ahsokasanity

[ahsokasanity]

Just binge read all of this and it's got me hooked line and sinker. So much more realism here and I fully appreciate that. I can't stop singing Paula Cole's "I don't want to wait" Big love to you #charincarge xoxo

I Don’t Want To Wait, Masterlist

Rowaelin High School Best Friend AU

Summary: Aelin decided that this was the year she was finally going to kiss her best friend. She just hoped it wouldn’t ruin everything.

AN: Rated M for swearing, underage drug use and drinking, and all kinds of sexual experimentation. Slow burn as hell. Always accepting prompts for this one.

Chapters:

one // two // three // four // five // six // seven // eight // nine // ten // eleven // twelve // thirteen // fourteen // fifteen // sixteen // seventeen // eighteen // nineteen // twenty // twenty-one // twenty-two // twenty-three // twenty-four // twenty-five // twenty-six // twenty-seven // twenty-eight // twenty-nine // thirty // thirty-one // thirty-two // thirty-three // thirty-four // thirty-five // thirty-six // thirty-seven // thirty-eight // thirty-nine // forty // forty-one // forty-two // forty-three // forty-four // forty-five // forty-six // forty-seven // forty-eight // forty-nine // fifty // fifty-one // fifty-two // fifty-three // fifty-four // fifty-five // fifty-six

AO3 Link

Rowan POV:

20-22

Outtakes:

sixth grade seventh grade eighth grade

Musical Inspo:

IDWTW Writing Playlist IDWTW 2 Writing Playlist IDWTW 3 Writing Playlist Rowan’s Game Day Playlist Aelin’s First Day Of Junior Year Playlist Rowan’s Apology Playlist Aelin’s Valentine’s Playlist

Fan Art:

Sad/Happy Aelin (by @gracie-rosee) Teenage Rowan (by @laraexia) Pink Haired Aelin (by @laraexia) Rowaelin Kiss (by @gracie-rosee) Game Day with The Babes (by @artbycharlizeed) Badass Aelin (by @artbycharlizeed)

[ahsokasanity]

COACH AZ

So, what if our fantasy novel characters could visit us here on earth? Apologies to @duskandstarlight, your Nesta/Cassian/Azriel stories elicited this ramble from me. PS definitely NSFW and my most filthy fanfic ever.

This is a first person narrative. My hope is that you can picture yourself there (and so happy to be there), but it ends with some Gwynriel sexy explorations

For the purpose of clarity, Azriel in this story is always Az or Azriel (OK – sometimes he’s “oh God” but generally Az). You are I and Duchess, and your partner/husband/human is he and Duke. Apologies to other than F/M fans, this would be far too difficult to write with she/gender fluid partner -(maybe a different fic?)

 *Illyric as a surname is what I went with for Azriel. Although we know that he would never take his father’s name, he did respect his mother’s wishes in having him brought up with Illyrian traditions. I also found that the name was translated to (from?) Latin hilaro and means to make joyful / to cheer up. Maybe not the character trait that SJM was going for but it’s definitely my Azriel! 

Prologue

 I hated to admit it. We had found ourselves in that rut that I’d vowed would never affect me, or my future relationship. Back then there was no concept of a life lived together. Minutes and hours and days and months and years. Love is all you need, bullshit.

Patience and compromise and fuck it, letting go of expectations. That’s not to say that there are not happy and even fun periods of time, there really are. And in this totally buggered up world, we are so lucky.

 Imagine getting to the point in your life when you are settled with your life partner to suddenly realise that you did not, in any real way, explore your sexuality. What you like, what really gets your libido high and WHO does this for you. I guess there was always a sense of togetherness and of excitement during and leading up to foreplay and sex, but now it’s flat. If a male could make me drip I would be panting for it (and astounded at the impossibility)

I can’t say that any of this makes me refuse sex, but it does give an understanding of the old stories of “I have a headache” and “lay back and think of England”.

What’s in it for me? Forget porn and the explicit movies that we have access to, THE BOOKS. The books have been my undoing. The fictional characters and the oh so caring and sensitive males portrayed as normal. I want that

  ONE SHOT

The house was a mess, but the animals were all fed and I was alone wondering what I could be bothered to organise for everyone for dinner. The back door pushed open with a “Hi” and I went to help my husband in with his work gear. He handed over the take away dinner and carted the rest of his equipment into the laundry to sort. I took the food to the kitchen with a feeling of surprise (and glee that I did not have to make anything), and heard him call out

“Mum took the girls, it’s just us tonight”

Oh, oooh

“And I, um, invited a friend over” He sounded unsure and it piqued my interest.

“A friend?” I called out questioningly.

By the time he answered, we were in the kitchen together and he pulled two plates down from the cupboard and looked over his shoulder at me.

“A surprise”

What? WHAT

He must have seen the look of horror on my face. Pyjamas pulled around my ‘it’s seen better days’ frame, hair brushed out, not in any way ready for company.

 He wrapped an arm around my waist and pecked my cheek as I blushed

“You look fine”

Unfortunately. he didn’t mean fine like wine. He meant fine like not a terrible mess. The reassurance did not improve my mood, but the array of delicious Chinese food did.

Thankfully (considering the way the night went), I did not overindulge on dinner. Whoever this guest was, I felt some tension. Plus, the thought that once that person left we’d have the house to ourselves and possibly you know, get naked. I did not want to have indigestion.

He kept glancing at me during our meal and as I cleared the table. Every now and then one of us would mention something that happened today, or we’d laugh over something that one of our girls had said or done.

“Remember when Maggie was totally sure that she knew what a bandit was?” my husband was laughing as I answered.

“Yeah, the Captain says it when the boat is sinking “Abandit ship, abandit ship” I was smiling remembering that day and he reached across the table to stroke the back of my hand. It was unusual enough that it made my brain whirr in consternation.

“About the visitor……..” he started, and my eyes shot to his and his hand tightened on mine.

You know the first thing that came to my mind? “It’s his mistress, that’s why he left our children with his mother”

I jumped up from the table pushing the chair onto the floor in my haste and dragged my hand from him.

His face showed every level of confusion, and he followed me as I backed away toward the kitchen.

“What did I say?” he was still confused

“It’s a good surprise” his voice quietened

“I think, I think it will be good for us”

Again WTF? Good for Us? You’re talking in riddles man.

“I don’t want to meet her” I blurted,

He laughed. No, seriously laughed and I was so caught off guard that I stopped backing away and faced him, squared shoulders and defiant glare.

“You are really attractive when you get mad, even though it’s a little intimidating you know” He dared to step toward me, one hand brushing my waist, the other undecided in case I attempted physical violence.

I just shook my head, a whoosh of air pushing from my lungs as I smiled at him.

“So tell me about this mystery person” I held out the olive branch and he took my hand and led me to the lounge. We sat facing each other and a small muscle tremor he gets when he’s anxious struck his left eye brow. I smoothed it out and left the question unanswered.

Eventually he seemed to come up with the words to explain, that still left me reeling

“I hired a sex coach”

I jolted and he held my hand tighter, speaking again

“He’s a professional, he specialises in you know” he indicated to me “..women’s pleasure”

My head was going to explode. Women’s pleasure, Well, I know I could do with some of that, and not derived from anything electrical, but still. A Professional – a prostitute, an escort, a harlott. Oh fuck, an orgasm teasing, dominant, praising sex worker who knows all of the tricks. Just when I was settled into dull weekly vibrator enhanced moments. I mouthed all sorts of letters before any single word emerged victorious.

“Professional?”

“Yeah, we’ve talked about this you know. In an alternate reality, but you can’t choose a third because; how weird would it be later? It came to me a few months ago and I studied and researched…..”

My body was a block of cement. I tend to do that under pressure, like a hare trapped in the high beams of an oncoming vehicle. Stillness makes safety, don’t say anything you might regret later.

He forged on with reasons why this would be good for us, reasons that I should be happy and not petrified. Finally a thought coalesced into a sentence and although my voice wavered a little, I did not cry and I did not sound fearful.

“So you want me to learn how to be better and more enthusiastic at sex?” A little ire did come out and even I was not sure where that came from.

Whilst his mouth tightened, his words were clear.

“No, I hired him to show me how to be better at sex, at helping you….. orgasm”

You could have knocked me down with a feather. In fact, I slid down the seat a bit and dropped my head into my hands.

“I’m sorry. I don’t even know why I.., why these thoughts are always first in my mind. I should have understood sooner. I should have got the fact, that some guy is going to come into our house, see me (us) naked and show you how to make me orgasm?” I was breathing quickly, words tumbling out, hand squeezing his hard enough that it probably hurt. So he nodded and kept the eye contact waiting for the explosion – mentioning the final caveat.

“He will meet with us and we’ll discuss the rules and sign a contract if everyone agrees. After that, we have three hours for your pleasure”

 You have to be shitting me. Some stranger, in our house, making rules and pleasuring me for three hours

Actually, I’m double taking on that. Pleasuring ME for three hours. Considering our celebrations when we last for forty five minutes, this is going to be, could be, something I am totally all for. Stepping mentally back from my own panic/excitement, at last I noticed his face and that he still held fast to my hand with both of his.

My expression softened and I mumbled

“You did this for me?”

He nodded, adding

“I hope that’s OK, I can ask him to leave at any time. It’s part of the deal”

So I kissed his face and hugged him tightly. I think it was partly to cover my embarrassment but mostly in gratitude that he would do this for me. With me.

 “And you are totally fine with me being naked with someone other than you, probably enjoying the ride?” I looked properly then because what would be the point of bringing in a third if it did not improve our physical coupling? If there was jealousy or regret or any sort of wedge to separate us? I’d rather forty more years of practising finding orgasms, than one orgasmic evening that left us both lonely.

 The look he gave me was consensual and slightly wicked, like maybe he had imagined watching someone else bring me undone. It made my blood heat a degree. I had thought about it. Being stimulated by two well endowed, talented men. Who hasn’t? Fantasy becoming reality was ratchetting my heart rate until a dull reckoning thudded into my brain.

 He’s not going to think you’re sexy. This guy whoever he is, there’s no way you’ll be turned on enough for him to get you anywhere near the edge. It will be like chemistry. Put these three atoms together and the reaction is endothermic – all of the heat gets sucked out of the room.

 My husband pulled back and snapped at me “Stop talking rubbish to yourself. He’s very good at his job – I’ve read”

I glanced quickly up at him

“You’ve read?  You’ve never met this ‘street walker’, and he’s coming to our house?” I exhaled with disgust and started on plans of how we wouldn’t allow him in the house or we’d send a cancellation text, or message his pimp or whatever.

 “Again with the catastrophising really, you’ve gotta have a little faith” he grinned and I so badly wanted to slap his face until he continued

“He’s from the company called SJMFantasies. He is a one hundred percent disease free, compassionate and talented male. His ratings are through the roof without one bad review and there’s full money back guarantee if you are not fully, repeated satisfied” REPEATEDLY

 Something twigged in my brain, the name of the company – familiar. His confidence and information had calmed me to a degree. I was still going to be naked in front of someone other than my betrothed but, all for my pleasure. I had to shut down argument and look on the bright side. I might actually be in the enviable position of finding out what it’s really like to be worshipped by two men – did my husband intimate that, or was I taking this a step further in my mind?  Run free mind, you might be halfway cuckoo already.

 The knock on the front door ended any thoughts that may have been forming and my head went still. My husband went to release my hand and rise but I stopped him.

 “I want this. And I don’t want to be the shrinking violet in the corner”

“That’s my girl” was all the answer I got as he grinned up at me. I ruefully shook my head and straightened my second best winter pjs and tucked my hair behind both ears.

As demurely as possible, I pulled open the front door to a tall, dark, somehow familiar man – male, and closed the door again. I heard him huff a laugh as the door clicked shut and I started shaking. There was no way that I should be opening the door to THAT, in anything less than a smart cocktail dress. Full bling formal would be better.

My smirking partner joined me in the foyer.

“I thought he’d be best, you did name our dildo after him”

I whacked his shoulder and shushed him.

“He’s outside. Don’t tell him my most embarrassing secrets”

 My husband merely reached past me and unlocked the door

“Apologies Azriel, please come in”

 I blinked up at the darkness before me – all six foot and more of my deepest imagination. He was darker skinned than I had pictured – and the wings. Those were definitely wings, tucked along his spine and showing above his head like devil horns. His eyes were taking me in as I assimilated every part of this scenario. Azriel Illyric, a character of Sarah J Maas, was in my house. Languidly leaning against the now closed front door, hands clasped in front of him, burn scars and all.

 At last my husband seemed to realise that this was going to take some more processing for me to make any response and he started to introduce us. Azriel cut him off.

“No need for names, you both know who I am. I’ll answer to Azriel, or Az if you’re having trouble enunciating whole words.” He looked at me then with a promise that I would have trouble with words at some point tonight. I sucked my lips behind my teeth and fought the grin (I’m pretty sure it was a nervous reaction) that pulled at my cheeks.

“I’d actually like to speak with the Lady if that’s OK?” Azriel questioned the stoic man beside me. He nodded but did not move.

“Go and shower man. Scrub every part of you from scalp to toe nails and I don’t want to smell anything but plain soap on you. When you’ve dried off and you’re well, semi dressed, find us. Do no think about taking the edge off while you’re there” Azriel added the last part like he knew every male’s thoughts and just stared at him, not a threatening look, a subconscious command and a nod that carrying out that one task would be the first of many. The way that my husband reddened and stalked off, I could tell that Azriel had hit the mark.

 My knee caps bounced around a little and my stomach clenched. I was so glad I didn’t eat loads of food earlier, it had been a rollercoaster of a night already.

 Ariel took my hand and tucked the other arm through mine, like he was leading me on a processional. I subconsciously steered us to the kitchen. Maybe I just wanted to get a better look at him under the stark fluorescents.

No, I wasn’t sure that I wanted to accept ALL of that, but I was getting wobbly as Azriel pulled out a chair and directed me to it. Sitting down felt better, even as he took up a seat opposite and begun speaking.

 “This is the part where you tell me you weren’t prepared for this and you feel a mess and you’re not sure if you want this lesson” He smiled casually, covering the fact that there was a ‘but’ approaching.

I was ready with a retort, which was not my first surprise of the evening.

“But I’ll have great time and you’re on the clock so I might as well relax and enjoy it”

He lost that studied air for just a moment while I spoke so I could tell he actually listened to me. He then regained his smile and contradicted me

“No, that’s not it. Well, not all of it.”

I made a face as if to say “Well?”

“Well, the clock and my time and the just relax bit are all wrong. As for enjoying yourself, well a five star rating cannot be all lies!”

 It made me giggle, that confidence and his subtlety. His hands lightly fisted on the table and his eyes boring into mine.

“But,” there’s the but

“This is entirely up to you Duchess” (No one had ever called me that and d’you know, I really liked it) “your husband may have arranged this session and all is prepared, but you say the word and this is over and I’m gone” Azriel was in earnest and a little key in my chest moved a quarter turn.

 “Has anyone ever said no to you?” I asked with a hesitant smile

“Yes” he said simply. There had to more to that story, and he did continue after a minute as if remembering.

“She messaged me three weeks later and we got it done”

Fuck. He was so matter of fact “we got it done”. I was hurtling through the air, breath depthless.

 Azriel just sat, not staring, not fidgeting. Contemplating what I could not guess, but there was a calmness that radiated from him - seemingly into me.

 I took a few deep breaths and blew out through my bunched cheeks. I was less embarrassed because there was no way that this guy has not seen every possible reaction to this kind of situation.

