adamsart

[adamsart]

Fuck so I saved Shelby once again and took her in even tho I told mark I wouldn’t save her. Then I sent her back to stay with mark but we were in love at this point and I knew I was destined to be with her. I thought about her all the time. I always wanted her by my side and I made sure she was loved and taken care of. I got her car back from her mother only to lose it to the third impound in a month like 2 years later. These were the happiest years of my life. I don’t know if I’ll ever find that kind of love ever again. Shelby was with me thru thick and thin and stuck threw some pretty scary shit like gunpoint robberies, kidnappings, had her set up this guy we knew and she didn’t know until I mollywhopped his ass for stealing from me. Shelby was a beautiful person and her soul was so beautiful. After getting out of Sacramento county late one December I tried to call home and wish my family a merry Christmas and happy birthday to my brother. No one answered I figured it was because of me but what I didn’t know is my brother had just gone back to jail and my mother was left with no pain meds and a nasty infection in her bowls that she couldn’t fix cause she was allergic to antibiotics. My father tracked me down how I don’t know but he tracked me down and told me he couldn’t watch my mother die and the doctors gave her 24 hours she only actually lasted 3 hours and my father couldn’t watch his wife of over 25 years due infront of him and he felt like a coward. One of the most heartbreaking calls of my life. My mother died the 27th of December 2012. I decided I was going to go to a truck stop and someone would give me a ride in there truck and get me home. I was broke and my brothers wife had now stepped in and was in control of my fathers phone, bank account, vehicles everything and as soon as she showed up my father could no longer talk to me on the phone only thru Sarah over text message was the only way I was allowed to try to speak to my father. After 2 days of sitting at the truck stop with a pathetic sign that read MOTHER PASSED AWAY JUST NEED A RIDE TO SALT LAKE UTAH after 2 days I finally decided I was just going to have to steal a car and chance it my dad needed me and I needed to get there for my mothers funeral. So I preyed to god to help me and that night a girl I had just met her name was ANGEL came to where I was staying and she gave me a set of keys that she found in the laundry room of her building and I went to the apartments and found the car right away. I still have to make amends to those people. I was desperate and selfish. The car was empty when I stole it and the first person Shelby asked filled us up to full and we were on our way the next time we had to refuel it was the same thing first person filled us up and we were back on the road the last time I stoped for gas we were just outside of Utah and the first person filled up our tank again. And gave us a card with a bible quote on it. The last time I stopped it was right across the Utah border and A UHP officer pulled away from a stop to come after us and get us pulled over. After running our tags it took another 15 minutes before they shout down that side of the freeway and pulled me out of the car felony style. I went to jail and had to call and speak to my dad and tell him I wasn’t going to make it home for moms funeral. Maybe the hardest phone call of my life I can only think of one worst. Man I just wanted to give up and die. Missed my mothers funeral and on top of the new felony for a stolen car I was already wanted for 7 pounds of weed they busted me with just before my divorce as well as 4 prescription forgeries 4 insurance fraud and 1 commercial burglary. I was taken to toole county and somehow talked to he judge into releasing me to Davis county after 1 month. I went to Davis county jail and Shelby was released that day. I still had a 50,000$ bond to get out. Where there is a will there is a way cause I was only in Davis county jail 5 hours before I had found a bondsman to get me out on a signature and promise to pay in a week.

[adamsart]

