aghosts-eulogy

[aghosts-eulogy]

"you convinced yourself that this was necessary, this darkness.

that it was the only way to survive, to grow stronger than those who hurt you.

it consumed your mind, your heart, your soul.

you let that power in, let it run in your every vein, let it make your eyes black as the night.

but, my darling — don't lie to me.

don't tell me you didn't enjoy the fear in their eyes, the screams of the crowd.

when you welcomed in the dark, don't tell me that it didn't feel so unbelievably right.

because, in the end, when that crown is placed on your head, you are a liar if you claim that it was necessary.

no.

this was your plan all along — wasn't it?"

[aghosts-eulogy]

"but there is something that happens when you are told you are too much. you begin to ask everyone, "how small would you like me?""

[aghosts-eulogy]

"don't hesitate. bare your teeth. go for the throat."

[aghosts-eulogy]

"i disappeared into books when i was very young, disappeared into them like someone running into the woods."

[aghosts-eulogy]

"it's frightening that there's no guarantee that you'll be loved."

[aghosts-eulogy]

"i do not really know whether i have survived. my inner self has shut itself up more and more. as though to protect itself, it has become inaccessible even to me."

[aghosts-eulogy]

"and she finds it difficult to believe — that a person would love her even she isn't trying. trying to figure out what other people need, trying to be worthy."

[aghosts-eulogy]

"there are times when i am convinced i am unfit for any human relationship."

[aghosts-eulogy]

"the desire to be sicker, to prove that you are sick, itself is indicative of sickness. a well person doesn't desire to be sick."

[aghosts-eulogy]

"we have calcium in our bones, iron in our veins. carbon in our souls, and nitrogen in our brains. 93 percent stardust, with souls made of flames. we are all just stars that have people names."

[aghosts-eulogy]

25.12.2023- nagano

[aghosts-eulogy]

"do you think it's possible that some people are born to give more love then they will ever get back in return?"

[aghosts-eulogy]

"i want to explain how exhausted i am. even in my dreams. how i wake up tired. how i'm being drowned by some kind of black wave."

[aghosts-eulogy]

"i often see how you sob over what you destroy, how you want to stop and just worship; and you do stop, and then a moment later, you are at it again with a knife, like a surgeon."

[aghosts-eulogy]

"i cannot make you understand. i cannot make anyone understand what is happening inside me. i cannot even explain it to myself."

[aghosts-eulogy]

"how odd, i can have all this inside me, and to you it's just words."