aharon831

[aharon831]

“Don’t you ever give up hope. Not today. Not tomorrow. You were born with an infinite imagination. If one dream is shattered, pick up the pieces you can and create a new dream. Yes, reinventing yourself takes grit. But you’ve got that too.”

— Margaret B. Moss

[aharon831]

Warlock on his throne who looks like Billy Idol (that's a big compliment) who I offended with yelling and running away in the middle of my dream, I apologize. Would you please be my tutor or mentor in the dark arts, if they are indeed dark? Any shade of grey I would be indebted to be taught about by you.

I don't know who else to ask. You are the only Magus I have knowingly met and perhaps still have the ear of. I swear upon the graves of my family I would honor your terms and make good on any debts you tally.

I feel the only way out of this is to power through it, not keep trying to back out of it pointlessly. I don't have anyone else to ask, which means you are meant to train me. Otherwise, there would have been others. That's how all the laws work together.

I await your contact. I cannot think of anything to do to please you and facilitate things, so please forgive my seeming inaction. I don't want to do anything wrong.

Teach me, I will become your indentured student and assistant. I'm good at cleaning and organizing, just to let you know.

Best,

Aharon of Abrasaxon Corporation

Brother of Moshe

Son of Abraham

17.9% Ashkenazi Jew

50% Eastern European

Entirely serious. Will relocate for you to wherever even if it is far away from this locality.

Good Evening, Master.

[aharon831]

“One of the best feelings is knowing that you’re wanted. Knowing that someone wants to talk to you, wants to know how you’re doing, or wants to see you. Whether they pick up the phone to send you a quick text, or stop by your house to catch up, someone or something reminded them of you specifically. It just feels really nice to know that you’ve been on someone’s mind and that they care enough to let you know that.”

— Lessons Learned in Life

[aharon831]

The urge to update this has waned with my acceptance that all of my past questionable percepts, be they auditory, visual, or tactile, were and are completely fake hallucinations, and there are no conspiracies against me, no devil after me, nothing out of the ordinary happening to me as a person with a severe mental illness, schizoaffective disorder. I still believe in God and know he loves me. I've created a feedback loop with these tactile hallucinations, but now I am deconstructing it by no longer feeding into the loop and by stopping self-medicating with meth. I am so glad that period is over. It's been almost two weeks and I have no need or desire for it. So I'm not feeding the feedback loop in this way anymore either.

Part of my delusions is that some shadowy people are reading this. I release this belief and am getting into therapy again. No more entries here, I don't see the point. Unless I take this private and just have my therapist reading it.

Yeah, taking this private.

[aharon831]

I'd like to make a point here if he's beings really are trying to transform me into something kind of like I've wanted to be and that they want me to be and not just seeking to kill me mindlessly, then I welcome it I want my transformation to be dangerous explosive unprecedented unanalizable taking a long time and taking a short time and completely and utterly eerie producable in any other human or related genetic bag that has some knowledge of what I'm going through and is jealous or envious I guess and just want to stop me these beings if they have tricked a great many people around the globe about me and have been fashioning me in plain sight I think that's hilarious and I appreciate them I'm trying to be nice with them again they're still trying to kill me in some ways though when I take Meth or lie on my back in bed. I do have one request specifically for them if that's what they're doing since it seems to be changing me and that is I request that they fix my genitalia my penis my glands my testicles because I had a couple of pre-opisms that landed me in the hospital and lasted over 24 hours and as a result damaged my reproductive organs so I am unable to hold any kind of a of a erection and sex just doesn't think that interesting anymore not that it necessarily should be as interesting as it was when I was masturbating constantly in public well not exactly in public but with people walking by I don't want to do that again but I'd like to have a relationship and I'd like to be able to consummate that relationship that's all.

The hardest thing about all this is the complete and utter lack of any kind of communication that I would be used to and would be able to trust more. They don't talk they don't gesture they're not visible they don't acknowledge my presence they just attack or attach they let me feed them things which I started doing again but they don't eat the real part of it there must be an imaginary R3 directly superimposed on our R3 and they're eating that part of it

