aflyingcontradiction

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me after every conversation: shit they’ll never wanna talk to me again

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The finnish adjective "villi" means "wild" in a way that covers everything from "wild animal", "out of control/outlandish", "feral", both "untamed" and "undomesticated" and simply "unruly". But as a noun, it's "a savage", which is both archaic and degoratory, something a 1800s-ass brit would call any indigenous persons that don't have a specific slur they could call them. Anyone that a person who uses words like "uncivilised" would call "uncivilised". In plural, the noun villi is villit.

The name Ville is a finnish man's name, derived either from Wilhelm or William, depending on which language's wikipedia I look at. I have never met someone named Ville who wasn't an almost overwhelmingly normal millenial guy. Like the platonic ideal of the finnish variant of Literally Just Some Guy. It wasn't uncommon for there to be two or three boys named Ville in the same year or even the same class when I was in school. The plural of multiple guys named Ville is Villet.

But in partitive plural, villi and Ville are the same word, villejä. Spelled, written, and pronounced the same - you just have to trust that you can tell from the context at hand. In Disney's movie Pocahontas, the song Savages was translated as Villejä. And therefore, one can interpret the lyrics to be either about "savages", or "some dudes named Ville".

In conclusion, every Ville I've met who has had classes, been in the same class group, or god forbid been friends with another Ville has found this song supremely unfunny.

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Painted Bunting (Passerina ciris), male, family Cardinalidae, order Passeriformes, SC, USA

photograph by Jimmy Epper

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So seeing as I'm on the topic, the manual "The keeping and care of the common aflyingcontradiction" would include the following unintuitive pieces of advice:

Make sure there are at least two other human beings around the aflyingcontradiction for the greater part of its day, ideally human beings who will occasionally talk to each other independently and just make people noise in the background (muppet noises also acceptable)

Make sure the aflyingcontradiction spends at least a few hours a day doing productive work that is specifically for other people

Make sure the aflyingcontradiction regularly interacts with larger groups of people who have a neutral to positive attitude toward it. Yes, even if it screams and cries about it beforehand and has to be physically dragged out.

Make sure the aflyingcontradiction regularly experiences strong physical sensations. This can (and perhaps should) include types of pain specifically chosen by the aflyingcontradiction itself

Give the aflyingcontradiction the opportunity to perform minor feats of strength every once in a while.

Make sure the aflyingcontradiction listens to emotional noise (aka music) at least a few times a week.

Would it have been helpful for someone to sit down with me, help me compare miserable times, emotionally numb times and happy times and figure out what the differences are? Exceptionally. Was that a thing that was available to me? Nope, not even slightly. Are there more load-bearing activities I haven't identified yet? Probably. Will I have to identify those without help too? Probably. I'm just saying, a guide to identifying my unintuitive needs in an open-minded fashion would've helped me more than the umpteenth CBT workbook.

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So the whole suicide prevention thing is still on my mind, so I'm just going to rant about it a bit more in an insufficiently structured manner.

It's just fucking baffling how much of it is focused on keeping people alive rather than helping them WANT TO BE ALIVE. Now, I happen to believe from the experiences I've had myself and seen around me that, while some people are more prone to depression and suicidal thoughts than others, it's still most frequently downstream of material circumstances rather than purely a brain malfunction. That could be something as obvious as crushing poverty making life hard to bear or something as "vague" as a person just not having figured out the load-bearing actions they have to take regularly to not sink into misery (Hey there, it me!) And I totally get that the mental health system can't fix the housing crisis. But there could and should be significantly more PRACTICAL aid. Pointing people to available material resources, sitting with them and helping them fill out forms to access those resources, helping teenagers move out early if their home environment is making them miserable, helping people find suitable social activities and accompanying them to those or on the proverbial stupid little mental health walk until they can do it on their own, ... just drop the whole "you must change your mindset first" attitude.

And also, and perhaps more importantly, drop the idea that suicide can never be the best choice if other options fail. Yeah, I guess I'm a bit of a personal autonomy radical, I do think that painless suicide options should be available. I mean, fuck, add a mandatory waiting period if you're so worried about impulse suicides. Make people carry around a little organ donation style card saying "You may/may not hospitalise me if I become a danger to myself" to accommodate the people who actually WANT to be hospitalised in that circumstance. But stop acting like keeping people in infinite misery without alleviating it isn't equivalent to torture.

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Okay, I was going to be annoyed that The Magnus Protocol made a major monster character German and then gave him the fakest of accents but ... "You do not want to sit in the chair? I bought it for you! It cost 60 euro!" Nah, that's too cute, Heinrich is my fave now.

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Tbh, I get that this shit is apparently helpful for some people and I might be an outlier here but I kinda think it needs a content warning. Idk. "CW: This document does not treat suicide as a legitimate choice" or something. I saw the screenshots and was hoping that for once I'd found something that doesn't apply to.

