adollarforurthoughts

[adollarforurthoughts]

Hey pips, I'm feeling abit low than usual... Wanna blame lola but she's gone now.. I guess I find myself looking through our photos. Alot. Even our pictures at my wall, I miss that. I found myself reminiscing every moment we had together. From the moment we met, to our first dates, then our trips, our fights. I'm trying to convince myself that yeah, you leaving, is what you need. Perhaps you need to take yourself away from this very draining relationship. Maybe I haven't make you grow as much as you impacted me.

I wish I could call you, just to talk about my feelings, maybe ranting, seeking your advice about my thoughts... I don't have anyone that I could fully trust without having to judge me... If I could have a best friend, I'd still choose you but I guess it has to be reciprocal. I still get happy whenever you text but somehow helpless when I can't be the one holding your hand to help you through the hurdles you face.

I've been running/walking and it's the 4th day. Quite proud of myself but in that moment, I channel it to release the heaviness that I'm constantly feeling in my chest. Don't get me wrong, I'm not in denial that we've broken up. Though I still am holding to the hope of us being together at the best versions of ourselves. The fact that it took this relationship to make me stop falling in love and focus on myself speaks alot. I saw a quote on tiktok and I realised that you're my second love but I hope you're my third love too. Ah look at me going all imaginative again. You sent me a video on tiktok, and it was the steak that we had in Paris being in Singapore. Goodness, I would love to go there with you again. Not gonna let anyone else change that experience for me. So affordable and so yummy.

I will never forget our time together. I know I can't be in your life forever but know that I'm always here for you.

Always.

[adollarforurthoughts]

Separation is only an illusion, because distance means nothing to hearts that are connected through time and space itself.

[adollarforurthoughts]

sext: i want to be good for your mental health

[adollarforurthoughts]

“I loved you long before I had the guts to let you know.”

— William Chapman

[adollarforurthoughts]

Feel abit low today.

[adollarforurthoughts]

Hey pips, so I rly wanna talk to you about something.

Sid said that she'd like to join me and Nazia for the Taiwan trip. Reality says that it should not be a problem. Sure. But I don't know why I still have you in my heart. Like I know you'd be hurt from it somehow. Sure, we may not have relationship ties anymore. But I don't want you to think that I'm trying to get together back with her or something. God no. I wish I could talk to you about it, but somehow I feel like you'll say something along the lines that, "My opinion doesn't matter anymore." But I wish you'd realise that it does... Like I really wish I can talk about this to you. Maybe you see something that I don't... I don't know. I wish you'll talk to right now.... So maybe I can talk it out to you...

[adollarforurthoughts]

Hi pips, it was a long day for me. I started out the day with having training. And I made sure I prepped well the night before. And I'm proud to say that I did! I could've done better but I'll practice more. We had about 40 participants.. so you can imagine how it was for me yikesss.

I went back home for lunch and rested. Catched up with Nazia at training and planned our itinerary for the upcoming trip. Ended about 4pm and went back home. I ate epok2 sardine and I let the food digest again before going out for a run in the evening. I ran my first 10km! After so long. I did it! Still hate running but I guess the fun part about running alone is if you hate it, you can always walk and that's what I did. I listened to my body. Did it in like 1.5hours hahahah. Good attempt I guess?

I found myself checking my phone alot.. Hoping just hoping you'll text. I know I shouldn't have expectations but this is on me so I'll manage them accordingly... Talking to you.. Makes me feel better I guess. I went home and sat in my room. Found myself crying for idk what reason. Maybe lola lmao. Bat called me later and I just listened. Cause I know that she needs someone to listen. That too I'm working on especially when it was a problem in our relationship.

I guess you're working really hard. Part of me really wants to know what's going on and genuinely wanna know what you're feeling cause I know work hasn't been going well for you. I hope that perhaps even if you don't talk to me about it, you have other people you're talking to about it... The last thing I'd want for you is for you to be burnt out. I'd prolly ride over right now if you dropped me a text saying that you need me. But that's just my.. Imagination.

Rest well pips, I hope you are. Missing you.

Always 💕

[adollarforurthoughts]

You miss me? Always

[adollarforurthoughts]

Come back. Not because I deserve it. But because I never learned how to breathe without the sound of your heartbeat near mine.