 The person who had instigated this coaching, sat down next to me and took my hand. I noticed a scent of clean skin and toothpaste (I hoped he wouldn’t get in trouble for that) and appreciated the lack of cologne. It was pure him and it put me at ease.

“OK” he said warily

“OK” I replied and looked to Azriel who placed some paperwork and two pens on the table. Then he smiled. My ovaries flipped over

 “Good. Let’s break this down so that we can get on with the pleasure” Azriel rolled that word off his tongue and my husband glanced at the reflexive jolt my body emitted. He nodded and indicated for Az to continue.

 “Safe word is ‘trove’ – there’s no way you’ll say that by accident. Use it only if you want everything to stop, not if you’re thinking “oh no, I can’t, it won’t fit” etc, etc. I promise that you will be safe and unharmed. But, I do not know everything about you both and maybe there are triggers that you keep hidden that you do not want to flip in this scenario.”

My muscles were clenching and lengthening, I kept cracking my jaw as each word emerged from the contract and Azriel’s deep rumble of voice re-iterated important parts.

“You will do absolutely, to the letter, everything that I direct you to do. Both of you” My husband nearly bristled, but what could he say? This was all on him.

“I will play a physical role in this session, but

a)    We will not use your bedroom

b)    I will not kiss either of you on the mouth

c)    You will refer to each other ONLY, as Duke and Duchess

d)    I will not penetrate either of you with my penis. This is your show and I want you to be able to practise and do your homework when I am not here.

He looked over both of us with a dare in his eyes and passed the contract and the pens to us with one hand. The other removed his jacket and slung it over the back of his chair.

“It’s now or never” my partner shrugged, even though I could see some tension in that eye brow twinge.

“Now” I nodded and grasped the pen in slightly clammy fingers, scribbling something that may or may not hold up in court.

 Azriel rose from his chair and we went to stand too but he put out his hands indicating that we should remain seated. When Az was behind us, we felt one hand each rest on a shoulder and night filled words came out of his mouth

“Do you love each other?”

“Yes” my husband answered without pause. I looked quickly at him and back to the kitchen wall, remembering all of the laughter and the tenderness and care that we had shown each other over the years.

My voice softened as I answered “Yes”

 The hands lifted and Azriel moved to the kitchen sink and ran himself a glass of water.

“Now tell each other why. Duchess, you go first”

Guilt bubbled up in my gut. How could I tell my husband how much I love him with the evidence of my inconstant libido drinking water at our sink?

“Um”

“Nope. That’s not it” Azriel was nonchalant but unweilding

My husband stood up “That’s not why you’re here Azriel” he forced the name out “This is physical”

“Sit down Duke” The voice was menacing “You are about to have your first lesson about bringing pleasure to a woman”

He did sit, but seemed unconvinced

“Physical stimulation can, in some case result in orgasm for women. Generally, it’s the thoughts going on in THAT brain” he pointed to me “that direct the pleasure to become release”

 I started to speak quietly but kept talking when I knew that I had not interrupted Azriel.

“When I’ve had a long day, he’s the person I want to see first”

Azriel said quietly “tell Him” and he nodded toward the man sitting stiffly beside me.

I faced my partner and the tears welled in the corners of my eyes.

“When you’re with the girls and you smile with your love for them. When you look at me like that, like there is no other thought in your head but me. I love you because you made my life colourful and because I couldn’t picture my existence without you.” Another thought blurted out “Plus you have a great arse” I looked sheepishly at Azriel and he tilted his head to the side

“Well, he does” I held the point

“There is it” Azriel was smirking and my husband looked like he was shaking sand out of his ears.

“Now, Duke. Strike while the iron is hot”

He looked directly at me, honesty shining out of his clear eyes as he spoke confidently.

“I love that you, after all this time, still like my arse” The eye contact broke as we both huffed through our noses.

“You are the best organiser of me and of this household that I could ever meet, and our children are the luckiest small people in the world because of how you love them” His voice cracked a little as he added

“I know that you sometimes feel like we were just thrown together and it stuck, but I chose you. I would choose you again and again”

 How can a revved up evening of existential sex descend into holding back tears and feeling your heart squeezed out of your chest?

 “Now, face and hug each other” Azriel’s voice was a melody leading us to rediscover our want.

“That’s right. Let it out for five, four, three, two, one second. Duke, take her top off and sit back”

 Where did that melodious voice go? We both swung our heads around to Azriel who shrugged.

“This is sex people, I’m not your therapist”

 The changing gears had me all kinds of emotional, but we’d signed that paper. Do everything he says.

I did feel lighter and my Duke (I was going to have to get used to saying that) was reaching for me, a crooked grin spreading to his eyes

“Do what he says” We both uttered.

Simultaneously we reached for the hem of my “I’m not sleeping, I’m just resting my eyes” pyjama top.

 “Not you Duchess” Azriel’s firm voice was back and I dropped my hands.

“And slowly Duke. Both hands on bare skin and no hair pulling” I grimaced picturing that but the slide of his hands up my sides and back and the air hitting my naked, already peaked nipples, shut down any other unpleasant thought.

Duke dropped the clothing on the floor

“What do you see Duke”

“She flushed and…”

“Tell her” the command was explicit and had a ring of do not make me tell you again.

His focus came back to me and I sat straighter in my chair, letting my full breasts poke further out than normal. I would not hide myself tonight.

“You’re pink and curvey and delicious to look at” his final adjective seemed to have slipped out, but it lit a fire in my nerve endings. A fire that blazed as he reached out to fondle a nipple as if he’d never seen it before. He went directly for the right one, knowing that I have a preference. My head fell back on to the chair strut and I moaned a little. What was I? Some teenager coping a first feel?

Duke grinned like he was some sort of magician and I vowed to hold out longer before voicing any pleasure.

 Azriel pointed at Duke “Stand up and get rid of that shirt and those boxers”

All of a sudden, there he was directly in front of me, semi-erection at chin level and I reached out to grip his hips.

“Uh uh greedy Duchess. You can have at that later”

I swallowed. Hard, but nodded, dropping my hands in defeat.

 “I know you’re used to calling the shots” he started

“How would you know?” I snapped back

“Do not. Do not attempt to unravel that which I know Duchess” Az’s voice was cold as frost, but as it melted away, I understood some of Azriel’s motive.

I was usually in charge. Directing and chasing my orgasm, as his would burst out no matter what. I had to be the maestro, and by the crikey that pissed me off some days. Today, I would submit. I would prove that I could be that way, and maybe, just maybe that would take the dull out of our lovemaking.

 So, I lowered my gaze and held my hands clasped in my lap, my breast rising and falling with my erratic breathing.

Duke stood in front of me while Azriel manoeuvred his chair to a slightly different angle. Once Duke was settled in it, Az pointed and made a decidedly ‘come hither’ motion with his finger

“Right there” A spot in front of my husband. He twirled his fingers

“Facing away”

 And I saw the reason for the re-positioning. When did he catalogue that nuance? I was looking across the hall, directly at the mirror door of the spare room. I could see me, topless in slippers and shimmering ankle length blue unfitted pants. Duke’s bare shins and feet were visible outside of my form.

 “I want you to raise your hands above your head and step back toward us removing your slippers”

I felt so exposed. I wasn’t nervous exactly, but a ratty voice inside my head tweeted “you look ridiculous” I did not have time to put up any sort of argument before two pairs of hands contacted my pebbled skin. Two dark and mottled hands kneaded my breasts and I noticed the forehead of pitch hair and wing tips above my reflection. The other hands had grazed my body so many times, but these different feeling fingers tucked into the waist band of blue and pushed symmetrically down as I watched myself bared across the hall.

I did not exhale I don’t think, nor did I squeal or moan or gasp. It was me, that woman in the mirror. It couldn’t be me. So I watched with split vision as the woman in the mirror was rubbed and grazed and tickled by wandering digits. Her neck arched as Azriel worked idle strokes up her throat and across collar bones, descending under arms and around to grasp those tingling, heavy breasts screaming at attention.

Duke’s hands pushed me forward to step out of all of my garments and the spell was broken with the woman across the hall. Then I felt everything. Everywhere.

It was luck, or good planning that Azriel plunked me down to sit on Duke’s lap, his erection more pronounced now and his breath catching the hairs on my neck.

 “Legs outside his Duchess. Good. Hands on your thighs for now”

I went to look back at him

“Eyes on the mirror. Watch how we ravish you”

 I whimpered then. Biting my top lip and inching back. Just to see how much room I had to rub on the length of cock heating my lower back and tail bone.

 “I’m giving Duke this lesson and you need to be still like a mannequin now.” I gave that consent wondering how, HOW would I be still?

“He’s watching and he’s touching you anywhere but your crotch. I’ll be working there” It was so matter of fact, like he was going out to dig a hole, leaving the kids busy work until he returned. Still, when Duke’s hands scratched up my rib cage and took both breasts captive, I couldn’t find it in me to quip.

 “Spread her legs” Oh mother. Of course, with my legs over my husband’s thighs he could spread me as wide as necessary. The embarrassed teen in me strained to keep some decorum.

 “This is a one way street Duchess. My direction or none. I will leave the moment you defend”

 The way he said that ‘defend’. It clanged through me, that key in my chest turning part of a revolution. Defend against what? Was I protecting something that did not require it? My modesty or something else, my ego? Here in my own house with the man that I trust above all others and I guess, a professional orgasm donator. I realised how much I wanted this. Let go, let go, let go. So I did.

 My legs spread wide enough that I could see the entirely of my pubic region in the mirror. Duke’s hands were alternating from breasts and sides to inner and outer thighs and his teeth nipped the length of my neck. A pulse, sure and strong thumped in my labia. It nearly sent my thighs careening together, but Duke’s legs held firm and open, mine mimicking the slight tremor I felt in him.

 Azriel had moved to face me and looked only at my eyes.

“You keep your eyes open and watch her” He pointed at mirror me. He then knelt before my open knees, my yoga mat on the floor beneath him. Now where did he get that? Funnily enough, that thought was followed by ‘holy mother of earth, how can you do that’ as he pushed his face into my cunt and dragged his tongue through every sense and nerve that sat exposed and panting. Duke held me steady, one arm around my waist in a vice grip and the other holding my right thigh wide as I naturally tried to lessen the gap between them.

The Duchess in the spare room exclaimed with feeling and I realised that we were one and this felt unbelievably good.

“Tell her what you see Duke” Azriel mumbled into my folds. I had looked away when Azriel spoke, but I caught Duke’s eyes in the mirror when my contact returned. His stare was blown wide and his hands gripped my flesh everywhere.

“She’s beautiful. My wife but not. I don’t, I don’t know why you look different….. Duchess. Maybe it’s never been this good for you before?” His voice betrayed some self-loathing, but Azriel heard it too.

“My guess is you were both not looking hard enough” His smirk and his gruff laugh tickled my clitoris and I shook through to my toes.

I was not sure who I was for those minutes. The stroking, the stimulation and the nerve endings that pulsed and writhed under his ministrations. When Azriel sucked on my clitoris I thought that I would combust, and the swirling fingers entering and leaving my vagina, surprising and wanted all at once. I was panting and gasping through it all. 

“So, Duke. I’d suggest when you are soloing this style, tie her feet to the chair base and her hands behind her back with a pillow to keep her on the edge of the seat. You’ll have all kinds of access you’ve probably never had before and you can leave her hanging……” as if to accentuate the point his head ducked away from my legs and I felt the loss of warmth and sensation like a frozen breeze.

“…anytime you like”

“I’m not even..” the words stuttered out of me

“Watch that mirror and tell me that she is not seconds away” The coach shot back vehemently.

My focus again zoomed in to the creature across the hall as his tongue rounded my clitoris and two of his fingers dragged slowly into and out of my vagina, rasping heavily across the perineum as they dropped out.

The Duchess in the mirror exclaimed in a gasp, her mouth forming a large O. Duke dragged a hand across her chin and tugged on the corner of her open mouth. It made me clamp down on that finger. Pulsations of pleasure surging everywhere they touched. Which was damn near a whole body experience.

I hated to admit it, but I was so close it was ridiculous. To teeter on the edge like this for no reason but ego and pride. I’d been this close before and had it slip away so many times, I was not convinced.

“Mirror, now” The command was undeniable and I looked up at her, at me. Shadow black hair between my legs, sending lightning bolts of sensation to every corner of my body. The familiar hands pinching a breast and gripping a hip, his teeth on an ear lobe and he whispered the words that I told myself when this began

“Let go”

 I barrelled down a metallic corridor toward that other me, watching her come so beautifully, I rode that wave with abandon.

Consciousness came back to me to hear Duke muffle his enjoyment into the side of my neck. Speaking quietly enough that Azriel probably missed it

“Well done Duchess. That’s one”

I collapsed against him, my hands covering his.

   The rooms around us darkened one by one but a signal light shone from the space across the hall. Duke stood with me in front of him, arms wrapped around under my elbows, fully attentive cock nudging my backside in a very distracting way. Part of me wanted to send the coach home and just ride Duke in private until we both exploded. The other part of me was all for experiencing more positions that pushed my boundaries, and my buttons. That directive voice of Azriel had me all sorts of twitchy and I could see the lessons being uploaded and saved by my husband for future use. Lucky me.

 “You can kiss her, but nothing else Duke” I didn’t even know where Azriel was. It didn’t matter as Duke swung me around and pulled me flush against his naked, hard body. The kiss was not what I was used to. It was forceful and full of want and he pushed me backwards towards the bed as his lips and tongue made impressions on mine. There was no air that was not shared and no sound that was not echoed as I responded in kind to his wanton freedom.

 Azriel reappeared in my periphery and he was less dressed that he had been. His shirt was unbuttoned and his shoes were off. A knowing smile and a head nod beckoned our attention.

“You Duchess, on your back, legs hanging over the edge of the bed. Arms above your head” I wasn’t sure where this was going, but that train had well and truly left the station. I was hoping to see my partner as unbound as I was. I trailed a hand down Duke’s chest as I stepped away and lay on the bed as instructed.

 “Fuck would you look at her”

Maybe he’d never said anything like that because there was no-one to talk to but me usually. Maybe he was just astounded by the me that let go. I couldn’t be sure but it made me smile inside, and that key, it ratchetted along another notch.

 I felt my hands being bound separate, stretching each to a far corner of the bed. I jerked my hips up and Azriel lent on the wall closest to the door where I could see all of him. He instructed my husband to stand between my legs and touch me wherever he wanted. I twitched some more, anticipating the sensation that would make me scream.

His hands moved so slowly. So gently that I thrust myself upwards, closer to his fingers, his cock. That was when Az unzipped and felt himself, his length staggering and the lick he gave his palm before making another slow stroke of his penis made my head fuzzy. I had no idea where this was going, and Duke could not see what Az was doing, facing me and utterly engrossed with finding ways to move his touch around and keep me guessing where it would show up next. I watched Duke, I watched Az and my mouth went dry. Duke lent forward and kissed my belly and in that moment I gave up controlling this in anyway. I think that’s what the bondage was for.

 “Is she soaked for you yet Duke?” The voice from the doorway sounded amused.

“I think she could be more ready than this Az” – what? When had he turned against me

“I’m READY” I panted

“Not. Yet”

 “Your turn Duke” She’s had some head, it’s time for yours”

 Oh, goody, I can sort this out in minutes, I thought. THEN someone will fuck me like they should be already doing.