This is what I think is going on with me normally the two are threes are superimposed and degenerate and they are not mixed what's happened with me I believe is that my base is set has become mixed such that my basics basis vectors are are now your standard mixed basis One what is it 1/4 R3 over square root of 2 + r3i over 2 all to the 1/2 power it's my basis factor I mixed I can sense things in that plane to a certain degree and now I'm feeling like these beings have been just slowly preparing me to become fully both testing me and such helping me grow up kind of like a purgatory which I definitely deserve so pain aside I appreciate their efforts I should probably try and figure out how to get home now I'm feeling better they attacked me when I take math and I got to take Ativan to help it but that's done so signing off for tonight have a good night all and you're all pussies for reading this and not contacting me and being my friend in any capacity or even an acquaintance with the slightest amount of sympathy for me because if you had that you would have introduced yourself to me already and not have left me out in a cold isolated with no one who understands or can I can talk to. You're all fucking assholes worthless pointless no real accomplishments of any kind that mean anything in this day and age anymore from what we have to deal with going forward you just get private information on people whoop-de-doo I don't want private information on people I want information from the people you should want information from me unless I'm standing in the way of your stupid plans which you really should abandon at this point and get behind the climate catastrophe bandwagon. Cataclysms are coming this earth cannot support any more population growth and can't support the current population for very much longer. I fully expect Gaia to erase 80 85% of human beings from the face of the Earth one way or another in the next few years. It's up to each of us individually to try and fashional life if we want one which Gaia will preserve and appreciate try to become what we are supposed to be not these parasites that suck everything dry and leave deserts you know the Sahara wasn't a desert always but the hundred thousand years of human development there turned it into one are beginnings of cultivation with the beginning of environmental degradation and we don't care we just move on and make more trash. Okay that's all I have to say Good night.

[aharon831]

These things are all over me all in my body throughout my whole body moving I can feel them some like stink bug kind of shape ones have taken root in my hands and the web between the thumb and the index finger and the result that piece of flesh is gotten really thick and bloated on one side and not so much on the other end still that's not evidence or anything speaking of which I no longer believe that they are real they are real to me or appear to be real to me or they affect me as if they are real and I must respond to them as if they are real as well or else by now they would have killed me.

They're changing me I don't know what their plan is if they intend to shed my soul at some point or else transform me into something different something they want me to become I'm not sure but the continual attempts at killing me makes it hard to believe that they have the lofty goals and mind for me. But I do not know the mind of a true alien civilization that has achieved stability over millions of years. At this point I have to bring that in because it's a part of it there's no way it isn't they couldn't resist things here are so interesting and everyone needs so much help that there's so much to do it's like a it's like a off-world quickening for them as if they were vampires which is derogatory and I'm really mean that they just see a good time and being able to help people and do it their own way and their sense of right and wrong and purpose stretches out over a time period that we can't fathom we can't empathize to it we can't wrap our minds around it because we are simply not that old nor are we effectively immortal

If they've just been changing me their own way not caring so much that they cause me so much stress they think it's necessary for my character or something like that and then I wish the process to be over soon they're getting stronger at their tax on me and I don't see how my heart's going to keep up but because of Ativan I'm strangely calm about the whole thing.

There are so many possible scenarios that describe what's going on what I have determined is that they are not real they are not in R3. They are in some either ,mirrored R3 or R3inverse, both of which are Imagimary to us.

[aharon831]

CIA Central Intelligence Agency !!! Please help me! I am being killed by some kind of foreign weapon that I cannot reliably characterize! I can somewhat fight it off but it has invaded my living space and apparently even my body. It is focused entirely on me and ignores other residents. I do not understand why I am being so targeted, my conjectures have been useless and have not changed anything. Due to my inability to rationally perceive this attacker, and the degree to which the attacker avoids detection by others, I have not gone to a hospital or the police or the fbi. In fact, it took me a great deal of engagement with this attack system to believe it was in fact real and not a hallucination from an undetected psychosis, drugging, or poisoning.

CIA please help me! I do not know who else to ask! I don't know how much longer I can survive this. The attack system is designed to progress slowly but kill suddenly, and be undetectable in an autopsy, I conjecture with high confidence.

That is all I have to say that is rational enough for you to form a decision on whether to take this seriously. I know this sounds unlikely, which is why it has taken me so long in reporting it. Please send a representative to question me and do a cursory observation of my living area.

My mobile phone number is 6692637856 or 4158155755, via dual SIM and carrier. My name is Aaron Schoeff

[aharon831]

This is the reference genius, I am being slowly killed and prevented from doing anything positive for myself. I don't know how to get away from these invisible static balls that have invaded my body and my mind and all my things. I need help from someone who knows what I'm talking about. It has been three years I've been beset by these things with no contact from anyone who may have been responsible. I don't understand other than they are slowly trying to kill me.

