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Oh my god the jokes write themselves

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oon a chocolate rhubarb brownie recipe

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Last night was Space Potatoes for the Fisher Cats… first pitch ⤵️

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i love being sober and talking to drunk people at parties cause i asked a guy “if you were a wizard what kind of spells would you cast” and i know he wasnt lying when he said “summon creatures”

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I knew what this recipe was going in. You don’t see a recipe bragging about how few ingredients it uses and think “surely this will be delicious.” You think “It’s 1 AM and this looks like a vehicle to carry sugar into my body.” So none of what I’m about to say is on Ms. Davison, or her recipe.

There is a place in Terry Pratchet’s Discworld called the Great Nef desert. This is a desert so dry that even water isn’t wet in the Great Nef. Within this desert is the Dehydrated Ocean, a body of water in an uncommon fourth state of matter. This dry water forms silvery grains and resembles a powder more than a liquid.

There is a kind of wizard in Discworld called a hydrophobe. These wizards are raised from birth without ever coming into contact with liquid water. They are sustained only by the dry water from the Dehydrated Ocean. The result is a fear and hatred of water so ingrained that it allows these individuals to literally repel water, which is then used to power hover craft for crossing lakes and oceans.

When I first read this description in The Color of Magic, years ago, I wondered what kind of food the hydrophobes ate. When a hydrophobe sits down to their breakfast of corn flakes and a mummified orange, with what do they butter their stale, overdone toast?

Finally, in the pile of yellow dust I pulled from my oven after 7 minutes at 180 degrees Celsius, I have my answer.

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YOU THINK I’M JOKING BUT I’M DEAD SERIOUS

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whoever invented feet should be fired they're so hard to draw

something rare and sfw

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The hardcore way to eat ramen: 1. Boil water 2. Eat block of ramen 3. Drink boiled water 4. Snort flavored powder 5. Fuck bitches

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"if you're going to eat that rotisserie chicken please do it in an area where none of us can see" you hate me. you hate me because i have different eating habits than you and you want me to STARVE

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I love Wikipedia subsections that are just absolutely unhinged out of context

Peak comedy right here