aitathrowaway987654

[aitathrowaway987654]

Hello, this is me! I know this is quite early in the submission's existence to be writing in with more information, but honestly I forgot that I submitted this (I was tired and upset at the time so I don't remember much) so it was a shock to stumble past this on my dash. It was very much a *Leonardo DiCaprio pointing meme* moment. Thank you everyone for all of your responses so far! Just here to clear a few things up that I didn't think to mention in my submission. In no way trying to justify anything! Just providing some extra context. Also giving you a little update, since this ask was written a week ago.

The main thing that everyone's bringing up in the comments is that I should have told my work that I had prior commitments during my interview. I did not have an interview for this job. I was planning on creating a resume and searching around to see who was hiring. My mum happened to be walking our dogs past the cafe one day, and went in quickly to see whether they were hiring, so I could know whether I should bother putting a resume in. She asked to talk to the owner, and then told him that I was going to be looking for work and asked whether they were looking for casual employees. The owner was basically like "We're always hiring. Send her in for a trial shift tomorrow, and if she likes it, she can start working". So that's what happened. There was no sort of interview or application process at all. If there had been, I almost definitely would have mentioned during that that I did have prior commitments and wouldn't be available. But because everything was so abrupt, I didn't think to bring it up during my trial shift (and the fatigue and burnout didn't help this), and by the time I was even finished I had already been rostered. Obviously if I could change that I would have let them know (hindsight's a bitch isn't it), and everyone is absolutely right in saying that it was my responsibility to do so. I just thought I should explain that I didn't have that typical application or interview process that everyone is mentioning.

The second thing is people saying I should have tried to reschedule my shifts. I did mention it in my ask, but I didn't really say it explicitly enough, but I did try to reschedule and couldn't find a way to. My paperwork was a mess, which meant that I never received the contact information for my manager or for the owners. Even now as I'm typing this over a week after I submitted this ask, I still have no one's phone number, email, or anything. This meant that I had no way to contact my manager and ask her to change my shift. I then tried to talk to one of the owners about it in person after my first official shift, who insisted that the manager's phone number was on the paperwork and that she was the one I had to ask. I double-checked the paperwork once I got home, and it was definitely not there. I then tried to talk to an owner again at my next shift, but they were busy and then had to leave early to pick up their kids so I didn't get the chance to ask them. When I wrote and submitted this, I also hadn't met my manager yet because she was away, so I couldn't contact her in person either. I tried asking one of my coworkers for the manager's phone number, and she said that she'd contact the manager for me. I tried to say that it'd just be helpful for me to have the manager's phone number for the future anyway, but she insisted on just doing it herself. And then she never did. That was my final shift before the day I was supposed to have rehearsals, so it was my last chance to talk to anyone in person. Once it became clear that my coworker hadn't contacted the manager for me, and I had no way to do this myself, this was when I decided that I had to text S and tell her I wasn't able to make it to the rehearsals.

One person also mentioned that I should have bowed out of the solo part — I offered to let someone else play the solo. After I missed the rehearsal that I wasn't aware about, a different music teacher (who was conducting the piece) contacted my mum because she was worried about me not knowing my part. I replied back to let her know that me and S had been rehearsing it in our lessons, but if she thought it was best if someone else played it instead, I would completely understand and be fine with it. Also worth mentioning is that it was not a big or difficult solo part at all — it wasn't the type of solo that was really exposed and everyone would be able to here, more just a slightly more melodic part than the rest of the cello section that complimented the violin solo part (which was a lot bigger). So I was confident that I could play it, but even if I wasn't, there were other people who could have done it if needed, and I expressed that I would be willing to bow out if that was what was best.

I think those were the main points being brought up, so now the update, since it's been a week since the concert itself. The piece I had a solo in went fine! No dramas in that. The Year 12 piece ended up getting cancelled — only one of the four of us showed up to that first rehearsal and the other two people didn't even tell S that they weren't coming, so she decided it was for the best that we just called it quits. I explained everything about not being able to cancel my shifts to S and she was a lot more understanding about it in person. So basically everything turned out for the best (which I'm extremely grateful for).

Thank you for everyone for being empathetic but honest — I've got a lot less going on now than I did when this was written, so I've had the time to acknowledge and understand that there were a lot of things I could have done differently. If this had been posted a week ago when all of those emotions were still flying high, I would have been a lot less receptive to the criticism, so it's definitely for the best that there's a delay in the queue. As I said, I'm not supplying this information in order to try and justify anything — I'm happy to accept the YTA verdict if that's what everyone thinks — just adding some info I should have included originally. If there's anything else I can make more clear, feel free to let me know.