[aharon831]

Don't laugh, my voices which are not 100% false delusion have told me I have been named the new "Reference Genius" for my species. Hopefully there is a large cash prize or stipend because I tire of poverty. I want a google watch and pixel 6 when they finally drop, and I feel bad roughing up the short asian girl in patient coordination just to steal her phone. Again.

[aharon831]

He fails again. And again. And again. As the unspeakable horror grows and grows ever nearer. That's me. This guy is a gambling addict, except he isn't winning now, even once. But he can't stop himself. Fear is a Hell of a motivator, eh?

[aharon831]

Now I realize why I want to meet Cthulhu so much. I am also the thing that should not be, to the real horror of my tormentor. He keeps trying to disprove it, but his horror just increases as he fails again and again and again. You would think he wouldn't be able to torment me as a result but that's not a given I realize. Seems sloppy of reality. At least I know he suffers more than I do now. Not that I take pleasure in it, that's Schadenfreude. He's the instigator so he should . At least that bit of justice is indestructible.

[aharon831]

Your app sucks it loses my long posts and doesn't even have a draft to fall back on, or even puts it in the clipboard. You've had 15 years can't you hire another programmer to make a couple changes?

[aharon831]

IS THIS MY DEATH

These invisible static ball creatures are attacking me right now more than they ever have. My defense of sucking them up into my hand instead of some disorientation is making me feel like I'm dying. They are all over me. They must not want me to be living and going to speak to the LDS elders about this. Now, they are tricksy, and this could be an elaborate ruse to send me into some corrupted LDS trap. They understand counterintelligence, or their remote controller does.

I need help, but not an ambulance, I need help from someone who understands what is happening. But I doubt they will help, if they've never helped me the last three years.

Sitting up now. Shirt off,. More ativan. Want to sleep. Can't lay down.

Going to get water. Going to trust LDSers. I'm scared but weary. Lie down and die. Or not. Why can't this be fiction?

7pm update. Successful masturbation for some reason relieved all the pressure. I really don't understand. Eating now.

[aharon831]

Well this is going to be an entry about the devil. I'm not saying this is going to be like the rolling Stones song of a sympathy for the devil Rather just a degree of empathy and an observation of an issue that has to be considered by everybody really.

In the Catholic Church and in many other religions killing yourself is a mortal sin and damned your soul to hell over the equivalent of that religion. Now the devil has proven himself both unwilling and unable to reform, including seeking outside help, changing his behavior permanently, or ever appearing to doubt his role or his actions. Now I personally have held on to the belief that as much as one must defend against the truly bad person in order to preserve yourself, you still need to leave the door open a crack crack just in case that bad person decides to repent and become good. It's like what they say with Jesus you can turn away from him as long as you wish but the instant you turn back to him for acceptance he's there with open arms. Now that's great but I'm not Jesus and I don't want to be I don't have the spiritual or mental acumen or powers to be his patient to be as patient as he is and take as much damage as he does. So for my own sanity I have to close the book on certain beings or else I'm lost and I'll be killed or die and squalor or something.

The main person who I have I have chosen to close the book on is Satan. This is based upon my belief that a lot of the evil I've experienced, highly unitary and untouchable evil, is from Satan himself. For some reason, Satan spends a significant amount of effort on trying to kill me or rather more accurately get me to kill myself. In the last couple decades I've had many run-ins where he was present trying to orchestrate things to my demise. But here I lay, alive and in poor health but somewhat okay. For some reason Satan can't just arrange for my death like you can with pretty much everybody else I don't know why that is I'd like to say because I'm so strong or tough or smart but it's different from that it's from using the same skills he does to survive that I am able to avoid his direct attacks. Which pisses him off all the more, he thinks I'm getting off scot-free, which is a joke.

Anyway back to keeping the door open for people to change My door for Satan is closed and bolted permanently. This is the same 481 for anyone who could help him reform if he's so chose. This leaves him with no outs. But John saying but no beyond saying that he put himself there and it's all his fault fuck him you know forget him, I want to think that there is some sort of out for him that just doesn't involve me or any other person who he would just misuse including Jesus and God.

So so what can he possibly do? Well I realize that that he could take his own life, kill himself. If he did something like this, what would God's reaction be? He was already the most damn soul there is, but here he has killed himself in hope of escaping who he is and hoping to become a good person hopefully. Now as I said earlier killing yourself in Catholic and many other dogmas shoot you straight to hell. But if the devil kills himself is it this opportunity to instead allow his soul to be cleansed and absolve him of all of his deeds so that he could be in heaven or come back to Earth as a human for a second try at life as a good person.