 Duke straddled my torso and I tilted my head up to meet his throbbing, vein filled cock. I did love this. Even on normal days, something about having my mouth full of him, made all of my synapses fire. He knew that, and I was sure that he’d shorten this session with excitement. The tip of his penis rubbed against my lips and I realised that with the ties, I could not control this at all. Then, a smooth, slippery toy slid part way into me and the shock and pleasure had me moaning and panting around Duke’s cock as he pushed in further and the dildo did the same.

It must be a dildo, but it felt warm and huge and I could easily picture Azriel sliding in and out of me as my mouth accepted inches and inches of non-adulterous cock. My groans were enough to tell Az and Duke where they each were and how stimulated I was. Very was the answer. My vagina clenched and unclenched and waves of fire pushed and fled getting closer to overflowing every stroke. Duke sped up and so did Azriel, spontaneously, simultaneously. They were filling me to capacity and every now and then touching that deep spot that made me jerk and squeal. I couldn’t see Azriel, but I imagined him there, cock pounding into me while Duke fucked my mouth, my body stretched in every direction.

Duke held my hair and leant over me getting a better angle to shove my favourite part of him down my throat and spoke in a soothing voice that was incongruous to the scene.

“Fuck me Duchess, I love your mouth and you feel so amazing tonight. I need to come, I’m going to spill and you’re going to love it.

I felt my legs being spread and my hips lifted as Azriel unleashed my imagination and penetrated deep and strong. Duke exclaimed and the cum filled me like a tsunami, but Azriel’s ministrations had hit that spot again and I too squirted with release. Having no chance to swallow or spit, I gurgled around his seed and turned my head to the side as it all washed over me, semen running down my chin and cheeks.

Azriel and the dildo were gone. Like a shadow that had been lit by a spotlight, my orgasms seemed to push him from the safe place that was just Duke and Duchess. Fuck. He was really good at his job. My husband was still above, but lay down next to me and stroked a finger along my face through a cum trail and laughed with me at the ridiculousness of what we were doing.

“You are so beautiful. And that’s two”

“I do love you, not just your cock” I exhaled with a grin.

“I know you do, but I love the fact that you and my dominant half have a good relationship”

God knows why the conversation had descended to our normal banter, but it was settling. I relaxed despite the guest and bonds. I could just go to sleep now – if I could have a shower.

 “I bet you’re thinking that’s enough, just go to sleep now?” The question was rhetorical because he continued “but you guys have not even had sex. We’re still in teenager territory” shit, not the kind of teenager I was!

The coach looked pretty pleased with himself as he fastened his pants then unbound my hands. The glimpse I’d had of his penis was going to stay with me forever, and my dildo was going to be replaced with a bigger ribbed one that would keep the name.

 Azriel passed Duke a towel and me a glass of water. After tidying up from the recent explosion, we were ready to listen to more.

 “So, what’s your favourite position?” Azriel asked us both and we answered in unison

“Doggy style”

“Cowgirl”

We looked at each other and shook our heads. Apparently our communication could be better for this.

“As I thought, you guys really need to talk about this. It’s a conversation, physically and mentally. Not all days are the same and sometimes one or other of those will work better, but you have to tell each other what you like, when it happens. Right then yes or no. If you’re embarrassed to ask explicitly, use hot/cold prompts. Something that’s getting you close to the edge will be hot and something that is actually making you less keen will be cold. You can use whatever you like, but make a code. Sometimes it’s easier to yell out ‘unicorn’ when you’re nearly there than ‘I’m coming’ so think about it. We’re doing this”

Duke and I looked at each other and agreed on unicorn- that’s great one, but how about if it wasn’t working?

“How about dolphin if it’s good but not orgasmic and insect if it’s not working at all” I suggested. Duke laughed and I could see his brain storing the information as he nodded and repeated

“Unicorn is the best, dolphin is pretty good and insect is stop it – We may as well keep trove for emergencies” I huffed a sleepy laugh and kissed his cheek “Dolphin”

 ­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­

 The coach moved around to gather some other equipment. It was quite a relief to have the ability to move my arms and hands again and I wrung my wrists and welcomed the blood flow.

 “So this might be more of a task as you’ve both cum already, but we’re here to explore and learn, and it doesn’t matter how long this takes. I have a few ideas about progressing this stage for you both, but we’ll adjust as we go along.” Azriel was walking about the room with a riding crop in one hand and he gently swatted his other palm with it as he spoke. My skin tingled and my heart leapt. Apprehension or excitement could be blamed but I wasn’t sure which. The feeling, however, was not onerous.

 “I want you to start with something that you might do if I were not here – Duchess on top though.” He was at the foot of the bed now, where he could see us from side on (we had ended up sideways on the bed from the moment I lay on my back).

 I straddled one of Duke’s knees and lowered my body so that I could rub on his thigh exactly where my over-sensitised nerves met. I slowly did that while one hand grasped Duke’s cock and the other rasped his left nipple (because I knew he also had a preference). His neck arched back and he bit his lower lip with a groan. He lifted a hand to the side of my face and stroked my cheek, before rounding a breast and cupping it’s entirety in his fist. I rubbed more firmly on his knee.

 Azriel seemed to take exception to my vigorous frottage and hit his palm with force. The sound of the thwack sent a tightening through me. Duke turned his head and Azriel proffered the crop.

 “We’ve not, it’s not something I understand Az. Could you demostrate?” Duke looked at me then and the question in his eyes was all the love and want I could ask for. Did I want this. Yep. We trust each other and I feel like I can trust Azriel now. Where better to test out the pleasure/pain threshold than with a professional.

I nodded and added “Oh dolphin yes”

 “You’re in charge of this Duchess in that you will receive a smack from this implement only when you pleasure yourself on Duke. Faster or slower depending on you” Azriel seemed gleeful about the upcoming punishment. It made me even more excited and I humped Duke’s thigh nearly by accident.

 The crop tapped my buttock. It sent a shock to my brain and a zing to my nerves. I twitched Duke’s nipple and rocked again. Again, the crop tapped, a little harder. The third time I dragged my pubic bone further up his leg and the crop actually smacked me, in the same place, harder than the other times. I cried out and Duke silently questioned me. I tightened my face but nodded a number of times quickly. I was enjoying this, wondering how far I could push the feeling. Another hip flex and another smack and I was falling onto Duke’s chest exhaling in a rush letting the pain out.

Hell, I’d given birth naturally twice, I could breathe through this. I felt myself moisten a path along my husband and held my breath as the crop hit.

 “Suck on him Duchess” the voice was not a suggestion.

 I straddled his hips and let my saliva and his pre-cum make a delicious looking joystick. I smiled at Duke as the next instruction was uttered

 “Sit on it” So I did. The full length filled me, causing three quick thrusts of my hips, coinciding with three crop smacks in that same spot. I arched back and yelled loud enough to reverberate around the room. “Fuck”

 I leant forward and captured Duke’s mouth with mine, sucking and licking and moaning and panting. But when I thrust again, the crop reminded me that I was on the edge and I gasped into my husband.

 “I have to, I have to rest – is this an insect time? It’s not really an insect time, because fuck this is good, but I’m, I don’t know, overstimulated? What do I say for that? Time out?”

 I heard Azriel laugh. “Actually, that’s quite good. Time out is ok. It will build you up like edging, but not long. Talk to her Duke, something dirty”

I wasn’t sure how this would go, but I stayed wrapped around Duke, his cock twitching intermittently and his arms around my waist. My face was in his neck.

“You know that I always love to fuck you Duchess, but tonight you’re like some sex starved porn queen and I can’t wait to hear you scream some more. My cock is going to be the only thing you’re going to think about for the next week, because even when we’re finished here, you’re going to feel me in you.” I was nearly rocking to feel that cock more, but I knew my break was over if I did that so I refrained and felt myself clenching all over to stop the reflexes that so wanted to ride him.

“I’m going to do this with you over and over until we die of happiness Duchess. Always tell me what you want and you’ll get it, or I’ll get out the crop and help you remember this night” I fell to pieces as the key in my heart clicked the lock open and I collapsed, blinking tears and just sobbing “OK, OK, I love you so much”

 Azriel was suddenly beside us and rubbing his hand up and down my back as my body welcomed his touch like a cat. He said quietly “and you guys can use this when I’m not here too” and he inserted a lubricated butt plug into my anus as I squealed and gasped a breath. It was short and not thin, the perfect size to stretch my ring and send strange signals of pleasure and impropriety shooting to my brain and my nerves everyplace.

 “Az, I’m not sure..” Duke started

“Look at her face Duke, this is the start of another sexual revolution for you guys. Play with it, enjoy it, TALK about it. You are going to love it” he sounded entirely grounded as he discussed this most taboo of subjects. “And there’s one more thing”

He handed Duke the crop. “One for every thrust, same place harder for faster and don’t back down” Azriel winked at me “This one has been keeping secrets from you. Unlock her”

 I knew too much now to question the comment and Duke merely quirked his eyebrows and reached for the stick, dragging it up my skin as he rested it in place.

 “Now, you two are going to finish this without me, Duke is going to clean you both up and tuck you up in bed and you don’t need me for that” He pushed off the wall and pointed to a nearly camouflaged bag in the corner of the room “That’s a gift for another time when the girls are not home”

  My head swivelled to watch him leave and I looked back to Duke.

“That was…..”

“Yep, I know”

“I’ve not really been keeping secrets, I promise” I said that in such a meek voice he believed me, but answered

“I know they’re not secrets that affect me, but what you want from me physically, you need to tell me. At least now I have a means of convincing you to at least yell insect!”

I laughed and the jolt reminded me that he was still inside me and we had something to finish. I kissed him soundly and pinched both of his nipples, watching his groan and feeling his body tense under me.

“You are so rarely insect, I think dolphin is my new favourite word”

 “I’m willing to bet that unicorn is getting a work out too my Duchess” With that he surged into me and my answering clench was rewarded with a light spank. I conversed in the only way I was always comfortable and leant back, pushing my pubic bone into his groin. This touch of the crop was what I had been wanting and it lit up my nerves. Again, and more and harder, until I was riding him deep and strong, the crop forgotten and the mother of all orgasms snuck up on my cries of ‘dolphin, dolphin’ turning it into a crescendo of unicorn from us both.

  EPILOGUE

 Azriel flew home, the portal from earth to Prythian an easy bump just a few minutes soaring from Velaris. He alighted the back steps and knocked loudly, unwarding the door as he opened it. Gwyn called out

“I’m in the kitchen”

And he voiced what he’d wanted to say all day

“Hello my Darling Heart”

He added “I’m cleaning up and I’ll be right with you”

 She was sat at the dining room table, hunched over a book, but straightened as he wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her neck

“Oh you smell so good, that Earth is so dull, everything hits so hard when I come home”

“As long as you keep coming home baby, I love that you smell me first when you do!”

He straddled a chair to be able to look at her fully and a blush rose in her cheeks

 “How was it?” She always asked and he always told. Everything. It was their deal when Azriel entered into it with SJMFantasies. He felt like it was a way that he could begin to repay how lucky he was in finding Gwyn and how he had never bestowed love on others intimately. His basic rules had never been broken and he saved his own libido for home and the beautiful nymph in front of him.

 “They were like we were when we hadn’t decided to trust each other yet. There was love and want and hurt and disappointment, but they deserved to find each other again. They had just forgotten.”

Gwyn squeezed his hand and noted “How are you?”

“I’m good” he brushed her hair behind her ears and held her face in his hands “I’m better now” and he kissed her with all of the will of his love and happiness that she was his. He vowed to show her every day and never let her hide her feelings or her desires from him. He would do anything for her. When he pulled away a glint was in her eyes

“And did you leave them satisfied my Lord?” Fuck she could bring him undone with that one moniker. He had never been a lord. A bastard, a torturer, a friend, but never anyone’s lord. Anyone’s but her’s.

 “You know that I did Milady, or I wouldn’t be home yet” He nipped at her bottom lip and continued, “I also left them a few toys to experiment with. She’s going to love them if he works out how to wield them well” He laughed thinking of them pouring over the gadgets.

“What did you leave?” Gwyn asked in all innocence. Azriel stood and took her hand leading her up the stairs as he said, “Well, there were some handcuffs that have a quick release – not a subtle as your ribbons” Gwyn giggled remembering the night she tied him standing to the stair rail where she could molest him without any chance of him being able to distract her. Well at least until she succumbed to his pleading to come a little closer and he was able to capture her in between his legs. Knowing that she let him was just another proof of her trust in him.

He dragged his memory back from that night to the here and now of tugging Gwyn into their room and laying back on the bed as she followed – another proof of her found freedom and her love for him. “I also left them a heap of different dildo’s ‘cause they really need to do some more exploration”

“How about I do some exploration” was Gwyn’s answer as she unbuttoned his shirt

 “There were a few butt plugs, you know in case they both wanted to try it together” Gwyn had removed her dress by then and Azriel’s voice hitched as she lay over him.

“Why don’t I have a butt plug my Lord?” Her voice was a shade higher than her normal octave, a teasing plea. They had done some playing in that area and Azriel was comfortable with the idea, but he and Gwyn were still testing the waters.

“Anytime you want to go there My Lady, you can have your own toy, I guess I like the feeling of you clenching me too much to give it up just yet” She huffed onto his chest and he felt his heart expand. This woman, to whom he could tell everything, still loved him just for him.

“I left them a gag too. I thought Duchess would like that”

“Would I like that?” Gwyn asked.

A pause, Gwyn loved to be dominated by him, and he by her, but every new restriction on her, he introduced slowly, so slowly. She had experienced flashbacks before and the days it took for her to come out of them were harrowing for them both, but Gwyn insisted on trying new positions and restraints. It was just another trait that made his love for her burn so intensely.

 “I have one here, would you like to see it?” He was not shy with her. Why would he be?

 “Oh yes please. Is it anything like you being in my mouth, because you know I LOVE that” she slid down his body toward his groin as she spoke. Azriel nodded and held his breath to keep in the gasp as she unzipped and uncovered him. He reached out to a table beside the bed and groped around in the bottom drawer to pull out a black strap attached to a medium sized ball with a protrusion and many air holes.

 “Would you like me to wear it first?” he always offered. Sometimes he did and delighted in her explorations and other times, she jumped in head first moaning and whimpering at the first touch of a new game.

She shook her head and moistened her lips

“Just know that our normal words won’t work with this, so you tap anything, three times for stop. Three times” She nodded again and he kissed her. Deeply. He knew that kissing in one of those is next to impossible, then offered the black ball to her mouth. She smiled at him and opened wide, letting him slide it in-between her teeth. He fastened the strap around the back of her head and looked to her eyes again

“Three taps for stop” she grinned around the gag and he shook his head.

“Lay on your belly and I’m going to undress you fully then I’ll see if I can make you squirm” She did so and wiggled around rubbing herself on the mattress

“Hey hey, that’s my job” Azriel whined “you’re going to have to pay for that” As he spread her thighs and rubbed his fingers through her, she gasped and tilted, his access even better to get his fingers where she wanted them and his body between her legs.

The noises that she was making had his head swimming, so different to her normal petite mewling and hard groans, this was panting and garbled moans and he got to work replicating those by shoving three and four fingers into her and rimming her anus so lightly that her backside chased him as he removed his fingers. She was so wet and his erection so huge, it had to be now. He warned her as he always did and her answer despite being wordless had him panting to be inside her.

He sheathed himself lifting her hips, up up up and her moans were music, he thrust in time with her and when she threw her head back, he took hold of the back of the gag and held. She half coughed and bucked her hips but he held fast, knowing that the back of the gag was up against the back of her throat reducing breathing and pressuring the roof of her mouth. Still no taps, but her noises were increasing, not with worry, with pleasure.

