airissh - Tumblr blog

[airissh]

After watching the Queen's Gambit, this movie made me realized that I grew up in a chess-loving community which is Baguio City. You can find numerous people scattered around People's Park or Burnham Park playing chess.

Mainly, the elders were the ones playing chess. They are either there to play chess or just observed people or chat with strangers of their age for hours. My grandfather was one of them before settling in our province. It is just sad that they can no longer go outside because of the pandemic. Playing chess is one of their quality time for themselves. 

Also, it is easy to find chess pieces and chess boards made out of wood in my province. Given that woodcarving is part of our culture and a source of livelihood to some.

I miss doing street photography in my home town. I miss walking around. I miss watching the elders do their things. I just miss traveling a lot. Even though I am a timid person but, I am brave enough when it comes to street photography. I hope this pandemic will end soon, and we can do again the things we love the most.

[airissh]

My Story - Career Life

I am just glad that I am a nerd and workaholic who loves studying, working, and travelling. I found peace and joy by surrounding myself with selected friends, few but genuine people. I never stopped to discover new skills and wanted to share it someday.

I have encountered other problems in life that was still hard but these problems never brought me down unlike before when I was still young but when I got older, I always challenged myself and take the risks.

After college, it is so hard to find a job. I am a freelancer for 3 months but the pay is not enough to sustain my own expenses. I still get allowance from my mother for those months which is really upsetting. I was also rejected in a job because they are looking for someone who is pretty and tall to compete for their pageant competition. But they never found someone so they still hired me. Though I lasted only for six months since the pay is low and I am doing most of the work of my immediate boss that is why I looked again for another job. In my next job, I stayed for one and a half year. With the same reason, I am doing mostly the work, did a lot of overtimes during weekdays and weekends. Though I love the work and I was able to meet a lot of people but the work load was too much and I get criticized badly for doing my work well. Most of my boss are toxic people pushing you down.

That was why I left my comfort zone and take the courage to find work in Metro Manila even though I hated the weather. Also, I always made sure to secure a job before resigning but I still went to Makati where my mother was residing even though I am not sure what the future holds. After three weeks of searching, I was able to secure a job and it is more than one year already. Work environment is great, pay is good, and my immediate superiors are kind and warm people. This is also where I found my first love.

[airissh]

My Story - Childhood

I created this page to find solace in my heart – find peace, let go of the negative events of the past, and to become a better version of myself. And maybe help those people who are going through the same hardships I went through.

In letting go, I guess I have to reminisce it one last time and left it here as history.

I came from a broken family. In my much younger years, it consumes me. Crying and resenting my parents, relatives, and my existence were mostly my memories during childhood. It is mostly about crying – even at school, riding the jeepney, walking, and even watching comedy movies.

I grew up moving homes from one place to another. For a long time, I stayed with my father and brother since my mother was working overseas. When I was 11 years old, I escaped from home and walked alone on the streets going to my grandparents at 5 AM. I escaped because my father cannot control any longer his emotions from losing his marriage. My mother called my father on his birthday that she wanted to separate with him. From that point, my father was always crying, drinking alcohol, gambling, anxious and angry.  My father tried to bring me back but my grandparents refused.

So, I lived with my grandparents during my high school days. Though when I was in second year, I was devastated when my grandmother told me that they were forced to take care of us because our parents left us. Those words tore me apart to do thing I regretted a lot. I wrote a letter conveying my hatred and escaped again from home. I went to the old house where my other grandma from my father side was residing.

The first floor was empty so I locked myself there and stopped from going to school for one week. My mother messaged me and we fought so much. I cried so much that thoughts of suicide came across me. I tried killing myself three times but I got scared. Watching movies and documentaries helped me get through it. I developed this thinking that there are more people who are suffering out there and my pains are nothing compared to them, there are those who were born just to suffer every day and die eventually because of illness and there are those who are being abused or raped. I know these thoughts were scary for my young mind but these helped me survive.

I managed to pushed myself to go to school and I told my story to a friend who helped me survive my life. It was so hard to live on my own for one year. Thankfully, this friend of mine brought me food and paid for my tuition fee. Not to solely rely on my friend, I tried my best to get money from my father and aunts for my allowance. I am deeply grateful to her and to her family from what they did for me. Of course, I do not want to burden her and her family anymore, it is still shameful on my part that was why I swallowed my fears and pride and went back to my grandparents. Hopefully, I can repay her kindness one day.

My grandfather accepted me wholeheartedly smiling and hugging me though my grandmother was hesitant yet she chose to let me stay. I also reconciled with my mom. I never said sorry to them, I guess I have to one day before it’s too late. I guess after this corona virus crisis is all over.

So, when I graduated high school, my brother and I went back to the old house tagging our father with us because my grandparents went home in our province to relax since they easily get sick.

I already accepted my past and move on with my life. I lived my college and career life without thinking too much of my past. From this point, I developed the thinking that there is more to life to enjoy and life is too short to make it shorter and miserable.