aesthete-tic

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mistakes are so normal and human and inevitable and necessary and real. if i make one however please put me to death

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"All roads lead to you even those I took to forget you."

– Mahmoud Darwish

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girl who has given up 100,000,000,000 times

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The gaps between the sunlight haunts me with your absence .

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Finding someone who thinks you’re interesting enough to talk to you every day, whether they’re a friend or a lover, is one of the best feelings ever.

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*blogs from phone in front of my computer*

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Spring is here.

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choosing the correct love interest

if you don’t want to fumble your life by getting attached and pro-creating with the wrong man, here’s the 5 qualities you should look for in a man, aka how to dodge a bullet romantically,

 i will explain each one individually:

he likes you MORE than you like him

he’s well mannered but not TOO charismatic

he’s naturally generous and giving

he’s not flashy with his appearance/money

he’s attentive to your needs

———-

he likes you MORE than you like him

and no, this one is not negotiable,

there’s no such thing as “we love each other equally”, women by nature overdo, we over give, over-nurture, you know that cheesy quote about how you give women ingredients and they give you back a meal, you give her a seed and she returns it as a child, well it’s true! women  grow and amplify everything, and in relationships most women find themselves drained and tired because we give way more than we receive a simple look at your mother and your parents’ marriage will reveal this to you!

if you want real balance and equality, he HAS to like you more than you like him, he has to actively think of you as the prize, fear losing you, and put you on a pedestal, because in case you forgot, women are the closest thing we have to magic, we are creators of life, we decide who’s genes get to survive into the next decades, we raise the future, if he’s not actively impressed by your simple existence, he needs to go, you will not thrive in a relationship with a man who thinks of you as “convenient” or “nice to have”

he’s well mannered but not too charismatic

guess what, the guy who’s a charmer, who has swag and knows exactly the right thing to say and when to say it, has become that way by practicing his skills on many many women before, he’s a player and he’s spent enough time playing women that he knows the roadmap to your heart (panties), a man should be somewhat nervous/awkward around you because he likes you so much, if he’s flirting back and forth and it’s flowing sooo well and the convo is soooo smooth, you’ve got a little player on your hands, prepare for heartbreak !

he’s naturally generous and giving

everytime i see women asking for advice and tutorials on how to “get” their man to do something for them or how to “get” their man to give them money, i just shake my head

you can not “get” a man to do anything, you cannot manipulate men into providing, he either wants to do it or not

the men you have to convince are the wrong target to choose, you’ll spend so much mental energy coming up with ways to manipulate him or lie to him to get what you want

meanwhile other women are getting flowers on the regular, dinner dates every friday, weekly shopping money and automatic deposits no questions asked

this ties back to the first point, when he likes you more than you like him, he’ll naturally be giving and nurturing, he’ll be on his best behavior because he wants to keep you and you’re his dream girl, 

remember, taking care of our loved ones shouldn’t feel like a chore, if he’s making you feel like you asking for flowers, dates, attention, financial support is some sort of suffocating chore ==> he’s not the one !

he’s not flashy with his appearance/money

Mina Irfan explained it best, 

“if he’s “wearing” his money on him, he has nothing left to spend on you”

if he’s draped in designer, flashing his cars and possessions => he’s not the one

first of all, real money is quiet, and so many people are broke 

they might have the appearance of wealth but they don’t have actual wealth, they are several thousand dollars in debt, so the luxury car they drive and the luxury clothes they wear are all debilitating expenses

because all their money is spent on appearance, they have nothing left to invest, build, or take care of a family

men who are flashy are also in their feminine energy, because it is a woman’s instinct to who use her outer appearance to seduce, if a man is overly concerned with his wardrobe and hair and making it rain at the club, chances are he doesn’t know how to lead and needs a masculine/independent woman by his side

these are also the men who get resentful and view their girlfriend as a trophy to be showed off, and added to the collection of possessions, the moment you gain a little weight or aren’t feeling your best, you’ll see a different side of him because you’re ruining his “aesthetic”

he’s attentive to your needs

there is nothing worse than a clueless man

many men are selfish and only view you as a something to flex and show off to their male friends to gain more “social clout”

the moment you need them for something and they can’t instantly get a “reward” from you they leave you to fight off those demons alone

a man who’s not attentive looks like this:

walks in front of you and doesn’t care to slow down his pace to match yours when you’re wearing heels 

doesn’t care that you dressed up for them and won’t offer you their jacket if you’re wearing shorter clothes aka “i didn’t tell you to wear that” 🙄

never helps solve your problems, if you tell him your car broke down he’ll reply, “damn that sucks, just pray about it, anyways are we still facetiming tonight?”, instead of offering to uber you or help with the mechanic’s bill

these men are generally selfish lovers, and as long as they’re not getting something out of it, they don’t care to help you, and will turn a blind eye to your needs, they’ll pretend they don’t see what the issue is or complain about not being able to do anything or not being the one who started he issue 

Ladies stand firm in your standards and remember the choice of the man you share your life with will affect every aspect in your life

your physical health (stress, unpaid labor around the house etc)

your mental health (cheating, gaslighting, manipulation, loss of self esteem)

your finances (going 50/50, building him up for the next chick, him hiding money from you, etc)

[aesthete-tic]

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Going From a Fixed Mindset to a Growth Mindset

Lesson #1: growth is not linear. You will not improve drastically overnight. As I’ve stressed this before, things take time and consistency and concentration.