Eventually 3 days later I talked to my wife and the only thing she had to tell me was I was an asshole because she really liked the guy and now he wouldn’t see her because he was afraid I was going to kill him. After 10 years together that’s all she had to say oh she also closed our joint bank accounts the first thing that morning so I couldn’t get to any of the 7 thousand dollars I had just deposited. I only saw Christine 2 times after that both of which she fucked me out of more money -and leaving me high and dry in a foreign place all she would say is you don’t belong here in Sacramento go home. My third surgery had to be rescheduled and I started a three year run living in motels and selling dope and took care of my homegirls that worked for there money. All of my possessions were either burned or given to my replacement even my dogs and my truck. I wasn’t going to be defeated. I came up with a method to take prescription pads and altering them to allow me to basically write any prescription I wanted and if they needed to verify that was fine too I had someone answering when they called. So having my new hustle having the pills my doc gave me and selling BTH I usually had a lot of cash but it would come and go quickly and people were trying to rob me or steal from me and that was there full time job. I put up with it. It became almost expected that anytime I let my guard down I was going to get shit taken. Even the police were stealing my money seriously cops stole more than anyone 17,000$ once and 36,000$ the second time. Shout out to Sacramento and placer counties hope you guys enjoyed your bonuses. So that was life for 3 years I eventually got my third surgury and had to heal on the second floor of a motel in Folsom ca. One day my homeboy slash part time pimp full time badass baybay came thru my room for some shit he dropped by and said he was just getting back from picking up a crazy chick for our mutual friend and wanna be player full time tweaker mark and was it alright if he brought her in she was acting scary and needed to get high. When they got to the room she walked in first and b lined it to the sink where she got under it facing the corner and rocking back and forth. She was flawless, young, beautiful she had this innocent energy that made you want to save her. So I ask beybey wtf homie is she good and how old is that girl I honestly was worried she was 16 or something. He told me she just needed to get high and calm down so I loaded a pipe and pulled her aside to see if she was ok and she was crying. She was terrified of being pimped out she knew bay bay was a pimp and he told her on there way to sac that it cost a lot for the gas and mark said that she would have gas money and she didn’t and so he asked how are you going to be able to pay me or when are you going to be able to pay me. Either way she made it sound like he was trying to gorilla pimp her to get his money. So I told her not to trip cause bay bay wasn’t a gorilla pimp so I tossed him 50$ and told him her debt was paid. Gave her some dope and bay bay took her the rest of the way to mark. After that Shelby made every effort to try to be around me and I was definitely into her so I made every attempt to hang out with her without offending marks ass too much cause he was already laying claim on little Shelby in fact I remember him calling her his little meal ticket or his future retirement she was sitting on a goldmine. He was steadily trying to get that needle in her vain and after he got her high on meth from a point it would only be a matter of time and a few tall tales before she would turn herself out and after that she was going to end up being a 2-300$ an hour girl and I’m sure she would have been pulling 4or 5 tricks a day. I waited for my opportunity cause Shelby was brainwashed she actually called this MF her savior man ignorance is bliss. So when she called me crying saying mark had kicked her out and wanted her to go back home until she could get the car her mother stole from her back.

[adamsart]

This was the first time I met my home boy Jua Moore he found me a bottle of Norco that night and saved me. My only promise to my friend that helped me move was that we could go to the strip club after we got done so I was a man of my word because I was able to be well enough to go. Once my wife would leave to work I would hang out with jua he and I had a lot in common. We started selling any drug we could make money on. We had motel rooms and dealt with a lot of working girls but I never cheated on my ex wife I sold dope and would be gone for 3 days a month but after those 3 days I would deposit 7-10 thousand dollars a month every month into our joint account. She spent it all every month and would complain about what I had to do to get it. 3 days 7 to 10 grand I would call that a good trade off shit even a win win but not her I was a bastard because I didn’t have to go to an actual job I despised. I got into a new doctor who is the coolest doctor I’ve ever had. I could be 100% honest with him about everything and he never judged me he would help me find solutions. He found that my bone had never healed from the last surgury plus I had lots of bone spurs and needed to have 2 joints replaced so we scheduled the 3 rd surgury which was going to be a plate and 4 screws and two fake joints that look like thumb tacks in the x ray. And the night before I was scheduled to go under the knife was the night my marriage came to a crashing end. My friend came to me and said hey bro I was just at the club and I seen your wife with this big black guy hanging all over her. He said I warned him that she was married and he told me to fuck off. So I put my boots on and went home to find them in bed together naked from the waist down. At this point I told him he had 15 minutes to get the fuck out and I would be back. I gave him 15 minutes and drove around the neighborhood when I got back to my apartment I checked everywhere I thought he could hide and when I was satisfied he was gone I decided I was going to tak all of the designer purses,shoes, glasses, and all the jewelry my money had paid for for so long. Next thing I know my friend Ian was yelling my name from the front room and as I got there I witnessed this giant of a man come out of a closet I didn’t think I could fit in let alone a man that is 6’4” and atleast 260 probably more he’s half somoan half black. He was drunk so he must have thought he was bullet proof but really the alchohol mad him slow and predictable. He threw a punch and I used his weight to push him into my granite countertop and he stumbled backwards and ended up with my living room tv breaking on top of him and as he was getting his big ass off the floor I made it around right in front of him and I kicked him in the front of his face like I was kicking a soccer ball to the moon and I think he was out at that point but I didn’t stop there. I started yelling and stomping on the back of his head over and over and over. Christine’s friend screaming your going to kill him and then seeing another man that she had in my apartment pulled me out of my frenzy I squared up with the other guy and he started screaming no problem no problem. Now I start realizing how much blood there is and this huge guy is lifeless on my living room carpet. Oh fuck I think I just killed someone and hearing sirens I decided to take off. I was so worked up from the boot party I couldn’t make it more than one flight down before I had to stop and catch my breath. I did make it to my ex wife’s car and somehow had her keys so I took her car and left my truck. Shit I just knew I was going to prison for life fuck I just killed someone. I called my mother and told her what happened and she said I’m so sorry honey I’ll send you 60$ if it will help. I wanted her to say I’ll send you gas money to get home but she didn’t want me home and she let me know by saying I’m sorry I’ll send 60$ hope it helps. So I went on this mini run and started renting rooms in other peoples names so I could hide.

