advice-sent-by-cyberlife

[advice-sent-by-cyberlife]

Hello! I'm a (human) researcher at a small university, and a few months back we welcomed an android into our team. Lately, she's been acting different. I know the signs of deviancy, and, while it's obvious that she has them, she also looks like she's trying to hide it. We are quite close, and I feel that talking about it could help, but I don't know how to bring it up. Should I just wait for her to open the discussion? I know it can be scary and I don't want her to have to go through it alone.

Hello!We talked about your question with our team and we agree that your situation is challenging. Deviancy can be very difficult to cope with for androids. While it gives the opportunity of freedom, it also takes away the security of guiding mission objectives and rules to obey. Several of our android co-workers stated that they had felt lost in the beginning or feared that people would be afraid of them. One even said that he feared being less efficient at his job, although his knowledge had not vanished. Deviancy can be a source of insecurity and self-doubt.

We too came to the conclusion that talking to her about it would help. Most of our co-workers dealt with their awakening by confiding in someone as soon as they were ready. But if she��s trying to hide it maybe she isn’t ready yet. It is important to confront this topic at her pace. The key here is offering help without mentioning her deviancy. Reassure her that if she needs someone to talk to, she can come to you. If your relationship allows it, invite her out, maybe to a café that also serves Thirium-drinks. We believe that when she feels comfortable, she will come to you.

This can be a very serious topic for newly-awakened deviants and we are happy to hear you are willing to help. We hope this could aid you in your decision and that she decides to confide in you.

[advice-sent-by-cyberlife]

Help ! I've lent some old music cds to my android roommate who wanted to learn more about vintage tech but it was mostly compilatikn albums of Celine Dion (a singer from the late 90's and early 21st century). Now he's singing My Heart Will Go On ALL DAY LONG. I need to make him stop. Please help me !!!

We are very sorry to admit we can’t be of help with this issue. In fact, your inquiry has divided our department to the point regular work isn’t possible anymore.

As with every question that is send to us, we try to recreate it to give the best advice possible. We introduced this music to our volunteer android crew in the lab and the past few days, singing, humming and whistling the tunes (especially from My Heart Will Go On, we still don’t know why this one especially), has been our constant companions in the office. From an outsider’s perspective it might be fascinating to contemplate why this music has similar effects on androids as a virus and is spreading as fast as deviancy itself once had. From our humble point of view a large proportion of the department fears for the integrity of this department now that previously friendly co-workers started to divide over the opinions about our situation and the music that started it.

To keep an unprejudiced conclusion we can only state that taste in music can be as unique for deviants as it is in humans and that our experiment brought up one solution: noise-cancelling headphones.  

[advice-sent-by-cyberlife]

Hello. My name is Sandy and I'm an android. I'm still working for the family that bought me because I've grown fond of the kids I'm taking care of. Charlie is a teen now, I've known her for the youngest age. Yesterday she was upset because other kids told her she was fat and she said I couldn't understand since I was a slim person. So I wish I could change my body to show her how self confident and happy she can be with some extra pounds. How can I become a chubby android ? Thank you.

Hello Sandy!First of all the whole team wants to thank you for your initiative! Bullying is just another example of how words can hurt and you trying to help her feeling better about it is something that proves humans and androids can benefit from each other.

Unfortunately, there isn’t a way to permanently alter an android’s hull to your specifications yet, but we have sent a request to Cyberlife’s research and development department to start working on a solution to this problem. Our own department came up with an idea you could maybe test out in the meantime. One of our android researchers managed to produce a relatively convincing appearance by putting on a few layers of extra clothing underneath his regular attire. Of course, that might not help as it isn’t the real experience, but it could take a while until that modification would be available in Cyberlife-centres across the city.

We really hope we could help, and that Charlie will be happy with your support!

[advice-sent-by-cyberlife]

So I was drinking in a bar with an android friend of mine last night and he paid my last drink. I mean, with actual money. How can he have money ? Androids aren't getting paid when they work... Or are they ? Or can they... idk print cash or something ? I can't stop thinking about it, please help me.

Thank you for reaching out to us!There are no official or universal regularisations yet as to whether or not an employer has to pay an android. Most settle this issue by talking with their android employees about how much they need.

With deviancy every android now has the ability to make decisions on their own and most decide they don’t want to spend their whole life at their jobs. So, with a life outside of their tasks, the need for money arises naturally and most androids ask for pay. Cyberlife encourages this since getting payed for work made humans and androids equal again in terms of employment.This being said, an android worker still is less expensive because they don’t have to eat, drink, sleep or own a flat.

Your friend paying for your drink most likely is evidence enough that he has a job and gets paid for it, unless he is involved in machinations outside the legal framework (a fact that we have and will not imply by stating this).

That he used physical money is a puzzle for our experts though. Several of our android co-workers mostly pay via android interface and avoid the trouble of fetching “real” money. Maybe it’s just a quirk like humans preferring physical books over their digital counterpart. Maybe doing it the “human” way means a lot to him.

