aestheticvoyage2022

[aestheticvoyage2022]

Aesthetic Voyage 2023

The voyage continues for Year 13 here:

https://aestheticvoyage2023.tumblr.com/

[aestheticvoyage2022]

December 2022

The festive December season provided a nice backdrop to the real work that was being done, building momentum for the new year and putting a positive close on this one.  Highlights of this month included all the time I got to spend with Grandpa Acton, successful Dad weekend on my own, and fixing up the old Piggy Platter for Havarti’s 15th birthday.   We created a lot of Christmas memories and continued to establish a little family tradition with plenty of time off for a full Christmas-vacation vibe.  And I needed that space to do the work on myself.  Plenty of time set aside for mindfulness and time in therapy, and reading up on Raising Good Humans.    And that work is paying off.  Its definitely paying off.

Christmas and New Years was special and easy, aside from the fact that it delayed two days thanks to some luv-ely delays.  But we rolled with it, no big deal.  The best thing was that we were all together, under the same roof, and that there is a lot of love.  All month long, there was a lot of love.   Great way to go into another chapter of this voyage.

Best Day: December 20 - Zoo Lights / Santa / Day Off

Best Quote: “People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don’t even recognize: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes of a child—our own two eyes. All is a miracle.” ― Thich Nhat Hanh

Best Song: Dalton Domino - Wannabe

Best 7 Photos:

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Day 365: Saturday December 31, 2022 - “New Year’s Eve”

I sipped some Chocolate Milk next to the fire and wrote my end of year letter to self.  The fireworks started loudly popping off all around us, waking William, who came out to see them. I cracked a New Year Brother T, kissed my wife, and put another log on the fire.  2022 is over.    Close that chapter.

I started the fresh year off with a nice cigar as I penned a nice long list of intentions for the year that included the intention of acing at least half of them this year and really focusing on this vision of 2023.  It was a quiet start to the year, just me on my own this go round.  About as grown up as it could possibly be.  I called in on a few friends including Luke and James and Ben. I had spoke to Cory earlier in the weekend to discuss words of the year.  It was good to talk to some old friends.  As the fire died down, I joined the family in bed, feeling pretty secure and confident this year, that I have what I need now to make the next go round pretty significant.  2023, what will you write?

Song: Josh Garrels - Train Song

Quote: “You need desire to be fully alive and you need vision to fulfill your desires.” ― Lewis Howes

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Day 364: Friday December 30, 2022 - “A Book For The New Year”

The book from one of my favorite podcasts seals the list of 2022 books just before the end of the year. But I purposefully wanted to go into the new year with my thoughts in the pages of The School of Greatness, as I start to stir ideas for intentions and goals and plans for the new year.  As much book #12 of 2022 as it is Book #1 of 2023...its the perfect new years book.

Song: Ocie Elliott - I Got You, Honey, I'll Be Around

Quote: As it turns out, this is one thing all great men and women of history have in common. Like oxygen to a fire, obstacles became fuel for the blaze that was their ambition. Nothing could stop them, they were (and continue to be) impossible to discourage or contain. Every impediment only served to make the inferno within them burn with greater ferocity.” ― Ryan Holiday, The Obstacle Is the Way

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Day 363: Thursday December 29, 2022 - “Marriage Counseling Project”

Like the first day of school we were excited to go meet our new teacher.  No ordinary school, we are now enrolled in a years long quest to see what we can learn and grow into through marriage counseling.  I put off setting goals until after this first session, wanting to get a feel for it first, and I am glad that I did.  What ended up on my goals for this project came straight from some of the actionable takeaways from the first hour.  And for a special reward, if we’re still in a happy mood after therapy, its right next door to Kon Tiki so we can drop in and enjoy a two-strawed drink, like we did today!

