aiylabaysal

[aiylabaysal]

“His heart has a draft. It lets in light. It lets in everything.”

- V.E Schwab

[aiylabaysal]

HAPPY HOLIDAYS! - A CANDYCANE GRAM

While enjoying the festivities, you've received a candycane gram- the gram is a classic red & white candycane accompanied by the Dior advent calendar. Attached to the gram is a card that reads-

To: @aiylabaysal Hey Cutie, happy holidays & fingers crossed there is a little less murder for us to deal with next year. From: M. (@cantfightmoonlight - Meena)

[aiylabaysal]

ASLIHAN MALBORA in #darmaduman | 6. BOLUM    

[aiylabaysal]

"Don't you dare, for one minute, believe that my kindness makes me anything but insurmountable. I did not unzip my chest to every kind of hurt and stagger back, wounded and alive, just to hear you call me weak for trying. " - Ashe Vernon

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Aiyla understood the fretful nature of being under the thumb of parental expectations. She'd not lived with her own in roughly fifteen years, and Hazal, while the first mother, had never stepped into that role before her death. Still, she could feel the bitter, dashed expectations of Ece and Enver Baysal as if they were wrapping her up in an illusion of the daughter they wanted but could never have again. Aiyla nodded gently, "If you ever wanted to move out, Cece I'm sure I could help you figure it out...but only if you wanted of course." Aiyla nodded, "I'll save you a seat next to me...it'll be nice to be around some people from the town. Maybe I could introduce you to some other faeries?" Aiyla offered giving her hand a squeeze as if to offer a silent thanks for her sitting with her while she cried herself into oblivion.

Cece felt herself become smaller as Aiyla mentioned her parents, and not needing their permission. She understood how it looked to an outsider, Cecile was old enough that she should make her own decisions. But her parents, they had their claws in every aspect of their children's lives. They always had. She tried to force a smile, although it didn't reach her eyes. "I wish that were the case but... it doesn't quite feel that way. I haven't a place of my own and there are expectations to be met if I'm living with my parents." Closing her eyes, she shook away the thoughts the conversation was sprouting. "That doesn't matter. What matter's is I will see you in one hour." Nodding at Aiyla's thanks, the blonde squeezed her hand one more time before removing herself from the passenger seat and finally allowing Bernie to take her back to Verdant Vale.

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"Prove it," Aiyla challenged, narrowing their dark eyes into something converted to steely determination. I must warn you, though, anything you do to me I'll just do to you, and then neither of us gets curly fries. It'd be a tragedy," Aiyla teased, her head held high and a small smile toying on her lips. Aiyla kept her gaze on him, unblinking dark eyes round and doe-like, and she tilted her head at him expectantly. She watched him reach for the ornate stick, her eyes dropping to his hand, "You'd maim me over curly fries?" she feigned shock, grabbing them for herself and plucking one between her lips. "We can share, Adam," she said decidedly and placed them on her tray, paying for them and turning to find a seat, "Unless you want to stand there with our hand on your...stick?" she dropped her eyes momentarily and breezily left to take a seat, "Bring mustard please," she called laying napkins out as she did.

closed . @aiylabaysal

"I’m carrying a lethal weapon. If I want the curly fries, I will have the curly fries." And by lethal weapon, he meant the ornate stick his students made him that afternoon that was bound to snap in two at any second now. But he would not be afraid to use it. Not when there was only one portion of curly fries left, and he was staring the Aiyla down as much as he could despite the fact that he felt a twinge of fear in the back of his head after about five seconds into the whole stare-off. Nevertheless, he did not back down. At least that was what he tried to tell himself as he nearly trembled at the close proximity between the two of them, the sheer intimidating aura radiating off of fae queen making him feel like a puppy with his paw on a toy while the fully grown german shepherd was encroaching closer and closer. He cleared his throat, feigning confidence by puffing his chest out and lifting his chin up slightly. "You don't know what you're up against..." He said as he reached for his stick.