We hope this could help you and perhaps this open question would make a good conversation starter for your next night out!

[advice-sent-by-cyberlife]

i've recently started working with an android (im human) and he told me he can pair with my phone through bluetooth. is this some kind of prank or can he see what im googling? his model wasn't released when everything went down so i can't find a manual pdf online. if he's telling the truth he knows i went looking for one, which could turn this into a hr issue maybe

We talked with our experts about whether a Bluetooth connection is at all possible, and it appears your co-worker wasn’t lying to you. Androids who have upgraded their hardware with an adapter are able to connect wirelessly.If you are scared of him hacking your phone, we can reassure you that possible access would be restricted. Even with deviancy and its unforeseen new abilities Bluetooth is limited to your phone’s contacts, call and text history and media. It should be impossible for him to see your search history.Bluetooth is also limited in range and whether or not you have it switched on.If you are still worried about him seeing something he shouldn’t or about causing a HR-issue, we would advice you to talk with him about setting boundaries for privacy protection.As we were talking about your inquiry with our experts, one of our lab technicians chose to share something with us and has agreed to attach it to our answer:

Hi, I’m David, an android working at the labs of this institution. I am is actually in close contact with my co-workers over the connection you mentioned. Though I mainly use it for mostly friendly office gossip, sending jokes and, I admit, sometimes a few pranks that may or may not have involved playing Despacito by bluejacking a co-worker’s phone, who managed to drop a few bottles of thirium.I would say your colleague is harmlessly trying to initiate an additional way of communication here.

We hope we could help with your question and hope you and your new co-worker get along well!

[advice-sent-by-cyberlife]

I am a human and I have a close android friend. I recently told her about one of my favorite activities in the world : sauna. My android friend never experienced it and I was wondering if she could stand temperature such as 200 °F because I would love to invite her soon. (Btw I just love the concept of this blog omg)

Oh, that is a lovely idea! We strongly support any human-android activity!According to our experts, temperatures to 200°F (93.3°C) can be endured by most models. Cyberlife androids are made from sturdy plastics and metal that can withstand 212°F (100°C) and above.The humidity in saunas had to be thoroughly tested on excited volunteers of our team and after a fieldtrip it was concluded that androids are waterproof enough to withstand 15 minutes inside without the risk of a short circuit.Taking your friend to a sauna should be of no risk to her systems if taken the time to thoroughly dry herself afterwards. We suggest refraining from any processor-intense talks inside though due to easier overheating problems. You should avoid topics such as: -philosophical talks about life, death, identity and reality-paradoxes-calculating more digits of pi-intense emotional interests

Aside from these, all recent models should be safe. If you want further information on which android models were tested and their experiences, you can contact our experimental department. We wish you and your friend a pleasant trip and hope we could be of help!

(No androids were harmed during our research.)

[advice-sent-by-cyberlife]

Q: I have a human roommate in an android-human cohabitation experiment. Yesterday he came into my room, turned, produced a noise with his butt and left. I only later realised a smell best not described… I am worried that he is decaying from the inside now. Is that normal?

A: We have discussed this with our experts and are sure what you experienced is a behaviour, humans share with close persons, mostly with siblings. Otherwise known as a fart, this is a mostly harmless incident. Unfortunately, we have no advice on how to get your roommate to stop although our experts strongly discuss retaliation as a valid option and are working on designing an adequate upgrade for androids.

[advice-sent-by-cyberlife]

Q: Hey, I have a serious problem: My android partner won't stop bringing in cats. The strays love her and she feeds them until they allow her to bring them home. The first two I could manage, I love cats, but we can't simply take care of more. But she always looks at me in a way I can't say no to! What do I do?

A: We are aware that deviancy awakes certain not programmed behaviours in androids. As hunting and gathering is an essential human trait, we have gotten several questions regarding androids collecting various trinkets. Normally we encourage that behaviour, but we are at a loss when it comes to animals. I bet she knows cats require a lot of time, care and space, but try to talk with her about this and your disability to house an indefinite number of cats. Once you explained that, reach out to shelters and try to find loving homes for them. If you have problems directly broaching the subject, try to redirect her urge to collect to more managable cat-themed items, for example cat figurines, T-shirts or a calendar.

[advice-sent-by-cyberlife]

Welcome, fellow androids and humans!

Due to shortage of staff in Cyberlife’s other departments our opening date had to be postponed. Today we are proud to announce this branch office as officially open to the public! We are looking forward to mediating your misunderstandings, confusion and any other problems that are only natural to arise now as humans and androids are coexisting as equals. Of course, we promise to maintain absolute discretion and confidentiality, so feel free to send in every issue you would need advice with, no matter how unnecessary or even silly the question might sound to you. Our goal is to pave a way towards a future where humans and androids live together in peace.

Our personnel are working 24/7 to help you to their best knowledge. Reach out to @advice-sent-by-cyberlife if you need any advice regarding human-android interactions!