I appreciate my partner for entering in this project with me in hopes that we can do better and be better.  With her in mind, I set the following goals for myself and this project:

1. Take one actionable task away from each session.

2. Apologize and Validate instead of excuse and defend.

3. Equal talk time. Be quiet and listen. Don’t interrupt.

4. Engage in and keep all the activities, and notes from each session.

5. Commit to the full year. Dont Stop - Fight Dont flight.

Didnt expect the first “intake” session include tears, especially from me.  But hopefully this whole year is full of surprises and dissonance as we learn how to grow old together and support each other.  I couldn’t be more excited to learn this new language.  We snapped this picture sipping the scorpion with the idea that we’ll take another at the end of the year, and compare the two.   We bet we’ll look fitter, and healthier.  “And happier, I bet we’ll glow” I added.  Good to call all that positive intention forward as we go into this new next big powerful year.

Song: Zach Bryan - No Cure (Live)

Quote: “love is a vessel that contains both security and adventure, and commitment offers one of the great luxuries of life: time. Marriage is not the end of romance, it is the beginning. They know that they have years in which to deepen their connection, to experiment, to regress, and even to fail. They see their relationship as something alive and ongoing, not a fait accompli. It’s a story that they are writing together, one with many chapters, and neither partner knows how it will end. There’s always a place they haven’t gone yet, always something about the other still to be discovered.” ― Esther Perel

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Day 362: Wednesday December 28, 2022 - “Aunt Cheryl in Tucson!”

Aunt Cheryl can now say she’s been in Tucson Arizona after she came and spent the day here with us to love on our little boy. She spent an awful lot of time with me when I was William’s age, and it made me said that Uncle Ryan wasn’t along with her, like he always was back then.  Growing up it was always Cheryl and Ryan - and I thought about him a lot today.  When I was William’s age, Ryan was larger than life.  Always a big tree. It was great to spend some time with Cheryl, and have her see our life down here.  And we felt for her, and how exhausting and emotional life must be for her back home and how I wished we could be there for her more, but how being with her today, you wouldn’t have known anything of it.  Happy and cheerful and good to have here, even dropping little bits of useful advice.  And William, shy for a moment at first, leaned into that loving warmness Grandma energy reserved for a career teacher who loves kids; a good soul that loved his Daddy so much when he was a kid. Steady hands - always good to have the steady hands in your life.  Cheryl talked about being fit to live a good long time and I overheard that and immediately thought how great that will be that William will always have her in his life.

After treating them to some good Tucson lunch of take out fast food Mexican, we took them out for a drive around the loop at Saguaro National Park. It was a grey rainy day here in the desert, but as we got out to the back 40, the sun burned through some of the thick clouds on the mountain and gave us a late afternoon color show.  AC enjoyed pointing out all the different cacti and how the desert works, including a run at hugging a Saguaro, a must for every first-timer down here in Audrie’s old backyard.  Under that awesome sunset we visited the Cunningham homestead to see where Audrie grew up and say hello to Bill. Driving home, the mountains burned a dark hot pink I had never seen before.  Awe inspiring - now thats a Tucson sunset for you Cheryl!

Song:  Zach Bryan - Buried By The Bluff

Quote: “The thing about tears is that they can be as quiet as a cloud floating across the desert sky.” ― Benjamin Alire Sáenz

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Day 361: Tuesday December 27, 2022 - “Christmas Day at The Finca”

The best Christmas gift given to me this year, was the gift of sleep and I opened it, finally after 9am.  That first breath of Christmas Day was a deep one.  Slowly, this old man stretched out of bed, appreciative of being able to go my own pace and wondering how I got so damn lucky.  I walked out to whats been a pretty normal world of baby boy up in his high chair eating his noodles and mama just makin house.  Howd I get so damn lucky.

I prepped the good camera, and was sure to capture a postcard photo of Christmas Morning 2022, and we called the dogs in to include them and made sure William knew that today was special, and that Santa had come for him being such a good boy, and having such a great year, and let him stroll in on his own through the baby gate, into the great room, to find the special unwrapped toys that Santas presented so carefully the night before. And whats this? A special little surprise?!  A pair of Santa’s gloves left behind...and a note!  A note from Santa on the back of one of his gifts.  So awesome!  And already, Im dreaming about the magic of Christmas 2023 with a two year old.   William was so precious taking his sweet time with each gift.  No particular hurry - because why should he expect anything more?!  He got everything he needed in the first two minutes afterall, with a true blue little blue truck, and a stuffed Abby Kadabby doll.  The real special gift this year was a learning tower to help more safely unlock the air up there to help in the kitchen.  There were plenty of good learning toys, and fancy mind benders, and wonderful books.  So much great stuff to keep his attention for his growing brain on those long daddy weekends to come!  I was more excited than he was.   We slowly moved through the morning, and when it was time for nap, we all agreed to a halftime and it was then as I organized from the first half, and cleaned up the sweet mess, I thought about how much fun this was, and easy.  Howd I get so damn lucky?