Azriel felt himself lose the will to hold on longer and while pounding into her, held her head back watching for any stress signs. There were none, but she bucked and clenched around him, her muscles clenching his cock and his finger that held open her ring. They came together, in a rush of exhale and rocking hips. Even though Azriel stayed deep inside her, he loosened the clasp of the gag and Gwyn let it go, groaning in an almighty gasp that had her clenching him all over again, he tickled her back and lent down on her hip bones as she rocked through another orgasm, nearly singing a chord of ‘oh aahs’ as she came down.

The sound made Azriel smile like he never did with anyone else and she turned to see him gleeful and satisfied

 “You can put that one in the let’s do it again category my Lord” and they laughed as they lay together, naked and satiated. Conversation, sex and humour. You can’t beat it.

[ahsokasanity]

Ideas make my day, and there's a heap of fun ones in this. Thanks #tswaney17

Secret Sessions - Part 3: The Choice

This is based off of @wingedblooms headcanon: “Elain is doing a bunch of training on the side - and tracking down Bryaxis would be part of that - and she’s caught by someone.”

I’m so excited to finally have this part out. This fic has been a whirlwind and I’m so happy I was able to take it and bring it to life. Thank you again for letting me run with it, @wingedblooms! You’re a gem. I hope I did it justice. 🥰

I’m not doing a tag list anymore because they’re really more trouble than their worth. For notifications, you can follow and subscribe to my fanfic account where I will be reblogging updates and snippets only. You can also find me on ao3.

My fanfic account: @tswaney17fics

My ao3 account: tswaney17

Secret Sessions: Part 1: The Scry, Part 2: The Mission

Please let me know what you think about this update. I love getting your feedback. Constructive criticism is always welcome. 💙💜💚

Trigger warnings: Language

Word Count: 2,427

Keep reading

[ahsokasanity]

OK, here's another that I got hooked on. Not complete but complete enough to enjoy! @featherymalignancy thanks for writing

And when you finish that, get yourself some AU Azriel in Navy Suits and Chelsea Boots

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Again, I don't repost much but I LOVE this writing and the new Gwynriel has begun. So good.

Particularly attached to; A Court of Hearts and Darkness, all Gwynriel stuff, Elorcan smut to replace "So Lorcan did" , and well, the rest

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So, anyone else had this epiphany?

Why oh why do we call stories with consensual adult foreplay and sex smut?

The dictionary describes smut as a soot stain or dirt or a parasite of grain. My husband believed that I was reading about 'dirty' acts (because I had described it as 'smut' and he is very literal!) until I enlightened him yesterday

My mission is to invent a new word for it

Vote for one or add your own invention:

sexual content (haha, not catchy or subtle enough!)

Sens (short for consensual)

Cense (con and sensual)

Intim (for intimacy)

Intec (for intercourse and intimacy)

FYI people, I don't think I've stumbled onto the holy grail of glorious consensual sexual acts description but I would be interested to hear your take xoxo

[ahsokasanity]

Sharing this because if you're an ACOTAR fan and you haven't read Embers and Light, you bloody well should!

Masterlist @duskandstarlight

Because people have been requesting it…

NESSIAN (because they are my OTP)

Embers & Light (in progress):  Slow-burn healing fic for both Cassian and Nesta, starting from Nesta being sent to the Illyrian mountains by Feyre… Prepare yourselves for angst and yearning, bickering and flirting banter… 

Summary: Nesta Archeron may be the unsung hero from the war with Hybern, but since then, she has felt nothing but hollow. Suffering from a battle trauma so fierce it knocks the breath out of her, Nesta spends her days drinking, bedding males and spending the Night Court coffers to block out the memories of cracking bones and rolling heads. Until… enough is finally enough and her sister and High Lady, Feyre Archeron, exiles her to the Illyrian mountains to live with Cassian - the one male who has always managed to get under her skin. Thrust into a culture in the midst of dissent, Nesta is made to face the darkest parts of herself, as well as the magic that roars in her veins, to figure out who she is and who she will become on the road to recovery.

Alternative POV’s in Embers & Light

Prologue (Rhysand) Don’t read until after chapter 35 of Embers & Light if you don’t want spoilers :)

Chapter 9 (Cassian) Cassian sees Nesta’s scars for the first time. Protective Cassian™

Chapter 20 (Nesta)

Nesta witnesses Cassian in only a towel

Chapter 15 (Nesta)

Cassian finds Nesta has started her cycle and runs her a bath

Chapter 25 (Cassian)

Cassian tries to soothe Nesta’s nightmares and ends up sleeping beside her

One-shots

Of Books & Timber (one-shot):  A one-shot where Cassian builds Nesta some bookshelves in Illyria (or a missing scene from Embers & Light). You don’t need to have read E&L to understand this fic.

Kernels of Truth (one-shot):  A missing scene from ACOFAS, when Mor follows Cassian upstairs after he arrives back at the townhouse after chasing Nesta on Solstice (and when he throws the mystery box in the river!)

Habits Universe (to be read in order)

1. Habits (NSFW one-shot): ACOSF one-shot of Nessian smut on the premise that Nesta and Cassian sleep with one another in Illyria shortly after Nesta arrives. Angry sex turning into something softer… NSFW.

2. Wings, Flames and Shadows (NSFW)

Nesta/Cassian/Azriel play strip poker in Illyria. This is set in the Habits universe but can be read as a standalone. Seriously smutty.

3. Wings & Flames (NSFW)

Nesta & Cassian come together in the aftermath of his trip to the Winter Court.

Alternative POV’s for the Habits universe

Wings & Shadows (Azriel POV during Wings, Flames & Shadows):  During a state visit to Kallias’s Winter Court, Azriel and Cassian deal with the consequences of their recent joining with Nesta and the truths Azriel learnt.

[ahsokasanity]

Yep

Proving a point to my boyfriend.

PLEASE REBLOG if you (male or female) believe it is perfectly okay and natural for a guy of any age to cry

[ahsokasanity]

Oh, too true

One of my favorite things about ya/na fantasy is probably that the maturity levels of a several hundred year old man is finally enough to match that of a 16-20 something year old woman and I honestly think that's the most realistic thing in these books.

[ahsokasanity]

Finale Chapter Fifteen

A Court of Shadow and Ribbons 

Notes- Sorry to drop the ball on the whole disaster about to unfold in the fae lands, but I read too many Gwynriel fanfics!! I got right into “Everything Falls into Place” @CeliaMoonbeam, “A Song of Shadows” @tealnymph24, Worlds Apart @MusicalMassasinsXxx, “A Court of Smoke & Shadow”@Daevastanner, Az and Gwyn Decide to take it to the next level @sarah_bae_maas, “Beat” @TrashForAzriel, “Of Darkness and Light” @LoveStoryFanatic, “A Favor” @shaziskhalid, and there are heaps of fun one shots on Archive of Our own – and a few on Tumblr I’ve not finished yet (@Ladyvanserra). I did not write any of mine after reading these, but some of their ideas are fantastic!!

If you want to start at the start go HERE

 This finale is just the smut I’ve been promising, and we all deserve to have Gwynriel sex to savour. But, be aware, not much story line, some Mormerie, and use of words such as penis and vagina. I have trouble with ‘her sex’ or ‘apex’ or even his velvet wrapped steel (even though that has a nice ring to it!). I wanted to write it a little more real using fewer euphemisms. So apologies if that does not suit you. You’ve been warned! Also, no apologies for the angst, but it’ll be ok in time. Thanks for reading XOXO  

“Are you sure?” He whispered in her ear and she nodded against the side of his face

“Mmm Hm, just go slow”

Gwyn and Azriel had been left alone at the House of Wind as Cassian and Nesta had been called to meet with Eris, and Azriel had not been given his next orders.

Things seemed quiet which had him a little tense. A spinning in the back of his mind waiting for all hell to break loose. He had been pushing it away while he kissed and held and buried his face in the side of Gwyn’s neck. Maybe it was just his hormones putting him so on edge. It was all very well to get physical with someone on a daily basis, but when you held off having an orgasm with her, on her, in her, it created an ache that stayed with him. He was not avoiding that pain, he was nurturing it, but it did make thinking straight difficult at times. Not an envied trait in a spy.

He slid his mouth down her neck to her collar bone and stayed there, licking and mouthing endearments. She writhed against his hands which were stroking and pressing her rib cage and hip, little noises of amazement coming from her periodically. He searched out those sounds and replicated the move that predicted them.

Azriel carefully unclasped the rose jewel that stayed on her everyday now. Since he’d realised and she’d joyfully accepted the gift that meant he was hers for ever. Elain had blessed them both when Azriel had ventured to speak with her about giving the rejected item to Gwyn, nearly a year after Elain had spurned it. She too was resolute that Gwyn was his one and only, and she (with a giggle and look to Lucien) was well cared for. He let the rose fall into the timber bowl beside the bed and promised Gwyn it would be safe when she wanted to reclaim it.

They had spoken about this. They had been this close before, but had stopped before being wholly naked together. Gwyn had not been comfortable to accept intercourse of the more intimate kind. She cursed herself for the fear that welled but could not take that step. Today felt better, less anxious, less rigid. She wanted him, oh how she wanted him. Day and night she recollected their meetings, his soft deep voice and the vibrations of his words along her skin. His tenderness and his want. Thank the Mother, he had never hidden his arousal from her, never tried to cover where his body thought this was heading. He held it in check though, touching, kissing and waiting for a signal from her.

She worried that he would wait too long for her, and that he would soon tire of the intimacy without release and head off back to his old habits of sex without emotions with someone. She sometimes begged him to. Her guilt was a living thing.

“Gwyn, you have to try to believe me” he’d said one night when she was in tears “I do not want to have sex with anyone but you” She’d shuddered and sniffed at his declaration, still disbelieving.

“I promise you, I will keep being with you however you can accept, for as long as you request my presence no matter what” he was so sincere it just made her cry more

“But how Azriel, I know males have ‘needs’ and this” she indicated their positions wrapped in each other, “cannot satisfy those”

It was Azriel’s time to look slightly guilty “Well, I do fulfil those ‘needs’, alone, when I know it’s messing with my health or my safety” he smiled to cover his embarrassment. By the cauldron he could not keep anything from this female

“Well, um, good. I’m pleased to hear that” Azriel could have fainted with relief that she did not up and leave immediately. She added “although the thought of that is going to keep me awake nights” They had laughed together and continued the touching and snuggling they’d interrupted.

Tonight they had made it to the semi naked stage of laying together on a bed in one of the spare rooms. It had been Windy’s idea, they could tell because the room was freshly made and all other doors where firmly shut – including Azriel’s own space. The bathing room contained a massive bath, fit for wings and had it’s own warm temperature for bathing. Small fae lights dotted all of the bed area and softly lit the entire space. Azriel’s shadows clung to him and to Gwen, there was nowhere for them to hide.

It had been the work of but moments to go from staring into each other’s eyes, to removing Azriel’s shirt and pants and Gwyn’s robe. It was Gwyn who pushed Azriel, silently talking to his shadows to influence his feelings. He lay reclined with his wings up and out as Gwyn lay on top of him, feet still on the floor and torso covering his. One knee leant into the mattress to keep her balance and she touched every part of him with fingers and lips, learning his planes and his dips, revelling in the sighs and gasps that he could not hold in. She stayed above the waist, but his desire was obvious as his extended penis pushed against his undershorts. Any time she got close to his crotch, she waved an unsteady hand across his length, sometimes placing a featherlight brush across the tip and other times letting her arm or hand rub closer to his thighs.

She felt so powerful, so in control that her fear had flown. She felt the want build within her and with every one of his groans and every thrust of his hips the need to be closer, to feel more, started to become a chant in her head. Azriel, Azriel, Azriel. The only words that left her mouth, “you are so beautiful” to which he shook his head and lowered his eyes. She climbed up next to him and plundered his mouth with her tongue and lips

“It’s true because I say it” and gave him a serious look that said believe me my love, it’s the truth

He was holding onto his sanity. His shadows whispering to him “closer, more, she loves us, love her” Hovering between lust and ultimate satisfaction he enjoyed every moment of her exploration of his chest and nipples and neck and mouth. She was not unsure in her movements, but he was holding so still, only letting his hands stroke and tickle her arms and waist, her stomach and spine. It only made her curve her back and smile at him wider. A ginger cat sizing up a restful bird. All stealth and speed and muscle. He wondered when he had become the hunted and he liked it, pulling her by both hips closer to him, surprised when she straddled his thighs and rubbed herself up his turgid penis gasping at the feel of him.

He wriggled a little and reached one hand to below where she was sitting to push the shorts down and free his excited appendage. Gwyn’s face shuttered for just a flicker of a movement, no one but Azriel would have noticed. His body was upright with her sitting in his lap, his penis straining at the cotton of her underwear.

“Are you sure”

When she nodded and murmured “just go slow” his body thrummed with a tension that was almost unbearable. He unwound the wrapping that covered her breasts and she found his head buried in her chest, licking and tasting. Pulling a nipple in between his teeth and sucking while she rubbed and writhed against any contact that they had. She was still in underwear and he wasn’t going to rush this. Besides, it was the most amazing feeling. He didn’t know where he ended and she began as the shadows enveloped them both in a cocoon of soothing darkness. The feelings pelting him with more love than he had ever felt. Love and need and want and protection and fuck, were they really doing this?

Gwyn pushed back and put her feet back on the floor. His head reeled from the loss of touch, the shadows recoiling ready to protect him from the emotional blow that was coming.

All she said was “One last item” and dropped her underwear to the floor before pushing him in the chest, reclining his body all the way back to flat on the bed. She then lifted his knees, placing his feet on the mattress and encouraged him to slide away from her. He lifted his head up to watch her decide to climb up beside him, always touching, always exploring and he let out a long exhale to release the fear that she was leaving. She smiled a feline expression and took his penis in hand gently

“This is good?” she asked as she tightened her grip on his shaft and pulled back toward the tip. She grinned as he bit his lip and nodded once, without the capacity to speak. Her control wavered when he slid one hand up her thigh to cup her rear and move slowly to touch between her thighs, she spread them incrementally to give him access to her centre and moaned loudly as he strummed three fingers around in her pubic hair. She pushed up and down quickly on his penis and received another vibration in return. It was as if they were playing each other and the music was a song taken on by her entire being.

Azriel brought his fingers to his lips and sucked on her scent, sending her pumping his cock and clenching her thighs together. He covered his hand with his saliva and replaced his fingers wetting her up and down, finding two of those fingers slathering her entrance and feeling the pulsing there that she could not ignore. As she leant forward to find a position over him, he claimed her mouth and they were as magnets to each other. Settling together lips on lips kissing and tonguing, nipples seemed to sizzle as their chests met and hips bucked together with most sensitive areas finally feeling each other

“This is different” she gasped around sucking on his top lip

“Different good?” he had stopped kissing her, wondering if she was going to stop their progress

She bucked against him and he moaned at the wet pressure sliding up and down his cock.

“I’m not scared of you anymore”

“Oh thank Fuck” he groaned. “Let’s see how we fit” and he lifted his knees to raise her up so that he could position his penis at her vagina. He continued to stroke and tease, one hand playing with a nipple and the other circling her clitoris while she moved and re-positioned on her knees, hands braced on his shoulders. She so slowly lowered onto him, her pent up tension stopping breath, and the sensations rolling across her skin and through her core threatened to turn her to jelly.

