aidancollett

[aidancollett]

Reflection on “In My Name”

Creating an anti-religious film at a Jesuit school opens up a plethora of problems. In a world that values how films are received over a film’s intrinsic value, I knew the difficulties that were before me. Though there was this burning desire in me to make a film like this. While I never once had been in such an intense crisis of faith as my main character, the questioning of religion and finding faith in oneself are things I face everyday going to a Jesuit school. “Why did you choose to go to a religious institution if you are not yourself religious?” In my paranoia, this is often a question that arises. To be blunt, this was one of the only film schools I was accepted into. On top of that, LMU’s location is perfect. When I toured the school, I got an extremely strong feeling that this was where I would discover my career. Never did I consider the Jesuit mission as a prominent factor. In this way, whether arrogant of me or not, I didn’t consider the mission when coming up with the idea of “In My Name”. I felt free at LMU to make a film of my own vision, so it was almost philosophically important for me to carry out said vision. After standing the trials of being a film student with my other films, “In My Name” became a special project to truly showcase what I would like to do as a director and creator.

How to make an edgy film more than edgy: put a purpose behind it. As mentioned, the basic plot of “In My Name” came from my personal life. I remembered reading an article a few summers ago about finding meaning in an atheistic life. One of the most prominent points was to “find faith in yourself”. This was incredibly powerful to me. In its infancy, the idea was not as dark as it became. At first it was a more warm, wholesome crisis of faith movie. The darker elements came from a deeper place within me. In figuring out why I wanted to make this film, I decided to insert my own personal comment on religion, expressed by John: “how can I find faith in myself through someone else”. John’s spiritual journey is to find a deeper meaning to his life within himself—something I try to do every day. The film developed into something that not necessarily attacks religion, but comments on it while focusing on this one man’s journey. Too often do other student filmmakers do things just to be edgy, i.e. satanic rituals or dark figures. I didn’t want to fall into that trap, and I hope that with its deeper purpose, I avoided that snake pit entirely.

OK, enough of the lofty ideals. The process was interesting. Along with my nerves about making a anti-religious film came worry over getting cast/crew. I understood the topic may be sensitive to some people, but I at least wanted to get people who were OK with the ideas. My producer, Seth, mentioned to me right off the bat the film may conflict with his religious views. I told him I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable and that whether he wanted to be involved or not was completely up to him. He did end up helping a little bit both days. I cared more about his feelings than my own in that regard. Obtaining actors proved to be a bit tricky. I asked a few people I knew who at first committed only to later say they couldn’t be involved. It was only a few days before the first shoot day that I had my John and Nun completely cast. Then there was working out dates with my DP. Justin and I knew each other from some upper division sets we had worked on together. From that experience, I knew he was the most knowledgeable person I could have to be my DP. Unfortunately, because he was in such high demand, we only were able to shoot on a Monday and Wednesday. Looking back, while this certainly worked, it would have been much more stress-free to plan around a set date than around my DP. Though, I was incredibly thankful to have Justin on set.

Shooting went extremely well. On both days we managed to be done a couple hours early even after obtaining more shots than I originally wanted. I learned to compromise what I saw in my head with what Justin knew would work. His expertise actually created some really cool, new, interesting shots such as an incredible profile shot of John when he eats the meat. Lighting-wise, I we used two powerful LED sticks. Fortunately, we were able to achieve some really beautiful lighting, even when filming outside at dusk. I relied on Justin in a very healthy way. I tried to leave most of the technical details to him so I could direct the actors and vision more. This reduced my stress greatly and allowed me to focus on what was most important to me—story and character. My actors were everything I could have asked for. When writing the script, I actually had my John, Dante, in mind. His look was exactly what I was hoping for. My Nun was amazing. Reagan is a friend of a friend and I knew she would fit the role well. Though the actors were friends to some extent, they handled the set professionally and got into their characters’ heads with grace and excellence. Crew combined with cast allowed the process to go smoothly and for the vision to rise high over any trivial qualms we faced.

Speaking of trivial qualms, on our second day of shooting, we had an issue. Upon arriving at Sacred Heart Chapel and setting up our equipment, the head of Campus Ministry approached us asking for our permit. I proudly displayed the permits I had obtained. He told me because he didn’t sign the permit, I could not film there which was strange because Events never told me I needed his signature. After questioning him further and informing him I wasn’t told about his signature, he let me film in the area. I remember being so close to breaking my composure. If I couldn’t film at the chapel, then I was royally screwed that day. I later found out I didn’t need his signature to film outside the chapel. Overall, the situation really riled up my nerves. I thought it foreshadowed a bad remainder of the day, but things only went smoothly after. We ended up having a great second day on set.

The process of making “In My Name” was fun. Aside from the stress of initially conveying my idea and the potential chaos of scheduling, the film came together and I obtained precisely what I set out to get. In the editing room, I was only pleased with all of the footage and actually found it difficult to choose what to cut to make it five minutes. When showing the rough cut in class, I was really happy to hear people were pleased with the film and understood it. Understanding it was the most important thing to me. I really struggle with clearly showing my ideas, so if people are able to track the meaning in a rough cut, I did something right. I absolutely know that I will have to make a full cut of the film later on. Who knows, with how the process went and with my commitment to the philosophy behind the film, I may try to submit it to festivals.

