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Being autistic is weird because I think I'd be entirely entirely immune to the maddening effects of witnessing an Elder God but learning that barnacles are arthropods rather than molluscs nearly gave me an existential crisis

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This will affect the trout population

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Absolutely 🏋️LOVE🏋️ it when the messengers do that little dance after u rate a message fine. its the best incentive to rate messages. Instant gratification.

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New Game Mode: No Dice Allowed.

Play with literally anything but Dice.

Goblin Theif who flips a coin to see if they get a Nat 20 or Nat 1

Compulsive Gambeler who draws their checks from a deck of playing cards

Fortune Teller who draws from a tarot deck and decides their success based on the meaning of the card

­POV your GM has joined in a really weird religion

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accidentally soaked a gopher today... not a joke or innuendo. Poured a five gallon bucket over a tree where our irrigation system is shut off and this thang hopped out of the ground.

He's big mad now too

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CITATION NEEDED?!!!

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i need everyone to look at the size of this omanyte that hatched at work just today (painkillers for scale)

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The winner

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Sophia, the Boston woman from 1875 who haunts a lamp I got at Brimfield: what is a stay at home girlfriend, if you please?

me: well, it's a woman who's financially supported by the man she's dating, and she lives with him and usually keeps house and cooks for him

her: and they're not married?

me: well, no; hence "girlfriend" rather than "wife." I know that may alarm y-

her: oh calm down I know about Kept Women. he has no legal tie to her, though? she has no sort of standing with him in the eyes of the law? only his word that he'll follow through?

me: yes

her: and remind me again- you don't have to be financially dependent on a man anymore, right? there are more than like three careers open to women that will let you support yourself at a decent level now? and society isn't pressuring you 24/7 to get married and stop working outside the home?

me: yes

her: so these women. CHOOSE to be dependent on a man. who could leave them at any moment without legal consequence. because they don't like their jobs. the jobs, while imperfect, that let them live on their own, answerable to no-one

me: yes

her: that had better be some absolutely amazing jewelry they can pawn off if he leaves them, then

me: it's usually not

her: THERE'S NOT EVEN SECURITY JEWELRY?!

me: oh by the way they blame feminism for "having to work"

her:

her: I became fully dependent on my in-laws who hated me, after my husband died two years into our marriage, because I was a 23-year-old orphan with no marketable skills in any avenue besides Running A Household and the only men left unmarried in my social circle were widowers thirty years my senior. I also couldn't establish lines of credit as a widow because the merchants said my husband dying so soon meant that I didn't have stable enough income. and that was entirely legal

me: yeah

her: I'm going to go slam some doors please do not bother me

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the anatomy students were literally newborns who just wanted to take a class about the human body to learn what shape their bones were meant to be and their professor started randomly skipping class all the time even though they never missed even a single meeting. rude.

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“Covid game me narcolepsy” no you fucking pervert it didn’t. You’re just a weirdo with a gross fetish. Covid didn’t make you suddenly want to fuck dead people. Keep that shit to yourself you gods damned weirdo

I have type 2 Narcolepsy. Studies have shown that serious viral infections can cause people to develop Narcolepsy if they are already genetically susceptible to having it. This includes covid. That is what happened to me.

You on the other hand might want to google the difference between Narcolepsy and Necrophilia….

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I am a huge fan of retiring to my quarters

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perhaps some sharks?

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dude leave me alone haha seriously stop it or I'll push the sharpened ends of my ribs through my sides and inject you with my venom

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Saying “yeah bro I move exactly like a jumping spider when I get drunk” and then watching everyone flinch every time I tense my legs after taking a sip of my vermouth