aheartunseen

[aheartunseen]

1. Six of Wands – What Part of You is Still Clinging to This Relationship?

Traditional meaning:

Victory, public recognition, feeling seen and celebrated. It’s the card of being “chosen,” of coming home triumphant with the crowd cheering you on.

In your context:

You’re still clinging to the version of you that finally felt lovable because someone else said so. When she chose you, loved you, or gave you affection—it lit up that deep, neglected part of you that’s longed to be validated, desired, and emotionally safe. Being with her felt like you had finally won. Like all the past pain was worth it.

But the card warns: if your sense of value is based on external validation, it’s unstable. You were using her love as proof that you weren’t too much, too broken, too messy. That’s the part of you that’s still holding on—because you miss feeling chosen.

This card is asking you to step out of the audience and start clapping for yourself. You don’t need someone else’s spotlight to shine. You were already worthy before she ever looked your way.

⸻

🃏 2. Eight of Pentacles (Reversed) – What Truth Are You Avoiding?

Traditional meaning:

Upright, this card is about discipline, skill-building, and effort over time. Reversed, it often signals misalignment in effort, lack of growth, or putting in work where it’s not being matched.

In your context:

You don’t want to discredit her—and you shouldn’t. She was trying in her own way. But this card brings attention to a painful imbalance: your efforts were emotional, deep, and persistent, while hers, though present, often didn’t land where you needed them to.

This isn’t saying she was lazy or apathetic. It’s saying you were speaking different languages of growth. You were digging deep into trauma, regulation, communication, and healing your attachment wounds. She may have cared deeply but didn’t meet you in the trenches. Not because she didn’t want to—but because she may not have had the tools or capacity.

The truth you’re avoiding isn’t that she didn’t love you. It’s that love alone wasn’t enough to build something that met both your emotional needs. That’s a truth that’s hard to face, but it sets you free.

⸻

🃏 3. Ten of Wands – What Needs to Be Released?

Traditional meaning:

Burden, over-responsibility, emotional overload. Carrying too much—sometimes out of guilt, obligation, or the belief that if you just keep going, it’ll pay off.

In your context:

You’re dragging every past mistake like it’s a weight you deserve. Every emotional moment, every tone shift, every need you had—you’re treating like proof that you were “too much,” and you’ve made yourself the villain in your own story.

This card is begging you to put the bags down.

You are carrying pain that doesn’t belong to you. You are punishing yourself for the fact that you were human. You needed things. You asked for them. And instead of receiving them, you internalized your needs as the problem.

This is your nervous system begging for relief.

This is your future self saying:

“Please stop blaming me for what I didn’t know yet.”

Let go of the shame. Keep the lessons. That’s how you lighten the load.

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🃏 4. Death – What’s Trying to Emerge From This Pain?

Traditional meaning:

Transformation, endings, rebirth. Not literal death—but the end of a cycle or self-concept to make way for something new and more aligned.

In your context:

This isn’t about the death of love. This is the death of a dysregulated identity—a part of you shaped by trauma, fear of abandonment, and the belief that if you just healed fast enough or loved hard enough, you’d finally feel safe.

You weren’t born thinking you had to earn love. But life made you feel that way. So in relationships, you kept trying to get it “right”: regulate perfectly, communicate clearly, not “overreact.” And when you couldn’t always do that, the shame came flooding in.

But this Death card? It’s saying that version of you has done enough. She’s exhausted, and she’s allowed to die—not in disgrace, but in gratitude.

What’s emerging is a woman who:

• refuses to abandon herself for connection

• regulates from self-love, not performance

• builds a nervous system that can hold both her fire and her fear

You don’t need to earn emotional safety anymore.

You become it.

⸻

🃏 5. The High Priestess – What Support Do You Need Right Now?

Traditional meaning:

Intuition, mystery, inner knowledge. This card invites stillness and asks you to trust the part of you that knows without needing proof.

In your context:

You’ve been looking outward for truth—cards, friends, messages, signs. But deep down, you already know. You knew when your needs weren’t met. You knew when love started feeling more like anxiety than connection. You knew something wasn’t sustainable—but you didn’t want to believe it.

This card is saying: the version of you who knows what’s right is alive and waiting. You just haven’t trusted her yet. You’re not broken—you’re afraid of your own clarity. Because clarity means letting go of the hope that love will come back and finally get it right.