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@jroycethethird

[aiylabaysal]

Billie & Aiyla - post-council meeting @swimmingwiththefitzes

Aiyla had gone into the meeting smothering her apprehension under a high held head and perfect posture. Inside, she felt an unease in the pit of her stomach, which slowly lessened as the night came to a close. She had hope that despite all things said and done, things would be okay. After meetings, she longed for nothing more than to crawl into bed and not leave until morning chased the day away. However, she had somewhere she needed to go first, someone she needed to see. Not one to show up empty-handed when it came to delivering potentially heavy news, Aiyla arrived to Billie's with a small plotted lavender in hand, knocking on the door she waited for the siren to answer, greeting her warmly, "Evening, Billie," she held up the plant, "this is for you," she offered having picked lavender for the calming properties and, "it doesn't need much watering. So it's easy to keep," it was quite hardy, tolerant to most things once it was well established like the plant Aiyla had brought for Billie. "Is this a good time?"

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"Very," Aiyla answered with a faint smile, "Lucked out better than some with a changing tent," she whispered, perplexed about the reasons for the interesting accommodation choices. Giving some everything and others less than nothing. Aiyla dumped the cup of coffee into one, stacking the cups into one another. "It's been eventful, but nothing I didn't sign up for." Aiyla shook her head, "Brandished a weapon at another Fae," Aiyla responded, "Having the knife isn't the issue; the threat to use it against another Fae...anyone as she had," Aiyla brushed her fingers through her hair. She would figure out a way to deal with it in some way or another.

Nodding, she gave a small smile, "True, a plight of the Fae," she answered and gestured with a tilt of her chin, "I've never not known what to do about a situation before...I've never been pushed," Aiyla huffed quietly; she'd never been slut shamed or berated that way by someone she had considered a dear friend. "I don't need to be liked, Meena. It would have been nice, but I don't need it," Aiyla explained, tilting her head towards her shoulder; Dilan was a problem she hadn't ever anticipated; maybe that had been her first mistake. "I can level with any other member of the court, find footing, and progress and understanding," she spoke, her fingers quietly drumming against the paper coffee cup, "Have you ever had to deal with a member getting physical with you?"

Meena tilted up a brow as she watched the Fae Queen approach her. "Sleep well?" She asked. Her gaze drifted between the faerie and the tent she had just left, knowing fully well who Aiyla had chosen to pair up with regardless what had happened at Capture the Flag. Not that it was any of her business as long as whatever was going on with her and the coven advisor stayed between them.

"Thanks, but unless that has B+ in it, I'll pass," She hummed, making a note of the coffee Aiyla had extended her way only to politely turn it down. "We don't actually need the caffeine. Even though it can help with cravings," She explained with an apologetic smile. "And ah," She slipped her hair brush away into her bag, before she straightened back up. Choosing to rest her hip against the edge of one of the trees as she gave Aiyla a nonchalant shrug. "Well, fae blood being spilt would be a disaster given the number of newly turned vampires and, excuse my candor, but it has sort of seemed like you've had your hands full recently."

"She shouldn't have what? Brought a knife? She always carries that dagger on her. I'm not sure I've seen her go anywhere without it," She noted. Not since the attack on Valentine's day anyway. "Weren't you the one to say you couldn't be anything but?" She mused, shooting the other a knowing look. She could tell when something was bothering someone and Aiyla seemed like she needed to get whatever it was off her chest. "What is it?"

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Aiyla’s frown deepened as the pressure to explain what she didn’t want to reveal settled heavily in her chest. "Geçen gece hissettiklerine katkıda bulunduğum için özür dilerim Leyla," I'm sorry for how I contributed to how you felt the other night, Leyla. She cast a glance toward her hammock, then back at Leyla, her expression guarded. "O benim arkadaşım," he is my friend.

Aiyla kept her voice steady, though she felt her resolve wavering. "Deniyorum," I'm trying. She worried for the state of their friendship, wanting to preserve that before it slipped between her fingers. "I’ve told you how hard this is for me... talking about my feelings, especially when it comes to him."

Aiyla’s gaze dropped, the way Leyla spoke of les amis made her frown harder. She had never claimed to not be his friend, a name chosen in earnest to show her, to show those who thought she wasn’t good enough where they stood. The team name was sincere, kind and made Aiyla feel warm. She didn’t expect everyone to understand, but her best friend? The person who knew Aiyla’s guarded heart, knew her deeply, she believed Leyla would understand. She only needed to find the words. Her tone quieter, tinged with frustration. "I wouldn’t have left the game if he wasn’t important to me. You know me, Leyla. I needed to see him that night. I didn't just leave to go kiss some guy, I mean do you really think I would do that? I left to hopefully salvage a relationship that had been strained with a terrible lack of communication. I left because my feelings are so intense that I couldn’t just let him go…saying it aloud won’t make it anymore clear…" Aiyla once again pleaded with her to understand, to see her for what she was, her heart tucked at the seam of her sleeve, hidden but there.

