aersolis - Tumblr blog

[aersolis]

literally buck is always like. kicks dirt. nobody wants to hang out with me i'm replaceable. meanwhile eddie is going about his day being like wow. if only buck were here and we could hang out and talk. then this life would be worth living.

[aersolis]

I hope buck still had his twinky Peru tan when he put in for the navy seals

[aersolis]

when they made buck the guy who loveeeeessss doing those crazy rope rescues and rappelling and whatever and then they made eddie the guy who's always on the other end controlling and taking care of his line. did they think about whether i consented to that. No

[aersolis]

buddie are far too endgame shaped for me to believe they’d end up with anyone else. like you could write a fic where they have entirely different endgame partners than each other and i’d be like oh cool you’re setting up a buddie affair storyline i’m down. like my brain simply refuses to comprehend the possibility of them being endgame with anyone else. buddie or bust baby ! buddie or bust ! !

[aersolis]

The truly ridiculous thing is, Buck SAYS that he's not really a guest and Eddie is his best friend and sits on the dresser playing with a dinosaur as Eddie packs. But he still doesn't act like he has a natural right over Eddie. He doesn't make decisions that include Eddie casually. He doesn't demand that he be included in Eddie's decisions either.

Meanwhile Eddie is the opposite. He's not going around saying Buck is his best friend or giving any explanations for being in Buck's space ever. He's there and you can deal with that. He's gonna judge you openly no matter who you are if you're in Buck's business and Eddie's decided he doesn't like something. He makes decisions that include Buck predominantly with an ease of knowing Buck won't refuse. He does get angry about not having access to Buck or his decisions.

Buck uses his key to the Diaz home when he's called in for an emergency. Eddie uses his key to the loft when he wants to drag Buck from bed. The implications drive me nuts.

[aersolis]

even though i am a buck confesses first truther i thought about it for a minute and it's like, ok, my instinct is to say that eddie would not breathe a word of his feelings to buck because it's not worth the risk. and he'd repress them. but then i forget that buck is a bloodhound when it comes to eddie and if eddie knew, if eddie knew and didn't tell him and were feeling some amount of anguish over it, buck would notice. literally it would be like, eddie would hesitate before touching him. that's all it would take. and i think there is a possibility that if buck knocked on eddie's door and said what's wrong with you? and fluttered his little blonde eyelashes at eddie, perhaps eddie would cave and confess. reluctantly. it would be the worst confession ever. he'd grind it out: i'm just dealing with. something. and buck would be like something to do with me? and eddie would be like. URGRGRGGGHHHH clenches jaw head in hands misery leaking out of every pore. and buck would be like you can tell me anything. and eddie, recognizing that he is on the precipice of something that will destroy him, would be like. yep. thanks. i know. and buck would be like well ok. so tell me. and eddie would be like well basically i'm in love with you and i'm trying to make it stop. sorry. and buck would, realistically, lose his higher brain functions, but then once he got them back he would be like do you want to hear my elaborate fantasy about bearing your children

[aersolis]

i do think it's curious that some interpretations of buck ive read renders him toothless sunshine embodiment which is standard for the hot white guy treatment BUT it's sad to me bc. the most INTERESTING parts of buck often stem from his flaws. he's smart and curious about the world but also can be oblivious and dumb. he's incredibly reactive and jealous and insecure. he lugs around this huge weight of guilt/feeling of shortcoming and makes it other people's problem instead of dealing with it directly himself. the shit he pulled with taylor was straight up mean no matter how bad he felt about it. he literally HURTS eddie bc he can't process his jealous anger. he's very empathetic but he also loooooves to hold a grudge. he IS clingy and he IS obsessive and sometimes these traits can be cute and sometimes not so cute. but like and?? so?? for as much of a procedural cookie cutter show 911 is they do have the main cast pretty well fleshed out as people with strengths and weaknesses bc that's what makes a good character so why waste it

[aersolis]

[aersolis]

#I'm fine, i'm normal (i'm not)

[aersolis]

Relationships that have real king/lionheart energy, that whole “I have sworn myself wholly to you, I am your sword arm, I am your dog” to someone else’s “you are the one person in this world I can rely on, and I am both bolstered and burdened by your absolute faith in me” vibe, but it’s in circumstances that are like. so low stakes. Manager of a movie theater/the one usher who doesn’t smoke weed at work.

[aersolis]

Buck running to hug Bobby!!!

[aersolis]

9-1-1 (2018–) | 7.10 'ALL FALL DOWN'

[aersolis]

I am convinced Buck had NO CLUE.

[aersolis]

buddie: last first kiss

[aersolis]

Kind of obsessed with how Eddie's parents completely ignored Buck.

They didn't so much as say a word or even look at him. (The most we got was Buck handing Christopher's backpack to Eddie's father, who wouldn't look Buck in the eye. And Buck said thank you. Devastating.)

The narrative symbolism at work. Buck and Eddie representing two parts of a whole, all the parts of Eddie. Eddie, in that moment a scared, traumatized kid himself. Needing his parents to tell him he's good enough, he's ok, he deserves support and care. His own childhood trauma so raw and visible and bleeding out onto the floor.

Buck as a symbol of everything that is Eddie, the man. The adult who has built a life for himself, not the kid who will always be a fuck up to his parents. Buck symbolizing the good and wise and loving choices Eddie has made as a father. And of course the shameful thing underneath that Helena knows. (Because the mother always always always knows.) Eddie's queerness.

Buck — liberated, queer Buck — a co-parent, a partner, and a symbol of Eddie himself. Eddie, the man. All of him.

Buck touching Eddie only after they closed the door. Coming back together as a unit, only when they are alone. Christopher's parents, but without Christopher.

Buck's presence meant everything and Helena did not so much as look. Buck — wonderful, loving, kind, mature, queer Buck — the physical embodiment of everything about her son she refuses to acknowledge or even look at.

[aersolis]

No it's actually setting in now that we are going to go the whole summer with Eddie canonically apart from Chris. He's gonna go home to an empty house and he's gonna burn food with no one there to tease him and his calendar is gonna be fucking empty and when children are injured on calls he's gonna wake up in the night and go to Chris' room and he's not there and he's gonna think this was inevitable and that he tried for nothing. KILL ME NOW.

[aersolis]

i cant believe this is all over daddy kink of all things. not even piss kink or smthn cooler