Let her speak. The part of you that already knows the truth?

She’s not cruel. She’s the most loving voice you’ve got.

⸻

🃏 6. Eight of Wands – What’s the Potential on the Other Side of This Healing?

Traditional meaning:

Momentum, rapid progress, movement forward, alignment. Things falling into place once resistance clears.

In your context:

This is your future rushing in—if you let it. You’ve been stuck in grief, guilt, and the hope that she might come back. But the second you loosen your grip, energy starts flowing.

This card is a portal:

The faster you stop making your worth dependent on this one story, the faster your life opens up to more aligned people, safer love, and emotional relief. Not because you stopped loving—but because you stopped performing for love.

On the other side of this healing?

• You date with clarity, not codependency.

• You speak your truth without bracing for rejection.

• You feel peace in your body—not panic.

This is the card of reclaiming speed—not rushing into something new, but being carried by your own growth.

⸻

Final Word:

This spread doesn’t say you were broken.

It says: You tried to survive in a way that made you think you had to be perfect to be kept.

It doesn’t say she was a villain.

It says: You both were loving from wounded places that didn’t align.

And it doesn’t say healing is easy.

It says: It’s worth it. Because the version of you that emerges on the other side is powerful as hell.

[aheartunseen]

Wow reading my last post.. that’s crazy how just a month ago, that’s how I felt. I remember that moment clearly when incrying in the shower and she never even acknowledged it.

We’re broken up now. I don’t know what to say. It’s been two days since our break up. I’ve been spiraling. That previous post made me remember exactly what was lacking in our relationship and what I actually wanted and needed. I was shrinking my needs down these past couple of weeks to keep the peace.

I guess today is starting to accept that we are emotionally incompatible and can’t be together in the long run. That love is not enough. No matter how much I wish it was. That we were not meant to be even tho I really really wanted us to be. I wanted to believe I was going to marry her. I kept thinking to myself, if I could just heal faster, not ask for more reassurance, maybe.. maybe she will be with me. I even sent her a text stating that. But in actuality, we are just too different. I didn’t like how she didn’t like anything emotionally intense or deep talks, that anything relating to that was too much for her. I didnt like that she couldn’t be more emotionally attuned to me, more present, more warm, more verbally affectionate.

Anyway the break up and with the help with tarot, made me realize today I need to focus on myself. (I’ll post the pic of the spread and the results on a seperate post in case I want future reference).

It’s crazy how I thought I was really going to marry her and now I have to grieve our future together.

I’ve just been sitting in bed for hours fixating on us. Not wanting her back, but how to move forward. What to do. I’m paralyzed. On one hand I still want her back (I’m human so ofc I want the person I’m attached to!) and the on the other hand, I know it won’t ever work between us, especially since my nervous system is so dis regulated.

I wish I could fast forward to the part where I’m motivated to do change right now. To be like “fuck yeah! I’m gunna heal my nervous system and be the best version of me!” But right now I’m just like in la la land.. worried about how I’m going to survive this heartbreak.

**I just can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep expecting people to be responsible for my feelings bc I’m so dis regulated. I need to learn how to self soothe, how to trust my intuition and my gut and lean on my own self, I can’t keep ignoring red flags (like how her not wanting emotionally deep convos) like I did with my ex, I can’t keep losing myself in relationships bc it made me feel good to be loved and wanted. I need to take my time to get to know someone. I need to stop having feelings so fast. Hoping that this is the person that will save me. I can only save myself. I need to put myself first. I need to slow down in relationships in the future and really assess them before I go all in BECAUSE I AM TIRED OF GOING ALL IN WITH PEOPLE WHO END UP LEAVING ANYWAY. WHATS THE POINT OF BEING WITH THEM THEN IF THEYRE JUST GUNNA LEAVE? Although I do admit, my dis regulated system was too much for them to handle probably so I don’t blame them.

But I can’t keep blaming myself for how I showed up bc I didn’t know better. I need to have radical empathy and kindness for myself. I need to show myself more grace. I didn’t mean to hurt the people I loved in the past, I did it because the trauma I’ve experienced took over and I felt unsafe. That’s not my fault but it is my responsibility to break the pattern. That’s the accountability I need to own up to.

