adaraescribe

[adaraescribe]

“That’s why,

When you feel like laying waste to your life, I’d like to you to think of me”

Yep. Yasu made me cry for the third day in a row in the cafeteria. People in here must think I’m crazy.

[adaraescribe]

ANN 170401

ANN entered its 3rd year! Omedetto!! Tacchon and Yu-kun was like “all the time within this 3 years we keep on talking about shallow stuff with no contents and yet Nippon Housou keep on accepting us so seriously thank you! They want to try to continue until 5th year!

Script is written “Ohkura-kun and Takahashi-KU, lol (picture is posted on Yu-kun’s twitter)

Ohkura accidentally spilled his coffee while on air all over the script. Yu-kun was like, “Hey, so gross! The script is all flimsy now!” XD Tacchon is strangely high tension and it seems that it was due to after effect of going to Yu-kun’s concert that day.

Apparently, Yasu and Tacchon told their manager since DECEMBER to keep that particular date (01.04.2017) empty of any work because they wanted to go to Yu-kun’s concert. (They must have pretty amazing schedule if they have to inform 3 months in advance of the date where they want to not have work 😮) Yu-kun was like “Wow, that was pretty hard!”

So around those 3 months Kura finally explain why he seems to be not listening to Yu-kun’s song whenever it airs on ANN. He said he heard the melody or lyrics but he didn’t want to completely listen to it because he wants to hear it all during the live. And he listen to it all today. (Like refraining from spoilers but to a more extreme level lol)

Kura hates saying “That was good” (yokatta yo) when going to people’s concert because he feels like it’s making him sound like he is better than the other person. But he really want to say that to Yu-kun now because he wants to tell his perspective as one of the audience and not him trying to show that he is better. XD Yu-kun didn’t think that you’re being arrogant I’m sure Kura.

Ohkura said sometimes there are certain shows where you didn’t really feel it at the beginning and gradually feel the excitement and heat as it progress but for Yu-kun’s concert he felt fired up from the very first song to the very end (reports say Yasu and Kura seems involved and sing along throughout the concert). And Kura says he look around to see the other people’s reaction and he knew they felt the same way (which is parallel to one fans account that say she saw Ohkura looking around during con lol)

The staff told Yu-kun that Ohkura came. While performing today it makes Yu-kun think that there are a lot of songs he wrote due to his meeting with Ohkura-kun from the very first day. Ohkura said he felt that way too. As he watch Yu-kun perform and sing, it made him think of the memories that he shared with Yu-kun in those particular songs such as “ah, this is the conversation we had while we ate at that Izayaka restaurant” and so on. Yu-kun said he sang while thinking of that too. Kura tried hard to not describe the songs and title because he didn’t want to give spoilers of Yu-kun’s arena tour to the listeners. But it gets so confusing and vague XD;

He said Yasu and him were bawling their eyes out while watching Yu-kun. Apparently he once sang one of those songs in front of Yu-kun during karaoke outings. He was apologetic though because he seems to think he destroyed the song, lol. Ohkura said he cried twice throughout the concert.

The sitting position was Ohkura-Yasu-manager. When the ‘songs’ are coming up (I have a feeling that Beautiful is one of those ‘songs’), Ohkura would turn his back towards Yasu so that Yasu wont see him cry. He said not only he ends up remembering the conversations that he had with Yu-kun in these two years, he also end up remembering all those things that happened to him in these two years (some of the song Yu-kun wrote is based on Ohkura’s experiences. -Beautiful, songs from Sakura no Uta single etc)

Apparently, when Yu-kun wrote those songs that were based on Ohkura’s experience, he’d ask him beforehand and after the song is done, he’d let Ohkura listen to it first before anybody else particularly to know how much Ohkura allows him to talk/sing about it. One of those songs, Yu-kun made him listen to it while they were eating at Sushi Restaurant. At that time, Ohkura was like “Of all place why are you making me listen to a song that you’re going to sing at Yokohama Arena here??”

For Yu-kun he confessed that he sing those songs with a different feeling today because Ohkura is there. It made him remember every single thing. Ohkura said right now Yu-kun is holding himself back from a lot of things (like alcohol, going out with friends etc) and somehow those repressed emotions seems to be expressed fully while Yu-kun sings. It gave the concert some sort of power, Ohkura says. It made Ohkura wonders if Yu-kun is best being kept lonely because it seems to give his songs some sort of life as a musician lollll.