Leyla spared a glance Aiyla's way. Muttering out a "Selam" before she went back to tugging at the ties of the hammock to check to make sure that it was fully secured to the tree. She knew Ken would likely readjust them later and put his super strength to use, but for now, it was nice to have something to do with her hands as she waited for him to return with a plate of food for the both of them. But, as Aiyla continued on, her entire body tensed.

"Niçin üzgünsün?" She asked as she slowly turned to face her friend. Why are you sorry? "Hamakta uyuyorum. Sözde arkadaşınla çadırda uyuyorsun." I sleep in a hammock. You're sleeping in a tent with your so called friend. "That is how I am," She offered up with a small shrug, brushing past Aiyla as she began to place the pillows onto the hammock as well as the blankets she had been given.

"What do you want to talk about, Aiyla?" She asked after a prolonged pause. Her big brown eyes tilting over to meet her friend's gaze as she quietly told her, "Because I don't want to talk about what happened at the barbecue." Not in terms of the panic attack or unfurling her wings. She had cried enough in front of the mirror when she got home. She had mourned her broken wings and she could imagine what Ken thought seeing her like that, breaking down into tears on the floor of their bedroom as she finally forced herself to look at herself. To look at the damage that had been done to her that she now had to live with. "And you won't talk about Royce. So, where does that leave us, mon ami? Ou devrais-je dire les amis?"

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Aiyla blinked, gaping a moment, her features twisting into confusion. Cece was an adult woman, concocting plans to sneak out from the confines of her parents. Her chest tightened with the unsaid weight of such an implication. Sniffling, Aiyla tilted her head towards her shoulder, regarding her gently, "You know you don't need permission, right?" Aiyla softened, her hands squeezing Cece's back, "If you want to do something, you shouldn't feel like you need to sneak around, Cece. You're more than capable of making choices for yourself," she smiled sadly, " You do what you need, maybe stuff a pillow or two under the blankets," she softened wondering what sort of hell JR and Blythe Van Doren would impart if Aiyla simply just sent their driver away and took Cece to the party with her. Nothing good she assumed by Cece feeling the need to hide a cookout from them. She conceded with a nod, "Okay, one hour. I'll save a seat, okay?" Aiyla shuddered, "Cece," she said after a moment, "I appreciate you being here for me...thank you."

Cece could tell, at this point, that Aiyla was just expressing her disappointment and irritation in this person, but wasn't necessarily looking for advice. She just wanted someone who would listen, and that's what Cece would be. A confidant. So the girl sat silent, holding Aiyla's hands and giving small comforting squeezes from time to time just to remind her she was supporting her. When it felt like Aiyla was calming down slightly, and mentioned joining her at the cookout, Cece thought for a moment before nodding. "I would really love to join you. The only thing is... well it's not exactly an event my parents would approve of. So I'll need to head home first and act as if I'm going to bed early." She could say she was exhausted from all the days activities. And she could find her brother and figure out what his part was in this whole situation. "But I'll come back, perhaps in an hour? Does that sound good?

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"Call it creature enrichment," Aiyla quipped, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Has scolding you ever gotten me anywhere? Why would I repeat the same tactic over and over again? That is madness, and I don't need to shove myself there more quickly than necessary," Aiyla defended. She had come here to do something, release some unspent energy in a place that, despite being quite chaotic, felt oddly comforting. "Then sit on the shore and wail, you did far better in the water but by all means who am I but your Queen to tell you what to do," Aiyla shook her head, "You could have done whatever you pleased," she softened in the next breath.

"I am not in the business of forcing members into shapes and manners they do not want- forced compliance is not compliance, not really and I don't want that, do you?" She asked, exhaling the weight she wore around her shoulders. "I am tired of that assertion we were too rough, too out of control," she rolled her eyes, "you tip them all, and then everyone is wet. An eye for an eye? The blind leading the blind," Aiyla shook her head, "Maybe it would have felt good in the moment, but moments pass and consequences stick around," Aiyla pointed out sagely.