After lunch we came back to the tree for some final big ticket items!  We facetimed in with my parents so that Papa and Grandma could connect with William and open presents with us.  I scored a bean bag chair for my office!  I enjoyed the gift of trying to spoil Audrie and making sure she was taken care of for all that she does for us and our family.  She affirmed me later for the thoughtful “self care” gifts, and I hadnt thought of it that way, but yea thats the Christmas spirit...  I love you, I support you, Im here for you.  Thats really the gift I was trying to give.  I want you to know that I know that Im pretty damn lucky.

We got the Christmas Ham in the oven - and it didnt matter how long it took or what dinner would look like - I was resolved to not stress about anything today.  I guess that Christmas Ham was already a couple days late anyway!   When the food was ready, we huddled around our patio table with Audrie’s parental units, then enjoyed sitting around all together enjoying Christmas all together.  The third round, and William still going strong. Precious, secure, happy, right through the end. Not over stimulated, not fussy, not needy or clingy.  Just a perfect little Christmas boy, loving and kissing his grandparents, fascinated by his thoughtful presents, and happy to have us all together, and functioning well.  I looked out at the mess in front of me and though “he’s pretty damn lucky”  - so much love.

Song: Taylor McCall - So Damn Lucky

Quote:  "Nothing ever seems too bad, too hard, or too sad when you've got a Christmas tree in the living room." ~Nora Roberts

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Day 360: Monday December 26, 2022 - “Christmas Eve at The Finca”

Mama made it home, in what we might consider a Christmas Miracle. After taking the afternoon to reset for both of us, we enjoyed steak dinner under a pretty Christmas eve sky, all together for the first time since Thursday night. Then after bath time, we huddled around our cozy Christmas tree for some Christmas Eve tradition taking.  Facetimed in with Papa and Grandma so they could open their gifts, then opened some gifts of our, the special 2022 Christmas Ornaments that included an Elmo ornament with William’s name on it, a little blue Truck from Grammee, and some family ones that took front and center on the tree for Santa’s big night.  Soon, William would be in bed, and Mr and Mrs Claus would be coming down the Christmas tree, to enjoy some holiday magic of their own!

Set up the Learning Tower that was my big gift to William this year, and it came with special white gloves that we said were “accidentally” left by Santa!  Souvenir for nostalgia!  Mama took the lead in presenting everything for William in just the way that she wanted, and I sat back and enjoyed the show, offering up feedback when requested.

The tree and room this year is very comfy and cozy; a sentiment amplified by all the work to get here, that included a summer of sleeping on this floor.  The year itself was ripe for anxiety, but here we are at the end of the year, enjoying just how great we’ve made our space.  Its finally all come together.  With William asleep, and on alert that Santa was coming tonight, Mama and Dada sat up and ate ice cream on the couch, grateful to be in the same place after a weekend of emotional burn...the fact that Audrie made it back seems like a Christmas miracle. She had to work almost as hard as Santa to get herself back here in time....and I appreciated her effort as I watched her pen a little note to William from Santa on the back of the latchboard she got him.  Very cool puzzle board gift.  She is a great mama, and I am happy to support her in going back to work, and all she does for us to make our family go, even when she herself is going.  The two day delay for Christmas Eve was really nothing in the grand scheme, and these moments had tonight were really special and memorable for us, all the more because of it.

