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Blog post #2

This is going to be a very emotional, deep and hard post for me to do because it’s about my mental health and currently, my ex boyfriend. Let’s start with my mental situation, which has been a strong issue the past year and a half. I have severe depression and anxiety, which has also now caused an alcohol problem; however, I am taking medication now and am also going to be seeing a counselor next week. This past week has definitely been one of the hardest weeks I’ve ever had because even when everything in my life was pretty constant, I still felt alone and just sad. I wanted to cry every chance I could, even when there was nothing to cry about, and it drove me crazy not knowing why I felt this way; in fact, it still does. Friday was when everything fell apart finally, when I started drinking way more than I should’ve and ended up having a really bad fight with my boyfriend. He ended up breaking up with me, which really hurt me. He is someone I have loved for at least 4 months now, but we only dated for about 2 weeks. We have known each other since March 2018 and we have a long history, but ever since November rolled around, we have been A LOT closer. We have seen each other’s worst days and we have always been very supportive of each other. We really put our trust in each other and shared some really deep shit between each other; but our timing just isn’t right. We have agreed to still be friends and talk everyday, but it’s very difficult. I want to tell him everything I’m feeling about us breaking up, but I can’t because he’s taking his mental health more serious than this issue. I agree with it in a way because I know it’s important to really take care of yourself, but I am also questioning how to continue with talking to him because I feel like he doesn’t really care that we broke up. I feel like he’s wanted this for a little bit now and this was the perfect opportunity to just end it. I can’t say ‘I love you’ anymore to him because that crosses a line. I can’t see him because he decided to drop out of school and go back home, which is 2 hours away. I will admit today was a much better day than yesterday because I didn’t cry today, but it’s still a really shitty situation. I’m not sure if I want to keep him in my life because even though he is a very significant part of my life, it’s not the same and I think it may just be hurting me more, trying to act like I’m okay with just being friends. We did agree to reevaluate our relationship after we both get our shit straight, but who knows when that will be and that doesn’t necessarily mean we’re getting back together. If we aren’t 100% sure we want to make things work in the future, why am I waiting around AGAIN (which is what I did from April-November) to be good enough for him to consider?

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Book Review

In order to provide a variety of material for my blog, I am going to occasionally do book reviews here and there. I am hoping to do them every single time I finish a book, which should be every 1-2 weeks hopefully, and hope it gives people a new genre to read or maybe even just something you find interesting. The book that I have recently finished in about a week and a half is called “I’d Like To Apologize To Every Teacher I Ever Had” by Tony Danza. This was definitely an interesting book in multiple different aspects for me due to the subject and the experiences described within. If you can’t tell by the title, it’s a book about teaching, which of course I found interesting when I found it at a book store a couple months back. As I have said before, I am aspiring to be a teacher someday and I really would like to gain different insights before I actually have my own classroom. Though Mr. Danza started teaching through a unique situation to kids that are older than I’d like to teach, it still brought up some main struggles in teaching, as well as the education system, that people don’t think about until you’re standing at the front of that room. Tony Danza actually started out through different professions, such as boxing and most popularly, television. This was the main thing that brought him to Northeast High in Philadelphia, PA, as he was starring in a new show about the education system called “Teach”. Mr. Danza had, like myself, thought about being a teacher at one point in time, but got roped into other professions that he found a desire for. From the minute he got to the high school to do his show, the teachers and faculty were judging him for using students and education in general as a way for him to get a paycheck. Though everyone had their doubts about him, he really did question our education system in America and wanted to figure out the teaching profession. Of course the main struggles were brought up, like tough students and lesson plans gone wrong, but the education system in shown in an entirely different light. You start to recognize the depth of some students’ lives and why they don’t succeed in our current system, the disadvantages that urban schools alone face because of the lack of support from the government, the role of the parents and teachers in each students lives that can affect everything in their future, and so much more. You really never know what teaching is like until you do it, but reading this book did give me a very good idea of what to expect. It shows the disadvantages and struggles that teachers face, but also the rewards each one gets from the profession. If I had to recommend this book to a specific audience, it would definitely be to upcoming teachers; but, I wouldn’t stop there. I think everyone should cherish this book because teacher or not, we all had a part in the education system at one point and our decisions will go on to affect the future generations, like our children, as well.

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Introduction 1.28.19

Dia dhuit everyone, my name is Amanda and I have finally decided to actually start a blog; but first, let me introduce myself and give some background about me. I am 20 years and live in Rochester, NY, where I have been my entire life. Its a simple city, no more than about 210,000 people, in upstate New York...actual upstate NY, right on Lake Ontario. I grew up about 5 blocks from the lake in a small 2 bedroom house with both my parents, my older sister, and my younger brother. My childhood wasn’t the best in terms of living in an inviting and friendly environment, but I do commend my parents for always making sure we had food on the table and even taking us on multiple vacations. My relationships with my family are very complicated, which I will most likely dive into later, but I am happy to still have contact with everyone in some form. My entire life, I’ve wanted to be a teacher, shown through practice lessons on the porch of my old house to my imaginary classes. I always loved the thought of helping people understand things that I was strong at, which was mainly math. I have since decided I want to be an elementary teacher, aiming for second grade mostly, but am excited to work with younger children in general. My parents sent me to college in the fall of 2016 after successfully completing high school with many honors. I started college at Nazareth College, still in Rochester, and was pretty comfortable for my first semester. After that, everything pretty much took a turn for the worst and I am currently taking a break from college after completing two and half years. I do intend to go back because I am very passionate about becoming a teacher, but I do need to figure a lot of things out personally and financially before that happens. Part of the reason I am starting this blog is to kind of find myself in a way. I have never really been a creative or open person, but I want to start to expand my horizons to really grow as an individual. Each week, I will be posting at least once about a topic that is currently on my mind, or any suggestions I receive. I am always free to talk to if anyone needs it, whether it be about personal issues, career questions, etc. I will try my best to help whenever needed and am happy to see where this blog takes me.

“The life you live is more important than the words you speak.” – Mac Miller