aguineapigcouldntdothis - Tumblr blog

[aguineapigcouldntdothis]

a conversation that probably happened as the jewish people were leaving egypt

person A: oh shit theres no time for my bread to rise we aren't gonna get out of here on time

person B: so just?? dont let it rise. bake it like that.

person A: itll be flat and weird though? do you really think that's a good idea

person B: yeah, it's just a few fucked up loaves of bread. in a couple years no one will even remember it!

[aguineapigcouldntdothis]

don't forget that they critically injured a 7 year old Bedouin girl. haven't seen any of these people who claim to care about Arabs only mention that (probably because they don't care they just hate jews)

Iran government: kills people , steals, tortures, It overthrows people's protests , kills more , does terrible things , kills a woman because she didn't had hijab , kills more women for the same reason multiple times , kills Thousand of people on one night, imprisons scientists , acts racist , It imposes Islam on people and kill them if they don't want it , supports killers and ... .

Everyone: I saw nothing

Iran government: shoots a Missiles at Israel ( because Thay hate jew people ) that hit an uninhabited area in the desert and literally dose nothing

Everyone : yay I stand with Iran

Iran government is the best Thay are so good

[aguineapigcouldntdothis]

update on Toomaj Salehi, the Iranian rapper who supported the protests in '22 and '23. His lawyer has told the press Salehi has been sentenced to death today. There's still the possibility to appeal, which they will. However, it's not an anomaly. More protesters have been sentenced to death. (source)

(made some small edits and added tags)

[aguineapigcouldntdothis]

g-d I really really hope im halfway done with undergrad but you never know in the hellscape that is the USA education system. in terms of credits?? yeah im all good i need 120 to graduate and I have 63 or 65 with 2 years of college done so im ahead of schedule honestly. however I do need to take specific classes to get this fuckin degree and that could add another year onto this at least. which I do not mind taking 5-6 years to finish uni however I would also love to get out of utah asap!! ugh im gonna meet with my advisor and set up a plan soon

[aguineapigcouldntdothis]

tw: eating disorder mention

fuck you to eating disorder accounts who will literally only tag their posts with the most absurd shit ever i am trying so fucking hard to filter these tags I have played along with your stupid ass wordplay but nooooo I still have mutual in laws with active ED blogs tagging their shit about not eating for 3 days with "pro ana ed not ed sheeran" what the Fuck is That supposed to mean just tag "eating disorder" i am trying to block you all or at least block the shit you post because some of us are trying to recover

[aguineapigcouldntdothis]

I know we all like to joke about tzfardei'a like "how can frogs be a plague? it's just a bunch of frogs!" But I think we're going about it the wrong way. So imagine, if you will, this:

You're at home when you find a frog. It's sitting in your living room. That's not so bad. You might even make a TikTok about it. What a silly little guy! But eventually it has to go, right? You don't want a pet frog. So you hold out your hand and the frog hops on and you take it outside. You stand up, go inside, close the door, turn around, and there's a frog.

Okay, that's weird. It must have just jumped through your legs when you stood up. But no worries. You hold out your hand and the frog hops on and you take it outside. You stand up, go inside, close the door, turn around.

There are two frogs.

Okay that's definitely weird. This time you don't try to pick them up. You just use your hands to gently push them out the door. You stand up, go inside, close the door, turn around, aaaaaand one of the frogs had peed on your floor. Great.

You go into the kitchen and open the cabinet under the sink. You reach in and pull out a cleaning spray. Sitting on the nozzle is another frog. Okay, what is going on?

You take the spray bottle outside and gently encourage the frog off. You stand up, go inside, close the door, turn around, and there's another frog. It's standing in the puddle of piss. It croaks at you. Okay, this is fine, you're fine. It's just a frog. You gently but firmly push the frog outside. You stand up, go inside—

There's seven frogs.

In frustration you spray the cleaning spray at one of the frogs. You didn't think it was that much, but the frog's eyes bulge and it croaks and hops around in circles. You watch, horrified, as it lands on its back and its legs stretch out and then it stops moving. The other frogs stare at you in silent judgment. Another one pees on your floor. You gently tap the overturned frog with the toe of your boot. It doesn't move, and it's starting to smell. You reach down and touch one of its feet. It doesn't respond. You go back to your kitchen and get your broom. You start to shoo the frogs out of the door. You get them all out. You close the door and, perhaps irrationally, lock it. You return the broom to the kitchen. There's a frog clinging to the handle. You shout and shake the broom and the frog flies off. It hits the floor with a wet thud and does not move. You pick the dead thing up by a foot and drop it in the trash can. It lands on 10 more frogs, sitting at the bottom, all peeing.