Song: Elvis Presley - Santa Claus Is Back In Town

Quote: One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas Day. Don't clean it up too quickly. ~Andy Rooney

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Day 359: Sunday December 25, 2022 - “Holding Patterns”

It was easy to pretend like today wasn’t really Christmas, to keep a finger on the pause button for a couple more days, and manage the stress of not knowing where Audrie would end up.   Afterall, for William its just another day.  He doesn’t really know when this Santa fella is supposed to show up, and in fact, the longer we can put it off, the better!   At least we’ve got him semi-trained to leave the tree alone (note for next year, lay off bags with tissue paper), though his favorite perch has become to stand proudly at the very edge of the bench-seat and gaze upon the tree from that angle and feel like he is doing something mighty and dangerous.  Pure amazement when he reaches out and touches a light or a branch or an ornament.  Straight pride when he stands back upright having not fallen.   In the morning, I lit the fireplace, and we played in under the Christmas Tree, me enjoying the nostalgia of these quiet holiday moments here just the two of us on our own.  We danced out to Elvis, ate noodles together, and then enjoyed a nice afternoon nap. A new tradition? The Christmas Day nap?  Oh wouldnt that be nice.     We might not always open presents on Christmas Day, but to enjoy a nice two hour afternoon snuggle was better anyway.  He fell asleep looking up at me, and in his sleep would sometimes pat my chest the way I pat his to soothe him.

Audrie made it back west on a late flight to LAX where she crashed and made plans to get to us tomorrow.   We’ll have the mistletoe hung, and the presents under the tree hoping for her.  Both of us gladly waiting on Christmas, until Mrs Santa is ready.

Song: Monarchs - Come On and Move Me

Quote: It takes time to live. Like any work of art, life needs to be thought about. ~Albert Camus

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Day 358: Saturday December 24, 2022 - “Christmas Eve Fire”

I sat back and relaxed, thinking about the grandness of the scheme.  It was Christmas Eve again, and I stretched my legs in front of a fire like I did back on Rialto Beach 11 years ago.  Tis the season for Nostalgia.  I was blessed with a quiet reflective Christmas Eve this year, at least while William slept.  On my own, as Audrie is out fighting winter storms and holiday air-traffic somewhere between me and Milwaukee. I kept returning to the thought “I used to do Christmas Eve’s all the time!” And of course it got me thinking of that cold one in 2012 that sparked me to go “home.”  But how the year before that, you were really something out there.  And just like that, two separate reflections of a man twisted up in story.  About the one, on fire for life, set out in the dark for truly his first Christmas on his own, at 30.  Eating Chocolate covered cherries, reading about Living A Great Story to the waves - one of the best fires and nights and Christmas’ of my life.  And how that man, much too old to know it all anymore, couldn’t have imagined the life of the other; now smoking a cigar instead of slurping chocolate covered cherries, with Live A Great Story around his wrist, working oh so hard this winter to figure that out.  One in the cold ocean darkness, the other in the warm desert in his slippers and in his backyard.    One dreaming of a wide open road, the other incredibly grateful for how it all played out, wondering if this is as good as it gets.  I imagined these two reflections of my Christmas Eve selves sitting here around the same fire, and what would be shared....

From Present Day Dad Jake 2022 to Aesthetic Cowboy 2011 Jake:

“Yea, the logs here are store bought, but don’t worry - Im ok with that.  I earned it, I suppose. Dont need to go collect my own wood anymore, as unadventurous as that might sound to you...  I can always say that I did the things I wanted to do, thanks to you...and this is what I want to do now.  Turns out, being a Dad is the hardest job of my life, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything....not even to be sitting in your sand. I appreciate these responsibilities, especially on Christmas Eve.  Its different challenges, but Audrie was really on it when she said “life rewards all the time” - this juice was definitely worth the squeeze...

“whats that?   who is Audrie - ah you caught the pepper in my eye when I brought her up?  Yea, she will be your wife, partner, your captain.  The best thing that will ever happen for you.   Turns out, shes your “For What?” Just keep exploring and adventuring, and build your resume up, and don’t be afraid to break-out and go for it when the opportunities come around.  Its the only way you’ll have a shot with a woman like this.  Because of you, I have a shot at never having a lonely holiday ever again.  See, Im not really alone, like you, this Christmas Eve.  While she’s not here, I know she is out there.  I always felt you need faith for the same reason its so hard to find.  Just knowing every day I get the opportunity to choose her again, gives me the best and only adventure I’ll ever need.  To share a life, thats what its all about.  Alex taught you that right?  (By the way, you give your son Alexander as a middle name for just this exact reason.  Wink - I got you man).

