afghanprincess69

[afghanprincess69]

Sometimes tiktok is good, mostly because humans are good

[afghanprincess69]

dylan doing a 60 degrees, giving me majjjjor eye roll tia being a crazy dumb jealous bitch potentially wwIII? will they bomb the persian empire? the food prices,, the chaos this perfectly imperfect world letting it wash all over me forever

[afghanprincess69]

so many thoughts on dylan his happy rocking face holding a guitar coming out of long and mcquade, so tall and so happy, looming above, small eye contact. me so small down below. i was 14 gen and andrea driving to get me at my moms, his face in the backseat with a big knowing grin on his face, thinking hes figured me out, pegging me for a downtown condo girlie him remarking to friends at my resemblance to the deserts chalk drawing girlie i wonder how long he's loved me that's the only love i want

[afghanprincess69]

may 27 2025

the last couple weeks with dylan has been a whirlwind/// but ultimately i am reassured. reassured that my friend, who definitely wants to make out, also definitely wants to be my friend. isn't judging me. isn't playing any games. remembers all these little details about me. and i, all i have to do, is exist with ease. take this experience with ease. in a blink it's all gone. strike a balance between action, and ease. relax. he had me wound up when i was tortured over whether or not i liked him. the prospect of liking someone has now become somewhat trauma inducing for me. but his reassurance in demeanor is just far greater. he has me feeling confident in myself, just for perceiving me for me. he has me laughing till my sides hurt. he is driving me around and feeding me. i really admire the giant lug. (it doesn't have to be more than that. my big brother who will tear the head off anyone who crosses me. but i crush him too. he's a total breath of fresh air; the energy i'm used to reciprocating. above all, i am at ease)

[afghanprincess69]

mar 15, 1am

last night i was having beers at the cambie with jenny, texting emma, talking and listening to jenny at the same time amd jenny paused and said woah... you're texting so fast,, and listening to me at the same time... ? and I said .....? go on .......? i'm listening! as I continued to finish my text. Those beers were good but we were worse off for it, the nausea and awful repercussions on the toilet today. because I was slightly hungover, I thought I might take a cue from Mia and Robbie's book and go watch a movie in the theatre by myself. I opted for a 4:25 showing of Mickey 17 Robbert Pattinson's new flick, and it certainly was engrossing. Though with my newfound confidence I was irked, to be sitting alone in a mostly alone theatre. If it had been fully alone, I would have felt more relaxed, but just the scattering of people there worked to emphasize my loneliness all the more. I had to fight myself in order to relax into the movie. and I consoled myself, this is the first time of me doing this. Of course I would be nervous, the individual viewing so alien to my senses. I missed a friend, my friend emily with whom we would go to the theater with. I'm not sure why she isn't answering my texts - i hope she's okay but it does border on cruel. Everyone is so disposable these days, me included. I am so keen to this fright. so it's been a terribly lonely day. Mother feels it too, so I lied down and gave her a hug, but she is not great company in the long run. I suppose her brain has somewhat atrophied from all the years of loneliness, but im sure the feeling still persists. At least she has me, her choice above all. She must feel alright in that regard. I didn't have a choice. I'm simply here - successful in work but my personal life has fallen to ruin. I must get out into the small town again, to be with my yahoos. to mingle with the genuine small town folks. I might find my people there, with the nature especially. Or even feel far less alone - out in the wilderness, where lonesomeness is a fact of breathing. where I can look out into the wide tall ocean and draw pleasure there. As well as a cat - that big big cat named rambo to be adopted out of victoria. This week I shall read/ get my L and update all my ID too.I shall message Hunter - it was meant to be today but it will be tomorrow. I truely need his cheap tear down house. I want to fill it with a cat. I might feel good living alone out there. with the big tall ocean lapping at my feet, and neighbours who are nosy for once. friendly for twice. i hope against all hopes all the astro blasts have been warning against manifesting during the full moon - well I was too nauseated from beer last night to engage in that spell. but tonight I sincerely wish upon all wishes, please my lucky stars. Send me a beautiful, kind creative boy whose friends can become my friends. Whose family can become my family. Send me that beautiful, kind, creative, funny boy. I'll choose kindness everytime. I'll choose it sincerely.