You go to your room and slam the door. Behind you you hear a croak. You turn, very very slowly, and look at your room. Every surface has at least one frog. They all just sit there, staring at you, peeing on your belongings. Several of them, implausibly, are already dead. Their overturned bodies create a stench you wonder how you could have missed. You don't even know what to do with this many frogs. Where do you begin? You go to the bathroom. There are frogs in your toilet. You spitefully go to flush it, but there's a frog clinging to the lever. You try to wash your face in the sink, but it's full of frogs. You leave the bathroom and feel something soft and small crunch beneath your foot...

Everything seems to freeze and you sense dozens of pairs of baleful black eyes turn toward you......

You feel something brush the back of your neck and you swat at it, but your hand meets empty air. You feel something wet and you look down at your hand to see a frog sticking to it, peeing. You shake it off and it lands on the floor, already dead. You trample several more frogs as you sprint to the kitchen. You throw open the fridge, crushing the frog on the handle against the wall, and pull out a brewski. You pop open the cap and raise the bottle. There's a frog already inside your brewski. You throw the bottle down and it shatters, sending tens of tiny frogs scattering every which way. You feel something on the back of your neck again, and again you swat and again hit nothing but air, but this time it's because the frog has already made it down your shirt. You shriek and shout and twist about and a frog jumps inside your mouth. It's one of the tiny ones, and when you talk about this with your therapist later you won't feel confident that you didn't swallow it.

The frogs are everywhere now. Your house is more frog than house. Your kitchen is more frog than kitchen. There are frogs on your fresh fruit, and frogs in your sink and frogs in your sourdough starter. Frogs stick to the ceiling and jump inside the extractor fan above the stove where they make a horrible slicing noise. This can't be happening. There aren't this many frogs in the world, probably! You hear a click and turn, horrified, to see your oven preheating. It's set to 700°. Does your oven even go that high? Inside there are crisp frogs, and frogs waiting to crisp. The smell is unbearable.

You wade through a sea of frogs: frogs piled up on top of other frogs, all shapes and sizes and colors and all peeing and dying and smelling. You burst through your front door and take a deep breath of the fresh, clean air. What you see makes your head spin.

A mass of frogs in the approximate shape of your car sits where you're pretty sure your car used to be. A thing that looks like a dog but made of frogs runs past, screaming. Your neighbor's house writhes under a coat of green and red and yellow. You don't even want to imagine what your neighbor looks like. Frogs inundate your herb garden. They're eating all your herbs. You feel them creeping up your shins, but you can no longer move. You fall to your knees, squashing more frogs as you do. The frogs are all croaking. It's so loud it makes your ears bleed. Their voices all blend together, becoming a persistant hum. And oh g-d. You think you can hear words.

[aguineapigcouldntdothis]

at the very least you should be able to use some of the hundreds of resources available to check that the words you're printing on a giant tablecloth are not written backwards and are actually spelled correctly before you share an image of it with thousands of people who can't read a word of Hebrew and also will assume you wrote everything correctly (bc g-d knows jews dont like you)

Well you don’t need to know Hebrew to be Jewish but you should know which way it’s written

[aguineapigcouldntdothis]

I love this! guinea approved. first one could be a thanks for guinea pigs in general and second one could be thanks for a specific piggie. this is amazing now we have blessings for Hashem's most amazing, silliest animals

Coming here to crowdsource a blessing from jumblr for seeing a guinea pig, there are blessings for animals in general, but not piggies

youre right! jumblr, help create a blessing for guinea pigs!

[aguineapigcouldntdothis]

To wheek or not to wheek, that is the question.

the answer is always to wheeeeeeek!!!

[aguineapigcouldntdothis]

ROUND

[aguineapigcouldntdothis]

that piggie is so special it doesnt even have to walk

[aguineapigcouldntdothis]

Coming here to crowdsource a blessing from jumblr for seeing a guinea pig, there are blessings for animals in general, but not piggies

youre right! jumblr, help create a blessing for guinea pigs!

[aguineapigcouldntdothis]

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK

[aguineapigcouldntdothis]

Look up ‘guinea pig bar mitzvah’. You can thank me later. 🐹

is it abt that one article bc if so I read that on a regular basis its my favorite

[aguineapigcouldntdothis]

Wheek wheek! Saw this guinea pig gif and thought I should send to you!

oh wow they're unsafe drivers

[aguineapigcouldntdothis]

tbh youre one of my favorite blogs

wheek wheek!!

wheeeek wheek!! youre one of my faves too

[aguineapigcouldntdothis]

You mentioned you needed a vegetarian matzah ball soup recipe 

Here’s my mom’s:

Carrots, onions, celery, zucchini (optional), garlic, parsnips, mushrooms, a small turnip, dill, oregano, za’atar spice

2 cartons of veggie broth, water and let it simmer for 3 hours on low.

Do you also need a matzah ball recipe?

aaaaa thank you! a matzah ball recipe would be great