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4:00 PM

(you never sleep regularly anymore.)

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I can’t tell if you’re mad at me or if i’m just being way too sensitive

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My chest doesn’t hurt it just doesn’t feel right

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let me tell you a secret – sometimes i think this might all be a bad dream. every now and then, when the world is quiet enough, when the yellow light hits the ceiling just right, i feel like a child again. sometimes i wish i could find the spot where time is the weakest, touch it, tear it apart, and wake up on the sofa, behind my parents’ backs where i’ve crawled after some nightmare. from the tv, a laugh track. i’m pretending to sleep. it’s summer. see, the balcony door is ajar. see, there’s a mosquito trying to get in. see, my heart isn’t aching. see?

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I just can’t do anything anymore 

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I don’t wanna tell you what i wanted because now i feel gross thinking about it 

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I’m just lying in bed and it feels like my chest is gonna explode

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Everything is just. too much right now

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I think i’m gonna put in for another leave of absence.

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I don’t know what i want!

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Everything hurts. the bruises aren’t going away.