Azriel held his cock so that she could engulf him at her own rate. He was in a state of ecstasy but was taking pains to indulge her need for paced discovery. At last she slid partly onto him, his tip only just inside her and his hands gripped her arse. She slipped down a little further and leant forward to kiss him, high pitched whimpers sounding from her as each extra centimetre covered him.

They were devouring each other and Azriel couldn’t help the exclamations he made around their tongues, their inbreaths.

“Gwyn, oh Gods Gwyn”

She found herself smirking at the male below her. For so many years she believed that sex was a loss of self, a strength others held over you. At the look on Azriel’s ecstatic face, she became aware of her own power and couldn’t help herself dropping to feel all of him.

“ooooh aaaagh” she moaned as her rear settled on his thighs and his penis penetrated her depths. This was the end of wanting, she took his mouth and claimed her rights to him, gripping his nipples in her fingers and bouncing on her knees as he exclaimed and bucked under her

Azriel had been shocked again by his priestess. He had held so still, so quiet, desperate to be the steadying influence, not to scare her but when she’d slid onto him, taken all of him, he cracked. His hands gripped her muscled thighs and kissed her, matching her sounds and revelling in their perfection for each other. He wanted all out pounding, her squeezing of his nipples was bringing him undone and his cock was taking the reins that he had gripped tightly for months, since they had started to get physical with each other.

“You are so huge, I can’t…” she had wrested her mouth away from his and was arched back looking at the ceiling. He stroked each thumb over a nipple and watched her collapse forward onto him, whispering as her face buried into his neck

“You can” and he pushed her back, even further than she had been seated on him and she cried out, her orgasm just breaths away.

“You decide Gwyn, you decide what you can do.” At those words, she nodded and a single tear slipped from an eye. Azriel reached up to intercept it before it fell between them and kissed the fingers that it landed on

“I will catch you” he was looking into her shining teal eyes, reading the emotions teetering on a cliff. The need to be strong, to be invulnerable. She hid it all and brightened the world with her resilience. “I will catch you” he repeated

She smiled at him and began to ride him in earnest, kissing when she felt the need and always moving. She found an angle pressed against him where his pubic bone stimulated her and the fullness of his cock in her made her squirm. It was helping that Azriel had surrendered fully to her and she watched in growing awe as he exhaled and inhaled in controlled breaths waiting, just waiting for her to reach the pinnacle. She was conscious enough of the play between them to interrupt his rhythm by gripping a nipple and holding it while she rode him harder. As the wave of her orgasm burst through her she let go of him everywhere and felt him explode into her, his whole body spasming and clenching as hers did. He swallowed her exclamation with those of his own and held her tight to his chest.

“I didn’t know” he said “I didn’t know that it could be….” He searched for the words to describe the completeness he felt. The gapping hole in his chest suddenly filled with summer days and cool breezes, winter cold hands clasping each other and finding warmth. The hope of a family, a seedling in his mind growing and enveloping him.

“I know, you don’t have to say it, I know” she just covered his body with hers and relaxed. He was still inside her but she liked it like that. He too was in no hurry to break the contact. In a few minutes, their breathing returned to normal and she felt the need to move, remembering that her knees had been bruised from training today. Interesting that she had not thought of that until now. When she squirmed he rolled her onto her back and withdrew, bodily fluids seeping out over both of them.

He noticed her change in mood immediately. The tenseness of her legs, the hands that gripped the sheets and her head turned away. Her face was a mask, one he hadn’t seen before. Fear, deep rooted and all consuming. He backed away unsure what to do for her

“Gwyn, honey, what?” he stopped speaking when she began to shake her head, and tears rolled in a torrent down her cheeks. He went to take her hand and she cringed away from him, making an involuntary shriek of fright. The sobs then overwhelmed her and she curled up in a ball, further when Az reached for her again. Shock, she was going in to shock. But what could he do if not touch her? A quilt materialised on the floor beside him, it took a moment but he reached down to pick it up and back to the shuddering naked form of his love, being attacked by an unknowable foe. Whilst she did cringe as he laid the blanket over her, it seemed to help with the shuddering.

He stepped back to the doorway and took a step into the hall wracking his brain to think straight, to make a plan. Nesta was away, he couldn’t reach her and Cassian. Emerie. How to get Emerie without leaving her alone here. He knew on a level that she would be safe from external harm within the house, but Cauldron only knew what she might do to herself in this state. He did what he had not wanted to do and called to Rhys, his panic more obvious than he would have thought possible.

Azriel, what do you need, where are you? Rhys was alert and questioning, Feyre joined in as Azriel answered

It’s Gwyn, she’s having some sort of emotional attack, I can’t, she won’t let me help. I think I need Emerie to reach her

What did you do Azriel? Feyre did not mean to ask in an accusatory fashion but Azriel’s guilt was screaming through the channel

I’m sorry Az, I didn’t mean that, I know you would never hurt her. Feyre tried to cover her outburst, she really did know that Azriel would be the last person to elicit a panic attack from any friend.

Azriel recovered more quickly than he might have in the past. His concern for Gwyn was more important than his guilt. Can you find Mor, she might be able to get to Emerie and bring her here? Although he did not want to be giving away Mor’s secrets, it was the only way to get Emerie quickly, he knew that the pair had been spending most nights together either in Velaris or at Windhaven, whichever seemed the most secluded on the day.

Rhys is contacting her. Azriel, will I come up? Feyre offered

No, I’m right outside the door, I can see and hear her, I just think only Nesta or Emerie will be able to help. He broke off with a curse at himself and a prayer for something to help her, soon.

                                                                       *

Mor and Emerie had been asleep for only a few minutes when Emerie woke feeling pained. She curled in on herself and it woke Mor

“What is it Em?” Mor pulled her to her chest.

“Um, I’m not sure” but as she said that, her bracelet throbbed sending a chill through her. “Nesta or Gwyn are in trouble” she breathed. She was standing and dressing as she spoke. Mor was rushing to the bathroom and called back

“Nesta and Cassian went to Spring to meet Eris, Tamlin had better not….” She broke off before she could finish the sentence.

“Gwyn must be at the house or in her quarters, let’s check there first” said Emerie, but Mor was not answering

“Baby? Can we go there first?” her voice petered out as she saw Mor’s face a bit scrunched in concentration. Ah, Rhys must have some news. She was used to Mor tuning out every now and then when Rhys spoke to her. At least they might find out where to go to fight now.

“It’s Gwyn and she’s OK, but having a panic attack. They’re up at the house” Mor slung her leather jacket over her arms and held out a hand for Emerie to take.

They winnowed to just above the training ring atop the estate and Emerie ran into the double doors that Windy had opened for her arrival. Passageways were lit directing her to Gwyn and she found Azriel slumped against the door way. Gwyn was sobbing inside

Never had Emerie considered the male in front of her a threat, until now

“What did you do to her?” she growled and Azriel shrunk further into the wall

“I don’t know, I don’t…. she was good then she wasn’t. Please Emerie, help her, I can’t, she doesn’t want me here” The answer and his demeanour softened Emerie’s rage and Mor touched her arm

“Just go to her Em, I’ll find out what happened” Mor turned to Az and said “I’ll tell Rhys we’re here” and led Azriel into a study a few doors down where a low fire was burning in the grate. She handed him a robe the house had left and indicated that he should sit. He too looked as though he was in shock and she’d seen him in plenty of battle situations.

                                                                       *

Emerie found Gwyn curled up, dry sobbing. Her cheeks were still wet with tacky salty moisture and her hands were clasped around the quilt at her chest. The friend crouched down next to the bed where Gwyn could see her if she opened her eyes

“Gwynie?” Emerie spoke softly “Gwynie, I’m here. It’s Emerie and you’re safe”

A body wracking sob came out of her and she opened one eye to confirm the voice belonged to her friend. She nodded her head and fresh tears streamed down her face and soaked the sheets. Emerie took a chance and crawled onto the bed facing Gwyn getting as close as touching their knees and clasping her hands in a ball.

“I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere”

Gwyn gripped her hands and cried softly “I’m ruined, I’m ruined” loosing herself again to the attack by her memories. She wanted to fight, to run from the feelings. She loved him and her body rejected him. He would hate her and she hated Hybern, she hated the males who had changed her life, crushing her hopes to a pile of dirt. She hated herself. The sobbing did not stop

Emerie was lost in confusion. Her sub-concious told her to just be here. Nothing could help but her presence. She wished Nesta was here, she’d seen Nesta nearly this bad once before, but more rage and less tears. What was it that elicited this response from her lovely friend? Of course there were past traumas, but what had that male done to make Gwyn revert to this version of herself? Even on Ramiel, Gwyn never broke, never looked like breaking. Mor had better not take Azriel’s side on this. She couldn’t, Emerie hoped.

                                                                       *

“Can you check on her Mor? Please” Azriel asked in what he thought was a pathetically weak voice.

Mor looked up at his tone. She had rarely seen him this emotional. His heart poked out through his chest and his face showed every level of anguish. She couldn’t condemn him for something when she hadn’t heard his side of the story.

“Tell me what I need to know about what happened, then I’ll check on them” It was funny that she was worried about Gwyn, but now Emerie was a part, she was concerned for her too.

It looked like Azriel was going to refuse to speak at first. She wondered what he was most worried about telling her. Had he in some way forced Gwyn to be with him? She couldn’t believe it

“We decided to have sex tonight” it was more blatant than Mor was ready for. No sidestepping the issue for this conversation.

“It was,….fuck Mor, it was everything” he broke down then and a tear fell down from her eye feeling the remorse and the love and the regret washing off him.

“After, she didn’t want me there, I couldn’t touch her. I don’t know why or what to do, what should I do?”

She jumped up and sat on the floor at his feet, hugging his legs and resting her head on his lap. She had done that once before in apology, but now it was in solidarity. She didn’t know what had happened between them, but her brother was adrift in a sea of self loathing and confusion.

He curled around her and breathed deeply, still holding back some emotion. Refusing to give himself the freedom to release it when Gwyn was there, holed up in a shell where he couldn’t reach her. He had put her back there and he couldn’t forgive himself. Forget that they willingly shared each other’s passion, he should have known, he should have stopped. He let himself glimpse the future he had been reaching for and in doing so stopped caring for her trauma. He was not the better male he’d been aiming for.

                                                                *

Gwyn opened her eyes to find Emerie still clutching her hands and breathing deeply. She was asleep. It was such a calming sight, Gwyn smiled before she remembered why Emerie was here. Her body jolted and Emerie’s eyes flew open.

“Hey”

“Hey yourself” Emerie answered, smiling at the clearness of Gwyn’s eyes. “Um, how do you feel?” it was a tentative question. Probing to find out how to help Gwyn best, but hoping that she would not push her back into the ravine of emotion that Gwyn toppled into last night.

“I’m tired, and I’m, um sticky” Gwyn grimaced and Emerie took that as a good sign. They didn’t have to talk about feelings, just keep breathing and do something.

It was still night time, everyone needed a good sleep, but Gwyn was too restless to close her eyes again. She felt dirty, and she felt sad that that feeling overrode the beautiful sensations that she had discovered with Azriel earlier. She held in a sob and pushed back the thoughts of how badly she had treated him. She just needed to get clean.

                                                                       *

Azriel woke, finding his lap empty and Mor on the chair next to him with a hand resting on his arm. It felt nice to be supported in that way. Whether he deserved it was another question. His insides turned at his inner discord. He heard speaking from down the hall and stood, waking Mor and she stopped him with a look.

“Let me check on them? OK?”

He nodded in assent, but it took steel will to stay in that room, listening for every sound and any threat.

 Mor found them in the bathing room, she didn’t enter just called out quietly,

“Em, is everything OK?” Gwyn tensed up at the extra voice, but relaxed into the bath as Em spoke back

“Yep, we’re fine. I’ll come see you shortly”

Gwyn whispered to Emerie “Don’t tell her, please don’t tell her how I hurt him”

“Oh Gwyn, is that what you think?” Gwyn just slid further into the bath and nodded her head, tears welling again

“I love him and he was so amazing and gentle and HOT, well you know, exciting and I couldn’t hold it together when my..” a flicker of confusion passed her face and she sniffed “my fear came back and I couldn’t do anything, I could barely breath, and I couldn’t, I couldn’t tell him it was not his fault” Her sadness was palpable and living. Emerie shushed her

“YOU, did nothing wrong and HE, he will forgive you. I promise” she took one of Gwyn’s hands and continued

“You are new to this, as I am Gwyn, but I can tell you for certain, nobody feels any different. Well, you have a lot worse memories than many of us, but this love thing, it’s like throwing yourself off a cliff, hoping that something soft will cushion the landing. I don’t even know if I’ve landed yet” she added smiling with a shake of her dark hair and a moment of uncertainty that she too might yet find the fall not worth the exhilaration.

Gwyn’s face lifted and her smile was the most sincere she’d had tonight

“It is amazing isn’t it?” she couldn’t help the giggle and ducked down under the water to scrub at her face.

Emerie waited until she surfaced to pat her head and say, I’ll be outside, reassuring Mor. Holler if you need anything” she indicated a fresh set of sleeping robes “Windy has dressed you for the rest of the night” and exited.

                                                                       *

I don’t even know how they got to this state Mor, but I’m sure he didn’t force her or cause the attack. I’ll have to apologise to Az” they hugged and Mor kept her hand

“I heard what you said to Gwyn about falling” she stammered, very unlike Mor “Don’t mistrust this, us. I will be here, always” It was as much of a declaration as she had ever made and Emerie melted into her, talking against Mor’s shoulder

“I know it Baby, I do, but sometimes it feels un real, unrealistic to have found you so early in my life, first in fact, if you don’t count the couple of bumbling males. I don’t” she huffed a laugh

“Well, My heart, you can trust it because I’ve been searching for you for centuries and I know what I don’t want. You are the love of my life” The shimmering heat between them fanned toward an inferno and Mor pushed Emerie toward the freshly made bed

“If I could winnow from in here, we’d be home in our room, but this will have to do for the moment” and wrapped Emerie in her embrace, kissing her hungrily and accepting her girlfriend’s touches with a reverence bordering on worship.

Azriel entered and left in the same curving step. He thought better of it and stepped back to stand in the doorway.

“Um, are either of you going to tell me what’s going on?” he spoke softly, obviously looking for Gwyn in the room.

Emerie, the most uncomfortable with his presence upon their intimacy leapt up and away from the bed. Mor groaned and gave him the finger.

“Everything is fine” she tsked. “We were just having an important conversation” she nodded at Emerie and smiled in a conspiratorial manner. “I was coming to see you”

As she finished, the bath room door opened a crack, and finding Azriel on the other side of the room, Gwyn squealed and closed the door again.

Azriel nearly fell into the room pleading, but Mor jumped to him and held his arm, Emerie rushed into the bathing room calling before her

“It’s me Gwyn, let me in, I’m coming in”

Azriel looked at Mor

“I thought she must be better, but one look at me and she’s panicking again. I’d better go” Only Mor’s grip on his arm halted the escape he felt he needed to make.

“You. Do. Not. Leave. Here.” She held him tight and his fight left him, may as well be whipped now as later. For Gwyn’s sake he would stay and hear her condemn him. All that he deserved. Then, he would fly to Illyria and try to find some young brutes messing up and take all of his anger and fear out on them.