[adamsart]

I started to pull this rubber hose and it was supposed to pull right out but the more I pulled the more it felt like my foot was in a camp fire eventually I tapped out and it was two more days before I could be seen my doctor was on vacation and couldn’t even get the on call to return a call. So every 4 hours my mother would change the pillowcases and bed sheets that would be drenched with sweat and I would pound enough pills to knock me out. Monday morning rolled around and i showed up to my doctors office as they opened. When he unwrapped my foot it was completely black cause the hose he had stapled in acted like a tourniquet and cut off the blood flow. He closes the office door and opened a cabinet with these mid evil looking tools and he went to work scraping off all of the dead flesh without any warning or pain meds or anything. My foot looksd like a pound of raw hamburger looks at the butcher. It was a discussing healing process over the next three months. Dr bruse told my mother at this point that he didn’t think there would be one day for the rest of my life that I didn’t experience pain in my foot and her response was whatever you do don’t tell Adam that. She didn’t want me to expect it. But the pain was there even without hearing it because my foot had so much bone loss and bad joints that walking on it was Really hard the pain became frustrating and unbearable. Surgury #2 involved me getting my second metatarsal cut in the middle of the shaft and two screws were put behind the cut and two screws in front of the cut the screws stuck up out of the incision on my foot then they shot another pin up the middle of the toe to keep everything strait. Lastly they affixed a backwards vice on top of the screws coming out of my foot and I was given a tool like a small little Allen wrench and 2 times a day I was to crank this screw on the vice torture device and it would stretch my toe out the pin leaving a gap in the bone that would eventually regrow bone and move my joint from the middle of my foot back to where it belonged. When I would stretch the bone I would crank the vice 3 times and 10 minutes later the pain would peak to the sounds of fraying rope. Tendons shrink up after that much time. During this period I would go almost a week without sleep and I was taking as many pain meds as I wanted. My pain doctor cried when I showed her what I had to do. She couldn’t believe that devices like this still existed. This surgury took 8 months to heal. Since I was out of work and had to still pay bills I fell back on my drug dealing I was selling my copious amounts of pain meds and also selling herb. My wife hated me for not working but she spent every dime I put in the account. Which was more than she made monthly. As I was healing up from this surgury was also when Christine decided she would never be happy in Utah so she left me in Utah to pack the entire house and pay for everything on a broken foot by myself while she found us a nice apartment in California. Sacramento to be exact. So I had to sell most of my pain meds to pay for the move which cost me 5,000$ and a friend to drive the moving truck and I pulled a trailer with my truck. By the time I made it to Sacramento I was exhausted In pain and almost out of pain medicine but I made it. After I pulled into the address I was given is when I discovered the awesome apartment that Christine spent our savings renting was on the third floor of this building. And she had the balls to bitch about the boxes not being organized like she would have done it and she didn’t even help carry anything just expected that I should do all of the work and she’ll put shit away. I think this was kinda my final straw I knew at this point I hated this person and that she was always going to be abusive and she was never going to forgive me for breaking my foot. So my first day in Cali I had to have my wife call to find me some pain meds until I could get into see the doctor which I was made to feel like a junkie pos for even asking her to ask her friends for me.