Apparently Ohkura went backstage after concert ends and ask Yu-kun with concern if he is too tired (for ANN). Bur Yu-kun was high on adrenaline and said he felt that he could give a second round of the conxert.

Sometimes Yu-kun want to go home using the taxi but the company staff was like, “Use train! Open up your perspective and see the happenings around you (Ohkura then said: Happenings in train are pretty rare though lol). Ohkura said he probably understand what the staff is trying to say because most of Yu-kun’s songs are based on the things that happen in everyday life where everybody could relate to it (Such as ashita wa kitto ii hi ni naru). The management probably wants Yu-kun to write more of such songs but Ohkura thinks that forcing Yu-kun to do things the way the management wants wouldn’t necessarily bring out such result and is probably a bit too much. Ohkura was like “What if a different sort of happening occur?” (as in Yu-kun being bombarded with fans). Yu-kun then was like, “Well then maybe the song that come out of that experience is Save Me lol)

Lol, staff script: 2 years ago we didn’t expect that you are such an uncontrollable/troublesome guy, lol (about Ohkura). 2 years ago we didn’t expect that you are such a depressing guy (about Yu-kun). They were like, “Which staff wrote this!!” XD

Yu-kun said in a sense Ohkura is the first person that he could ever describe as partner (aikata). So Yu-kun during con’s MC is a different Yu-kun and involved dirty jokes and picking nose and gags? XD

XD for some reason Yu-kun is having some trouble in reading the kanji of today’s script and require Ohkura telling him how to read the kanjis a few times lol. Ohkura seems to be having fans disillusionment disorder now lol. He was like that shining musician Yu-kun that I saw just now is this Yu-kun….? But in a reverse order though. Yu-kun during radio and (according to Kura) during private time is so energetic and lively that it often surprise Kura how cool Yu-kun could be during live lol.

Yu-kun then said like what he said during variety shows, he still would like to be funnier especially during MCs. When he think back, he was actually trying to be like Ohkura. Now he gradually look back and reflact and he’s not sure if that’s the right path because he’s not sure if everybody’s are laughing with Ohkura or laughing at Ohkura lol.

Yu-kun is going to sing theme song for this year’s Koshien. Apparently he havent wrote it yet and is still collecting material. They mention Omoidama and Kohaku and heated feelings during Koshien no matter if you win or lose and how baseball is a good reflection of life especially when you work so hard behind the scene to win but when the day come you lose anyway but it still a way to move forward in life. The rest went over my head 8D;. I really don’t know much about baseball lol.

Ohkura said during music shows eito are usually told to sing “upbeat and happy” songs. But when eito are given the opportunity to sing Omoidama during Kohaku, Tacchon is really happy with it and wants to express the songs with the feelings that the high school students have while writing the lyrics. Also, since Kohaku is a show where a large range of people watch the show, he wants it as an opportunity to show that eito could sing this kind of song too.

.. why does it sounds like informal brain storming session for Yu-kun’s Koshien songs. Yu-kun were saying that he wants to write the type of song which would resonate not only with the team that win but also team that lost and Ohkura is giving out ideas seriously. I am afraid to translate it since I fear it may end up being used in the lyrics like a few other songs lol. But it was a nice and heated conversation ❤! A part of it was where Ohkura said “Of course winning is important but losing is important too. It shows who you are and where you are right now and it makes you think of what you should do next to overcome that.” Ohkura was like, “I’ll be excitedly waiting for the outcome” and Yu-kun answered with “…. Urgh, this is difficult but I will give my best!”

Talk about habits again. Ohkura talk about how he cant sleep if he doesn’t put one arm on the upper part of the bed and the other hand on his butt. When he sleep he usually didn’t wear any underwear but he wear pants lol. Yu-kun was like “Are you trying to give sexy pose??” XD. When he’s not at home, he’d still raised both of his arms while sleeping. Which is why he prefers to have the last seat (Oh! Indeed he often take the last seat in van and Genki extra also show his sitting position in aeroplane) so thst there’d be no one else behind lol. If it wasn’t the last seat, he’d feel apologetic and tried his best to not do it. Apparently that habit start from the time when they start travelling a lot? He hates having his head moving around while sleeping so he end up making that pose to stop his head from moving around.

