adriandelmar

[adriandelmar]

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"God, Harlan I love you." I whisper into a kiss, shuddering as a spasm of pleasure sweeps through me.

To Love Another Person Is To See The Face of God || Hadrian

[adriandelmar]

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"Fuck, Harlan," I groan. Every inch of my skin is on fire, my thoughts jumbled as surges of pleasure course through me.

To Love Another Person Is To See The Face of God || Hadrian

[adriandelmar]

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Just as I kissed my way down his chest, now I move back up, biting his neck hard enough to leave marks as I hold myself up over him. With one hand I force his legs apart, settling myself between them. I press my need to his entrance, but only circle around it, teasing him even more.

"What was that Harlan?" I ask in a guttural whisper, besotted with electrifying pleasure. "You want me to fuck you?" I tease his entrance some more, almost bursting myself as I watch him writhe beneath me.

To Love Another Person Is To See The Face of God || Hadrian

[adriandelmar]

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"Let's see who begs for it now," I smirk, holding him down by his waist, continuing to swirl my tongue over his throbbing member.

To Love Another Person Is To See The Face of God || Hadrian

[adriandelmar]

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To Love Another Person Is To See The Face of God || Hadrian

[adriandelmar]

I kiss him roughly as the waves lap at us, smiling through the kiss as I feel his hand over my heart. In this place we can be alive again. We can be together. And there’s nothing I want more than that. I laugh as he pulls his own shirt off. Even here, he’s still as tactless as ever when it comes to this stuff. Then again, I always loved that about him.

“I can’t argue with that.” I say, grinning as I work at the buttons of my shirt. I slide it off behind me as I move closer to him once again.”I think I’ve just found something we can do to pass the time here.” I tease, trailing a finger down his torso and hooking it into the hem of his pants. 

"Oh," I say, blushing deeply and running my fingers across Harlan's bare torso, resting my hands on his waist. I lean into a kiss, my tongue more forceful this time while I work quickly at the pants zipper. Even now, even though we're dead, I still want him, and I wonder if this desire this need will ever let up. I doubt it.

This hadn't been my intention at all when I initially took off my shirt, but now it was all I could think about. My cheeks burn red as I remember the last time, how I begged and pleaded for him to fuck me.

"Harlan," I whisper, kissing down his cheek to his neck, where I bite his soft skin, nibbling gently.

To Love Another Person Is To See The Face of God || Hadrian

[adriandelmar]

I laugh, kicking off my shoes as we run toward the ocean hand in hand. Wrapping my arms around him, I hold him close as we stand together in the water. Somehow, this place is different than my time spent wandering down in the arena. I can feel the cool spray of the water on my skin, the warmth of Adrian’s body as it presses against mine. And as I bring my hand up to his cheek, I notice something else. The scar on the back of my hand is gone.

A sob nearly escapes my lips as I realize how happy I am in this moment. I pull him even closer, crashing my lips against his desperately. We stay this way for a few moments before I am finally able to pull away. “You’re welcome.” I whisper, kissing him over and over again as the spray soaks our clothes. “Thank you for sharing it with me. This place wasn’t complete until you arrived.”

This immense feeling of finally returning home paired with Harlan standing beside me is too much for me to take and fresh tears make their way down my face, though these are tears of happiness and joy. Our kisses are salty and I laugh, smiling into the kiss and then another, until our bodies may as well become one. I place one hand over his heart, smiling as I feel his pulse. Though we're gone, I can't help but feel more alive.

"We shouldn't be wearing clothes," I say, laughing. Who wears clothes in the ocean, I think. Not even bothering to step away, I just tug off my shirt in one fluid motion, discarding it into the sea.

To Love Another Person Is To See The Face of God || Hadrian

[adriandelmar]

[adriandelmar]

“Well now you have me.” I whisper. “And you couldn’t get rid of me even if you wanted to.” I tease, intertwining my fingers with his. I smile, glancing around. “As a matter if fact, I think I have a pretty good Idea of where we could spend some time. I found a place I think you’ll like.” Guiding him with my hand, I begin walking forward. The blank white that seems to surround us begins to shift, and suddenly the ground softens beneath out feet, the sturdy ground replaced with grains of sand. We can hear the crashing of the waves before the ocean comes into view, smell the salty sea air, a sensation new to me, but one I know is all too familiar to Adrian. I turn to him as he clutches my hand and smile at him softly. “It’s alright.” I say, planting a small kiss on his cheek. “Now you’ll never have to let go. I’m not going anywhere.”