“by the way, next year - you wont get a fire out there...and you’ll be frustrated.  You’ll throw your lighter into the ocean, just before you realize you’d need that to make dinner.   I suppose the anxiety in your bones was settling in, and it wasn’t a calm Christmas for you, and you really struggle with that not going as planned. You’ll be ok.  You’ll always be ok.  You just need to start telling your self that more.   There will be some bummers along the way but it all served a very important purpose; find the blessing in the bummer, and remember that as long as you have a drum in that sea-turtle heart, there is a chance to find what has been so desperately sought.  Yes, Im still looking for it, all this time later.  And thats ok.   Im more comfortable with that now, than ever. That bummer Christmas fire of 2012...its the reason you are where you are today.  Its a beautiful story. You’re a good character.  Give yourself some credit - you’ve earned it, I suppose.  Don’t know how it turns out, that story.  Still figuring out the ending.  I have some ideas and some experience.  I have everything I need, now.

From Aesthetic Cowboy 2011 Jake to Present Day Dad Jake 2022:

“Nice fire with your store bought logs... ;)  I cant imagine ever having a fire with store bought logs again now that I am figuring out this ‘life’.  But cheers to you, you do you, you look comfy in your slippers.  No way they are as comfortable as my ole oppossums here, remember these?  Might as well been made of gold - they unlocked a way of being and seeing to you, didnt they?!   Remember those days?  On Yellow Aster and Oyster Dome, and down in the Grand Canyon?  Neat that you settled in Arizona, of all the places - how the hell did that happen?!  And a mortgage?!  I thought we said we would NEVER do that? Must be a good story to tell in here somewhere...or you forgot about ALL of the Rules.   When we talked about your future being behind you, I really didn’t see Tucson in the cards.  That desert Red Rock must really be something.  

“Hey - did we ever write that book?   Aw man - “life got in the way” you say?   Wasn’t it always going to be all about life?  Tell me about that - lets get into it.   10 years from now - whats good?  Whats the meaning of life?  What are your intentions?  Do you still do those and pay attention?  What are your plans?  How are you crafting the life of your dreams?  Look at me - Im sitting here with a perfect driftwood fire in the salty air next to the Pacific Ocean - it can’t get any better right?  Please tell me Im not right.  No finish lines, remember.  So whats next, Daddio?   What will next year write? Ah - nevermind, no don’t tell me, show me instead!  This reflection of your self is hopeful.  Forgiving.  Calm and easier.   Do something with it.  Find your greatness.  Follow Through.  Get on fire for life, for you, for Audrie, and for your family.  Have a big year.  Cast a Vision.  You know the way.  That old cowboy spark - its still in you.  I mean just look how comfortable you are alone on Christmas Eve after all.  You’re closer to your best than you’ve been in a long while.  You can have both of these reflections.  We can share this same space.  Dad, Cowboy, Romantic Seeker, Curious, Responsible, Intentional.   How about you try to be all these things and see where that takes you next?   See what kind of story that writes for itself.  you earned it, I suppose!

Congruence.

Gratitude.

Upward Spiral.

I accept the invite.

I didn’t need to look up what was song of the day back then in 2011 -  I remembered it well.   About being in the belly of the whale and the adventure of having Mother Nature abruptly kick me out of her house on Christmas. There is some credit to be given to waking up cold in a tent on Christmas Morning.  It defies the nostalgic marketed comforts of Christmas we’re raised on and live by this time of year.  And the hope is that these excursions harden for times when you’ll only have your self to count on.  the first step you’ll take out of the belly of the whale, will be in the right direction.  Its really no different now as it was then.

Later in the night, William would wake with loud painful mad sad angry crying, as if somehow he did know that today was Christmas Eve and mama wasn’t here.  It took a lot of work to stay grounded and skillful.   At its height, as I was about to get really frustrated, I opened the spotify on the phone and quickly just played the last song I had searched for “Scott Orr - In The Belly of The Whale” - as it came on, his wailing turned into little wimpers, then to little breathing cries, before deep sleep breathing....before the song was over.  “I dont mean to be good, I just mean to be whole” - in the belly of the whale. I kissed his cheek and whispered “Merry Christmas” in his ear and told him his mama and dada love him.  I give it all to you.