“Truth Azriel. Truth now. You love her. She loves you” His eyes flicked to hers in denial “she does you know” He still shook his head. “You will talk to her here in this room with me as your moderator or alone, but those are your only choices Az.” He looked at her disbelievingly, but agreed

“OK, but only if Gwyn agrees” he doubted she’d be in the same room as him, let alone speak.

“Emerie?” Mor hollered into the closed door “Would Gwyn like to speak to Azriel? And would she like either or both of us here?”

Mumbling came from the room and Azriel held his breath

                                                                       *

“What say you Idisi?” Emerie motioned to the closed door. “If you love him as you say, confess your regret, give him the chance at least to forgive you, although I know that you have nothing to be regretful for, you had a moment of repressed memory resurface, it might happen again, it might not, but what is life hiding from those, only to miss out on the exhilarating bits?” Gwyn had moved back to the centre of the room and her shoulders became more square. “Don’t you think he’s worth fighting for, even if it’s your own memories that you have to fight?”

Gwyn just nodded and took Emerie’s hand “Stay with us? Both of you? If he leaves I’ll, I don’t know what I’ll do, but I want you here. He deserves to have Mor here in his corner too, even though I know she likes me too” She smiled at Emerie before her friend could dismiss her feelings of inadequacy.

The door opened slowly and Gwyn took a massive breath and stepped out before Emerie did. Emerie stayed in the doorway and lifted her chin at Mor to indicate the ball was in Azriel’s court. Azriel could only stare at Gwyn so Mor gave him a friendly shove towards the female and he stumbled a step, coming up near the corner of the bed. Gwyn had stopped at the other corner.

“I’m sorry” they intoned near to synchronised. They both looked at each other then. Azriel fell to a knee and looked up at her

“I want you to understand how horrible I am Gwyn”

“Wait, what?” she took a step back and Azriel winced

“How horrible I am, because of what I do and who I am and how I can never be good enough for you” Where only Emerie could see, Mor rolled her eyes not this again. Emerie took her meaning and sighed in agreement.

All it took was one large tear rolling down Azriel’s cheek before Gwyn had thrown herself at his feet, grasping for him, hands on either side of his face

“You are everything” she kissed his brow “you gave me everything and I stopped fighting, I’m so sorry that I pushed you away, all I wanted was to hold you and I pushed you away. Made you feel” she indicated between them “made you feel this pain. I cannot forgive myself”

His expression changed again to indignant as he brushed a strand of hair behind her ear, his hands found her waist and she sobbed

“There is nothing to forgive my love” and the emotion behind that sentence struck a deep chord in her soul “Can you forgive me?” He said, and his eyes left hers for a moment, only to flick back in hope

“There is nothing to forgive my love” she repeated.

 Emerie silently stepped around the couple as Mor made her way to the door. The pair of them found themselves in each others arms, as close as they could get, seeking the emotion of kissing and holding and being together. They mumbled about going home, but they guessed someone was going to have to say goodbye. Azriel and Gwyn were still clinging to each other on the floor at the end of the bed, not speaking.

“Oi” came Azriel’s voice through the door. “Not so fast you two”

They guiltily re-entered the room, hand in hand but smiling up at each other.

“Slow your roll ladies. Can I make you breakfast?” He was grinning at them, standing and assisting Gwyn up next to him. He put an arm around her waist and she tucked a few fingers into the edge of his robe.

“Maybe you’d best get dressed before you astound us with your cooking skills” she tickled his chest hair and he looked down at his attire. He blushed and headed for the bathing room

“Uh, yep, good point. I’ll just be a second” He kissed her once on the mouth and walked. As he turned to close the door, Gwyn mouthed to him I love you. The corners of his mouth lifted in a joyful smile as he disappeared into the steamy room.

                                                                       *

[ahsokasanity]

Wow

Finally got around to drawing for fun during my free time, so here’s some gwynriel I’ve recently gotten really into! 

[ahsokasanity]

Chapter Fourteen

A Court of Shadow and Ribbons Best not start here though, try the Chapter Link

“I’m scared of you Azriel” Gwyn has been trying to form a sentence but that blurted out instead.

“I mean I feel scared when I’m with you, alone”

Azriel was ready to bolt. He desperately wanted to touch her, to reassure her, to be a full blooded male and bury himself in her. But she was too important to leave worried and anxious. He flared his wings so that one ran along her back, it grazed her shoulder but it was not clingy.

“I don’t ever want you to be fearful Gwyn. Not of me and not of anything you could do. I really like you” The last part slipped by his filter and floated in the air between them. He huffed a small laugh.

“Now I feel scared being alone with you, it makes me talk too much” He looked down at his hands then back to her face.

Gwyn was recovering and felt the need to re-assure him now.

“People told me that you barely talk, that they’ve never heard you speak” Gwyn spoke quietly as if trying to entice a stray to eat offered food.

“Maybe I don’t have much to say?” He said, a light tone belying the truth behind his words

“I don’t believe that Az” at her words, he lifted his eyes to hers

“You see everything and I bet your mind is a steel trap for information” Gwyn looked at him admiringly. She was so much more certain of herself when she wasn’t thinking about her own fear.

Azriel slowly nodded his head. “I think of so many things, so many scenarios and outcomes, sometimes I forget to talk. My own counsel is biased toward me” he laughed at his self-deprecation. Gwyn brightened

“Well you know what they say: sometimes I talk to myself because I need an expert opinion”

She hoped that she’d lightened the sombre mood, Azriel realised the joke and laughed, properly laughed and she joined him, the melodic rise and fall of her giggling making him smile all the more. When she reached out and threaded her fingers through his, he squeezed her hand and let his wing wrap further around her body. She tensed then relaxed and breathed out in a whoosh, leaning her head on his shoulder.

“Can I kiss you Gwyn? He didn’t even think of whether he should say that, didn’t even really realise he’d said it out loud. He could hear her thundering heart beat and his shadows could feel her anxiety rise and fall, her scent enticing but held in check by the fear in her eyes.

“I want to say yes” she stuttered.

He said softly “Then say yes. One kiss, nothing more. I promise I will give you only as much as you ask for. Just say yes”

She looked at his face, the loyalty, the humour, the lingering pain of his own trauma

“Yes” She leant in to his embrace and her world splintered apart.

He was so slow to touch her lips that she didn’t notice the first light meeting of their skin until the pressure increased and his free hand came up to bury his fingers in her hair, tilting her head to kiss her soundly and softly. His tongue just parted her teeth but pulled back as he stroked his thumb over the back of her hand and his shadows jumped from his shoulders to hers, sending lightening bolts of thrill across her skin. She gasped and held his hand tight, her other hand found the folds of his shirt and fisted it into a ball she could hold on to. Azriel gave a slight low moan and she lost all reason, pulling him to her and taking, taking, taking his breath, his shadows, his obvious intent.

He was pulling back, his one kiss and his promise reminding him to give her space to decide. She went with him whimpering as the cool air found the places that his hands, his lips, his shadows had left.

“One kiss” he murmured

She cursed roundly “Do you have to be so cauldron blasted literal?” but she was smiling.

Azriel pushed back along the bench away from her, but kept the hold on her hand. She looked dazed. She looked beautiful. It took every ounce of five hundred years of willpower training to stop his hands and his body from responding to her nearness, to not pull her into his lap and devour her to the extent of her want. She would not thank him for that no matter how she physically responded to him now. They needed time to make considered decisions.

“Ah, Gwyn you have found my fatal flaw. A male’s word is his bond and I gave it to you freely” she laughed with him

“OK, but, um, when do you think you could um, give it to me freely again?”

Azriel shook his head “You are trying to kill me aren’t you?”

She tried to look abashed but only managed triumphant.

“Come on Az, walk me to my door” Gwyn stood up and led the way down the stairs to the priestess quarters section of the library.

                                                                       *

“You have to go now, they’ll be asleep but I need to be quiet when I go in, some of them are really grumpy if woken”

“OK” Azriel went to leave but she still held his hand. Gwyn was leant on the door frame, he took in the whole look of her from top to toe. Caught in a sea of lust, held in check by an unwavering promise of letting her choose the physical contact he fidgeted on the spot.

“Could you please kiss me goodnight?” She was more bold now, but not forceful. It cracked his resolve and got around his own misgivings, it was her idea after all.

His shadows streamed across the short gap between them and he placed one hand on either side of her face on the wall. Her breathing was short and silent and he edged closer until he was a hair’s breadth from touching her entire length.

“Yes” he said simply and all of a sudden his body was on hers, one knee bent to touch the wall between hers; thighs, hips and bellies met. Gwyn sucked in a gasp as her breasts felt the firm pressure of his chest, and his mouth found her own. It was not like the other exploratory kiss. This was a claiming, but so light she felt he’d disappear any moment. Her arms wrapped around his waist and held him from doing that. Their heads angled and straightened, finding the best pressure of lips on lips.

Gwyn felt she would faint from the joy of it. Die from the wanting of more and beg for the chance to do it again.

Azriel pulled back and looked at her, she grimaced a little, starved for the feel of him. He lent back in and gave her a peck on the nose.

“Goodnight” he mouthed, peeling himself away from her.

She raised a hand to wave but stayed as if flayed, back against the wall. She’d better move, she thought. She’d slide down to the floor if she let herself.

She smiled and quietly opened the door to the living area. Thank the Mother no-one was there to see her flushed and untidy. Her light step would have given away the release of a fear from her heart.

                                                                       *

Azriel met Cassian in the dining room where he’d gone to collect his dinner jacket.

“Finished already Cass?” He grinned and raised his guard in case Cassian took it badly.

“You’re one to talk brother, didn’t need long did you, scared her off already? If you need some tips I’m sure I can help. Just tell Uncle Cassian everything”

“No way ‘Uncle Cassian’, I do not want or need your advice. The shadowsinger has this all totally under control” Azriel smirked and went off to bed.

Cassian was left mumbling to himself “You’ve got no idea Az. What you’ve just started up has nothing to do with total control” He shook his head and headed back to his mate.

That’s it (but Chapter fifteen, the smut edition will be posted tomorrow!). Sorry to drop the ball on the whole disaster about to unfold in the fae lands, but I read too many Gwynriel fanfics!! I got right into “Everything Falls into Place” @CeliaMoonbeam, “A Song of Shadows” @tealnymph24, Worlds Apart @MusicalMassasinsXxx, “A Court of Smoke & Shadow”@Daevastanner, “Az and Gwyn Decide to take it to the next leve”l @sarah_bae_maas, “Beat” @TrashForAzriel, “Of Darkness and Light” @LoveStoryFanatic, and there are heaps of fun one shots on Archive of Our own – and a few on Tumblr I’ve not finished yet (@Ladyvanserra). I did however always want our Gwynriel to face up to Azriel’s need for love from a partner and some of Gwyn’s fear of the physical side of a relationship, they’ve been working on it, and tomorrow's post will satiate that I hope. See you on another fanfic spiral!

                                                           *

[ahsokasanity]

Chapter Thirteen

A Court of Shadow and Ribbons                            Chapter Link

Oh, you’re gonna wanna read this one!

The house arranged a beautiful table setting and centre piece. The room was bathed in the orange and bright pinks of the evening sun. Azriel was already there. Dressed casually in black pants and a teal shirt with the cuffs rolled up nearly to his elbows. Cassian and Nesta wandered in, drink in each hand. Cassian passed his spare to Aziel, who took it gratefully and swallowed a large gulp. He looked up at them quickly

“sparkling water?”

Nesta answered for them “I’m not, you know drinking anymore so the house offers what’s best for every situation. Cassian agreed, a totally sober night for him and you will be best – especially with the work you have to do tomorrow”

Azriel nodded “I see, and I agree alcohol is not necessary, maybe I was looking to take the edge off, but I don’t need it”

Cassian laughed “You might, but we’ll back you up buddy”

Gwyn arrived taking the last step slowly and looking around furtively. She was talking to herself quietly “Are you Idisi? Is this scarier that fighting for your life on Ramiel? Can you chill out and have a quiet dinner with your friends and with Azriel? She sucked in a breath “Oh Mother, would you look at him”

Nesta stepped forward and took Gwyn’s hand, having left her drink on the table.

“You are so welcome Gwyn, I can’t believe we haven’t done this before” they hugged and walked to sit at the dining table.

“Please sit down Gwyn. Cass, Azriel we can eat whenever we are ready”

She turned to Gwyn “You know since the house was gifted to Cassian and I, we don’t venture to the kitchens. Every now and then I send a basket of treats or some blooming flowers of Elain’s to say thank you, but Windy does it all. It is an interesting way to live never knowing or bothering to think about what we should eat” she smiled and Cassian stopped talking to Azriel for a moment to appreciate that spirit. A year ago he could not have fantasised about this kind of hope and happiness for her.

Aziel noticed too but his eye was caught more by the slight giggle that Gwyn made, her curls bouncing either side of her face and the way her eyes sparkled with merriment.

“Windy” as Nesta had begun to refer to the house of Wind did not disappoint with dinner. Although you might think it was a Den Mother the way each person was served different amounts depending on their body’s requirements and tastes. It was all food on a theme, but no two plates were the same.

Gwyn was enjoying the food and the easy conversation ranging from training, to the mating ceremony, to singing and pranks that Azriel and Cassian had played on each other and Rhys growing up.

Dessert was served and when Gwyneth’s plate arrived bearing a colourful meringue pegasus, she burst out laughing. The house had remembered her request from the girls night months ago.

She really did not relish eating the work of art, but the dinner had been served in order and amounts to leave her room for this treat. Azriel had heard the story from Cassian about what the house had provided the three recovering females and was so pleased to see Gwyn relaxed and joyful. When she offered him some of her meringue, he took the tail.

“This is only so that we can tell people you did not eat an entire pegasus by yourself” and popped it into his mouth. Gwyn watched every move, caught by the idea of that melt in your mouth delicacy on his tongue, dissolving and fizzing and finally being swallowed. She consciously dropped her eyes to her plate, but hoped that he would not scent her want. A feeling that she just couldn’t stop, rising within her.

Suddenly she wished that she had not eaten all that the house had offered. Her stomach knotted and her heart beat was going to drown out the conversation. In fact, she noticed Cassian and Azriel had stopped speaking and Nesta was looking at her worriedly.

“Gwyn, what’s wrong? you’ve gone pale all of a sudden”

She abruptly stood, pushing the chair back and stumbled toward the dark doors leading to the roof.

“I just need some air.” She scrambled outside. The others too shocked to follow

                                                                       *

It was dark outside, but she knew every corner and seat and railing here. She moved to a bench overlooking the city and it’s twinkling lights, with one wall of the house behind her. Gwyn sat and breathed. She counted to ten for each inhale and each exhale until the nausea stopped, then began the proper Valkyrie exercises to centre her mind. On purpose she did not try to find a reason for her panic. It was all too obvious.

Moments or hours later Nesta came out to her, carrying one of the house’s magical light sources so that she could find Gwyn. Although, she knew the layout better that anyone, Gwyn realised she was announcing her presence.

“I’m so sorry Nessie, I don’t know what happened” (even though she did and it scared her to death). Nesta sat beside her with one arm over her shoulders.

“Don’t mention it, you know around here, we’re all about do as you feel” She winked. Gwyn knowing full well about Nesta’s behaviour when she arrived up here, and about how many different rooms she and Cassian had enjoyed each other in. She just smiled and said

“Thank you. Really, I appreciate that, but I’m not sure what to do now. Do I sit here breathing or do I come back and face my trainers feeling embarrassed and silly?” She shrugged and Nesta could see the internal struggle for the female who always put on a brave face to cover the unforgettable trauma of death and rape that dogged her still.

