agentlemansavage

[agentlemansavage]

Forever a "I understand" with a constant heavy heart.

[agentlemansavage]

Juansen Dizon, i am the architect of my own destruction

[agentlemansavage]

[agentlemansavage]

[agentlemansavage]

You’re not just a desire. You’re a direction. A pull. A gravity. I keep orbiting you without question, without shame. I don’t want to be free of it. I want to sink deeper. I want to drown in it, if it means being near you.

[agentlemansavage]

Absolutely Fantastic Combination. 💜🖤

[agentlemansavage]

Come here, little girl. No more thinking today. No more trying to be strong when everything feels too loud and too heavy. You’ve had a hard day, and I see that, so you don’t have to explain a thing. You don’t need to smile for me. You don’t need to be good right now. You just need to be mine. You sit on the floor between my legs, your head resting where my hand finds it naturally. I’ll stroke your hair until your breathing slows. I’ll hold your wrists gently when your thoughts try to run away again. And I’ll speak low and slow until your mind remembers this place, this safety, this quiet. You don’t have to carry the world tonight. That’s my job now. Your only task is to fall apart softly in my hands and know I won’t let you go. You’re not alone. Not when you’re mine.

[agentlemansavage]

[agentlemansavage]

The Crushing Weight

The crushing weight is back. It doesn’t knock. It slips in through the cracks and coils itself around my ribs like it never left. Like it owns me. Like I’m the one trespassing in my own skin.

It doesn’t scream. It hums, low and constant, vibrating through everything. The act of waking up. The way my fingers hesitate before unlocking a door. The pause between sentences. It’s in the stillness, feeding on the quiet, until every breath feels rehearsed and wrong.

I can’t remember what it felt like to be untouched by it. Did I ever move without dragging this ghost behind me? Was there ever a time my smile wasn’t some strained performance for the mirror? Maybe I’ve always carried this weight, and today it simply let more of itself show.

The feeling intensifies until I forget what normal was ever supposed to be. I reach for memories that no longer feel like mine, softened by time and eroded by doubt. Was I ever whole, or have I just gotten better at pretending?

They love to dress this up. To call it noble. To write songs about the fall. They’ll say your pain makes you beautiful. But it doesn’t. There’s no beauty here. No art in the way it gnaws at the edges of your mind. Only the suffocation. The slow implosion. The echo of something once bright, now flickering behind your eyes.

It wraps its arms around me like an old friend, but it never loved me. It only waited.

[agentlemansavage]

"They tell me I'm fussy; with lovers, with books, with music. I tell them that I would rather freeze than be barely-warm. I tell them that if it doesn't set me on fire, then no thank you, I don't want it. It's taken me years to confess that I would rather be alone than settle. The truth is, I cannot stand the taste of in-betweens. Half- measures will never be a part of me and contentment will never be my currency. If it cannot fill me up to the brim, I don't want it. I will only ever be empty or overflowing and I'm okay with it. And they say, girl, how do you think a wildfire starts? From a spark. Relationships need kindling. And I cannot make them understand than I am not afraid to build on things, to work hard and relentlessly on something, but I must stop apologising for the fact that, truth be told, I cannot seem to want a love that does not engulf me. Someone once told me that when you've tasted fire, you ache for it, no matter how badly it burned your tongue. weren't wrong. Maybe Icarus knew what he was doing all along. Maybe that boy just wanted a taste of the sun."

[agentlemansavage]

[agentlemansavage]

[agentlemansavage]

[agentlemansavage]

[agentlemansavage]