Song: Teddy Swims - Please Come Home For Christmas

Quote:  “Matter and thought are a canvas in which God paints, a painting with tragedy and delivery, with sin and redemption. Life is a dance toward God, I begin to think.  And the dance is not so graceful as we might want. While we glide and swing our practiced sway, God crowds our feet, bumps our toes, and scuffs our shoes. So we learn to dance with the One who made us. And it is a difficult dance to learn, because its steps are foreign. I began to think of my time in these terms, as learning to dance in a new way.  The first few lessons had me feeling clunky and awkward.  But soon they will give way to a kind of graceful sway and I will feel completely content as though there was nothing in life that I was missing out on.  And I think to myself, There is nothing that I am missing. I have everything I was supposed to have to experience the magnitude of this story, to dance with God."  ~Donald Miller, Through Painted Deserts

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Day 357: Friday December 23, 2022 - “Brunch with The Grondins”

The opportunity to bring Grandpa to the best restaurant around came up, with the offer of a special breakfast pizza on the menu, and I couldn’t resist.  Took the drive down to Green Valley to spend the Friday morning brunching with Jane and Dave so that they could see “Dad” and nurture him for the holidays with coffee cake, shrimp, and stories.   The happy accident of having all this family around for Christmas, in a far off place in the desert.  The five of us, across four generations, interconnected family, branches of love and kindness and great respect. Neat to step back and appreciate that as Jane served Grandpa up with the first piece of the incredible hashbrown Breakfast Pizza. “I’ll need to come back so you can show me how to make this one too! wink*nudge” - so great for my soul to have all these steady hands in my life to look up to, and the chance to join them around the table.

William got to open his first gift of this Christmas, after weeks of us training him to leave the presents alone.   After all, its Free Range at Dave’s house!  Let er rip little buddy!  I helped as much as I could, and he gently pulled one piece off at a time and set it in a pile, as precious as we always say he is.  We helped him open the box and he immediately exclaimed one of his new words “Bus” - Awesome gift and great for me going into the weekend on my own - beautiful wonderful distraction.  He worked it with both hands on the car ride home.  By dinner, Id have all the jingles committed to my memory (in protest of course).

In the evening, I got William down to sleep, and enjoyed the cozy Christmas tree and the quiet of the house, thinking about how this was one of those great days - the spirit of Christmas....where we just enjoy the time connecting and sharing and being with good people.   And if we have the gift of that in our lives, what more do we need?  Keep it simple, and be a good person.   Enjoy gifts whether you’re 91 or 1 - simple ones like the pomegranate guac, and even the fancier ones that have buttons that sing! The fascination is in the feeling.  The Spirit of Christmas,

Song: Keb Mo. - Merry Merry Christmas

Quote: "If you associate enough with older people who do enjoy their lives, who are not stored away in any golden ghettos, you will gain a sense of continuity and of the possibility for a full life." —Margaret Mead

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Day 356: Thursday December 22, 2022 - “The Great Gift of Time”

The 9th Great Grandchild is one great blessing for William’s Great Grandpa, who came and spent the best parts of this week with us here in Tucson.  He certainly knows and loves Great Grandpapa, offering up smiles, laughs, hugs, and wet kisses freely.  And Grandpa, loving the love and attention and enthusiasm walked around the house today with a grin and a giggle, the way we’ll all remember him.  He loved the dogs, he loved the sun, he loved the coffee we made him, and the beers we served him, and the gifts we wrapped him. He loved everything because he loves everything. A good sweet precious man, who loved every minute he got to spend his our precious sweet boy, the latest in a long good line of blood and genes this man passed along through his tree.

After dinner, story time, and bedtime, Grandpa and I closed out the busy day watching one of our shared favorites - “Its A Wonderful Life” - he loved that movie, and told me all about it and how he and Grandma used to watch this every Christmas when it was on TV.  And Grandpa, I loved watching it with you.  In that nice cozy room with the fireplace on.  I was in pretty treasured company and I appreciate knowing it.  The great gift of time. The time he’s given, and the time he’s been given. And for William the great gift of a Great Grandfather.  One that he can know really loved him.