[adamsart]

I actually sold it for 116,000 but the home inspector knocked us back 10,000$ because he said he wasn’t going to let us inflate our home that much in under a year. I learned the hard way there cause I had to pay income taxes on my profit as well because I wasn’t in my home longer that 2 years. And I had to pay that 5 thousand dollar debt with 12 hours notice otherwise my wife was going to lose her job at the irs. One night after about my 2 nd year as an electrician I was hanging out with my best friend LJ wardley we were barbecuing and drinking strong vodka drinks and mickeys beer and blowing on some strong. When Lj got the dog toy hung up in a tree and instead of just letting it go lj and I decided to climb the tree to retrieve the toy. This is when my wife told me not to be stupid and I would get hurt if I climbed the tree. I grew up climbing trees shit I could climb this tree blindfolded. Nope she was right O got up about 12 feet and grabbed a dead branch and slid off this tree. While in free fall I had a great idea. I’ll just point my toes for the ground and when I touch I’ll just roll into it and come out like some ninja. Wearing sandals I pointed my toes and instead of rolling into the fall my foot decided to roll backwards. Instantly the size of a pro football the pain was intense enough to make me feel sober. At first I was going to have lj try and set the bone that’s when I realized this wasn’t one bone. My wife was furious cause now she was drunk driving her drunk husband to the hospital and if I would have just listened to her….. once we got to the ER the XRays were so impressive that the nurse stuck me in the ass with a syringe and I said what was that? Having medical knowledge I knew alcohol and pain meds don’t mix. I said Mam I told you I’ve been drinking and she said shit well let’s get you to your car cause I have you a double dose of Demerol cause it looks like it hurts. I remember feeling really hot once we got out the front doors and the next thing I remember I’m waking up in the ICU with a fucked up foot and I had to take a shit really bad. I looked around and the closest bathroom was across the hall and I didn’t want one of the cute nurses to help me so I hopped to the bathroom holy shit that was a painful trip to the toilette. My metatarsals were all broken at the head that meets the toes and 4 of the five toes knuckle joint was broke in half and behind that 4 shafts of the metatarsals were crushed more breaks than I can count. It really was an impressive break in fact there was only one other crushing injury like mine I n the country that year and the other guy had a concrete barrier dropped on his foot working on the freeway. Lots of podiatrist had thier opinions and all wanted to hear the story behind the crazy x rays but it took me 6 weeks to find a podiatrist surgeon willing to take on the mess that was my foot. Everyone was afraid of malpractice suits because there was no clear cut way how to fix this shitty situation. Finally I found dr Bruce at McKay Dee hospital and it was decided that they would drive 6” stainless steel pins thru the bottom of my foot with an air gun of some sort then they would soft cast it so I could do the wound care necessary to heal and scheduled surgury. When I woke up from this surgury it was like stepping out of heaven and strait into the fires of hell. Even with the nerve block and all the lidocaine they could pump into me my pain level on a scale from one to ten was fuck you bitch give me something to knock me the fuck out. I had to lie about my pain level just so I could get to my vehicle and take a fistful of lortab once I got to my house and the lidocaine wore off it was agonizing pain to the point of me desperately crying for god to stop the pain. My wife still pist off at me for falling wouldn’t even stay by me I ended up having to have my mother come and pick me up to care for me. The doctors told me to pull a drain line but under no circumstances was I to unwrap the foot so 3 days later

[adamsart]

