  I would put up inspiring articles, notes or names of people that I looked up to or learned from.  (In hindsight, putting tacks above my eyes with gravity likely to pull them down onto me wasn’t particularly smart, but I digress)  One letter I kept up there and still have to this day was my rejection from Notre Dame.  It’s funny, I think from a financial standpoint alone I wouldn’t have attended since it was 4-6x the cost of other schools, and yet it struck me hard since I had always excelled at school.  It burned me inside and made me think I must still have more in the tank to give which caused me to not take my foot off the gas in college.

Similarly, after I got laid off in Hawaii, that really struck me because in addition to the income and identity struggles that come about from that, I also questioned the value I can bring to the table.  It’s 2.5 years later and not a month goes by that I don’t think about that and get motivated to strap in and push harder at my job and aim to be as valuable as I’m capable of.  

I have countless instances of failing, both big and small.  They stick with me because they are some of my best learning moments and the pain they sting me with motivates me to avoid them in the future if I can.  After all, most of the time I can have a strong influence on the outcome, though I’d stop short of saying I can control outcomes.

That brings me to when I was cut from the basketball team, seemingly out of nowhere, my junior year in high school.  I had been on the basketball team since school sports started in 7th grade and while I was never a starter or main contributor, I loved playing and gave as much as I could as a result.  I remember in fact getting so much stress from it during my 8th grade season that I would break out in hives and even woke up in the middle of night and started puking.  For years I would come home bleeding from practice typically.  While I had come to terms with never getting significant playing time, I tried my best to accept the role and focus on things I did enjoy like time with friends, the challenge and playing the sport I loved.  When I got cut it felt like my heart got ripped out and stomped on.  Did this stem from effort?  I certainly hope not.  I think this largely stemmed from the fact that I simply wasn’t as athletic as my peers.  Many had gifts that I simply didn’t have.   My talents lied in jump shots, willingness to be physical underneath and take a lot of intensity to the defensive end.  Those efforts didn’t seem to close the gap though and I was left to wonder if being a natural was more important than effort.

That is in a nut shell what gets me pumped in the middle of these long training months for marathons.  As I work to churn out hundreds of miles of running, my motivation is in that of all the coaches who turned me down in sports, of all the teammates and opponents that got the upper hand on talent alone (or politics) that I always believed hard work would win out.  Sure, I know a lot of people in the running community that can beat me in a 5k, 10k or half marathon.  However, when it comes time to endure and train beyond what is easy, comfortable or convenient, I can gobble them up.  I saw it happen for years in Honolulu and I still see it today.  I’m not gifted athletically and yet when it comes to distance running, something I never did in my youth, I am in the top 10% of my age group.  I can tell you it isn’t cause of how I’m built, in fact it is in spite of it.  

Sometimes when I need to dig deep on these training runs I think back to all the times I got nailed to the bench in all the sports I played.  Or how many times I finished in the back of the pack in wind sprints.  Or about getting to see so many of my friends play varsity sports while the only times I stepped on the field was for extra points.  I realize youth sports doesn’t mean much in the scheme of things but when you are sentenced to years of riding the pine because you don’t have as much natural talent as others, you learn to really appreciate the vindication that comes when you show that perseverance outstrips being a “natural”.