"Perhaps isn't an answer. It's avoidance." Aiylas's eyes followed him, grabbing empty bottles. His expression leveled on her, and she had an answer in the silence. She met his stony look with furrowed brows and a frown; she wouldn't blink, her head held high even as she scoffed, "Don't be so English about it, " Aiyla defended, "bof," she exhaled only to look to him, her expression drawn and waveringly tense.

"I'd rather have you in the fray," she answered simply and effectively. The games were just games; despite the way others had felt, she knew it was no indication of what they were all capable of, time and time again proven by many members of the Court of this town, the lengths they would go for the people they love, their neighbors, their leaders. Aiyla had never needed trust games to feel like she could trust him, trust many of them. They all wanted the same, to survive. The in-between stuff mattered far less when it came down to true life or death.

"You're not small," she answered quickly, words drowned in the clanking of bottles. "Would I have been better to have offered the Catalyst a favor for your life? For the lives of the whole court?" She asked defensively, "I knew better than to make deals with a derailed extremist. Knew they could not be trusted...but I would have still done anything within my control for your life, for any of the courts, just as I had for Leyla and Dilan in the end of it all. And look what it got us?" Aiyla pointed out, sweeping her arms in a large gesture. "Leyla was nearly killed, and it feels like it doesn't matter what I have done or have been willing to do only what I have not done. It is never enough, is it?" She pressed her teeth together, her jaw tensing, "You don't need to trust them all. Do you trust me?" she asked, pointed and firm.

Aiyla had balked at the term beast years ago, a word her own parents had thrown at her like guarded barbs, thinking if they said it aloud, maybe she could take all their misunderstood fear and hate and use it to will herself normal. "We are creatures of a modern world, Suresh," she sat forward, "But you are only doing yourself a disservice by chasing a feeling of something you will never remember in full," there was no sharpness in her tone, a distant longing for the lives of herself she could not gain back, "It almost feels cruel, to be born again and again with only bits and pieces of who you were, who you could have been. I wish you could have it all back. But we can't; we are an ancient species, and we buy our coffee in little cups full of creamer and sugar. We've been domesticated, mon cheri," Aiyla frowned, "We adapt to our circumstances. What is the alternative?"

Aiyla shrugged her shoulder, yes she had expected it, "It isn't his money that I enjoy," Aiyla closed her eyes, she'd found him more than tolerable as a man, as a friend as someone she spent her evenings with not for his money, but for his candor, charming wit and the guarded way he cared for others, she was endeared to him for reasons she could recount, and still he had betrayed her trust for a game for reasons she did not want to face. "Hard to ignore when it's right in front of you or you're being...shoved," Aiyla admitted shamefully, rather him find it out from her then some churning rumor mill that took the cliff notes of a moment and spun it like threads of truth despite it being anything but. Aiyla had steeled herself for his reply expecting him to dig in at her expense. Eyes sweeping over his face, a fleeting forlorn smile ghosted her lips, "Maybe it is some forgotten piece of lore," she suggested, her chest achingly tight at the weight of the analogy. How many times would Aiyla take away from herself for others?

Aiyla had directed her wrath at him, ripping windshield wipers off his pretty pink convertible, a thing he cared about far more than she believed he ever cared for her. She did not have an argument. Aiyla tilted her head towards him, head resting on her shoulder, regarding him silently. She would not interrupt a moment of his reverie. Her eyes closed in quiet contemplation, "He doesn't know how I feel," Aiyla answered after a moment, an answer in all the things she didn't say, "it doesn't make it any better, but he doesn't know, and I can't say it, nor do I want to," Aiyla opened her eyes, "everyone seems to want to know, to pick at the thread of feelings I don't even want to face myself..." she exhaled.

"The moon doesn't make its own light either, Suresh. No one takes fault in that; there is still poetry and symbolism on this celestial thing that humans spend lifetimes trying to understand. The moon, dark or illuminated by the sun, still controls the tides and still resides in the heavens. You do not need a selfish man's artificial light. You're more than that. At least I believe so," Aiyla concluded, swallowing the knowledge that she knew she would risk ruin. What was a human lifetime anyway to the unwinding, endless years she faced? Longer to hold onto her feelings and guard the anger, grief, and love she felt, even if she would not say it all aloud.