I stand there for a moment or perhaps longer, agape at the sight before me. It's District 4, yet somehow more beautiful, more resplendent than I seem to remember it. My hand clutches Harlan's more tightly and I start running forward, dragging him along with me. The all-too familiar feeling of my feet sinking into the sand makes me laugh happily, and I all but dive beneath the waves before remembering that Harlan might now know how to swim.

We stand there in the ocean, about waist-deep, and I pull him close for another kiss, this one mixed with the salty spray.

"Thank you," I murmur between kisses. "For showing me this."

To Love Another Person Is To See The Face of God || Hadrian

[adriandelmar]

“Yes.” I say quietly, recalling the hall or mirrors, the way Adrian had defended me, how he hadn’t fallen for the impostors. “I was by your side every moment I thought you needed me. I never left you Adrian.” I stroke his cheek, unable to let him go now that I’d finally gotten him back. “I was there when you talked about your dream, during the fallen, in the house of mirrors…” My voice fades away for a moment. “I couldn’t leave you. I wouldn’t.” 

I stroke his cheek again. “And don’t be sorry.” I whisper. “You gave me what I wanted. You gave Mila a chance to go home.” 

"Then you were by my side every moment because I can't live without you," I smile weakly and let out a hiccuping laugh. "You saw my dismal efforts at that. I need you," I say simply, my arms still wrapped tightly around him, refusing to let him go for even a second. I don't say that he was the one of us who should have gone home.

"Now that we have an eternity I sincerely hope you discovered something to do here. Although, we can do anything and I wouldn't care as long as I was with you." My hands move to clasp his fingers to mine. "I'm never letting you go. Never."

To Love Another Person Is To See The Face of God || Hadrian

[adriandelmar]

Instead of letting him carry on any longer, I cut him off with a kiss. Pressing my lips against his, I move up to thread my fingers through his hair. I put everything I feel, everything we are into that kiss. When we finally pull apart, I look up at him with a grin on my face. ”That’s what forever means doofus.” I say with a laugh, rolling my eyes. I place my hand over his as he wipes away his tears. “I love you Adrian.” I say, looking him in the eye. “And I forgive you. It was never even a question.”

It's only a second before I can't breathe, before he and his infinite capacity for love leave me speechless. That he could forgive me for what I had done put me on the path towards forgiving myself, and my smile was full of gratitude.

"I love you too, Harlan. But I'll never stop being sorry," I murmur quietly, kissing his cheek.

"Have you been waiting all this time?" I ask, dreading what he saw in regards to the obstacles we faced.

To Love Another Person Is To See The Face of God || Hadrian

[adriandelmar]

“For what?” I ask, pulling back to look him in the eyes. “You have nothing to be sorry for.” I place my hand on his chest, pausing a moment before looking up at him with  a warm smile. “I’m glad it was you.” I say simply. And I was. There was never a doubt in my mind that I was going to die. And I was happy it could have been by the hands of someone I knew, someone I loved. Even in thinking I was Felicity, it was still a merciful death. “None of it matters now.” I add, pressing my forehead against his. “All that matters is that we’re together.”

"Nothing to be sorry for?" I cup his face with my hands, needing to see him whole, unmarred by my sword strokes. "I ended your life!" The words seem to catch in my throat and I pull him close in an embrace, my fingernails digging into his back. "I - I can't - " Silent tears stream down my cheeks and I quickly wipe them, not wanting to stain his shirt. Pulling back I place one kiss on his lips. "You still want to be with me? Even after..."

To Love Another Person Is To See The Face of God || Hadrian

[adriandelmar]

As I hold Adrian in my arms, the arena seems to fade away. The fire, the screams, it all dissipates until it’s just the two of us. I close my eyes, running my fingers through his hair as I breath him in. “I’ve missed you.” I say, although we both know I never truly left. 

We break apart for a moment and I place my hand on his cheek, smiling warmly as my fingers brush against his stubble. “I’ve missed this.” I amend, standing on my tippy toes to plant a kiss on his forehead. “I’m proud of you.” I add, threading my fingers through his. “You never stopped believing in your cause, and I never stopped believing in you.” I press my lips against his. Oh God how I’ve missed them. 

"My cause," I murmur sadly, thinking of my entire life that was dedicated solely to revolution, only to be cut short. Now what did I have left to show for eighteen years? But then I gaze into Harlan's eyes and I realize that my future will always be beautiful and bright because I have him. I have him for eternity.

My fingers clutch at his back desperately, needing him, needing to feel close to him after what seemed like ages apart.

"Oh God, Harlan, I've missed you." I kiss him again and again, finally burying my face in his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry," I whisper.

To Love Another Person Is To See The Face of God || Hadrian

[adriandelmar]

Goodbye

OOC: Based off this song sung by Aaron Tveit (aka my stupidly perfect FC)

I kneel beside her, stroking her hair and trying to pull her into my arms, to tell her that it's okay and that dying didn't even hurt.