“How about a compromise?” Nesta dipped her chin, “Azriel and Cassian and I could come out here to sit with you in the dark, then you don’t have to feel like you look silly because they won’t be able to see you!”

Gwyn huffed a laugh, then it broke to the surface and it came out properly. Nesta joined her and they pushed on each other’s shoulders making the other start up again.

It didn’t take long before Cassian and Azriel made their way out to see what was going on out there. They were talking loudly and teasing each other about who was the best trainer, Nesta blessed them for their attempt at subtlety.

“What’s your opinion Gwyn, who is the best trainer? Your General, OR the guy who helps out sometimes?” Cassian had arrived and dragged over a sunbed made for wings to lay on.

Gwyn looked at Azriel who stayed standing on the other side of Nesta. His silk shirt caught the moonlight and she could see the colour ripple as he breathed

“Well, General" She started and the others laughed

“You definitely make me work harder, Azriel seems to like stretching and cooling down best” Cassian made to accept his win.

“But….” Gwyn continued “The person who helps out sometimes, has, I think, been the reason behind my technique improvement” She smiled at Azriel then and he looked modestly at the ground.

“So, I’m not going to choose!” Gwyn declared. Cassian and Nesta clapped and congratulated her, and Azriel laughed and the joy in that laugh had Gwyn tensing up inside. In a good way. The stomach churning did not happen, but a bubbly, happy humming started in her chest.

Cassian held out his hand to Nesta, beckoning her and she went and lay next to him with her head on his chest and their hands linked across Cass’s belly.

Azriel glanced at the bench vacated by Nesta “May I?” he asked Gwyn softly.

“Of course” She said shyly. What else could she say. She edged a little further from him so that she would not accidentally touch his wings. His shadows stayed as a second skin around him, but where his hand rested on the bench closest to her, they seeped out a little. Gwyn did it without thinking, she ran a finger through the darkness of the inky feelers. She pulled away as they touched her coolly, but stretched her hand out again when it didn’t hurt.

“Can you feel that?” she said quietly

Cassian and Nesta were silent, she knew they could hear her, and Azriel’s reply, but surely someone had asked the shadowsinger about his shadows before.

“Yes, but it’s a feeling not a sense”

Cassian called out “REALLY?” and Nesta put her hand over his mouth laughing. Azriel shook his head “Yes, really. I don’t feel hot or cold or sharp or blunt with my shadows. Right now I just feel happiness, and maybe uncertainty?”

Gwyn slid her hand away. He was reading far too much of her mood right now.

“That’s really amazing” she looked properly at him and fell headlong into his dark blue eyes. He blinked and she was able to look away

“It is pretty good. Sometimes I wish I didn’t have the power, but it’s saved me, well, us, so many times I’m grateful despite the “feelings’ all the time”

Nesta “oohhhhed” from her chair like suddenly Azriel made more sense. Cassian nudged her and she squirmed “What?”

“Well, I was just thinking how tired I am and that I have to get up early tomorrow for Rhys’ little errand, and you know, maybe it’s” he spoke lower “bedtime”.

Nesta got the hint and went a little pink cheeked, although it was too dark to see.

“Good point Cassian, what a responsible mate you are. Definitely bedtime when we’ve got to get going early” she yawned deliberately. Cassian merely stood and took her hand bowing to Azriel and Gwyn

“Brother, Gwyn, thanks for tonight. Let’s do it again soon”

Nesta nodded and giggled at Cassian’s attempt at politeness and sudden need to be alone with her. She had the same idea.

“Thank you Nesta, Cassian” Gwyn nodded but didn’t attempt to rise, instead she looked at Azriel. He stared back but farewelled his friends absentmindedly

“Yeah, bye”

                                                               *

[ahsokasanity]

Chapter Twelve

A Court of Shadow and Ribbons Earlier Chapters HERE

 Short one - sorry!

Amren and Rhys were in the office, Feyre and Nyx playing outside.

“You’re going to have to think more about this Rhys, for the sake of all of our people and all the islands people. A solid unified court working for those who are most disadvantaged, the poorest, the…..”

“Enough Amren” he nearly yelled

“Enough” more quietly, “I know. Feyre and I have been discussing, and arguing, a bit. This needs bigger plans and loads more information” He looked up at Azriel

“A little late to save me from the miniature assassin, Spymaster” He smiled in self-effacing demeanour. “We’re discussing Hybern, Koshei, not to mention Beron of the Autumn Court and Bloody Tamlin. How the best defence might be a well timed attack, well you know, show of force” He indicated that they all should sit. Amren took up a third of the high backed winged lounge and Rhys sat on the edge of his desk tapping one foot.

Azriel sat and spoke, it was always best to just say what you thought here, arguments and pros and cons could all be sorted through later.

“I don’t envy you this Rhys, but I agree with Amren”

The others rocked back where they sat and Amren nodded

“You see, the shadowsinger sees what I see, prosperity and keeping those bastards across the seas in line.”

“I disagree with that Amren” Azriel interrupted, “I only agree that for Prythian, further even, Rhysand and Feyre would make far more sympathetic and fair rulers. What we have now is broken. Squabbling courts, bad elements slipping into the Spring Court and the human lands, ruling the Autumn Court and training armies in the Illyrian mountains”

Rhys merely nodded his head. All of these threats were life long. He didn’t remember a time when the High Lords did not position and jostle for power.

“Az, I need more information. I want to know who’s with us, really with us on this. QUIETLY. This idea does not leave this room. Feyre knows and Cassian and Nesta have been a part of some talks. No one else is told. Mor hates the idea so that’s going to be a hurdle if we take this road”

“And Elain, Lucien and Varian?” Amren added

“Nope, not now” Rhys was firm “We do not want to start a war over a rumour and we may just sit on this, and the Trove. No, No leaks” Rhys stood and looked out at his son and mate. Azriel spoke quietly

“It could mean peace for centuries Rhys, we have to consider it”

“Ok, we’ll keep it in play, but Aziel, talk to Lucien and get Cassian to meet with Eris. It’s about time he did some work and stopped planting his seed every waking moment” Azriel nodded and held in a laugh.

“I’ll tell him tonight, we’ll get on it in the morning”

“I’d prefer now Az.” Rhys was edging toward an order

“How about not today” Azriel thought he was using his best secret voice and that Rhys would assume he had other spying plans in place that were time sensitive. Rhys was intrigued. He knew exactly what the spymaster was up to as far as intelligence work. Today was personal.

“Speak Azriel, give me a reason not to order you to approach Lucien today”

“Well, it’s really for relations with Lucien, he’ll be more willing to listen to me if I do this thing I’m planning for tonight.”

Amren had approached now. “I see the shadowsinger is resolute Rhys. The ginger haired warrior must be really pulling his chain”

Rhys agreed “Maybe Azriel’s ‘future’ is more important than these arrangements” He gave Azriel a wink. He and Amren must have known already, bloody big mouth Cassian.

“Yes, he told me when I said that I wanted you all here for a gathering tonight”

Azriel swore and took the jesting. His family was enough to twist him up some days

“So no family meeting tonight?” Amren said. “Varian will be pleased. He wanted to show me something in the city” She turned toward Azriel and winked. Rhys spread his arms

“But tomorrow evening we meet here, no guests, no ‘friends’. Just us. And you and Cassian will have more reports for me by then” He nodded his head in emphasis.

[ahsokasanity]

Chapter Eleven

A Court of Shadow & Ribbons

Here’s the Chapter Link for earlier story

He heard Nesta and Cassian moving about the house, talking and getting breakfast before he opened his eyes. It was strange to feel so disoriented and not be the first person up and about. He had always been an early riser. You don’t gather information and spy on enemies and allies alike if you lay around half asleep.

It was only moments before he joined the couple in the dining room where the house piled their plates with breakfast protein and a colourful bowl of fruit to share. They all tucked in to it like starving Nagas.

Azriel said between mouthfuls “Didn’t you two take any time out to eat in the last two days?” He didn’t need to mention what they needed to take a break from.

Cassian grinned, “Not food”

Azriel spat out some of his bacon and eggs and Nesta shook her head ruefully at her mate.

“Where did you end up after the club Brother, you weren’t here until training yesterday?” Cassian tried to make polite conversation – and find out some gossip Az assumed.

“Mor and Emerie and I stayed at Rita’s until close, then we went back to Mor’s and I came back in time to hold my hands over my ears while I got changed and then trained those of the group dedicated enough to be here”

Nesta blushed and Cassian guffawed. Azriel kept eating pointedly, stopping more gossip about where Emerie ended up, how his own libido was going and anything else that Cassian might think up to allude to his own successful sex life.

Nesta was interested though. “Didn’t you take Emerie home to Windhaven?”

“Mor was going to take her home. They danced so much that training was off the table” He guessed that Mor would winnow Emerie to Windhaven at some point – truth and half truth. Azriel edged the topic. Mor would need to tell the group soon if she was going to see Emerie regularly, it was too hard to hide.

“Oh well, she’s got to be here this morning. We’ve got a lot to catch up on” Nesta took another bite, Azriel swallowed his reply You sure do…

It may not be remarked upon. The night court had known for many years that Mor – and Rhysand for that matter, had found pleasure in both males and females. It was only going to have any tough implications for Mor if she decided to be with Emerie, be seen with her, make any sort of life with the Illyrian. It would make ripples further than their group, than Velaris. All the way to the Hewn City, and for Emerie dealing with the Illyrians on their home turf at her shop.

Az reminded himself to talk to Mor about this – to see if she needed him for anything, to say anything. As the spymaster, he was good at keeping secrets, but it would be embarrassing not to know in the first place.

                                                                       *

Everyone made it to training that day. Gwyn was pleased to have her sisters back and they spent the first warming up period stretching and talking and giggling. Cassian left it to Azriel to discipline any outbursts from the trio. He knew that he wouldn’t have any power to silence Nesta. Not when he believed they were talking about his sexual prowess.

Gwyn didn’t add much to the conversation until Emerie mentioned Azriel joining them at the club and that he had mostly danced with her and Mor up until he walked them home and flew off to be ready for training.

“You mean, after he dropped me home he was just with you all at Rita’s, not um, with someone, or anything?” She said it quietly and looked at her feet, embarrassed by her outburst, but desperate inside to hear the answer.

  Nesta grinned.  “Don’t ask me. Cass and I were already home by then. We left after he took Emerie to, ah, dance”

Emerie appreciated the save, but Gwyn looked downhearted. She decided to put Gwyn out of her misery.

“He wasn’t asking me to dance with him, not really. He could tell that I liked the music but I didn’t know many people there so he just introduced me” She nodded adding weight to her comment. “You know, he’s Azriel. Not my type if you know what I mean”

“Not your type?” Gwyn looked astounded “Surely he’s everyone’s type” She eyed him strolling around the other side of the ring. “Oh, I mean, cool. That’s what I thought you’d say, I didn’t mean…” Gwyn shook her head and tied again “You know…..”

“Yeah, we do” Nesta clapped Gwyn on the back. “Enough gossip, work time”

                                                                                   *

Gwyn couldn’t help throwing a glance or two Azriel’s way during the morning and noted that she caught him looking at her sometimes. She felt herself going red, and at times her stomach flipped over and she had to catch her breath.

Azriel took Cassian aside once the Idisi were into duel sparring with wooden swords, or real ones for the six who had completed the Blood Rite qualifier.

“I’m going to ask her to come to dinner with us” he spoke quietly into his shoulder.

“Who” Cassian bellowed, looking across the females, his stare snagged by Nesta attacking Ananke ferociously.

“Urgh, you’re a self absorbed bat some days” Azriel shoved Cassian who merely stepped aside and crossed his arms.

“As you well know, my equally batty friend, I will support you no matter how you want to destroy yourself” he smirked.

“And look who’s talking General Mated, Yes Nesta, of course Nesta, how can I please you Nesta…” Azriel teased

“So many ways you’ve never thought of Brother, we found this style last night, it was a-maze……”

“Enough Cass, enough. I get the idea” He spoke more quietly “Just dinner, with me, and you two. Then you and Nesta can find somewhere else to be” he added quickly.

“Ok. Ask her, but tell me this. I know you seem to have let go of the idea of Mor” Azriel looked discomforted “and maybe of Elain”, more shadows clung to Azriel’s shoulders, “but are you sure you want to start this?” He looked sincerely worried for his friend and maybe a little for Gwyn too.

Azriel squared his shoulders and said “Yes, mother help me, I am.

                                                                       *

Cassian went to Nesta and asked her to stay a moment with Gwyn- he whispered in her ear that Azriel would speak with Gwyn about dinner. So she kept Gwyn talking and shushed Emerie off for now to the water station. Azriel was to winnow her back to Windhaven today.

The other three gave Azriel and Gwyn some space when he approached and Gwyn was about to bolt before Azriel spoke

“A moment please Gwyneth”

“Gwyneth?” He blushed a little and she smiled at his discomfort

“Would you like to come up to the house for dinner this evening? With Nesta, Cass and I”

“Well, I ah….” Gwyn was stuck for words Az interrupted

“You know I can’t promise any special food, the house will be in charge of the menu. It’s always a surprise!” He smiled, an engaging smile, Gwyn have never seen him so vulnerable, so hopeful.

“Thank you, I would like to have dinner, with you all” She nodded and near ran down the steps. Emerie followed her

“I’ll be right back” and she sprinted after Gwyn

“Well that went well” Cassian laughed, Azriel answered

“Back off Cass” but he was serious and steady.

“I know Az, I promise best trainer behaviour, I will be on. No innuendo, no licking the inside of my mate’s wrist” Nesta blushed and smacked his shoulder giving him the opportunity to grab her hand, he then ran his tongue up her vein from elbow to hand.

“See, I’ve done it now so I don’t need to do it later” They all laughed and Emerie returned

“She’s OK, just flustered” She looked at Azriel “She’s fine really, happy even”

Azriel nodded his thanks and held out his hand for Emerie to take

“Off to Windhaven then?” Az said

As he went to step through the fold of their lands, Emerie blurted

“Could we make a stop first?”

Azriel smiled and made a quick re-alignment.

They arrived at Mor’s doorway, the day clear and sparkling, a slight ocean breeze waved the trellis flowers

“Thank you Sir!, Azriel” she corrected, “do you think she’ll mind?”

“Why don’t you go and find out” He grinned

The door opened and Emerie was beckoned inside and jogged up the stairs. Mor waved and mouthed thanks to Azriel as he winnowed to the River house.

                                                                       *

[ahsokasanity]

Chapter Ten

A Court of Shadow & Ribbons           Wanna start at Chapter One?

                                                            *

Mor apologised the moment they entered the sitting room.

“I’m sorry for the subterfuge, but Azriel knows about me and he…..”

Emerie had not let go of Mor’s hand and as she spoke, Mor found herself being turned toward the female who had captured her attention at the party, and even before that. Mor was staring into Emerie’s hazel green eyes and losing any capacity to finish her sentence.

Emerie said “Now, I know too” and kissed her. Not a passionate kiss, a request of a kiss. Mor sizzled and held tight to Emerie’s hand, putting her other around her waist to hold her there. She didn’t let Emerie move back from that touch, Mor licked her lower lip and went back for a more intimate meeting.

Emerie sighed and felt herself going pliant and loose. She stepped toward the lounge, pushing Mor backwards to sit facing each other, stroking her hands in Mor’s hair, around her waist and over the perfect lines of her cheek and jaw.