[afghanprincess69]

mar 8 2025 despite alll my swimming in the soul's lore, it had not delivered me from my aching stomach. however - i feel that I have engaged the switch towards this lasting outcome: in totally accepting the materialist reality of the ego - not merely hostage to it- as i once had, but having incarnated here - choosing all i see around me. because it's fun. it's tactile. it's different. and it will push me through the end. standing confident in the knowledge that al this sensual reality is mine. I wanted it. It's mine. I know in my heart it is. because I was standing in the yyoga, feeling shy in my heart of my environs for some reason. but then it dawned on me. I paid for the class. I paid for the studio. It's mine. why must I balk, stomach twisting and flopping, paining me forever more. what was that empowering feeling that quelled my stomach at once when I arrived to copenhagen. I was emboldened by travel, at my budget. I want it, it's mine. I'm going to go out and see it. So I integrate this into my egoic experience. my soul does not balk at my environs - it ought not. I wanted it - it's mine. and my stomach quells it's fever pitch. the empty feeling in my heart fills again. i give myself what I seek for in a lover. I want it, it's mine. let me overcome my love of procrastination and give myself my practice in my visions. I want it. it's mine.

[afghanprincess69]

feb 11

dreams of flying to paris with dom,,, we spent some time rekindling. first we went into a randommall - and found a bistro food court. had the most delicious butter and bread I ever had. We enjoyed our food. i was a bit dominant but i thought all was well. i went to claires to buy a medallion i couldn't find in vancouver, and then lush for another trinket. dom was kind and even rather flirty, he pawed at my boob despite not having officially broken up with the azn. I batted him away fiercly- how dare he take access to me without properly comitting. then he was with the azn walking around the mall and I could see he relaxed into who he was. they were bickering but he didn't intend to give up that fight. I bought dolls representing us 3 and arranged them in such a way where they were together and I was apart. I accepted it- he was not the man for me. Outside I was with jenny when a flock of large brightly coloured birds - herons came fluttering down. The parents and the bright children. There were two bright red from the north of canada, a bit less than years past, but the bright red were jenny's favorite.

[afghanprincess69]

brutally heterosexual people

where even their bisexuality is contrived - i pranked theo where it hurt - his fragile dick, and he responded by exiling me out of the community, bolstered by loyalists of the misogynist fantasy. connivingly heterosexual - massively insecure in defense of 'masculinity' . period

[afghanprincess69]

fruits

despite the despair - there will always be fruits out there oranges as orange or bananas as yellow on a rainy day - it's always there , the right side of mellow i've decided to look onto fruits today ive decided to consider a fruit soft or crunchy, juicy or jello we are here on earth to appreciate those fruits so tender and mellow fruits fruits

[afghanprincess69]

Jan 31st

I know now how I got to that egocentric state in vancouver because this city of abundance gives me everything I need I easily comb through it for my deepest hearts desires I inhale oxygenated atmosphere deep through my lungs I intoxicate on the purity of the rainfall my pure heart receives the pure elemental powers I feel deeply myself. and it became mistakenly extended to the sham of the articulations of mere humans. Yes, I believe I locked eyes with maddy tonight. Looking every bit a wasp in a buttoned up white cardigan. on a platonic date with will. all the judgement in here eyes, big forehead still. she was mid-bite. and we locked eyes. stepford ass wasp.

[afghanprincess69]

to my heart of stone, i just go on my routine - slowly adding more stones of interest to accompany it on our journey

[afghanprincess69]

dreams - jan 19

mr hartley folz was my teacher. he picked a ying yang hat, i adjusted it in the back there was so much snow for the snow play day. I looked in the trash and I found a discarded gift to someone else of pulled butterfly wings. I kept it, reveling in my luck. cozy homes in the snow

[afghanprincess69]

jan 18

strange parts of me that might just be remnants of you, my ocular bloodmote my singular dimple

[afghanprincess69]

jan 16 every 'my' is an extension of myself my hair, my eyes, my limb my boyfriend. my husband my city. my life. my god all extensions of my self

[afghanprincess69]

there's someone coming for me, and it's myself it's myself everywhere I look i make it, i make it

[afghanprincess69]

Text: Our family sells good quality sleep, the most popular stall in the market, so popular the constables look the other way. Sleep can only be stolen, a rare and illegal art. 

[afghanprincess69]

jan 13

i'm keeping my eyes locked in forward. im taking a vow of yessness towards life. in vancouver, i'll be alone again but i will think of my sermons. i will think of delivering my sermon's. i will be happy with my mother. i will listen to keep sermons - saying yes to those sermon's in front of me. and the friends in mtl - claudia. sarah, max -- to a lesser extend sov tali. they are all here for me when i want just onwards to the sermons. yes to the sermons of life. and i will deliver them too. i stand a lone just like the sun- shining forever i will be here just like this. senses locked to my blessed sermons. forever here, saying yes to myself that haunts me in all. creating beautiful things. creating beautiful hauntings out there for ever