Song: Andy Williams - Its The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

Quote: “Our talents are the gift that God gives to us... What we make of our talents is our gift back to God” ― Leo Buscaglia

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Day 355: Wednesday December 21, 2022 - “Winterhaven Lights”

Joined the Clan of Cunningham out for a night with the lights at Winterhaven, like we do each December.  Last year we had my parents and Jane & Dave as special guests.  Today we had the memorable time walking the streets with Grandpa Acton who came and joined us in Tucson for a couple of days.  Grandpa confirmed - best lights he’s ever seen.  The whole neighborhood was merry and bright.  Our favorites included the Duck Pond and Christmas Story slide as we strolled along next to Jess and ViLee, and Grandpa in his funny hat.  William loved the time with his cousins at dinner and wearing his popular elf hat everywhere he went.  And I enjoyed it all.  Holding Audrie’s hand, making jokes with my Grandpa, watching my son want to hug and kiss everyone, and giggling when he hit the bottom of the Christmas slide.  Special times that I am blessed to be a part of.

Song: Vince Guaraldi Trio - Christmas Time Is Here

Quote:  “The light teaches you to convert life into a festive promenade.” ― Dejan Stojanovic

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Day 354c: Tuesday December 20, 2022 - “Sitting With Santa”

He seemed to be sweet on Santa right up until he realized that this Santa Ho Ho Ho fellow was real and not just a character.  Whoa Whoa Whoa.  

After waiting in line curiously at ZooLights, William got his first experience with Santa, and it went like many other first timers.  Shock and Awe.   Maybe a few tears.   Audrie tried to step around behind, and that worked even worse.   Finally he wound up on my lap next to Santa - no go there either.    And without further traumatizing, we exited stage right and said “see you next year” - dont worry Santa, we know you’ve got the truck covered anyway!   William has been about as good a boy as could be this year - mama and dada can vouch for him!

Song: Taylor Swift - Santa Baby

Quote: “How queer old customs are, with their histories reaching so far back into the past,” said Susan. “Our life isn’t all in the present, is it, Santa Claus? It is made up of thousands of bits of the past, old things that happened, old names, old habits. The past and the present and the future all belong to one another.” “Of course,” said Santa Claus. “And we ought to live in them all, not just thoughtlessly in the present. We ought to know our past, and we ought to plan for our future. Then the present would always be worth living in.” ― Enid Blyton

[aestheticvoyage2022]

Day 354b:  Tuesday December 20, 2022 - “ZooLights”

It must have been interesting for William to have his nightly routine busted by a post-noodle-dinner trip out of the house, wearing the elf hat Grandmama knit, in the dark!   We promised him that this adventure would be special.  Yes, we were on our way to the Zoo, but its going to be all lit up for Christmas!  Beautiful evening for ZooLights, barely even jacket weather, but we sipped Hot Chocolate and made the rounds, including slapping the elephant butt.  The only animals we saw were one of the Elephants and the flock of Flamingos.  But the attraction at the zoo tonight was all the displays of lights.  I swore that there were more lights and much more awesome displays....Audrie claimed its just hitting different.  And I would agree, its more special doing this now with our own son and with having spent more time here with him (during the day).   We closed out the evening, listening to a live rendition of Little Drummer Boy before heading for home, where we added some more decorations to our own lit up Christmas Tree, trying to connect all these dots being thrown at him.   Christmas Lights, Christmas Tree, Christmas Music.   Santa.    Wow!     

Song: Bing Crosby - The Little Drummer Boy

Quote: “Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful. ” ― Norman Vincent Peale

[aestheticvoyage2022]

Day 354a: Tuesday December 20, 2022 - “Christmas Vacation”

It wasn’t until I had my first cup of coffee in my hand, that it dawned on me, that I had hoped to sleep in this morning - my first of a nice long Christmas Staycation.  Instead I was up to see how beautiful the dawn was - light pink and blue sky, frigid air. Baby in a great mood, my pleasure to be up for all of it, letting mama sleep.