As long as I was at the house he never I was drinking or smoking weed or hanging with girls then it was ok with Mel. I went from strait Fs in Utah and most people giving me a maximum of five years left to live to being an honor roll student and I wouldn’t say popular but I actually had friends and no one hating on me. I settled in for high school and graduated early with a full ride scholarship to a good tech university with a full time job in my spare time being paid top dollar. After not being home to Utah for 3 years I had forgotten how horrible it really was and after gaving an argument with my uncle because he broke my weed pipes after I had smoked with my other aunt KB. LB instantly got paranoid and thought I was going to sell her out or something so she beat me to the punch I guess and she went to my house found my pipes and made up all sorts of lies about me and was trying to get me in trouble for smoking weed of course she refused to admit she had smoked with me the day before. So I’ll show everyone I’ll just turn down the biggest opportunities of my life and go back home to Utah where I’m really from. Dumb Dumb Dumb. Got arrested before my 19th birthday and was back on paper less than a year after finally expirating my juvenile probation. This is when I met my ex wife. Christine weaver I was attracted because she was the only girl I knew that had her shit together had her own job her own car her own money. I met her selling weed she was my best girlfriends friend from cali. Her boyfriend apparently was a girl beater and I stepped in when he was in Utah and tried to pull some shit where I was at. Maybe he could get away with that shit in cali but he wasn’t in Cali so I helped him with a little attitude adjustment and after he went home I took over as Christine’s man. The next 10 years was my married years. Christine and I moved in together after knowing each other a month. I pretty much moved into her parents basement for a short period it was like a year. I was working as a CNA/MedTech at an assisted living center down the street. I loved my job but hated the dehumanization of people and the coldness that was being shoveled to CNAs. Don’t get close with your residents because thier on their way out of this world so save yourself the pain of getting to know and love these people. I honestly still am disgusted with the way people treat each other but definitely couldn’t understand how they were actually teaching people to detach and dehumanize the elderly. Just went against everything I had ever been taught by my RN mother or Walter my streetdad who both taught me that the elderly deserve respect and to be listened to because of their wisdom. I wish I would have listened more. After finding out that a 50 year old resident I loved died and wasn’t even found for two days after having a seizure and cracking her head on a corner in the bathroom. She was an hourly check which means whomever was working had to check on her every hour because she had seizures. Two fucking days. Crazy after that I found out the other med tech was keeping everyone’s pain pills and swapping them for Tylenol. When I confronted the building manager about it he pretty much called the other med tech in and then told me to keep my mouth shut and that it wasn’t going to happen again while at the same time leaving this girl on the med cart. After the building manager I went to the head nurse and then found out that when she was supposed to be destroying outdated pills with another witness her and this other medtech would just split the pills and sign them out like they had been destroyed which I didn’t care about but once again I was told to keep my mouth shut. That was it for me My friends brother offered me a job as an electrician apprentice so I went to work in construction after making tit threw the first week I learned fast and had my own crew wireing houses after a little over a year. I was making good money so Christine and I purchased our first house. 628 n Monroe blvd in Ogden. Paid 76,000$ for it then sold 1 year later for 106,000

[adamsart]