I need to love myself so much that I’m okay with being alone instead of compromising my needs like I did w my ex.

I’m starting therapy on Monday so hopefully I can be able to work on this.

I’m scared that if she texts me that she wants to get back together I would cave. But the tarot said she really is too scared to. And the tarot also said an accurate reading for me rn too so I’m sssuming when she does text me back, she’s gunna say she can’t do it anymore. How do I prepare myself for that? It’s just so final. Even tho logically I know we’re not good for each other but maybe it’s also my hurt self wishing to be picked. To be chosen. But do I want to be chosen by her? The person who can’t be emotionally present when I’m upset? The one who isn’t verbally affectionate when that’s something I need and love.. sigh.

I just started thinking about when I went to Tennessee and her physical affection felt so good. I haven’t had that before and i think that’s another reason why I stayed.

But who’s to say I couldn’t have that again?

[aheartunseen]

We made up today after she emotionally abandoned me yesterday. It broke my heart knowing she could be so cold and watch me cry in the shower yet not say anything.

She apologizes and I can tell she geniunely means it but it makes me mad that I had to set aside my irritability to validate her but she couldn’t do the same for me and be there for me emotionally when I was crying.

A part of me hopes things will really change and get better. I know she’s upset and frustrated w herself.

I know she loves me.

But if she ever does that again, I’m done. I will never allow myself to be w someone who can watch me cry and not acknowledge it. The thought of her doing that disgusts me.

I don’t think she knows how much I resent her for that. That I keep making myself smaller and ignoring my needs (like reassurance, emotional availability, emotional presence, to be heard/seen/understood).

I hate that she hurt me so bad.

I’m tired of trying to feed her lines on what to say to reassure me. I’m tired of giving her a script on how to love me. I’m tired of fighting to be seen, heard, understoood. I just want someone to see my raw unique emotional intense yet sensitive soul and love me so much bc of it. I want someone to really see me. To feel my emotions. To love me for the messy, emotional intense person that I am and to love me with care, with warmth, with gentleness. To look at me like I’m fragile. Bc I’m the outside I’m not, but on the inside, I am. I want to be treasured, cherished, celebrated, adored, admired, obsessed about. I want someone to want to know all my thoughts and opinions and be so curious about me. I want them to constantly tell me how lucky they are to have me. Because they are. I am a fucking prize and I love so deeply. I am so devoted and I put that person first in my life and they should be honored. And the right person will be honored bc the right person knows that it’s a privilege to be loved by me. That my love is unlike anything else.

I want to be nurtured, to find the person I’m with a safe space where I can relax and not be afraid of voicing out my thoughts, no matter how vulnerable it makes me feel. For them to understand it, truly understand and internalize it. I don’t want to keep feeling like I’m repeating myself over and over.

I want to be told I’m loved and why I’m so amazing to them. I want to feel like I am amazing to them bc they always tell me the reasons why.

I want her to describe in a way where I fall back in love with myself bc of how highly and beautiful she sees my qualities.

I don’t know if I’ll ever get that with Tiffany.

[aheartunseen]

I love blobbing out in bed gaming. I love my portal so much! I thought I’d regret getting it but nah fam, this is the best investment for ultimate blobbing

[aheartunseen]

She sent this to me today and I wanted to leave it here to make sure I record it on and can always look back on it :’) <3333

Good morning my sunshine ☀️ I wast to start off by saying I am truly grateful for you and I am falling for you more and more everyday. I feel so much more connected to you after last night. You had asked me earlier in the night what you could do to make me feel more secure and wanted me to think about it. Well I honestly feel like 1 meeting in person will help but then being able to watch you last night while we has sex was something that I didn’t know I needed to feel more secure. I truly loved every second of it. Like I love that we can be goofy and laugh but then I love how we can also be serious and my daddy take charge. It makes me feel so so secure in this and that I know you would never do anything to hurt me or leave me.

As for you being on camera fully…. I love every second of it. Your body is perfect and I love being able to see you in that way. I just caught myself stopping to watch you because I am so obsessed with you. I just am so grateful that you trust me and feel comfortable enough to show me all of you. I literally can’t stop thinking about last night. I woke up this morning feeling like something has changed in me like maybe that was one of the things holding me back (not that I was intentionally but subconsciously) I just think something clicked in me and I truly can’t stop thinking about you and I’m just wanting to be with you forever.