Ohkura has a habit of putting the back of his hand to his nose and people seem to think that he was smelling the back of his own hand. (It’s similar to what Yoko usually did except that Tacchon usually do that to stop himself from laughing?-during Janiben). He said he’s not smelling it although he likes his own smell (well, Hina say he smell like perfume shop so… lol). But Yu-kun dislike his own smell lol.

They both talk about how their droll smell XD. Ohkura: This is a very human conversation lol.

Ohkura said he sat while peeing because when you pee standing, it will spill even outside of the toilet bowl and he realllly hates that since it’d be dirty and smelly. Cleaning up after that is annoying so he prefer sitting down. (Yoko would be perfectly fine with Ohkura using his toilet then since Yoko’s rule at his home is “sit while you pee!!”). Yu-kun is suddenly being tennen and raise his hand. Ohkura was like “….” until Yu-kun remember that it’s radio and verbally say that he’s the same lol. The toilet at Ohkura’s home is auto flushed so he’s often afraid that he’d forgot to flush when he is using toilet at other places.

When he went drinking he do find out that he had forgotten to flush because he goes to the toilet a lot when he drink and he’d notice it at the second time I guess lol.

Apparently, Yu-kun’s hometown house has washlet. Ohkura dislike it though because the current is too strong lol. Yu-kun hates it too, “It feels as if my lower region is being beaten up!!”. These two are being annoying though because they keep on saying “Washlet” in english with exaggerated American accent! 😂 Both Yu-kun and Ohkura talk about the “second wave” of pee after the washlet had done it’s job. 😅😅😅

Ending: Ohkura talk about upcoming releases including his stage play. Apparently rehearsal haven’t start yet but since it’s a world renowned story, Ohkura confessed that currently he has a lot of worries regarding it but he wants to give it his best try. Yu-kun wants to secure a ticket and watch it already lol.

[adaraescribe]

[adaraescribe]

Reactions to KanJAM 2018.07.08 (Baru’s last)

 *** most were posted right after KanJAM ended ***

Watanabe Naomi (CHRONICLE - skits with Baru) KanJAM is the best Kanjani-san is the best SUBARU-SAN IS THE BEST I want to do skits again!!

Yanaka Atsushi  (TokyoSkaParadise baritone sax) SkaPara’s appearance on KanJAM, which I’d long looked forward to, has just ended. The members are really truly wonderful. Today’s collaboration performance with 7-membered Kanjani∞;  I’ll cherish it forever. ずっと楽しみにしてたスカパラの関ジャム 完全燃SHOWへの出演が終わった、。ほんとにほんとに素晴らしいメンバーだ。今日の7人の関ジャニ∞とのコラボ演奏。ずっと大切にします。

Yuichi Oki (TokyoSkaParadise keyboard) Got to perform live together with Kanjani∞, during such an important time. The more I get to know them, they’re all refreshing and fun people. I truly understand {how/why} they’re loved by everyone. An honor to be able to perform together. My Musician fortune/luck is used up. Cheering towards their ever greater success/activities from here on out!! 関ジャニとの生演奏、とてもとても大事な時にご一緒させて頂きました。 知れば知るほど清々しく楽しい人ばかり。皆に愛されるのが本当によく分かります。 演奏ご一緒できて光栄です。ミュージシャン冥利に尽きます。 これからも益々大活躍してくれるよう応援しています！！

Mogi Kinichi (TokyoSkaParadise drums) Kanjani and Skapara’s live session, an unforgettable wonderful time. Getting to participate in this precious chance is really an honour. May their future shine even and even more! ! 関ジャニとスカパラの生セッション、忘れられない素晴らしい時間でした。貴重な機会に参加させてもらい本当に光栄です。彼らの未来がさらにさらに輝きますように！！

Keep reading

[adaraescribe]

[adaraescribe]

He tenido la mente en blanco estos meses, nada me llama la atención, nada me inspira.

[adaraescribe]

aesthetic: nishi rejecting the universal concept of “table”, scattering all his shit on the floor and not giving a fuck.

[adaraescribe]

[adaraescribe]

Chronicle 180707 ending narration translation:

Sorry for that impossible request of singing, but after singing the song of hope, there’s beautiful smiles. Subaru-kun, that kanjani8 that you have been preciously protecting, from now on will be 6. But it’s seriously alright! Those moments with you, and those moments when you’re no longer here anymore, the 6 will definitely properly emits lots of energy, properly emits smiles, and will grow stronger. When that time of truly turning into greasy old men came, may everyone will still be smiling at those moments.