@am-i-the-asshole-official

AITA for missing rehearsals for a concert?

I (17X) play the cello and am participating in my local conservatorium’s string ensembles concert in three days. I have been aware of the concert since the start of term (aka four weeks ago). For the first three weeks of this term, I have been completing my final high school exams (I can’t be more specific because it differs wordwide, but they’re the exams that acknowledge that you’ve fully completed your secondary education y’know) so that was obviously very intense and I had a lot on my plate. At the start of term, my cello teacher S (late 20s?F) told me that I’d be playing a solo in the big finale piece that everyone from every ensemble plays in, as I’m one of the more advanced students. I was given the music for this at the start of term, and we have been practicing it in our weekly lessons so that I am prepared. There will be a rehearsal for this piece a few hours before the concert begins. I was also aware that I was performing in my school strings ensemble (which is a piece I have played before with the ensemble and am familiar with), and S also organised that the four Year 12 students (including me) would play a piece together. She organised to have three rehearsals for this on the three days before the concert (aka today, tomorrow and the next). As by this time I knew I would have finished all my exams, I told her that I should be free to be at these rehearsals.

Since finishing high school a week ago, I have gotten a job at a local café, as I haven’t had a job in high school like most people due to not having time with my music commitments. Unfortunately, I was rostered to have work on the days of the first Year 12 piece rehearsal (aka today), the third Year 12 piece rehearsal, and the day of the concert itself (so I would miss the finale piece rehearsal beforehand and would just make it on time for the concert). I considered trying to swap these shifts so that I could go, but A) given that I am brand new (today was my third ever shift) I didn’t think it would be a good idea to try and get out of it so early on in my employment, and B) I didn’t actually have any way to contact a manager and ask for shifts off until today because they hadn’t properly sorted out my paperwork and information yet. I tried to look for solutions for this, but yesterday I decided that I just wouldn’t be able to make it, so I message S to inform her and apologise. She obviously wasn’t happy about this (she started her reply with “yikes”), and checked to see whether I was still happy to play in the school string piece (which I confirmed) and asked whether I was able to play in the concert with another ensemble that I used to play in (I said yes, and she said she’d get the music to me). I left it at this, with the intention to practice my pieces a lot over the next few days.

Today, both me and my mum received an email from S. She was quite angry about the fact that I wasn’t able to attend two out of the three Year 12 piece rehearsals, calling it bad etiquette and saying that it “reflects poorly in the professional world”. (I agree that it wasn’t great for me to have to pull out of those rehearsals when I had previously said that I should be available, but as I said above, I wasn’t really in a position where I could change this). She also said that I was supposed to be at school strings rehearsals yesterday, and at rehearsals for the ensemble I’m no longer in and was only just asked to play in. In this ensemble’s rehearsal, they also ran through the finale piece that I am playing a solo in (which I wasn’t aware they would be doing). S claimed that I had been told that I was supposed to be at these rehearsals this week — I have absolutely zero recollection of this, to the point where I doubt I was asked, but if I was, it was before or during my exams, in which case it doesn’t surprise me that I forgot, as I was highly stressed and just trying to focus on getting through school. I was never given another reminder to be there, so I had no idea I was supposed to be at the rehearsals yesterday. Because of how annoyed she was, I was forced to speak to someone about leaving my shift on the concert day early so that I can attend the rehearsal beforehand, but I’m still not able to attend the Year 12 piece rehearsal in two days time.

I feel really bad about the whole thing, because I genuinely am quite close with S and I know she’s put in a lot of effort to this concert. However, I feel like she’s being unfair in her annoyance. I was unaware I had to be at any rehearsals yesterday because this wasn’t clearly communicated to me (and even if to others it was implied that I should be there, I’m not the kind of person that will pick up on this — I need to be explicitly told). If I had known I was expected to be there, I absolutely would have been there. And obviously not being able to go to the rehearsals because I’m working is frustrating, but I really don’t feel like I had much choice in the matter. If I had been working there for a while, I absolutely would have asked for the days off, but I feel like it’s unfair to expect me to try and cancel those shifts when I’ve only just started the job. I’m glad I’ve managed to arrange to be at the concert day rehearsal, so that I can practice the solo with the rest of the ensemble, but even if I hadn’t been able to, I’ve been practicing the piece and I’ve done performances where I haven’t had a proper rehearsal before, so I think it would have been fine.

Hopefully this made sense, I tried to provide as much detail as possible but I’m very tired and am struggling to be coherent, and it’s also hard to explain the situation through text. So, tl;dr, AITA for:

Not being at rehearsals yesterday that I was unaware I was supposed to be at?

Having to cancel rehearsals because I was rostered during those times?

What are these acronyms?