Aiyla contemplated his offering a moment to see the man suffer the way she had; maybe it would not make her feel better. However, the thought, however flickeringly brief, brought her some resolute comfort, not that it was what she wanted but that Suresh had offered. She wrinkled her nose and shook her head, "No, vengeance will not bring me comfort. His remorse is all I want, and I've resolved to not hold my breath for that," Aiyla settled into the comfort of his couch, "vengeance and retribution, has any of it ever left behind anything but ruins?" she didn't think so, "I want more than ruins, for myself and this court, for you," Aiyla let her eyes close once more, "thanks for offering, I'll let you know if I change my mind." Aiyla said with a small, resolute smile.

Suresh narrowed his eyes. "Yes, love, as a matter of fact, I do. Caged creatures so often need to...cry out, wouldn't you say? Even if the cage is one of their one making. Mine keeps getting broken into, as it turns out." He gestured vaguely about the messy suite before crossing his arms. And as indignant as he felt like being, Aiyla was, after all, already here, and no amount of clamoring was going to eject her, he thought. He harrumphed.

"And yet, you're here to scold me, are you not? Perhaps because I did not try hard enough? Or tried too hard in the wrong direction, yes?" He parried, pursing up his lips. "I can sing just as well as she can. And of course I had to get in the water. I'd already had my tail brought out twice. What was I do? Sit marooned in the canoe? Useless." He grit his teeth. "I should have liked to tip them all over. It would have served them right, wouldn't you say? But I didn't. Because I did not want to hear about how we were bending the rules. Or being too bloody rough. We'd had enough of it." He rolled his eyes.

"Perhaps I'm not concerned about it," Suresh answered flatly. "This is a blip. A moment. A...sort of something that I should grow bored of and climb from as soon as I feel like it." He pointedly snagged the bottle at her feet and moved to shove it in the bag, but even some part of him knew he had spiraled after the ball. But he was fine. He would be utterly fine. Watching her, though, Suresh allowed his expression to harden.

"No French. No." He said this definitively, shaking his head. And nostrils flaring, he let out a long, irritated breath. "Haven't I, Aiyla? Haven't I had your back? When all our dear friends and neighbors went bloody raving mad, eyes as black as night, who was at your side? I seem to recall myself in the fray. Why must we all live in hypotheticals? We are not lab rats or circus seals. I refuse to perform under...contrivances. I am not a nice person. I lack graces. And I so rarely care about the impression I make. But would it make you feel better if I played along with the pretend games? Put on a show? Or would you rather have me in the goddamn fray?"

Clenching his jaw, Suresh regarded her, eyes trailing up and down. "I couldn't agree more. The lot of them are so very...sad. And made me feel so very small, now that we're admitting things." Rather than try to remain vulnerable, he began to gather up more bottles, losing himself in the thrashing. "And that's all it is. An exercise. A doll's house. Nothing. You would do well to recall who has done what." He swallowed hard. "When the time comes, I shall very likely be...taking stock of my own life, Aiyla. Whatever's left of it anyway. After all, no one else shall. I deserve no more. I can admit that. But then how can anyone blame me for looking out for me? There are people in this court I do not trust."

Rolling his eyes, Suresh spun around once more. "Because we are not decent beasts. Manners. Christ. What even is a court? A human creation imposed on us when we, as a species, exist so far beyond...beyond such shite. There are so few of us left because they tried to eliminate us. And yet we want to imitate what they have decided is right and just. I dream sometimes. Of what my past lives may have been. Woods and water and wilds. And none of the nonsense that comes with wherever I now find myself." He wrinkled up his nose before turning to meet her eye, watching as she sat down.

"Royce Van Doren. I shan't disparage you for that one right out that gate, although I could. Perhaps you'd expect me to, hm? But money does make so many things more tolerable in my estimation," he hummed, crossing his arms. A scoffing laugh escaped his lips. "Leyla upset and Dilan throwing a tawdry fit? Neither of those is an unusual occurrence, so I'd suggest you pay them no mind." Silence washed over him, and he plainly recognized each weak point as it was revealed, something he could twist, something he could poke. But when the siren finally spoke up, his voice was low.