Anyways enough about that… I can’t wait 31 more days baby!!!

I loved being able to spend my day with you yesterday like always. I could talk to you all day and never get bored of you. You keep asking me if I’m getting bored of you and the answer is no I could never. ( I need to do a better job of reassuring you) You are so truly amazing in every aspect of yourself. You have such an amazing woman and inspire me to be a better one. I know we were brought together for a reason and I think it’s to help each other grow into the people we are meant to be (along with being together). You challenge me and make me believe more in myself everyday. I truly feel that you believe in me and want the best for me as do I for you and I think that is one of the reasons I feel so connected and secure in this relationship. You just fit.

Well I feel like I’m just rambling at this point but I truly cannot get over how obsessed with you I am and how much I cannot wait till we see each other.

I want to say thank you again for my dinner and lifting me up and showing me that I can be healthy but also have cheat meals and not need to worry about it too much. You just make me a better person.

Well I hope you are sleeping well I can’t hear much from you except s little shuffling every once in a while but I’m hoping you are sleeping better and wake up refreshed.

When you wake up obviously tell me how you sleep but I would really like to hear your thoughts about us ( I feel kinda vulnerable rn because of everything I’ve said) ughh my heart my sunshine my girl you have truly ruined me for anyone else ( not that I will ever be with anyone else but still)

[aheartunseen]

I feel you in my veins, in my blood and you’re a part of me in a way I can’t even explain. It feels like you’ve taken root inside me, like there’s this fire burning in me that I can’t and don’t want to put out. I am deeply and completely consumed by you and you’re not just someone I care about but you’ve become this undeniable force in my life and it’s something **I can feel in every part of me.**

It’s intense, overwhelming, and it’s beautiful. You make my heart race, my mind spin, and my soul ache in the best way. You’re everything and the thought of you is enough to ignite me all over again.

[aheartunseen]

[aheartunseen]

I’m glad I’ve met you when I’m at my best self.

Ofc I could always be better though. And I strive to do be that for you every day. For me. For you.

You are so good to me.

I want to be the best for you.

(You wouldn’t have liked me when my mental health wasn’t the best. I would have ruined you if we met back then. I promise everything I do for us, for you, has ever positive intention behind it. My motivation to love you are pure, simply bc of who you are. Of who I am when I am with you. My heart, my home)

[aheartunseen]

Future wifey a baddie 😍 I don’t understand how she thinks she’s merely a 6/10 when she’s literally so freaking gorgeous and 100% my type. Unsure how I got so lucky to not only have a freaking attractive woman but also one who is so sweet, silly, smart, funny, emotionally intelligent, sexy, clingy (omg I love how clingy she is and it makes me feel like she really just does enjoy being w me :3)

[aheartunseen]

I said that vantage was my wifey and Tiffany said excuse me and I was like what and she’s like well I’m your future wifey if you let me

AND MY HEART FUCKING EXPLODED

😭🥹🥹🥹🥹

I think I’m just kinda insecure bc we’re not technically “official” so sometimes I think where I don’t have the “security” of us being official, I sometimes question if she sees a future w me AND IK THIS IS IRRATIONAL SINCE ITS ONLY BEEN A MONTH AND A FEW DAYS BUT OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS PROGRESSED SO FAST AND IVE NEVER FELT THIS WAY SO IT ONLY MAKES SENSE FOR ME

also I try to hint sometimes about us being bf together long term in the future by casually throwing in statements like “are you excited that you may potentially be living in California where it doesn’t snow” when she says she’s cold or “you’re gunna decorate our future apartment right? Bc I like your style” and she isn’t super enthusiastic about her responses but she also doesn’t deny it but today was the actual first time when she was actually like not super casual when she said that

And I’m crazy for noticing shit like this like as if I’m looking for any small hint to make sure she sees me in her future but idc :3 BC SHE DOESSSS

[aheartunseen]

Crazy isn’t it? Last year I truly believed we were going to start 2025 together with you living here, now we’re merely strangers who once loved each other.