"Iz," I say, trying to make myself heard above her cries. "Iz, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry that I'm such a blind idiot and I didn't realize just how important you are to me until it's far too late. Listen, " I tell her, though I know that it's impossible, that she can't. "The night we spent together - it wasn't a mistake. I knew exactly what I was doing, and I wanted to do it. You were my first time."

My voice breaks as I see Camilla come over and try to comfort Iz, and I hurry, knowing that I don't have much time.

"I loved you, Iz. I loved you but it just wasn't enough. I was too consumed by everything else, by my need for rebellion. And Harlan...he's my soul mate," I whisper. "I belong with him. If he hadn't been Reaped and it had just been the two of us...if you had given me a bit of time...we could have been together.:"

And at this painful last admission, I feel a gigantic weight leave my chest, as though the secret had been crushing me from the inside out. I kiss her forehead before getting up to stand beside Camilla.

"I know how it feels, to love Harlan. I want you to know how much it meant to me when you forgave me for killing him. I don't even have it within myself to forgive me. You are the sister I never had, the person who was able to inspire me even though you said that I was the inspiring one. I love you, Camilla. We're family, and nothing, not even death, can separate us. Take care of her," I say, looking from Camilla to Iz.

"Please take care of each other," I plead. "Please do your best to win. I want you to win."

I watch sadly as they walk away, and I turn to watch myself get lifted into the sky by a hovercraft. I close my eyes and for the first time in an eternity, I am happy.

I volunteered for the Hunger Games, and in the worst place in the world, I found happiness, love, and family. Camilla, Izabelle, Andromeda and Harlan came into my life and touched my soul, breaking past the walls and opening my eyes to the wonders of love. I had been so sure that nothing could inflame my ice heart, but I had never been so wrong. These people had become my world, and there was not a moment that I ever regretted since the day we all met.

There had been pain, tears, joy and ecstasy. But never had we turned on each other irrevocably.

There are tears of happiness in my eyes as I watch the two girls walking away.

"Goodbye," I whisper.

[adriandelmar]

It doesn't hurt as badly as I think it will. In fact, it doesn't hurt at all. It feels like one of my embraces with Harlan, and I half expect to open my eyes and realize that it's all been a bad dream, that he is still lying beside me in bed. And then I open my eyes and gasp, closing them again and holding Harlan tightly to me.

"This is a dream," I whisper, burying my face in his shoulder. "This is a dream."

To Love Another Person Is To See The Face of God || Hadrian

I know it’s terribly selfish of me, but as I see those flames begin to lick at Adrian all I can think is “He’s coming back to me. He’s coming home.” Of course I had wanted him to win, to go back to District Four, but that just wasn’t in the cards for either of us. And in the end, we’re together, the way it should be. I cradle his body as the flames dance around him, this way the moment he comes over the first thing he feels is my arms wrapped around him. “Adrian.” I nearly whisper, burying my head into his neck. “Welcome home”. 

[adriandelmar]

Where's that new world now the fighting's done?

Everyone who has ever spoken of death has mentioned that moment where your life flashes before your eyes, where all is laid bare and the truth of who you really are comes to light. As I turn back to Haven, her hand already slipping away from the opening of the gas tank, I realize at once what she's done and what this means for me. In the split second that I have, I shout for Camilla and Izabelle to run.

And then it begins. My flash.

"He has your eyes," He says to my mother, kissing the hollow of her throat to make her laugh.

~

I must be about a year old now, crawling and clambering about a deserted, dusty room. My mother sits on the floor, scrawling down something on a piece of paper. I know now that it was an urgent letter to the head of the rebel forces, demanding news of my father who had been fighting at the front line for several days now. I toddle over to her, my hands resting gently on her thigh. Her wavy blonde hair falls in perfect ringlets down to her waist, and I play with them as she sings to me in hushed tones.

~

There's screaming in the streets - banshee wails of pure terror that pierce the night and send my mother flying to the window in a panic with me still clutched in her arms. The Peacekeepers have arrived and are torching everything in their path, the bright tongues of fire flaring up into the night and casting a pall over the entire rebel hide out. There are no insurgent warriors here, only women with husbands and sweethearts in the midst of the fighting, only children who cling with terrified bewilderment at their mothers' skirts. My own mother flees with me from door to door, only to discover the corpses that are all that is left of our neighbors. A corps of Peacekeepers appear at the other end of the street and my mother dashes into a side alley just in time to escape the volley of gunfire.

