aestheticallyshitposting

[aestheticallyshitposting]

Old dude came in the shop and when I said "lemme know if you have any questions" he goes "what was the name of Alexander the Great's horse," thinking he was so funny. I told him Bucephalus, and he was so disappointed. Like his whole day was hanging on beating me at trivia. He says "you're only the second person who knew that" and I said "well, probably the third if you count Alexander the Great." He left without buying anything, and did not say goodbye. I think I honestly hurt his weird little feelings! Sorry I'm a bitch, old man!

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let’s … let’s not take calling people ‘terfs’ because they don’t like the q slur or dislike aspects of the ace community in 2022, like please leave white limp-wrist shit in 2021, no more of this tomfoolery. it doesn’t benefit anyone, least of all the trans women too many people have accused of being ‘terfs’ for not fitting into tumblr’s mogai mess

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i am NOT fucking letting tiktok teens be nostalgic for fucking aeropostle, skinnybrow, mandatory hair straightening 2007-2010 fashion, we literally rock bottomed in every fucking regard in those years

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talks to a girl and is immediately hit with an 105 degree fever nausea chills etc has to lie in bed all day wiping sweat off my forehead with a silk handkerchief and writing about my illness in my diary like a malnourished victorian man

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something embarrassing but i know is also a humble brag is earlier i was showering with my wife and slipped slightly and tried to stop myself from falling by reaching out to her and ended up just grabbing both her tits with each hand. and it worked it was successful i suggest finded a big boob wife to shower with in case of this happening to you

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if i were a billionaire, i simply would not tweet. fuck, if i was rich and notable in any real sense, you'd never catch me on the bird app. people would be like "did you see that so-and-so tweeted—" and i'd be like "no, i was doing literally anything else." smdh rich people today are garbage.

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IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN QUEEN ELIZABETH

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SHE WAS SUPPOSE TO LIVE TO 100 YEARS

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Being 25+ is just [eats one unhealthy thing and immediately regrets it] [sits on knee wrong and immediately regrets it] [sleeps with the wrong pillow and immediately regrets it]

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you ever look at certain american christmas movies and wonder how, seemingly, not a single person during the whole production bothered to look up what a reindeer is? like is there a single piece of animated rudolph the red-nosed reindeer media where rudolph is depicted as a reindeer and not a white-tailed deer?

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So she just wanted to cause problems huh

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us government response to an imaginary illness supposedly being inflicted on US diplomats via magic sci fi brain hurting weapons (which literally are not known to exist in the ways necessary to generate the supposed effects) has been more consistent and invested than their response to the irl global pandemic

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The CDC every few months: Die at work for your boss’s eighth yacht, DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES die with your friends and loved ones not at work.

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laying an egg hard and loud

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Okay but I do feel like we already had enough stuff happening for one decade. No more historical events pls

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Sex before marriage is a sin. Unless you do it doggystyle, cause all dogs go to heaven.

Follow me for more biblical loopholes.