[adollarforurthoughts]

Pipu, it's the start of a new week. How was your day? I guess you went to office. You told me you went for a massage, I hope your neck gets better. I need to go for a massage soon too.

I went for a run today. As promised. I ran to Ibu's house to sign Naufal's card for NS. You know the ones they give from family when they go outfield or something. Ibu came back from the hospital apparently. She went for A&E and got diagnosed with deep vein thrombosis. That explains why she hasn't been walking well... I do hope she gets better. I don't know why I can't seem to stay long in that house. I know ibu is sad I couldn't stay longer but when I literally stepped into it, I just wanted to get out... I'll try to be better next time..

I realised it's about 5km from my place to Ibu's and back. I remember there was a short cut so I took it. Then I walked on the treadmill in the gym for another 3km so I clocked a total of 8km! So proud of myself. I think for this month, I wanna push myself to run everyday. I know I hate running so I'm forcing myself to do it cause I know it's good for me. Let's see if I can do it hehe.

Anw tomorrow I'll be at HQ to conduct training. Hahaha I seem to be nervous now but Insha'Allah it'll go well. Then I plan to go UOB to settle my card if there's time cause I didn't managed to the other time zzz. My hairfall is getting alot. Idk if its should get it checked. It's like clumps now... I'm actually sad pips.

I miss you and amby and your family.. Seeing you seding me pics/videos of them... Ahh i just want to hug that floofball. And prolly sneak a hug from you. Take my pain away please. But it's okay, I'll pretend that my pillow is you. Maybe that'll make me feel better... I love you pips.

Always.

[adollarforurthoughts]

“The hardest thing I’ve ever done is walk away still madly in love with you.”

— Unknown

[adollarforurthoughts]

"Thank you for giving me a feeling that I have never felt before."

[adollarforurthoughts]

I can feel you everywhere.

[adollarforurthoughts]

Hey pips, I woke up early today. Was hoping I could wake up at 12pm but look at me all awake at 8am...

Yesterday was nice. I made a bag! It rly looks unique though I'm not sure when I'm gna use it! Then I met the team at Seoul Garden for dinner. I ate so much beef!!! The buffet was rly worth it and I think you'd like it. There's wagyu meat and all! Hezan got a cake to celebrate Sid's birthday. Zee shared w us her gender of her baby and she's due in Sept. But her tummy is so big omg. Alhamdulillah happy for her! Yati said she's getting married in August and we're the first ones she's inviting. She kept thanking me cause apparently I "sumpah" her. She literally used that word hahaha! Cause 2 years ago, during our A4 night, I was the emcee and she won a Staycay. I said that she can go to the staycay with her bf/future husband. And she literally met her future husband 3 days later. I'd like to think it's more of a doa cause I know that she's a good person who deserves someone.

Then we went to Karaoke. Zee had to go off cause she had a birthday party event. It's been so long since I went karaoke that I had a hard time figuring out the system??? Lol. We ended the night around 1130pm and I got straight to bed. I slept and had a dream/nightmare? I dreamt you went in the house, gave me a hug then you just ran away? I woke up and checked the time and it was about 3am. I was so confused. Why you run la. Don't run la. Come back :(

Anw I'll prolly spend today being at home. Going to the gym too. I weighed myself and I'm finally at my pre-holiday trip. But I think cause I'm having Lola now, it'll prolly fluctuate abit. I hear you have a wedding w the fam. Have fun pips though I hope you get a good rest when you're back before the week starts again.

Missing you. Always 💕

[adollarforurthoughts]

I woke up early today. Recently I kept having dried up tear lines. But I don't remember crying before I sleep. Lola came pips. I knew it. I was not being extra emochanel for nothing. That being said, I feel weak... Like I can't go out of bed cause my body really feels heavy for some reason and when I walk, my feet hurts.

I hope you got home safe yesterday. Did you take alot of rides? I wonder which picture you chose in the end. How are you feeling. I have so many things to ask you but I know.. I know I have to limit myself. Have some self control naz...

[adollarforurthoughts]

They asked for a drop, and I gave them the ocean. That’s my curse — loving too much, too easily.

[adollarforurthoughts]

I hope, with every bone in my body, that it'll be us in the end.