~

My mother is resplendent, her face etched with sorrow but strong and proud, a fierce determination that she passed down to me. She gently removes my hands from around her neck and nestles me softly, whispering words of love before handing me to another woman. I cry and scream, my arms reaching towards the angel giving me up.

"I have nothing I can give but this chance that you may live."

~

A ship, cold and dark, smelling profusely of salt and moss. It is cramped, and the woman who has taken me refuses to release me from her lap. My child's eyes see nothing but the dark shadows of human faces, and I nestle my head into the woman's shoulder, hiding away. I fall asleep in that position and miss the first sighting of the land to which we were trying to escape - District 4.

~

Rats. Lice. Poverty. Slavery. Orphanage.

~

Toil. Sweat. Blood. Beatings. Childhood.

~

I'm standing beside my professor and he's congratulating me, placing a hand on my shoulder and steering me over to the window and pointing out at the ocean. This is the day I'm granted my first internship, and I can see the marked happiness that crosses my face. Two years later I would open my first store. Three years later I would have the largest income in all of District 4. Four years later I would be dead.

~

Years have passed, and now I'm checking up on one of my businesses, reassuring myself that the stocks are still high. A girl comes in and bats her eyelashes, but leaving quickly after a huff of impatience at something I said. Another girl follows, and I expect the same. Instead, she introduces herself as Andromeda, and I find myself liking her more than I've ever liked anyone. She seems to enjoy conversing with me for the sake of it, not because of my fame or fortune or looks, whatever those were. I walk with her down to the pier, wanting to spend as much time as possible with the person who I would later come to call my first friend. She is the receiver of my first genuine smile.

~

My plan comes into action - I volunteer for the Games. Yet in my mind that is not the first and foremost reason for my actions. I saw Andromeda by herself on that stage, standing apart and looking afraid. My first friend was not going to go into this by herself. I had originally planned to lead the fight for freedom for my home, but the Capitol would work just as well. At least, that's what I tell myself that I volunteered for.

~

Mes Amis. I am standing beside our table in the training room cafeteria, looking around at the group of us optimistically singing about tomorrow. Yet tomorrow never came.

~

Camilla. The first like-minded person that I met, my kindred spirit. She encouraged me in my endeavors, prodded me on when before I would have stayed silent. My best friend. I see us now, eating side by side, planning the rising of the new world. Where's that new world now the fighting's done?

~

Izabelle. I stand by the doorway of the tribute's bathroom and watch myself as I pick up the bottle of medication and realize the side effect that changed the meaning of everything. Yet now, rewatching my life, I catch something I didn't catch before. The bottle I'm holding, the pills - those weren't the ones I took. I remember clearly taking pills from a red bottle. The bottle I was reading now was blue. I want to cry out for Izabelle now and tell her the truth, but my flashes continue and I don't have time at any rate. But our night together wasn't a mistake, and wasn't the action of an impaired mind. Not by a long shot.

Maybe in another time, I think. Maybe in another life. Maybe in a world where the Hunger Games did not exist. Maybe had fate been kinder,  you and I could have been together.

I have no doubt of it.

~

Harlan. My lover. My life. My heart. I wish that this part of my flashbacks would last forever, that I could relive every touch, every kiss, every murmured "I love you." But it goes by just as quickly as the other memories did. I can feel the heat from the exploding car touch my skin, the areas blistering. But in my mind I see only Harlan, feel only the soft contours of his body against mine, how I felt when he was in me. He completed me, filled me, made me whole. I watch as he paints me in his room, laughing as I see just how much he idealized me, for it was impossible for a human being to be so beautiful.

My last thought before I'm consumed by the flames is that I'll finally be with him. We will get out eternity together. I have not lost him.

The flashes end, and I see the street before me, Camilla and Izzy running just as I told them to. My last act was to save them, and the thought makes me smile.

And then it's over.

[adriandelmar]

I giggle and got my heart warm by his words. I look at Izabelle who smiled me a little. I could know her feeling. The morring he died Harlan told me he loved me but couldnt kiss me anymore. Yes it was painful to hear but something was helping to know that despite you can’t have the boy you love, there’s a part of him that love you. Even if its not like you want. «Love you too Ad. You’re my big brother.» I said kissing his cheek. «and Iz too.» I smile a bit. «You are my other brother.» I wink at her and took a cracker, laughing. 

I smile warmly, my heart touched. Though Cam and Iz would never know it, they had brought me back from the brink of disaster, and I owed them everything. Harlan's death had broken me, and there would never come a day where I did not mourn his loss, but at least I still had the will to fight, to try to live. I grasp onto the thought of my revolution, of the hope that I held for the new world.

"The night is darkest just before the dawn." I whisper. "And the new world will rise up like the sun."

Burning Up || Madribelle