“Oh I’ve never known what this felt like”

Mor stopped kissing Emerie’s ear lobe

“Just you wait” she whispered, Loving the shiver that ran through the female with her

“I just want to feel you and have you here with me, but tell me what you want” She hadn’t stopped touching and feeling and kissing, and Emerie’s eyes were closed when she murmured

“More of this for now, please don’t stop”. There they stayed, on the lounge as the sun rose and they discovered each other. Mor stopped at one point to ask if they should move from the sitting room

“Nope, this is it for now, I want to fall asleep here with you Mor” Emerie answered. So they did.

                                                            *

The training ring was pink with the streams of sunrise when Azriel landed. He found the rose with it’s chain in his pocket and strode into the house and his room. He couldn’t believe that Nesta and Cassian had not fallen asleep yet as he heard the low murmur of Cassian’s deep voice followed by a higher demand from Nesta. Mother save him from having to hear much more of that.

The house seemed to respond with some modicum of decency and muted the increasing sounds from their room. As Azriel closed his door, the moaning was left behind altogether.

He went to his armoire and opened the furthest right bottom drawer. In to it, he placed the jewellery beside a small cedar box. The only item that he kept from his childhood – a gift from his mother created when he was discovered to be a shadowsinger. She had placed a few items in it as he grew, even when he was imprisoned and she was unable to contact him. A lock of his hair, a note she’d written and a tiny dagger that she hoped he’d be able to learn to wield as he matured.  

He picked it up for a moment. Re-promising that his children would be loved in person, daily, and never would come to hurt whilst he breathed

He closed the drawer with his foot and changed into training gear. His body screamed at him for some sleep but he kicked back at the need and told himself “after training”.

                                                                       *

Most of the girls were already at the roof by the time Azriel arrived. Emerie was of course not there, nor were Nesta and Cassian. Apparently you do not have to train the day after your mating ceremony. All of the others were there including Lorelei and Roslin who had perhaps drunk more alcohol than they should at the celebration.

Those who had not attended the festivities were happily listening to the stories from the ceremony. Many of them had heard the tale of Gwyn’s singing and were congratulating her as they warmed up.

“Gwyn”. Azriel got the attention of the entire group. He indicated that Gwyn should join him at the front and she was nervous.

“We are a little short on instructors and members today, so I thought it might be nice if Gwyn led us in a warm up”

“Phew” Gwyn sighed inwardly and took a big breath. The best moves that she and Nesta and Emerie had found to get moving everyday were easy. She felt comfortable with the trainees and not pressured by Azriel. She could see him out of the corner of her eye correcting stance and core strength movements.

Everyone was flushed and perspiring by the time Gwyn finished the last rhyme. Azriel broke the females into three groups of three and had them sparring with staves, the third person of each group was the watcher to help with their feet and defence in-case anyone was having a particular problem.

Funnily enough, that left Gwyn and Azriel. Azriel handed her a heavy shield and led her to the area with a little more room.

“Sometimes, you won’t have a weapon but you may have some protection. Learn to use it to stay alive longer against an armed opponent”

Gwyn stood awkwardly holding the wooden metal plated implement on her left arm. Azriel attacked with deliberate slowness, signalling where he was going with each strike of his staff. Gwyn dodged and held, shuffled her feet and moved her weight to take every blow. Azriel sped up and reduced his warnings until they were both running with sweat and one of the other groups had stopped to watch them.

Azriel did not yell as Cassian could sometimes drag on his General’s mask, he merely indicated with a hand and “Ladies” -for the females to gather to watch.

“You see how you can fight without fighting? Defence can be the best way to stay alive until help arrives or until you are able to locate something more like a weapon”

Gwyn stumbled as Azriel spoke, attention lost in a memory of desperately waiting for help to arrive. Too late. Help came too late, even in the form of the winged assassin standing before her now. She dropped her eyes and Azriel continued to address the others.

“Get into a line and you can each have a moment to attack me with your staff, one at a time. Let’s go.”

The Idisi formed up immediately and began an assault on Azriel, giving Gwyn space to step out of the ring to get a drink. Why couldn’t she just get over this? How could the mention of being in danger make her stop thinking? Stop fighting? It had not happened on Ramiel. She thought that she was Valkyrie and unstoppable. Breathe she told herself, just breathe.

Once her heart rate had calmed both from the exercise and the panic, she returned to the line of staff wielding priestesses. It was time to have her revenge on Azriel’s earlier attempts at her. She would not be cowered and would never again be simply left waiting for help to arrive.

Azriel looked pleased to see Gwyn reach the front of the line and the others had begun to stretch and to drink water before the cool down.

“Apologies if I triggered something there, you were doing really well”

Gwyn stepped right then left and slammed the staff toward his exposed left wing. Azriel ducked and laughed at her audacity, but got his shield up in time to block the next blow.

“Now that was serious” – he blocked a third hit, but with effort and when Gwyn spun and angled the staff at his shins, he had to jump back to protect himself.

“You’d better give Azriel, I can do this all day” She grunted as she threw another two-handed attack at his neck and shoulders. Her feet were actually getting faster as she became more comfortable with the longer weapon. Azriel knew he could out manoeuvre her without a time limit, but she was so strong, so resilient he knew working her to exhaustion today would not be helpful. She needed this confidence and she needed more training and further fitness, but Cauldron was she a warrior.

After a resounding clash of staff and shield, Gwyn aimed a particularly good weight at his upper arm and connected. It was not enough to take Azriel out of a sincere fight, but it was a move that deserved reward.

“Give. I give” Azriel admitted freely. He was not winded, while Gwyn was pink and panting slightly. She knew without commenting that Azriel had forfeited. She didn’t mind. She had hit him after all!

They both drank greedily and Gwyn wondered if she was doing anything useful toward gaining Azriel’s affection. He was just the epitome of trainer today, although he’d focused on her a bit more than normal. She looked over at him and smiled, he gave her a nod of appreciation and she lowered her eyes.

“Form up Idisi” Azriel’s voice carried easily across the rooftop.

“Gwyn, please lead the cool down?”

Gwyn stepped out of the line sideways and began the relaxation chant.

Azriel stood sentry still, but took it all in, tensing and relaxing different muscle groups as the trainees breathed steadily and stretched. He was just nodding off, his wings held slightly open and his eyes closed. A stiff breeze nearly knocked him over and he realised that he was asleep. Thankfully he had no more appointments for the day and could just wash and sleep.

The females were saying goodbye and thank you to him and Gwyn was storing the staves and shield and tidying up around the ring as Azriel went to enter the house. He called out

“And thank you Gwyn for your help. And for reminding me to protect my upper arms!” He smiled at her and she grinned.

“Anytime. You are certainly training me to keep up my guard”

He turned again to look at her and she made a face like she had not meant to say that.

“Oh. You’re doing really well, so, you ah, you should feel good about that. I’ve gotta go, I haven’t been to sleep yet. See you tomorrow”

Gwyn nodded and headed off, embarrassed that she had dragged that information out of him. Where did he go after he dropped her here? He must have been back by dawn, he had got changed for training. Did he go to the nightclub? Did he hook up with someone? Gwyn cursed herself for a fool. He’s an experienced male who is your trainer. Why would he curtail his fun just because you spent some time with him? Why indeed when she’d given the gift back?

                                                                                   *

She used the library to forget all about thinking and re-thinking through last night and her memories of Azriel. The other priestesses, especially Merrill, wondered where she got the energy to run from place to place and help others with heavy tomes.

She just wanted to be exhausted by dinner time. Just wanted to sleep with no tossing and turning.

Azriel slept. No dreams, no startling awake. He drifted off hearing Gwyn singing in his head and woke up having barely moved. It was pitch black outside so night had fallen, but it was hard for him to surface from the total relaxation that he’d found. He merely checked his windows and his connections to Rhys – no emergencies, and stretched his wings. Laying on his other side, he fell right back to sleep.

                                                                       *

[ahsokasanity]

Chapter Nine

A Court of Shadow and Ribbons Click here to find earlier chapters

Azriel flew a leisurely course back to the River House, enjoying the flight, the views and the thoughts in his head.

The continent and therefore Koschei had been quiet since the death of Briallyn, but looking back to the West, Azriel had a feeling of foreboding – Hybern was off their risk list for now, but just because the trove was re-hidden did not mean that Prythian was safe. Too many people with only just enough power, all clamouring for more, High Lords and Kings and Queens. Would the vying for riches ever stop?

Azriel considered his own situation. He was rich – certainly rich enough. Watching Rhys and Feyre and baby Nyx together only made him aspire to one thing. Peace for his own family. Just as the Night Court had been his closest friends, his brothers and sisters, he also wished for a partner and for children. The idea petrified him of course too. He had little knowledge of how to sustain that kind of intimacy. The fear gripped him of losing any of his family. He shook his head ruefully “hard to lose what you don’t have, just enjoy the night Az”. He decided to live for right now and protect those he loved with everything he had.

                                                                       *

As he spiralled down through the settling dew into the garden that was still arranged for the ceremony, just without guests, Rhys called him mind to mind. Looking across to the house, he saw his High Lord waving at him

“Come in Az. Quietly” His tone had not been one of emergencies, but insistent all the same.

Using his natural stealth, Az entered the house using the hidden entrance on the opposite side of the river, the halls narrower here, just utility rooms and storage. He couldn’t hear any signs of panic or struggle, but continued on and up the stairs to Rhys’ office.

He found him there reclined in the high backed, winged single seater. His eyes were closed, but he raised a hand to his lips for quiet and his fingers beckoned. When he did speak it was quietly but not a whisper

“Nyx is asleep and Feyre with him, I didn’t want to risk waking them”

Azriel blew out a breath he hadn’t realised that he was holding.

Rhys laughed. He knew what worry he had caused his Spymaster and was excessively pleased to be able to play such a joke and catch Azriel unawares for once.

Azriel gave him a harsh look and a filthier gesture whilst pouring himself a shot and sitting across from the window. He stared out at the city and the sparkling Sidra, savouring his drink and this moment of peace with his friend.

“You look relaxed brother” Rhys moved a bit in his chair and took a sip of his own drink

“ Not at all like someone who can’t get what he needs!” the smile was teasing, the eyebrows raised. He’d seen Az leave on the wing with Gwyn. Azriel had finished his drink and went to stand up

“Not all of us turn into lovesick fledglings when we find our future” Inside he thought “Ha, that’ll shut him up”

Rhys just raised his eyebrows again

“This IS serious” although he could not make his face look concerned “She is certainly a jewel. Your chosen ‘future’”

Azriel had not bargained for Rhys to know and be able to read him so clearly, Gwyn was not someone who they had discussed except with regard to how she came to the library and to her training and victory in the Blood Rite.

Azriel shrugged “It’s not just Gwyn I don’t think Rhys. It’s the peace, the mating today. It’s your son” Rhys smiled at that.

“It’s everything happening how it’s meant to. Yes, there’s still work to do, allies to cultivate and enemies to watch, but……” He struggled to find the next words. “I feel calm and refreshed, like I can handle tomorrow. It might even be good” He looked up brightly

Rhys stood up and embraced Azriel, stepping back to take him by both shoulders

“Welcome to happiness my friend”

 Rhys declined the invitation to Rita’s.

“Old mated males do not frequent such establishments”

Azriel only smiled knowingly and took off out the office balcony. Rhys watched him until he was little more than a bird. Closing up the office and heading to bed himself he thought

“One great perk of being a new father – always having an excuse to stay home!”

                                                                       *

Rita’s was up the hill a little from the river and the music pounded out every opening, lights flashed sporadically through windows and the occasional open door. Azriel wondered if he would be able to find Mor and the others.

It was not difficult. Mor, as usual could not keep off the dance floor and the short crimson dress showed every asset. Males and females alike surrounded her, but her gaze went periodically to the corner most often taken up by the night court.

Tonight it held a glowing Nesta sat on Cassian’s lap, his hand up the split in her long silver dress. She laughed at something that he had said, but lent over to whisper something to Emerie beside her.

Azriel sat on the other side of the Illyrian female who shifted in her seat to make room for him and to get her wings out of his way.

“Rhysie is too old to come out, but as the usual the life of the party, I thought I would drop by”

Cassian stared at him, Nesta scrunched up her face in a who are you and what have you done with Azriel picture. Emerie chimed in

“Doesn’t the life of the party, generally dance and talk a lot?!”

“She definitely has a point Az” Cassian laughed and added

“You are nonetheless, very welcome. Maybe you can get Mor to sit down for five minutes”

Azriel looked up at her under the sparkling lights, throwing her hands above her head and spinning, spinning, spinning. He also looked sidelong at Emerie and saw the longing there.

“Emerie,..” they all startled as Azriel spoke and stood

“… would you like to dance with Us?” It was a strange way to request, but Emerie had been near desperate to dance with Mor, just dance. Just to feel that same energy, that joy and abandon.

“Yes please Sir” she teased him like they were in the training ring now – keep throwing everyone off the scent.

Cassian and Nesta shook their heads in declining the invitation, but soon found themselves being dragged by the other two into the crowded, writhing mass of people.

Some of Mor’s other dance partners moved away as she requested some time with her friends. Azriel made sure that Emerie ended up next to her.

Cassian and Nesta stuck close together as if welded. As if the two hours they’d spent alone this afternoon was a distant memory and they needed to climb into each other’s skin. Azriel, Mor and Emerie danced as a threesome, even though the male edged out whenever he got the opportunity. Emerie brought him back in with a question

“Did you see Gwyn safely home and content?”

He could not miss the innuendo, but answered as a friend and their trainer.

“She was definitely safe, a little worn out but keen for us all to keep the night going while she gets some rest.”

Cassian made a surprised face at Azriel’s answer but made no comment. Nesta had told him that she thought that Gwyn may have some conflicting emotions regarding Azriel, but aside from support, they were to stay strictly out of it.

Azriel felt the rhythm and let the peace and joy of the day lead his steps. He danced close with Mor and continuously spun her out toward Emerie. Mor was grateful for his knowledge and for his actions.

It was not long before the crowd thinned, it was getting closer to dawn now. Cassian and Nesta had waved and mouthed their goodbyes while clinging to each other. Cassian’s wings spread as they left through a side door, flying off with a shriek from Nesta and a gruff laugh from Cassian.

Mor glanced to Emerie, dancing with a few of the remaining patrons. Rita had come out to wind up the evening, dancing with Mor and a special friend. Azriel went to the dancers, getting Emerie and Mor’s attention before speaking

“Would you like me to escort you both home?”

Mor looked at Emerie, Emerie held her stare, nearly imperceptibly nodding as if it was her idea to leave with them both.

Azriel took an arm of each and felt buoyant with the feelings of the girls either side. He considered staying with them just to see their interactions. He knew Mor would flog him later if he persisted in being a third wheel tonight. He saw them to Mor’s gate and without any preamble, made his farewell

“It was as always a pleasure Mor” he bowed and turned to Emerie

“It’s been nice to spend time with you outside of training Emerie, and I will not expect you there this morning” He checked for her permission to leave them alone “OK?”

Emerie let Mor take her hand and turn her into the house, smiling like a wolf at Azriel.

“Thank you, Sir”

Mor gave her a little tug

“Don’t call him that, we’ll all have to start!”

 Azriel turned to walk away with a smile and a small wave. He took off toward the House of Wind when he heard the door close. The click of the lock had him grinning and vastly enjoying his early morning flight, re-living the sweet face that Mor had made when he brought Emerie to dance, and when she took her hand. So much better that any of the conflagrations of feelings that he used to get when parting from Mor.

                                                                         *