"It's in our natures. I don't know why, but it is. At the risk of making more of a fool of myself, and I shall deny this analogy...I think of that goddamn little mermaid. Not the one with a goddamn musical. But the original. Every step like a knife through her, and for what? A mortal man. A mortal man who lets her dissolve away into nothingness as soon as he's gotten what he can take from her," Suresh spat. "You're bloody ridiculous. Not because you allowed a man, a man who is nothing, mind you, to manipulate you. But because you're directing wrath you should be directing at him at yourself. He did you wrong. Him. His choice. His actions. So do not call him clever. It is remarkably unclever for a being who has always gotten everything he's ever wanted to continue to do just that. It's natural. Expected. Even a bloody amoeba eats and shits."

Arms still crossed, Suresh moved to sink down beside her, crumpling a bit into the cushion. Leaning back his head, he closed his eyes, voice hard. "I've never told you of Gregor. Poor, stupid Gregor." He sniffed. "We were very young. Fools. Well, I was anyway. I lived in his shadow, and I loved living there. Because I loved him. A glance, a smile, and I'd do anything. Because he was the sun, and when he reflected on me, I was not so alone. I don't make my own light." Suresh swallowed hard.

"I paid for him to follow his dream, you know. Get his first real movie role. Actors. No matter that I had no bloody money of my own. I didn't mind. Of course I didn't. Because it was him. My very own heathen god to worship." He clicked his tongue. "But well, everything must...come undone. He was using me. Making me small so he could be large. Humiliated me. Laughed at what a fool I was. How could someone like me even...breathe his sacred air? Even think I meant anything at all to him? The bastard got me to work for nothing to pad his own pockets. So he could make it, make it to Hollywood, run away, and I'd be just a memory. A stepping stone to step on. So. I got even." He crossed his hands on his lap, wringing his fingers. "He destroyed me, so I destroyed him. I know what it means for a Fae's heart to break. I do. I know what it is to want, so terribly, for someone to...notice. To be everything you believe them to be." He shook his head. "Shattering him did not un-shatter me, though. We're both now just ruins. I don't think you're stupid, love, but at the end of this path you're standing on, there will be one ruined person or two. No chance for zero. He's manipulated you once; he'll do it again. I'm at least upfront about it when I do it. But what's your heart worth to you? To him, it's a flag. Step off the road before you reach the point of cataclysm."

He sniffed. "I don't have an umbrella, but I have...storm clouds. Bolts of lightning. Opportunities for old-fashioned Fae vengeance. I could ruin him on your behalf. Keep your hands clean. But I feel that's not the good thing you want, is it?"

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Aiyla softened, "Yes, I love your tail too- it's a beautiful part of you, Nyra. And it should be your choice when it comes out. Even if you're not upset about it, which I'm happy for," she thought of the other siren's the ones who she knew were upset, "plenty of others are, and even if they weren't I'm upset-" she replied with a rasped sigh, "You should be able to choose what form your body is in at all times," Aiyla explained her position delicately. Having grown into her ears and wings with parents who didn’t understand what she was. Whose solution was to bind her back so she could not let them out, to look for ways to hide or alter how she was naturally. To take away her autonomy "It's your body and a wonderful strength that I admire about all Sirens. It shouldn't be used to get an advantage over on a game," she smiled sadly, "but if you are not upset, then I will not be upset on your behalf.”

Aiyla worked her bottom lip between her teeth; at the fear of sounding like an ingenue, she did not protest, even when her heart lept into her throat. She sniffled and shook her head, "I want to believe there is a reason he's not told me yet. Something to make sense of it all...I'd never thought of him as callously cruel. He's not senseless, not in all the years I've existed in the same orbit as he, had I thought a single thing about him was senseless," she explained, "I am having a hard time making sense of him now...maybe he's just done with me," she flopped back resting her hand over her stomach, "Seems an awfully cruel and juvenile way to end a..." she furrowed her brows, unsure of what to call what they had, or what they were. She left it unsaid, drawing a shuddered breath, "The most difficult part is it seems so unlike him and I thought him so candid that I must have forgotten how easily human men can lie," Aiyla whispered turning a tear-stained face to Nyra, "It's not fair, we're chained to the truth while others treat it like an option...I'm trying not to, trying to swallow it down, but I feel sick...like there is no room anywhere in me for anything else but these feelings...it hurts all over," Aiyla frowned, "I know I'll be okay, " even if she suspected it would be a long time yet before she got over the him of it all. She looked then to Nyra curiously, "How many times have you ever been in love?" she asked not as any admission of her own feelings, but in wonderment of the life her dearest friend and mentor had lived.