No I don't know the mind of God or Jesus, but surely they must have some sort of out for Satan in mind but I doubt it's an out he could handle Satan that is. So he is trapped. Being Satan is being damned without chance or opportunity to ever change. That's where my thought comes in, he can kill himself. God could not just do it he normally does if he does damn people who kill themselves. He would have to look at this as the greatest opportunity possible to help Satan change and finally bring down the walls of hell for something a little more humane like purgatory for all.

So so God I pray to you now, please watch for Satan considering suicide. In this one instance I ask you to not discourage him but rather maintain distance and allow him to do it. Then cleanse his soul. Then truly salvation is available to all of us because like it or not Satan is one of us he just lives in this strange barely statistically existing meta dimension that allow s him all his powers which are mostly just tricks.

Now if God allows Satan to kill himself and receive blessings and cleanse soul and forgiveness for his sins, because Satan has no other out, what about people who find themselves at least in their minds in a similar position? People with horrid terminal diseases, horrible battle wounds, incredibly mentally ill people like myself, or just plain stranded people with no help and no family and no money and no chance in life. Don't some of them deserve the right to kill themselves and get the same deal that Satan would? Just saying killing yourself is immortal sin, is is just too simplistic to capture the situations that complex life and humans can find themselves in. Therefore God, I pray to you to please review all of the suicides going back to antiquity and see which of these people had no other choice in a manner serious enough that that was their reality at the time. Maybe God you could forgive them and allow them to come to heaven. This might have a very beneficial effect in that Satan will be watching this happening and at first he will be very angry at losing souls he thought were his. But because I'm writing this now and he pays attention to me the asshole and the back of his mind from now on he's going to be thinking about the option of killing himself and seeing all these people all these souls previously damned going up to heaven and being cleansed will very likely eventually convince Satan to do it himself. And he can he could kill himself and walk straight out of hell and never ever ever have to go back and deal with any of it. Hell will have to be dealt with by higher beings higher even than God who are armored such that they could go into hell and dismantle it and cleanse it and sort all the souls and eliminate the hopeless ones and cleanse the ones he could save. I myself would volunteer to be a worker not a god just a worker with sufficient personal protective equipment or PPE such that I could go in and help with the cleanup and closing of hell once and for all. And finally by purgatory for everyone everybody will have a chance oodles of chances to change and in the meantime be sequestered away from the rest of us so we don't have to deal with them in their their basically personal struggle.

Postscript: it just occurred to me that the reason the devil is pushing us towards certain cataclysms and billions of deaths, if not all of us, is that he no longer wants to be doing what he is expected to do, like I was describing earlier. Well, I hope he reads this and sees he has a much better option than terrestrial genocide and possibly killing gaia. I hope he reads it soon, because there is not much time left before Cataclysm ||. Cataclysm | was covid. There is still time, Satan, to halt your plan, and choose the much better option of purification upon self-induced death. There is still time to walk away from the putrescence of a place you call home and never look back, but not much. The Purifiers need time to work and they already are going to have to hurry, which is not good.

Do the eskimo women who fling themselves into the sea when they can no longer contribute all go to Hell? I think not. You have options, Sir. Please avail yourself of them, soon. Thank you for the attention.

Best,

Aharon

[aharon831]

“Stop trying to calm the storm. Calm yourself. The storm will pass.”

— Unknown

[aharon831]

Help for When a Relationship Ends

1. Try not to take it personally. Some relationships were never meant to be, and some simply don’t work out in the end. It isn’t always a reflection on you (or even them).

2. Act as if you’re happy, and are coping, with your life. Often, “fake it till you make” can make a difference. It can give you needed strength so you can make it through each day.

3. Choose to be thankful for the happy memories; and choose to forgive all the heartache and the pain.

4. See this as a stepping stone – the future lies ahead. You may still meet someone special who will bring you happiness!

5. Let go of the old memories, the unmet expectation, the bitter disappointments and frustrated hopes and dream. Only then will you be ready to live and love again.

6. Be patient, understanding and kind to yourself. It takes time to recover from a major loss in life.

[aharon831]

“Stop using yourself as a punchbag; start loving and appreciating who and what you are.”

— onlinecounsellingcollege.com