I resent you so much for not seeing how much I did for you— I took you back when you SHATTERED ME in march 2024. You begged me to take you back and I succumbed. I forgave you multiple times for not being able to be there for me when I needed you. I gave my whole heart and soul into our relationship. I poured myself into it to make it work. I killed myself in changes to make it better.

I truly hope in the future you look back and you realize that you fucked it up. I don’t miss you, I just want you to miss me bc I WAS GREAT TO YOU. You lost someone who would go the distance for you and then some. I wish I could say I hope you end up happy, even if it’s not with me but I can’t right now bc you’re an idiot who couldn’t see everything I’ve done for you. My love was raw, real, passionate, honest. You will never find someone who will love you with the quiet intensity like I do. I have so much worth and you fumbled it. I am so amazing and I know one day you’ll regret it. I know you will.

I know you’ll look back and realize no one will compare bc I set the bar too high

You’re so dumb. I don’t want you back but I want you to know and realize what you lost one day. I know you will. :) they always come back.

[aheartunseen]

I’ve been kinda tryna hint about our future with her lately— I guess maybe as reassurance for myself bc we’re not officially together? Plus I like knowing how she would react if I were to say certain things. For example yesterday, she asked me what my last name was and I was shocked she didn’t know it so I said something how do you not know what my last name is since you’re gunna be taking it one day? (So smooth 😏) and then she said something like well I thought we were taking my last name? Which then I said that she didn’t even like her last name hence why we should just take mine— and she said yes. Which I love the thought of her thinking about the future of us. Who knows what will happen by then but I’m not talking to her just for fun, I really want an actual future with her. I just have a really strong feeling that she is genuinely the one I’ve been looking for. I don’t know what it is but the more I spend time with her, the more I find ourselves fundamentally compatible. Like I truly believe she’s my person, even if she doesn’t believe this herself yet. (Which is ok bc I don’t wanna put any pressure on her!! She will eventually come to realize this herself when the time comes :3 I just got there a bit sooner I know what I want, and what I want is everything that is her). Idk what my future looks like but all I know is what I want a future with her. She’s everything I could want and more.

Today she was talking about decorating her apartment and I was said that this is why she’s gunna be the one decorating our future place that we get together since she has good taste. Which she agreed.

I love asking her if she’s my girl bc then she says “I’m your girl, forever”. That forever part gets me. I know she’s not in the mindset for marriage (and I’m not too at this moment, but eventually I will be years from now) and her saying “forever” makes me feel so secure in what we have. That she’s just as locked in as this as I am.

I try not to say I love you to her too much bc I don’t want her to feel weirded out or pressured (even tho she said it doesn’t weird her out) but there are many moments throughout my days when the words wanna slip out of my mouth. They come in random times when she’s simply smiling at me, doing/saying something silly or goofy, when she’s reassuring me, when she’s telling me a random fact, when she’s sassy, when she’s cozy, when we’re doing our own thing and we both look over to the phone and make eye contact.

I love you Tiffany. <3333

You asked me today why haven’t you ever heard me say your name before so when I was actually saying your name, I wanted to tell you those four words above along with it. I can’t wait for the days when you get tell me those words back so I don’t have to hold in these words anymore. I wanna scream it from the rooftops. I want everyone to know, unashamedly, unapologetically. What a privilege and pleasure to have you here in my life.

[aheartunseen]

It’s official!! I’m going to be finally meeting my girl on March 5th! 🥰

Coincidentally, today also marks the day of our anniversary of when we first met. I just can’t believe it’s only been a month since I’ve met her and we’re now officially meeting in less than two months from now. I still find this whole thing so freaking crazy bc I truly was not trying to find a relationship (even tho we’re unofficial) yet I met someone who I feel might be the person ive been looking for all my life— I wouldn’t change anythjnf about us in any other way 🥹

[aheartunseen]

I’m honestly just not even surprised. I was venting to Tiffany about Kasie today and she pretty much disregarded it. And I called her out about it and she just said that she couldn’t really figure out what to say bc she’s sick rn and it’s like how can you just not be supportive rn for me? Like I’m asking the bare minimum.

It just makes me really sad and I’m about to cry bc I deserve way more than that. And for her to work in mental health yet completely disregard me venting to her when she was the only one I wanted to go to or vent to about. It’s just such a shame. I’m always left disappointed. And it makes me feel like I’m too much when I know I’m not. ASKING FOR SUPPORT AND EMPATHY IS THE BARE MINIMUM SHE SHOULD GIVE ME AND ITS SHITTY THAT SHE DIDNT.