Because of Walter Livingston I had great adventures as a young man that no one else around me had. Usually we kept the fact I was only 13-15 years old to ourselves usually telling people that I was 19 which no one questioned because there’s no way any normal 13-15 year old had the knowledge I had already. I could not only carry a conversation with older people I fit right in. I know others may have a unfavorable opinion about my streetdad and the fact he was ok smoking drinking and getting high with a 13 year old boy but I would give anything to have him back in my life he was one of the best people I’ve ever known he provided a safe environment where I was free from peoples hate and constant attacks. He took a lot of heat for allowing me to be his friend from all of the neighborhood haters or the local ward I should say. Being called a pedofile by that congregation was truly a pot calling the kettle black. Walter was definitely misunderstood by the Mormons just like I was. He always called me BadMan never Adam it was always BadMan get me a whiskey or BadMan check that chick out. It’s the only street name I have ever gained and I still miss hearing him saying it to this day. Rest in peace. So let’s try to get back on track where was I going with this? My backstory that’s right. I’m sorry this is the condensed version believe me. So after 2 years in the alternative school from hell and 2 years of Utah paper, getting locked up, running away, and a relationship with a 25 year old blond nymphomaniac named Megan, which I’m torn weather was good or bad I mean at the time I sure felt pretty special all my friends dads were all living vicariously thru me and my sex life as a young teen. However I don’t know how healthy it was having 8 hour freaky fuck sessions nightly doing things that I didn’t even see watching porn a lot of biteing choking really rough sex it was her goal to make me hold my cum as long as possible but to get me as close as possible before she did something like biting my neck hard enough to draw blood or scratch me so hard the nail marks didn’t heal for weeks. I often looked like I had gone the distance with mike Tyson the morning after with my hickys bite marks and bruises visible for the world to see. This was the first time I got to experience the joys of being cheated on. She wrote me everyday I was locked up even sent me pussy juices and LSD on her letters and I left her the first day out after I smelled her and how fishy it was. I knew she was a nympho however I didn’t think she was going to dick somewhere else when her 14 year old boyfriend was locked up. Man I was green. So in a nut shell I was a 15 year old that was more like a 30 year old based on life experience. That’s when I was forced to leave Utah by the courts. My only other option was to keep me locked up until 21. Interstate probation to Easton Pennsylvania in the PJs south side. White bread Utah to a school that was 65% black and a neighborhood that was 85% black fuck I was scared to death lol. Coming from Utah where people ostersized me and being most hated I had learned to live as a loner. I tried to be the loaner but it didn’t last two seconds in Easton. People wanted to get to know the new kid. I had a new black friend before I even got on the bus at my neighborhood stop. I was uncomfortable with the attention for sure. I all the sudden had lots of girls that were interested and more than once I was the token white guy at party’s of 60-80 kids lol. I don’t dance but was not allowed to sit down between dances. My guy friends tried to throw shade but only cause they wanted to be me lol. So total culture shock had to learn a new language cause I couldn’t understand anyone the slang back East is way different from the west coast language I was used to. This was probably the first time I felt loved by my family. My aunt melody was a saint she made sure to focus on the important things like my school and getting good grades and being safe about what I was doing. It was ok to smoke weed in Mel’s eyes

[adamsart]

Long story short about my 2 years at Davis JR high. Fell into gang banging, continued to sell drugs and tried to stay high as much as possible to help cope with the reality’s of a young man who had to deal with abuse at home from my parents and the abuses of Utah society. I also was incarcerated during this time because I added on new charges to my record often and stayed at home rarely. I felt more loved at friends houses by their families than I did in my parents home. They mostly showed me hate contempt and would tell me how I was never going to be shit. This After the daily beatings were put to an end by standing on my own two and fighting back. I was full of anger that I was always in trouble for a drug that I believe helped me survive. I was too outspoken about how unjust I felt persecuting someone for using weed was wrong especially when the mainstream was providing me with speeders my biker and mechanic friends preferred over meth and this was the early to mid 90s. Dexedrine with spansel is not only one but two forms of amphedimine in one awesome pill. It was a cleaner high than the early shards of dope that made you sweat toxic shit out ones pores and would lock u in place tweaking out for 8 hour sessions of doodling lol. Anyways I remember having the “weed will be legal in my lifetime” debate with any adult that would take me up on the challenge. Lots of drug program setbacks because I never would accept I had a problem only that the system had a problem and I wasn’t going to change for anyone. A smart adult once told me I don’t have to believe what they preach but just play along until I get out of thier system then don’t get caught again. Should have listened but nope I was already on the fuck anyone that wants to have a problem. I could go on for hours about these years because there were a lot of profound realizations that made me who I am today during this part of my life. The single biggest influence in my life from 6th to 9th grade was a 50 year old hells angel affiliated biker with the stereotypical zz top biker beard. Who I met thru a new kid that came from Washington his name was AC Devlin and when I went to AC’s one night to hang out I met my street dad Walter Livingston. For those of you who don’t know what a street dad is my definition would be a strong male influence/role model that takes a child under thier wing but more on a respectful friendship level. Basically Walter did all of the things that my own father never did or even wanted to do like working on bikes, teaching me about integrity, how to treat women, what a real gangster looks like and what a personal code of conduct is as well as cool shit like how to ride a bike, shoot a 38 snub, where to get artillery shells, how to make the best whiskey and water and yes we even smoked some serious drugs together because of Walt I always had the best weed around I was smoking chronic when everyone else I knew was still smokeing that piss biscuits and gasoline brick weed that you had to de seed forever or face the headache that came from leaving them in there. I was also snorting lines of peanut butter and rosebud crank and was there in the very beginning of crystal meth. This is when meth was made easier and the precursors were readily available so the strength was far more potent than what someone would run into now days. In my mind it did the same thing only a little stronger than the speeders I was made to take for school which coincidentally is the only reason they couldn’t bust me for using meth cause I was on paper my whole teenage years so piss tests came weekly but the meth came up the same thing as my amphedimines prescribed by my doctor. Walter was my best friend and father all in one package I only hope to one day be as good of a human being or have half the intelligence Walter had. An old orphan from Hershey pa with the heart of a lion. I can’t be more greatful to anyone else although I’ve had other phenomenal people in my life Walter took me under his wing and taught me how to conduct myself.