[adaraescribe]

About Yasu / by Yasu (Boku, 5th July)

“To the eighters who have my back, thank you. Going through life you meet all kinds of people and you also part with some… As we go through these cycles of life and grow older, we do also sift through our views and relationships with others. I’ve learned who my true friends are. I feel that I know which path in life I’ll take.

I have been through a few illnesses, but it was all condensed into a time frame that would normally take years. …yeah… I wonder how many years that is… maybe it’s ten years. I feel that it served as a huge trigger for me to realize some thing.

The root of a person emerges in front of danger. It makes you realize and appreciate the value and importance of your friends. The heart that moves for a friend.

I will always treasure such friends. If anything happens to a friend, I will do anything and everything to support and fight by his side. The same can be said about eighters. Despite the scary, dark months that you were made to go through, you held on with faith in a barely visible light. And in spite of everything, you still hung on desperately. And so, I cannot repay you with a disservice. I must repay you with love. I will say it again, thank you. And that is why you must enjoy the concert with all your heart. I will be there to deliver love. Please don’t worry too much or you will not see the love.

And, as for my own life going forward, I’m very fortunate because through the media I get to be involved in work that brings me in touch with the hearts of many people. I really feel that I’m very lucky to be in a place that I’d always wanted to be.“To support the hearts of those who know about me."This may sound vague and whitewashed. "This person has gone through so much, yet he seems to be well and moving on with positivity. That means I should be able to do the same.” It’s the sort of thing that’s been on my mind the whole time. But then, even though I have gone through such an inspeakable experience and I am now speaking about it, I feel like I’ve managed to be more persuasive.

To be honest, it first started as a hernia, then meningioma, then fractures in my thoracic and lumbar vertebrae. It’s so agonizingly punishing and painful. Why do these misfortunes always happen to me? What did I ever do? I’ve had these thoughts many times… And because of that, I caused everyone to feel anxious and concerned. And that, in turn, caused me a lot of stress. Then I would start to blame myself and get angry… But, now, the fact that I suffered illness has made me feel gratitude even. “Oh man, it’s because you’re alive that you can say it.” “Don’t do this to us.” Opinions that hit. For sure… But, but! Life is still being given to me. Everything is about being alive. So as long as I’m alive, no matter how hard life gets, the experience value that accumulates becomes the greatest of weapongs. The experience value allows you to empathize with the sufferings of others. What is my mission in this life? “For the many people who are suffering pain, even if it’s just a bit, I’d love to try to make life more comfortable, and for them to breathw easier.” Having suffered an illness, unlike previously, I’m not able to empathize. See? Being sick isn’t all bad, right?

That’s why, when you feel like laying waste to your life, I’d like you to think about me. With experience as my weapon I’m forging positively ahead, so let my heart be your perch. I’ve got you. Anyone under the burden of problems, whether it be big or small, and sometimes the big ones might become smaller. But then there’s the reverse as well. And that is why, you never have to think that your emotions are mistaken. If things become unbearable, there’s no need to force yourself to appear you’re fine, or to try to hide it. The more you try to shut it in, the more unbearable it will become.

I want to be there for you, my heart is a perch for you to rest. I’ve manage to put on some weight, so I won’t break this easily. It’s a power spot, with purification effect (^_^)”

**

Personal thoughts: first and foremost, thanks to the awesome eighter who decided to share this incredible message with me (I owe you).

What to say about this amazing words of Yasu’s? He’s an angel and we probably don’t deserve him but still, he’s there to lift our burderns willingly, despite all his sufferings and pain. I mean… I wanna hug him ç____ç

[adaraescribe]

About Yasu / by Ryo

“Good evening, everyone. How have you been doing? I’m doing okay. I’m on my laptop today for the first time in a while. I guess everyone’s worried about Sho-chan, right? I am, too. But it would be bad if that concern becomes a source of pressure for Sho-chan. You guys try not to worry too much, okay? That part is an absolute must. Although even if I say “I’m asking you to do me this favor.” I’m sure you would worry anyway. 

