aircrystl

[aircrystl]

Art by -ALZi- 米

[aircrystl]

8 October 2020.

I always wonder why getting full scores on a test or an exercise is so hard. If one could easily get 38 or 37, why is it always such a stretch to 40? It seems possible yet impossible.

Today, I got 38 out of 50 in chemistry. It was pretty bad for me and I spent one hour consoling and motivating myself after that. I kept telling myself this is yet your full potential, it is okay just be more careful next time. Even getting a 37/40 in mathematics upsets me since it really frustrates me that I could never break through and reach a full mark, while it is only a 3 mark distance way.

I am really trying to be more optimistic starting this day because I keep feeling negative whenever I study. I want to work and try hard to associate good things into studying, especially those subjects that I'm bad at. I've been staying away from stan twitter more now and I could say that I definitely feel better! As of subliminals, I haven't seen obvious results yet (like I mentioned, the 38/50 in chemistry) but this is not to say it won't work (u see, I'm trying real hard to be optimistic and open-minded. That's the important key of making LOA work, innit? :) ) since everything takes time, just like good old kimchi.

"pero tiempo dirá, tiempo dirá"

Also, i got a rumour from my tuition teacher who got it from the students of other schools that said if the corona cases keep increasing, lembaga peperiksaan might use the results from the last exam as the actual, legit spm results. The last exam u asked? Oh yeah it will be on November 2nd in other words less than a month. If so, I'm redacted. Even with practice questions, I scored like shit how can I even get straight A plusses??? Getting straight As already seem like a pipe dream!! But since my school hasn't said anything about it, I'm going to take that as bs. Although that really made me think how frikin short is the time left for spm (in Jan), and it really got me panicking and anxious.

For now, my plan is to

1. be optimistic and positive at all times as possible so I can avoid stress. Getting bad scores isn't a failure, so Stop Overthinking and trying to solve everything. It won't work like that. Instead, Be Mindless, look at the paper and go-huh. And keep on doing what you're doing. Progress isn't a straight line!!! Don't you fucking think you're a failure. I know you're improving.

2. "Do it once and do it right" especially when time clearly isn't on my side, I refuse to double my task and regret later. Regret is the worst feeling one could ever have.

3. Believe in myself!! Say I can get straight A plusses to myself everyday, chant the words until they stick to my head and becomes my destiny. I'm begging to freaking jesus.

4. Inspire myself. Keep the energy up!!! We love to see that!! Look at positive things, study posts, good quotes, study blogs, visit scholarship websites!!!!! Be happy and find the fun in studying!!!!! Find the fun in failing, in learning!!!!!!!!!!!