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[agirlandwriting]

heartbreak recovery.

everything hurts more without you, my lungs have collapsed. the castle it lives in has been torn apart. it is now brick and stone among the ground. my breath weighs my body down. unsure where is safe to run. trapped within the structures of my ribs. being swallowed deeper and deeper, through the depths of my body. the sky in my mind is dark. I have not seen the stars for months. they don't show themselves. and the moon is scared. she doesn't want to beam her light anymore. she hides away- all dull. the waterfall cascades from the pits of my eyes. heavier than usual. overloading what I can handle. slowly drowning my insides, to a place they cannot be felt. somewhere deep. somewhere that has never been touched. my heart is afraid. afraid she will die of a heartbreak. afraid she will never be loved right. this fear fills her up. making her heavy to carry. so she crumbles- tearing herself apart until she is small enough to bear. she watches her wasted love fall to the ground. until it can no longer be seen, no longer be felt. the beasts in my thoughts fought their way into freedom. I can feel them running in my head. making me think more than usual. reminding me of fear. reminding me of sadness. reminding me of you.

[agirlandwriting]

you crippled my image of love.

before you I saw love as pure. so pure. so real. I saw genuine love between my parents. the way he dances with her in the kitchen. the way he falls asleep on her lap. or kisses her hand. I see happiness. I see joy. for which I had seen throughout my seventeen years of living. always excited to fall in love; to feel the same way as my mother. falling asleep with a smile. always knowing she is adored. but at the ripe age of seventeen- I was a kid in love. you showed me something different. I never understood why people stay with those who hurt them. until you. you first handedly showed me. because people like you cover up this hurt with "I love you"s. and people like me, stay. forcing ourselves to be happy. forcing ourselves to be grateful. you showed me false and cold hearted love. you showed me that having faith in the wrong people, never comes in your favour. why did you do that? 365 days. why did you hold my innocent love captive, for a year of my life. tearing my self image. stealing every inch of pure love within me, to feed your already broken heart. I guess you can't fill your own hole, without creating a hole in someone else. you broke me. and I called it love.

-b.t.

[agirlandwriting]

the garden you were too blind to see.

how can you claim you know me.

when I only allowed you to see

the parts of my skin

I wanted you to see.

or when I only let you hear

the words I chose to say.

but did you know about

the rivers that gush from my eyes,

when you're not looking?

do you know about the untrained

beasts living in the depths of my thoughts?

or the vines that tightly cover

my heart- refusing to let another soul inside.

you've never seen the castle in which

my lungs remain,

the way my breath carriers

itself through each staircase.

have you seen the heavy moon

glimmering inside my skull?

or the stars that dance among it?

you cannot claim you know me,

when my exterior is all you see.

you fell in love with the way

my flowers bloom in spring.

but would you still be in love

when I am only

my roots

in winter?

-b.t