A fixed mindset is basically a belief that the person you’re born as - your intelligence and talent - are fixed. They cannot be changed, no matter what.

Science has shown that this is not true. It’s 100% possible to get smarter over time and with dedicated effort.

This is what a growth mindset is - believing that you can be better over time, and that your current level of intelligence and talent is temporary.

People with fixed mindsets are insecure, and it shows. Fear of failure; taking constructive criticism to heart; feelings of jealousy when someone they know is doing well… we’ve all known a person like this, and been this person ourselves at some point in our life.

Growth mindset is therefore the opposite but the effects are as grounding; it can help battling anxiety, depression, burnout issues, behavioural issues and so on.

I understand that a lot of you don’t have people in your life with a similar mentality of personal growth. I’m therefore reopening my Discord. My followers can meet, connect and help each other out.

Now, how does one transition from a fixed to a growth mindset?

Here are some things I think could help:

1. Detaching yourself from the definition of failure

If you’ve already decided the outcome of a certain situation without even trying, then you’re still stuck in a fixed mindset. Things like “there’s no point in me applying for that job because I don’t have the skills and I won’t get it anyway” - applying for that job wouldn’t hurt, even if you don’t get it. Stop limiting your opportunities that you never know could actually work out. A growth mindset person will always try to make most of the opportunities they have.

2. Not getting attached to any outcomes

Don’t get attached to favourable or unfavourable outcomes. When something goes well, have gratitude in your heart but don’t let it get to your ego. Life is about constantly learning. Don’t get attached to compliments and don’t get disheartened by criticism.

3. Actively working on yourself

You can learn a language at any age. You can start learning how to dance or sing or ride a horse at any age, if you’re doing it for the pleasure of learning (getting into competitive stages could be challenging if you’re not young). Someone who works on themselves has a growth mindset.

4. Stop self depreciating yourself

If I see one more IG bio that says “I’m so boring uwu” I will literally throw hands. Stop talking shit about yourself. Classic fixed mindset case. It’s childish and people pleasing behaviour.

5. Stop the comparison game

Stop resenting the people around for the good work they do in their life/ if their life is easy. We all have our challenges, whether we show them publicly or not. The more you work on your inner peace and inner self, the less you’ll feel the need to compare yourself to someone else. Jealousy is a disease and a sign of a fixed mindset.

6. Appreciate and thank yourself for being you.

If you’re nice to your mum, siblings, friends when they need your support… you can be nice to yourself too. Growth mindset does not come from berating yourself.

7. Recognise mistakes and take accountability

Admitting that you’re wrong is never easy. However, I’ll always have respect for someone who can admit that they messed up, rather than someone who will make up stories to justify their antics.

8. Provide yourself with at least 3 productive self-care hours a week

Self care here doesn’t mean skin care or hair care. I mean brain care. You feed your brain good things that it needs to stay calm and ever-growing.

These could include: brain games, mediation, a hobby, watching an educational documentary, doing a short online course, reading… anything that’s good for your brain.

9. Stop being a chameleon

Have you ever met those sort of people who will do anything to fit in? It could adopting that group’s mannerisms, thought processes, opinions… now, to an extent, that is normal and subtle. However, when it starts going too far to a point where you can’t be yourself anymore, thats a problem. In my opinion, that’s an example of not being able to practice your growth mindset publicly.

Privately, you may be growth oriented - but it needs to reflect in your words and actions. If you’re holding yourself back in doing certain things because you’re afraid of what other friends will think of you, you need better friends. Embrace people who have a growth mentality.

10. Using social media for better purposes

I made a separate Instagram account where I only follow educational stuff - think history, geography, arts and architecture, science, tech, business - and absolutely no people. It’s my way of using social media to ensure I learn more. Social media may be the devil, but you can be smart and alter it to your purposes, to give you that kick that you need to educate yourself.

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This is for you 💌💕

[aesthete-tic]

𝓢𝓾𝓷𝓼𝓮𝓽𝓼 𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝓹𝓻𝓸𝓸𝓯 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓮𝓷𝓭𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 𝓬𝓪𝓷 𝓪𝓵𝓼𝓸 𝓫𝓮 𝓫𝓮𝓪𝓾𝓽𝓲𝓯𝓾𝓵 . https://www.instagram.com/p/CkVjr6Svl-4/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

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گفته بودم چوبیایی غم دل با تو بگویم چه بگویم که غم از دل برود چون تو بیایی

I had said that when you arrive I will tell you all my heart's sorrows, but how can I say that now, for all sadness leaves my heart when you arrive.

– Saadi

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(ꈍ ᴗ ꈍ✿):  ♡ or reblog when you save it.

[aesthete-tic]

(ꈍ ᴗ ꈍ✿):  ♡ or reblog when you save it.

[aesthete-tic]

(ꈍ ᴗ ꈍ✿):  ♡ or reblog when you save it.

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(ꈍ ᴗ ꈍ✿):  ♡ or reblog when you save it.