It must have been really frustrating for him to be unable to be there during the press conference where a fellow member announced he would be leaving the group, and when he could not appear on his regular shows. 

I’m sure there are people out there who would’ve thought “he should be there, if all he did was fall at home”. They didn’t have had the information we had, after all. But I think being able to come out into the open about the situation this time has helped lighten his emotional burden somehow, so all that’s left is the physical side of things. I pray that time will help him recover soon.

I’m not trying to make you worry or anything, but to be honest, when we were at his side, we could not even say things we normally would. He isn’t able to move his body like he normally would, and even walking or changing was something that he did slowly, as if he was trying not to hurt himself. But he’s steadily getting better with regard to those things, so please wait patiently for him.

We had many debates about whether or not the concert tour should be postponed or cancelled, and we had decided to postpone it at one point.

But all of us members share the view that this concert tour is going to be even more important than any of our other ones, so we chose a route that lets us do the best we can while being absolutely certain that Sho-chan won’t have to push himself. That said, he’ll push himself for sure. And if we realize that he’s doing that, we’ll keep reducing the parts that he will make appearances in. And if it turns out it’s not possible for him to do it, then I don’t know if we will be able to make it to the end of the concert tour. That’s just how precarious the situation is with regard to this concert tour. Of course, since we’ve decided to carry it out, those of us who are able-bodied will do everything. And if Sho-chan cannot run, then we’ll run for him.

Well, we’re in the middle of rehearsals right now, but I think we’ll have a good idea of how things are going to be after Sapporo, so I think we’ll be able to come up with a good way to pace ourselves. Don’t worry. We’ll make sure that those of you who show up will feel glad you came. Rest assured about that. We gotta make this a good concert tour. Yeah. Look forward to it, everyone.

Also, you know…  this will be the last time you’ll be able to see Kanjani with seven members. There’s gonna be a live broadcast for three days in a row. I wonder how that is gonna turn out? But to be honest, the only thing I have in my mind is our next stage. This is something that just can’t be helped.Everyone has their own way of thinking after all. And I think it’s really admirable that he’s willing to start out again from total scratch. I hope he leaves the group with a bang. And it’s my wish to be by his side and see what he does when he leaves. I can’t exactly give him a farewell and be happy. It’s not like he’s going to come back in the future either. It’s just a decision made by one man after all. That’s something that I want to have high hopes for. I don’t know if those of you who are watching will be able to enjoy it, but yeah… There are things to overcome. Such as walls, hills, and everyone’s expectations. All right. It’s time to kick asses.”

Ryochan’s jweb entry, 5th July 2018

**

credits to Kanjani8 Peru

Personal thoughts: sasuga Ryochan. His jwebs are mostly so hermetic that sometimes we’re left to wonder whether he actually carries thoughts and worries or not. He does, of course. So much. And it’s impressive also the way his words and feelings almost echo Ohkura’s (or the contrary) about their desire of protecting Yasu ♥, and the way he’s (finally) talking openly about Subaru’s decision, the concert, their fears. Ugh, Ryochan ç____ç

[adaraescribe]

About Yasu / by Ohkura

“I’m really glad that he was able to tell you all the truth. He’s an honest person, so I bet he suffered in being unable to say anything. Not saying anything might also be a way to go about it. But, it’s something that he’s decided on, so the other members and I will carry what he has said on our shoulders too. I’m sure people have various opinions about this. This is just an opinion from one person, so after you’ve read this, you can forget about it.

I met him twenty years ago. He’s like a childhood friend, a family member, and an important friend to me. This years and a half or so, I’ve been at his side, watching him. When I first heard about it, I thought my heart was going to stop. But I told him that I didn’t want to lose him.

At that time in April, his friends who always hang out with him all rushed over and tried to somehow help him. At times of emergency like this, I really learned that true humanity is really brought out of people. I saw on the news that it was said, “if he can stand during a live concert, he must be okay.” But he had broken bones in his hips and back, so I think saying that he’s “okay” was inappropriate. My personal opinion is that I want him to rest. Because, the most important things are your health and body. Because, the most important thing is the life of your best friend.

Although I said that if he told the truth all of the fans would understand for sure, he’d decided that he’d take part in the concert so that the eighters wouldn’t worry, and I was really proud of him for that. However, he made a promise that he really wouldn’t push himself. That’s why the other members and I are giving him a lots of support during our rehearsals, whilst checking what he can and cannot do. It’s not that he’s risking his life by getting up on stage, but I think he cannot do the dances that he likes, or jump with us, or get quickly to where the rest of us is.