[aidancollett]

Reflection on “Life Slowly”

Having never created a documentary, the task to make one seemed very daunting. Narrative storytelling has always been more fun to me. With an imagined story, there is much more control. It is easier to predict the variables of a narrative and form them into a coherent story. With documentaries, my comfort in storytelling was put on edge. In short, I had to rely solely on the elements captured on camera. Having watched plenty of nature documentaries, I felt this was a good base model for me to start. My friend Lucas’ tortoise, Frankie, was a perfect subject for what I planned to do.

With the subject established, I needed to have a goal or plan in why I wanted to capture Frankie’s life. In any mode of storytelling, this is a place I struggle. Often, an idea will pop into my head and excite me, but I will lack the proper substance to convey the rest of the story. With Frankie, I remembered a scene from a show I watch called Baskets with Zach Galifianakis about a failed clown. In clown school, he does an exercise where he must walk a tortoise around the streets of Paris. He is able to notice more around him and truly take in the beauty of life by maintaining the slow-paced tortoise. This is where my metaphorical concept for “Life Slowly” was found. I wanted to show through a tortoise’s eyes how beautiful life can be if people slow down.

Finding a good time to film with Frankie and Lucas was a bit cumbersome. Mainly due to the location being off campus, it was difficult planning a good time for Lucas to drive me over to his house. Even when that was covered, his time was very limited. I had to rush his interview in 10 minutes before he went to work. The interview itself, though, went really well. Lucas is an actor so I knew his presence would be really good in answering questions. I had prepared the questions beforehand and let him know my general idea of what I wanted to turn the film into. One mistake I did make was asking him to fully restate the questions. He ended up fully saying the question back before hoping into the answer, which made editing a little interesting. Due to time constraints, I continued with the interview. When we began to discuss the topic of slowing down, Lucas’ heart really came into the things he said. This was something I struggled to incorporate visually in the editing process.

Then there was Frankie. After having Lucas literally drag him out of his little enclosure, it was time to see how good a tortoise could act. I had pre planned some shots I wanted—eating, walking, looking around—but nothing prepared me for what would actually happen. I did capture the planned shots and more and more and more. There was Frankie walking in this part of the yard, in another part of the yard, going behind some trees, going back to the other part of the yard, taking a bite of an apple, etc. That is the one thing about animals: you can’t direct them to do anything if they can’t understand. Thankfully, due to his speed, I was able to get close and capture some interesting angles with him. In between times when he sat still, I got some still life of the yard, flowers, and trees. I found Frankie actually had quite a lot of characters. He was, in a way, acting for the camera. At the end of the day, he was just standing in a spot I had already filmed in, so I decided to pack up and leave. I had gotten what I needed.

In the editing room, I began a pretty simple process. I first arranged the audio for the interview in a dynamic fashion: Lucas talking about Frankie to Lucas talking about a tortoise’s perspective to Lucas talking about his own perspective. Then, I simply dragged clips that fit what he was saying of Frankie. By getting tons of interesting shots of Frankie, it wasn’t hard to piece the film together. After watching it, I decided to go back and spread everything out to emphasize the slowness of time. With some more tweaks to shot selection and incorporating some more elements involving Lucas, I think the final product will be something I can be proud of.

Two words to best sum up what I learned in this documentary process are patience and compromise. From start, it was clear decisions I made in the beginning would be heavily modified in the final product. The likelihood of me capturing exactly what was in my head with Frankie was unrealistic—there was no way of knowing what his movements would be. So through the process, I learned to adapt and let my footage speak for the film. This was emphasized later in the editing process where I was able to put everything together coherently. Patience came with my actual filming. Tortoises can be slow. Sometimes, they don’t even move at all. A few times I simply sat there with my camera for a few minutes capturing this slow movement. I guess I too began to see life through the eyes of the slow-moving tortoise.

[aidancollett]

The Art of Filmmaking

At times I question, and question often, why it is I make films. What is the insatiable urge driving me to expose my vulnerabilities in the moving picture? How can I possibly subject myself to the uncertainty of criticism or praise while knowing both will inevitably come? There isn’t one reason I can find--one scribble on a notepad, one piece of text, one shot, one piece of music--that can describe the feeling I get when creating something entirely of my vision. It is all of these things in combination with telling an emotional, visceral story that just begins to explain what filmmaking is to me.

Coming from a theater background, the idea of evoking an emotion in someone else is not a fresh idea. There is a certain idea that all art is a lens for an audience to see into the artist themselves. Whether it is music, acting, painting, or filmmaking, there is a definite trace of the artist in the work. The cross from theater to filmmaking was easier in this regard, in the sense of telling some truth of human nature. Though, like comparing singing and instrument playing, there was a different kind of expression associated with filmmaking. My voice and body began to be projected through a camera and story in a form of both understanding the world and myself. Filmmaking is an expression of my soul.