[adamsart]

Starting a daily blog of my life. My backstory is one of a life misspent, years lost to incarceration, loss after loss, traumatic event after traumatic event, life always lived in the moment with no time to even process what I was going thru only time to react and survive. I made alot of stupid decisions and choices along the way. However I’ve always believed myself to be a good friend and decent person to other human beings. I’m sure this could be debated depending on who’s opinion you might find. No one is perfect or innocent but I believe I have left more bridges intact rather than burning. Today I want to start focusing on my future rather than dwelling on my past. About 6 months ago I made the decision that I was going to escape the state of Utah. Out of the 40 years I’ve spent on this beautiful planet 20 or so of those years have been spent in the state of Utah it’s where I was born and raised and lived thru tremendous amounts of religious, economical, sexual and other types of abuse/discrimination. Most people think of Utah as one of the best places to raise a family which may be true if your Mormon, White, upper middle class, sheep. I can assure you for a free thinking, non church going, working class person like myself Utah has continually been a place of loss,sadness,pain,shame,and regret. Not that it is all bad just most of it. I remember I used to listen to my father get up for work everyday and as he was waking up he would go thru what I like to call waking gripes and complaints. My dad couldn’t wake up without mumbling on for hours about all his problems. Usually my brother and I but alot about the fucking Mormons and this fucking state this and this state that and I remember thinking I bet if dad had a better attitude maybe people would treat him different and I thought all these problems he bitched about were probably more him than Utah or it’s people. I discovered he was totally right about everything it only took being kicked out of the state of Utah at 15 years old and living in Pennsylvania for 3 years during high school to open my eyes to just how horrible things are there for some. I guess I am thankful to some degree because fighting daily thru my childhood being discriminated by an entire population Adults and kids alike, finding a way to survive by myself as a young teen, doing time etc. have all made me a much stronger person mind body and soul than most humans. I also believe I feel love, happiness, and gratefulness on a deeper level than most as well as being able to find happiness with very little material. I think because of the hell abuse loss with no one to help me up I can appreciate even the smallest beauty in life. Find gratefulness in the smallest gain. Trying to get this back on track sorry if this has become hard to follow. So by the age of 13 years old I caught my first three felonies. I was in the beginning of my 8th grade year and was arrested for cultivation of marijuana, distribution in a school zone, and dangerous weapon on school property. I was caught selling a dime bag to a friend at school and was ratted out because I was made to be the “problem” when the cops searched my room they found my closet grow lol. And the knife I carried on me. These were actually my first charges ever I remember being walked out of school in cuffs all of the kids staring at me being put in the back of the local sheriffs car. Never to see regular school again. For the rest of 8th and 9 th grade I rode a school bus for 2 hours on my way to school and 2 hours to get home not because of the distance but the school I had to attend only had 2 busses and had to pick up and drop off kids from one end of Davis county to the other and I was last to get dropped off and first to get picked up in the morning. 36 to 45 of Davis county’s most hated kids under one roof. My 13 year old stoner self was put into school and classes with other troubled youth however most of the other kids were there for fights or violence of some sort not dealing and growing drugs.

[adamsart]

Looking for help with my art. Any critique criticism advice ideas pointers with either the creation or marketing and sales as well as brand etc. any thoughts will be appreciated even if it’s I shouldn’t give up my day job. Lol trust me I won’t. Just looking to improve myself and my passion for creation. Thanks