With attention on her, the expression that crossed Aiyla's features was easily caught, eyes on her tail that flicked with annoyance, the slight shake of head caused Nyra's own lips to turn downwards, "I'm fine, you know that right? Really, as unexpected as that may have been, I'm not angry with them? I like my tail." She had lifetimes to get used to it, but really, she didn't need that long, the moment her wings unfurled and the day she discovered her legs could disappear into scales at the touch of water, she had lived who she was ever since. There was shock and a great big scream in surprise but never once had she wished to be anything else. But she also understood the others, acceptance fell in a spectrum and their kind, all supernaturals alive, fell on that scale.

"He's a fool, darling," Nyra said simply when Aiyla opened up in what had been bothering her. She couldn't have expected such a thing but hearing it did not register any amount of surprise within her. While she did not realise the depth of Aiyla held for him, she had seen the passing glances that lingered, the little comments that held a flirty notes, she sighed turning to a tear streaked face of her friend, because in this moment the masks of leadership had to be cast aside so she could speak freely, "You're not wrong in your the way you feel Aiyla, I'm sure he means a great deal to you, it's fine to care but if he's avoiding you and ignoring you then consider if he's worth it? If he's worth these tears? I've been in your spot many times and many lifetimes ago, and I've seen many people the likes of Royce as well, feel what you need to feel in this moment because what he's doing isn't fair by you, but don't beat yourself too much over it."

[aiylabaysal]

She was relieved she followed her into the water, kicking her feet beneath the surface. Aiyla kept herself afloat and gave Rangi a pointed look, a small smile that did not give away the thought that went through her head. She sighed, "I wanted to spend time with you," she answered honestly, kicking up to float leisurely on her back. This event had been hell in a lot of ways, and in a lot of others, it had been illuminating, promising, "I'm going to level with you, Rangi, because you're my family, because I'm also your Queen, and because I love you," Aiyla said, her eyes closed as she floated on the surface, her body bobbing up and down in the waves. "This week has been unfair to a lot of us, to the Sirens and so many others," Aiyla sunk back to face Rangi, "Everyone is struggling with their own traumas and horrors. Things no one else is entitled to, like grief, heartbreak, and shame..."

Aiyla wasted no time, "You can't keep going like this," she softened, her concern pulling her closer to Rangi, "You know punching Altan was wrong, even if your intent was justifiable...for the Sirens," She paused to let the sentiment settle. She was sure it would come up at the next meeting, like everything else she softened, she'd found herself in a position she didn't like to be in, one that she had to face regardless. "He didn't deserve it no more than Billie, Suresh, or Nyra deserved to lose control over their bodies," Aiyla didn't pause to let her interject, not yet, "What he did was benighted...like many of the tactics some used for games, it wasn't what I expected when magic was allowable in these games. I expected vampires to use their speed to run bases, witches to use their magic to make themselves better, not everything else," Aiyla trod gently shaking her head, "I know why you did it; your anger and concern are justifiable," Aiyla's eyes swept over her face, "I was just as angry, but I can't lose myself like that... so I hold onto all my feelings, no matter how heavy, I swallow them. All my frustration, anger, and grief, and I felt it had no place to go. I still fear it has no place to go. But yours does," Aiyla gestured to herself, "It doesn't have to be Altan's face or some quip to Dilan-" She gave her a curious look as if to ask, why don't you want her on your team? She kept the tale of the barbeque to herself. She did not need to flame a fire already alive and well in Rangi. If anything, Aiyla wanted to give it a place to slumber, a place where Rangi could leave the weight of her grief and come out the other side lighter.

"It's my job to carry it, to give you a place to unburden yourself...I can take it, Rangi, but I can't take watching you self-destruct around yourself, slipping away from who you are. Grief will swallow you whole, and I can't allow that...I won't lose you to it." Aiyla concluded gently, her hands reaching out for Rangi to take.

Rangi wasn't exactly in the mood to be social, but that had sort of been the theme of this week. Why the town leaders had decided to do this ridiculous trust event now, after everything that had happened, escaped Rangi-- but she wasn't going to be the one to say anything about it. She didn't like confronting people...usually.