Last Christmas the Great Room was void of furniture as we hustled to finish the mesquite header.  Now it is such a peaceful good space, cozy against the white german schmear walls, our vision for this room now fully realized, at Christmas, with the stockings hung on the mantle and presents wrapped under the tree, with our little boy toddling around, collecting decorations from as high as he can reach, wow’d every day by the magic of the lights (or Holly sitting on top of the tree).   Great way to start my Christmas Staycation.  In an “easy mood’ that didnt even get shook by my supervisor calling in.  We sipped our coffee and connected and talked, like we did last night, laughing over Audrie’s wrapping work.   In a couple of days, she’ll be gone, and the hustle and bustle of the holiday will hit, and so I was grateful to get this go easy time this morning, even if it meant I didn’t sleep in.  Funny how when you’re loving the moment, you don’t feel tired at all.

Song: Jass Christmas Feed

Quote: “There's a simple rule to a sustainable life: Work hard, then take a good vacation, then work hard again and take a good vacation again... don't break this order!” ― Mehmet Murat ildan

[aestheticvoyage2022]

Day 353: Monday December 19, 2022 - “Mindful Minutes”

The dream catcher hangs over William’s bed, sparkling in the nursery stars, set to red and green for Christmas, as I lay looking up at it wondering where it came from.    This moment for curiosity made possible by the opportunity to just lay passively on the floor as Audrie handled bedtime routine, enjoying the moment and being present in the calm and peace of this special space.  She explained how in November, while I was gone, they picked it up somewhere in New Mexico on a roadtrip back from Dallas.  I appreciated that the web was in the shape of a good tree.  It was a good dreamcatcher.  

I could’ve been anywhere in this moment.  It was late, I was tired, it had been a long day of work.  After a successful three day trip, I would have been understandably excused to take a break.  But the break I wanted was right here. To just lay quietly and be a part of the moment.  As the moon and stars circled up above, I worked on 5-8 breathing.  I took advantage of the opportunity to practice some mindfulness, to be present in and enjoy this moment, as Audrie rocked and sang “Forever Young” (she was Soprano in the choir).  I watched my thoughts pass -  thinking about the dreams that great dreamcatcher has caught in the past month....how it was likely filled with noodles and raspberry.  How maybe the dream catcher would inspire him to dream.  How he had left the birth hospital into the world in a tiny shirt that said “Dream Big Little One” - centered again with my breathing.....   what a perfect moment that was, and this is and my thoughts began to pass again - about the stories we tell ourselves and how important they are.  To not only live a great story, but to be telling your self of a good story.   Wondering what William’s story would be.  If he would remember this room they way we do. - warm, peaceful, intentional.  I thought about needing to update the picture mixtiles around the room for some of the favorites from the year.  And then I centered my self again in the breathing.  In for 5, out for 8.  Audrie singing Powder Blue now.   Centered.   The thoughts passing again like clouds up in those stars - thinking about how nice it must be for William to have both his parents here to help with bedtime.  As if he could hear my thought he rolls out, hand extended, “dada” as if to point to me.  Thinking how far Id come in the past month, how grateful I am to have these moments, to not be missing this, and how many moments I missed before.  How ‘before’ seems like a different life ago, like I had evolved, chapter turned.  I should go get him, and finish this bedtime so Audrie could go get other things in her life done, in her limited time at home.  Would that work?  Im sure it will.  Centered again one more time. Breathing 5 seconds in, 8 seconds out.  Present in the moment.   Mindfulness.  Getting my moments back.  Grounded.  Clear.  I could have been anywhere.  I chose to be here.  Gift my self peace and quiet, and the opportunity to know it.

We seamlessly hand him over from Mama to Dada and he doesn’t cry, he doesn’t fuss.  Now we share the moment together.  I bop him down quietly as we say goodnight to the moon rock and the stars, and to William.  I pat his back three distinct times, in a rhythmic pattern repeating “I Love You” - we can’t see the dreamcatcher anymore, in the dark, but I like knowing its up there, collecting my dream for him to grow up a kind and mindful man with easier lessons to learn than his ole Daddy.

 Song: John Michael Montgomery - Life’s A Dance

Quote: “People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don't even recognize: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes of a child—our own two eyes. All is a miracle.” ― Thich Nhat Hanh