I know that he’s the one who feels the most frustrated by this. I bet he really thought about how he’d look on stage in his state, and worried and worried about it. When he couldn’t work and was at home by himself, I bet there were times where he felt positive, and negative. Yet in this situation, he still made up his mind. And so, everyone’s wish is that he really makes sure that he doesn’t push himself and enjoys it from the bottom of his heart.

For the sake of him not being able to move much, I will move more. For the sake of him not being able to dance much, I will dance more. I can hardly do anything to help him, but I know I can be on his side forever. I can support him with all that I’ve got.

When you’re back at being 100% of Yasu again, let’s dance together lots ^^ Let’s work on making it an amazing concert with everyone!! ^^”

Ohkura Tadayoshi’s jweb entry - 5th July 2018

**

Personal thought: I’m so proud of him.

[adaraescribe]

About Yasu / by Yasu (Boku)

So the news left me honestly speechless, and so did the official statement that I felt so formal, so “cold”, and so distant. Apart from being unable to grasp the whole situation, among the mess that it is already, of course I cannot help but think “Yasu, rest first, please.” You and your health are the most important thing. I mean, you all, Eito members. But then Yasu updated his Boku journal with an entry that left me equally speechless, so strong and powerful and amazing, as if apart from the formal statement, he was finally able to confess what he really hoped he could. And so did Ohkura and Ryo (can I be truly honest? I cried). And now I think I do understand why they’re being so stubborn about this troubled tour that has yet to begin.

They’re letting us see them wounded, crushed and crippled, their struggle and pain and fatigue visible. They want us to tell us that’s who they really are, despite it being tough. They want to share all of this, and not just the usual sparkles we see idols with. They want us to see them at their weakest. Because that is their strongest at the same time. And how can I not be proud of such a strong will? It won’t be easy, but I do respect your choice. I’m with you, guys.

Following here: Yasu’s recent Boku post (3rd July), then Ohkura’s jweb, Ryo’s (mentioning his feelings about Subaru leaving ç_ç) and then Yasu’s Boku again (5th July). Because they’re so amazing I can’t ♥

**

Boku - 3rd July

“Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!! Waaaaaaahhhh!!! It happened! This time has finally arrived!! For making you wait so long! And making you so anxious and uneasy, I’m really sorry. A report and an apology, then the truth, I finally got to say it! I finally got to update. Seriously, I really wanted to, as soon as possible!! !! !! I wanted you tell you. Thanks for waiting.

I didn’t say anything, and I’m sure that was irritating. Sorry about that. To all eighters… hmm? Everyone reading this now, are you Eighters who are also Yasuda fans? maybe? lol Oh well. lol To all eighters, you must have been really anxious not knowing the truth, and I not only made you worried, but I also didn’t upload “Boku.” I’m sure it was disappointing to see no updates on this series for so long. I’ll put you all at ease now! ^^ This is a new start.

As for the reason I couldn’t update, I’ll tell you the truth about that here. My body is like this, and I can’t move much, so I can’t go out, and I can’t work, I can’t tell you what’s going on in a e-mail, so I couldn’t tell you anything at all. I could type out lies, express them and act as if they were the truth, and that would make those lies true in a sense. Yeah, that really is true. But even so… that didn’t fit with the way I choose to live my life.

As a professional, some might say it’s my duty to keep all of you from getting worried or anxious. That’s a valid perspective, and if I get criticized along those lines I will just accept it. However, looking further into the future, rather than a false truth solified by lies, it was more important to me to wait and tell the real truth when the time came and I could speak about it frankly. That sums up the reason I couldn’t update.

Changing the subject, to all eighters out there, you’re definitely not totally powerless, okay? you can understand that, right? I hope you do. You’re the #1 thing supporting our hearts. So no matter what happens, we’re still planning to keep moving forward. When Shibutani-kun made the decision to leave the group, it was incredibly sad, and incredibly painful. However, we still kept moving and thought to ourselves, “we’ll take this up to the next level!” We could only do that because of all the eighters that support us and give us their love. I don’t want to make any eighter shed more tears. I don’t want to make you sad. I want to make you smile. I want to make you feel at ease. I want to see the smiles of all eighters. That’s what I thought to myself.