It's kinda sad when the best we can get in terms of literature purporting to help suicidal people is a book that gives lip service to bodily autonomy but still acts like forcible hospitalisation for a person's own good is somehow a sucky but completely unchangeable fact of the world instead of a deeply ethically questionable system that should maybe, just maybe, be fucking questioned. And STILL ultimately treats suicide like not-actually-an-option-to-be-considered-seriously-and-then-perhaps-taken-or-perhaps-rejected.

I, for one, actually find that shit triggers my suicidal thoughts so good job, author. /s (Mind, that's not a huge issue these days cause I am also otherwise anchored in this world so I can just feel briefly shitty and then discard for the time being.)

(For the record, the most effective talk-down I've gotten so far is my partner going "I'd be devastated but it's ultimately your choice, just please talk things through with me before you make any permanent decisions". Everything else has been me having to figure this out from scratch cause nobody will fucking treat suicidal people as fully adult human beings who can make their own damn choices and are just looking to make the best one.)

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Oh, and it does the whole "Remove all temptations from your vicinity" shit. I'm not a toddler in front of a marshmallow, for fuck's sake. I'm not blindly following the call of the void here. I'm continuously and deliberately making major life choices. Currently that's the one to stay alive cause I have both specific things to live for and specific things that make my life livable. Should those factors change, I'll reconsider.

It's kinda sad when the best we can get in terms of literature purporting to help suicidal people is a book that gives lip service to bodily autonomy but still acts like forcible hospitalisation for a person's own good is somehow a sucky but completely unchangeable fact of the world instead of a deeply ethically questionable system that should maybe, just maybe, be fucking questioned. And STILL ultimately treats suicide like not-actually-an-option-to-be-considered-seriously-and-then-perhaps-taken-or-perhaps-rejected.

I, for one, actually find that shit triggers my suicidal thoughts so good job, author. /s (Mind, that's not a huge issue these days cause I am also otherwise anchored in this world so I can just feel briefly shitty and then discard for the time being.)

(For the record, the most effective talk-down I've gotten so far is my partner going "I'd be devastated but it's ultimately your choice, just please talk things through with me before you make any permanent decisions". Everything else has been me having to figure this out from scratch cause nobody will fucking treat suicidal people as fully adult human beings who can make their own damn choices and are just looking to make the best one.)

[aflyingcontradiction]

It's kinda sad when the best we can get in terms of literature purporting to help suicidal people is a book that gives lip service to bodily autonomy but still acts like forcible hospitalisation for a person's own good is somehow a sucky but completely unchangeable fact of the world instead of a deeply ethically questionable system that should maybe, just maybe, be fucking questioned. And STILL ultimately treats suicide like not-actually-an-option-to-be-considered-seriously-and-then-perhaps-taken-or-perhaps-rejected.

I, for one, actually find that shit triggers my suicidal thoughts so good job, author. /s (Mind, that's not a huge issue these days cause I am also otherwise anchored in this world so I can just feel briefly shitty and then discard for the time being.)

(For the record, the most effective talk-down I've gotten so far is my partner going "I'd be devastated but it's ultimately your choice, just please talk things through with me before you make any permanent decisions". Everything else has been me having to figure this out from scratch cause nobody will fucking treat suicidal people as fully adult human beings who can make their own damn choices and are just looking to make the best one.)

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shoutout to the childish bitterness when ur friends are all enjoying a new game/show/fandom that you know isnt to your tastes but you still feel left out. like its not their fault and its not your fault but you WILL be having a silent tantrum about it for the forseeable future.

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What was going on in my life was ... school projects? I mean, we literally had to make a Greek god family tree for class in year 5. (We probably didn't literally have to focus half of our presentation on Aphrodite's origins, that one was for fun.)

people who learned about greek mythology due reasons that DONT involve having read percy jackson at 12 freak me out, like what the FUCK was going on in your life that you found out that zeus turned into a pigeon to woo his wife like HOW

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An article about fanfiction on my tagesschau.de? It’s more likely than you think:

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I think I just realized that part of my anxiety with being in public is that I feel like I don't have the same right to use public spaces as other people do. Like they're the real People Who Use This Coffee Bar. And when I try to use it as someone who is not Inherently Worthy Of Using The Coffee Bar I'm just getting in their way

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Paved with Love

Happy Pride month! 🌈🏳️‍🌈

I spent a long time thinking about what to paint for this year until I saw a photo of flagstones covered in chalk art of various rainbows. It made me realize that the path to equality and a better tomorrow is paved slowly, step by step, and with love.

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so i wore a pride flag pin to work the other day and the kids were all interested (obviously) (find me a classroom of preschoolers who are not obsessed with rainbows) (i'll wait) so they crowded around to see.

"aww!" they said, "it's a flag!!"

but the thing is: they're little. a lot of them don't really have a handle on all their mouth sounds yet.

such as, notably, that tricky tricky "L" sound.