Then the fact she can’t even communicate and show more appreciation for me when I get her things? Like I’m just starting to feel like maybe this is the wrong move here. Maybe I jumped the gun.

Like how are you not gunna be there for me when I’m venting to you? Man Gtfo. That’s shitty.

[aheartunseen]

Ok just how cute and sweet is this gift for my girl tho. IM SQUEALING

[aheartunseen]

I stumbled upon kasie’s recognition as she got an award for our branch having one of the most decrease in a 6 month period (mainly when I was working my ass off in 2 months of Oct-Nov) and it showed how much she got as a bonus bc of that — $2500.

And I LOOOOVE how she failed to mention this to me or the team in general. She’s a fucking sneaky little snake bitch who is out for no one but herself. I feel like doing the bare minimum again today and frankly I am SO SO over it. I’m so tired of this fucking place— of my shit boss who doesn’t appreciate shit and I can’t even get a damn thank you. I’m so tired of HAVING SOME OF THESE ACCOUNT MANAGERS NOT FOCUS ON THEIR ACCOUNTS WHEN IT COMES TO THEIR ACCOUNTING. Like JUST BC YOURE NOT IN ACCOUNTING DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE NOT REQUIRED TO MANAGE THE ACCOUNTING SIDE OF IT. FUCKING JVAUGHN SUCKS AT ADDRESSING SHIT. She might be a good sales person BUT SHE SUCKS AT MANAGING ISSUES WHEN IT COMES TO ACCOUNTING AND FRANKLY IM SICK AND TIRED OF HAVING TO REMIND HER ABOUT THE SAME ISSUES IN OUR ONE ON ONE MEETINGS. I SHOULDNT HAVE TO WHEN SHE HAS BEEN HERE FOR LIKE 15 YEARS WTF. THEN KRISTI IS JUST SO FUCKING SLOW TO ADDRESS SHIT BUT SHES JUST SLOW IN GENERAL SO IDEK, she doesn’t suck as much as jvaughn but still. ALICIA BARELY KNOWS HOW TO RESOLVE DISPUTES AND ITS LIKE FUCK ALICIA THIS IS YOUR ACCOUNT YOY GET PAID MORE THAN ME GO DO YOUR JOB, handling disputes IS NOT UNDER MY PURVIEW. I AM NOT AN ACCOUNT MANAGER. I DO NOT HANDLE DISPUTES JUST BC ITS REGARDING invoices. THEN ALEX ISNT EVEN HERE AND ALL OF HER ACCOUNTS ARE A HOT MESS. And it’s like what the actual fuck. IDC IF YOU GUYS ARE STRETCHED THIN. THIS IS WHAT YOU GUYS ARE GETTING PAID FOR AND YOU GUYS GET PAID MORE THAN ME SO FUCKING STOP BITCHING? I’m SO SO tired of the unprofessionallism, the incompetence, I’m TIRED OF HAVING TO REPEAT MYSELF WITH DUMB ASS JVAUGHN. I’m tired of KRISTIS SLOW ASS. IM TIRED THE ALICIA BEING INCOMPETENT TO TALK TO **HER** CUSTOMERS ABOUT DISPUTES.

IM TIRED THAT I DONT FEEL COMFORTABLE ENOUGH TO TELL THIS ALL TO KASIE BC FOR SOME REASON SHE WANTS TO BE “IN” W THE AMS INSTEAD OF BEING A FUCKING LEADER

And she IS ALSO SO UNPROFESSIONAL AS WELL SAYING SHE DOESNT LIKE SOME OF THE PEOPLE SHE was cutring the bread with YESTERDAY. Like ok, THAT MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE AF TO BE EVEN AROUND YOU BC I FEEL LIKE THAT MIGHT BE A DISS TO ME AND IM ALSO ANNOYED THAT SHE SUCKS AS A MANAGER.

For fuck sakes FUCK THISSSSS

[aheartunseen]

Just had a convo about how I wish she would verbally show more appreciate when I do do things for her though. She said she’s working on it but how hard is it to send a though and long text just acknowledging it

It makes me never wanna get her anything again