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[ah0yh0y]

Laika, we write nostalgic poems in the tragedy of your memory humanity's first sacrifice to the stars - or so we wrongly assume the fruit flies we swat away they went up there before us and came down alive "look, we survived" do the others blame them from their graves in the stars? what about the five Alberts in their blazing cylindrical coffins i wonder if no one bothered to put them to rest, like no one bothered to give them names you were so close to touching the ground again, First Mouse was the wind cold on your small body when the parachute snapped? Tsygan and Desik, the very first dogs to come back after touching the darkness Tsygan, did they tell you how your partner did not survive his next flight, were you guilty or relieved that it was Lisa with him and not you? did you tell Laika it was not worth it? Malyshka, when Smelaya said "i'll be right back" before disappearing the eve of the launch, were you scared you'd have to go through it alone? did you kiss her face when she came back were you holding paws when they found you crashed telling the same old story of the faulty parachutes Yorick - when you became the first monkey to survive after the relief wore out did you have enough time to mourn your predecessors in the two hours before you died? were you also an Albert, and did they deign to give you a name only after you survived? i wonder if the nine mice spoke your name at the funeral of the other two "our bigger crewmate took good care of us" what about all those who endured the same pains only to be told your rocket did not fly high enough to touch the sky then came Laika, a full decade after the flies at least you knew you would not come back at least you are allowed goodbyes Gordo, after you survived those 40g of reentry only to be plunged into darkness again because of the parachutes they never bothered to perfect, what stories does your ghost tell the fish? Miss Able, from your disrespectful place frozen in time stared at by curious eyes since decades do you envy Miss Baker for being allowed to return to dust? Marfusha the rabbit, what was your story? Sputnik 5: the first troop to come out of orbit alive did you have a window, could you see our fragile home? Ham, did you feel like one of those humans when you were pulling those levers finally above your descendants again? after all these sacrifices, after space was deemed safe enough for Yuri, then Alan and then some Felicette, were you glad to join in, even if much later was it worth it when they killed you to pick apart your brain to see if they could find stardust in there? animals, dear unsung heroes when you go up there do you sigh your laments about us to the cosmos?

- the natural history of spaceflight, zeroth

[ah0yh0y]

literally my favourite thing about lena kelley that keeps being proven again and again as the series continues: she does not give a fuck and is just doing her job. no morals. no plans. no personality. go girl, give us less than nothing. cannot find it within me to believe she's the big bad when she's literally an empty shell of a person repeating someone else's lines back at the person she used to be. she is nothing. she's everything to me.

[ah0yh0y]

[ah0yh0y]

birth of a monster (complete)

[ah0yh0y]

memory

ah yes, the classical life crisis called "memory" where I continuously question if a memory is:

an actual memory

a very vivid dream

it didn't happen I just heavily imagined it

someone else's story I heard

something I read or saw online

[ah0yh0y]

From the very second I wake up

[ah0yh0y]

both

[ah0yh0y]

Me fr

[ah0yh0y]

My Brain: So!!! Sleepy!!!!

Me: Ok, then go to sleep?

My Brain: CAN'T!!!

Me: Why not??

My Brain: Too Stressed out!! About how SLEEPY I am!!!

Me: … if I could just plop you out and put you in a jar overnight, I would.

[ah0yh0y]

[ah0yh0y]

Okay, so i have an ADHD hack, and usually these don't work for me, but this one did.

So, i saw this on TikTok. If you have multiple chores, and don't know where to start, just write them all down, and then number them.

Then roll a dice, and whatever chore that number is, do it. (And if you don't have a dice, there are thousands of apps for that.)

It makes the chores approachable.

You don't see the mountain of all chores anymore, it's just one thing. Also you don't have to think about the next thing, because you don't know what it is.

And then it's done, and you can move to the next thing the dice tells you

I just did this to clean up my room.

I put bed, couch, nightstand, desk, chair, floor etc. And hell it worked. My room is actually clean now...

Like, try this, i swear, this is amazing!

[ah0yh0y]

[ah0yh0y]

I was like "huh, loads of alchemy in Magnus Protocol, better pick up some books on alchemy to see if they help me understand some hidden themes" so I picked up "Secrets of Alchemy" by Lawrence M. Principe and guys, I'm just sitting there, reading it like:

THERE IS SO MUCH STUFF THAT'S CURRENTLY RELEVANT. DYES (INKS??) BEING ONE OF MAIN SUBJECTS, AN ALTAR WHERE YOU SACRIFICE MEN OF THREE METALS AND ASK THEM QUESTIONS (FREDDY?), GERMAN CODE BEING RELEVANT (???), ONE OF THE MAIN ARABIC SCHOLARS OF ALCHEMY WAS PRINCE FUCKING KHALID (like, ya know, SAMAMA KHALID??).

I'm only TWO CHAPTERS INTO THIS BOOK and already had like five points where I'm gleefully reading it and suddenly going "...wait". I will go insane before S1 even ends.

[ah0yh0y]

"Guy" and "man" have different connotations with adjectival nouns. Like "tree guy" = arborist but "tree man" = he lives in a tree, or maybe he is a tree.

[ah0yh0y]

I feel like we, as a society, are sleeping on how funny Sklonda Gukgak is as a character. yes, yes, she's amazing and heartbreaking and I would die for her. we all know it. let's talk about how she is objectively fucking hilarious.

she's a single mom. she instituted a minimum four hour nightly sleep for her son, completely ignoring the fact that her son got his sleep and coffee habits from her. she took a hard left from police work into public defense, but kept her gun and goes to active crime scenes with her son and his friend. they mentioned one (1) time that she was dating a devil who is easily ten times the size of her entire body. this fact is never brought up again. she loves her son's friends, but does not like or trust any of them. despite this, she 100% went on vacation with them and all their parents. she laments her son's relentless and self-destructive work ethic right before conking out on the kitchen table at 3am. she helped her kid eat a dragon.

this woman is as feral as they come. she's hilarious. I adore her. 11/10, Brennan. no notes.

[ah0yh0y]

Okay, but if Sandra Lynn was in a toxic, manipulative, god awful relationship with Bobby Dawn while he was already married (possibly with kid) and with way more years of experience over her when she was barely eighteen, imagine her horror when she found out Fig had a thing for older men in a position of power. I would suffer a fucking stroke.

[ah0yh0y]

He’s just like me for real