This week had apparently brought out her mean side and she was being unfair to a lot of people, she knew that-- but she didn't care. She just didn't care. And she'd been "happily" enjoying her "water" in her water bottle when Aiyla appeared in front of her, hand extended. The other banshee didn't linger long and headed towards the water and for a long moment, Rangi wanted to just stay put and not follow-- but another, bigger part of her, felt like she had to follow. She wanted to follow her. Because it was Aiyla.

Slowly, she waded into the water, her bottle abandoned on the sand, and sank into the waves, watching the other woman closely and eyeing her extended palm. She took it and squeezed, knowing what the gesture was even without the words to go with it. "Did you just wanna get me wet or was there something more to this?" she asked after a moment.

[aiylabaysal]

Julian & Aiyla - figure drawing class @julianrchandlerx

Between the ebbs and flows of time, Aiyla had seldom had a moment to herself to do one of the hobbies she had collected over the years like pebbles of a person she could have been if she wasn't this. If life hadn't had other plans, pushed her towards another path that oftentimes felt predetermined for her despite her best efforts to deny fate; home was home, and in every life she had ever had, something pulled her here, like magic to leylines, moths to the moon or flames depending on how she looked at it; she was always destined to be here. Banshee Queen.

She had her rebellions, and she collected tokens of who she wanted to be: watercolor paints made from things around the house for the resourceful mountain woman version of her, winged specimens of ethically sourced insects she had collected as a girl, the first a butterfly she had hit by mistake with her tennis racket. Rather than leaving it out to be picked apart, she laid it in satin and carefully displayed it. A pebble belonging to the wealthy French girl she was, full of hope and curiosities. Her life was littered with hobbies like these, baking, because she once wanted to own a bakery. Aiyla dreamed of the smell of vanilla and café au lait, a dream she shared once with Defne. Before, she could no longer pretend that she was human. Before, the pull of this life demanded her physical form.

Sometimes, now, it felt like all she had were stolen moments for herself, woven into the fabric of responsibility. This day was one of her stolen moments, a clean piece of paper, the tools she would need at her fingertips, and a figure model, nearly as naked as the day he was born, wearing nothing but a cowboy hat and boots, sauntering into the room of sketch artists looking to learn the human form. Stopping facing nearest herself and a man she had known in passing as Julian Chandler, the naked cowboy tipped his face to her in a grin as he set his leg up on the stool, leaving himself on full, unabashed display. Aiyla furrowed a brow, tilting her head towards Julian, cutting a curious glance his way before gripping her pencil, "It's a choice," she whispered low enough she knew only he would hear before dutifully setting to work, trying not to think too hard about the absurdity of what she was putting to paper; this was a token of the life she would have had if she were only an artists, nothing more.

[aiylabaysal]

Aiyla and Leyla - camp ground @cantfightmoonlight

Pacing her tent floor so long she worried she would draw a hole in the floor, Aiyla was consumed with the heavy thoughts of Leyla's panic attack. Watching her friend crumble under the weight of all the terrible things had made it almost impossible to sleep the night it occurred. She tossed and turned, trying to draw a map of solutions in her mind. A way to build trust in the Court for Leyla, the same trust she herself had for most of them. A trust she knew her friend needed, something she wanted her to have as the days between when Hande last attacked and when she would inevitably show up again grew thinner. Aiyla shuddered to think of the message in her own blood that Hande had left on their walls, the warning that had left her grasping to her will to fight in the middle of the street. A will that solidified the night of the Fae Ball; when faced with unimaginable horrors and tragedy, Aiyla did not feel herself sink but instead felt a flame blaze inside of her, fortified in iron. She was not consumed by her fear, her fear was swallowed by her rage...and maybe she would always have that anger, even after time had passed and it shrank into a kernel she could hold in the palm of her hand.

Rage for what had been done to her, her friends, and everyone in this town flamed the sadness and concern she paced through until she decidedly left her tent and went to find Leyla. She did not know if she had heard about what happened with Dilan, nor was she ready to dump that at her feet. That was a burden for Aiyla to shoulder on her own for a moment longer. Her most present concern was her friend, "Merhaba," Aiyla gestured to the space beside her before coming closer, "Nasılsın?" she asked, concern knitting her brows together, her hands folded in front of her body. "Çok özür dilerim," Aiyla expressed a deep and sincere apology. For babying Leyla, for not being there in the game, for her difficulties in trusting the court, for all the misunderstandings, and for the horrific way Leyla must have felt losing another piece of her wing. "Can we talk?"