That’s why even though I’m like this now, I’ve decided to join the other members on stage. The truth is I cannot dance and I cannot even jump or run, but I want to be there so all eighters can see me and feel at ease. I want all of you to be relieved.

If i said there was nothing worrying me right now, to be honest, that would be a lie. It’s true that I’m in pain. But even so, I think there are times in your life when you just have to do certain things.

There’s also something I want all eighters to understand. There are some people who think “I want you to be on stage” and some others who think “I want you to rest”… I think it’s only natural that both of those opinions would be out there. I don’t think that people who want me to be on stage are selfish. So please don’t criticize or insult those people who are expressing that opinion. I don’t want you to blame each other. Both opinions are honest feelings, and both are correct in their own way. I don’t want people to hurt each other over this because of me. So promise me you won’t do that. After all, I listened to both sides when I made the decision to perform live (^_^)

Oh, but I would like to apologize that I cannot perform at my usual Yasuda 100% level. I’m truly sorry about that. I know that not everyone just wants to see me and look at my face and feel relieved. I think there are probably some of you who want to see me dancing my heart out like always, and I will accept any complaints about that personally.

More than anything else, I’m just so incredibly grateful to be where I am right now. To all eighters who accept me as I am, I’m grateful from the bottom of my heart. Recovering my health is the way for me to repay all of you. So, I’ll get better as soon as I can. To everyone who accepts me as I am right now, thank you. Always, and now. I keep trying to be open about the present without hiding anything, and I want to keep on expressing myself this way.

I talked about a lot of different things, but I cannot push myself too hard right now, physically speaking. I think I can only express myself as I am right now, and I don’t want to just line up a bunch of pretty words to make all of you feel at ease. I also don’t want you to feel despair when you see me move. That’s me right now.”

[adaraescribe]

Copa menstrual - Día 1

He pasado lo que va del año 2017  conociendo y analizando el empezar a usarla. La realidad es que nunca he usado un tampax, solo toallas sanitarias. Por lo que la experiencia de introducir algo por mi vagina, es nuevo en parte para mi, y no me escapo de los miedos, inseguridades, e ignorancia sobre mi propio cuerpo.  Hoy finalmente tuve el dinero para comprar mi copa menstrual y mi menstruación acaba de llegar. 

Decidido hacer el primer intento. Mal, ya es de noche y esperando un poco de privacidad en el baño,  todos llegaron a tocar la puerta. No he podido ponerla. Sin embargo, quiero dejar mi primera impresión y demás impresiones, de los intentos que haga. No quiero rendirme, quiero lograrlo. 

Espere el tiempo de 3-5 min. para la esterilización de mi copa cuando estaba en el baño. La realidad es que, no pude relajarme como debía. Ansiedad de la primera vez. Por cierto, mi copa menstrual es marca: Me Luna, la compre en Nana luna, mas que una tienda, es un grupo/espacio que me hizo sentirme segura para comprarla y de hacer el cambio y buscar la conciencia sobre mi ciclicidad como mujer. Otro dato, soy talla S, (S-M), la cual puede contener 23ml. Cuando una se empieza informar no escapa el pensamiento de  lo grande que es y ¿Como me voy a meter eso? En verdad es pequeña, es mas grande un tampoco, hasta donde sé,  que la propia copa. 

En fin, mis primeras sensaciones, como  la copa por la esterilización en agua caliente, se entibia, y ese roce e introducción(mi intento de introducción) ha sido extraño por la sensación tibia. Luego  la locura de no encontrar donde introducir, (cuando pensabas que no eras tan ignorante sobre tu cuerpo, te sientes una completa ignorante de ti misma)  Y bueno,  en estos días me siento sensible y la frustración de no lograrlo en este primer intento interrumpido, acabaron en algunas lagrimas. Tuve un cierto impulso por pedirle asesoría materna, pero  su apoyo delante de este cambio  en mi manera de recibir mi menstruación, no ha sido fácil. En fin, es otro motivo para lograr usar una copa menstrual, ser testimonio de que es posible y yo tengo el amor y control sobre mi cuerpo. En fin...Son las 11:45 pm del 23 de diciembre, en la Ciudad de Guatemala y espero hacer mi segundo intento mañana en la mañana, como es noche buena, espero que lo logre! :D