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ajsfixationisland · 4 years ago

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PLEASE I love this so much more

bicep shy | q. hughes

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prompt: #14 — "stop looking at me like you're about to eat me."

summary: you and quinn recently started dating and you want to hold quinn's bicep but you're too scared to ask.

tw: anxiety.

pairing: boyfriend!quinn x shy!reader

word count: 1.8k

taglist: @heatabovejakey @idfan21 @boeswhore

notes: idk abt this one, it started out as smthng else and now we're here..

you and quinn have recently started dating. the whole idea and concept of dating is foreign to you, seeing as you've never been in a relationship before. he's your first everything and you know you aren't his, which increases your stress levels quite a bit.

it's not like you're walking on eggshells around him, you just try your very hardest not to mess up. he can see it and he's constantly reassuring you that you don't have to be careful or tone anything down around him but you just can't help it. you want everything to be perfect. you want to be perfect for him.

you're in the progress of finding out what he likes and doesn't like. you've found out that he loves cuddling and hates being the little spoon. he also loves it when you play with his hair and rub him softly under his ear.

he, on the other hand, hasn't gotten much out of you. he's willing to help you figure out his own pleasures and distastes but he's more than willing to help you figure out and find your own.

"do you like this?" he asks as you rest upon his chest in bed.

"do you?" you ask quickly, hoping he does.

"that's not what i asked," he comments lightly. you fiddle with the collar of his shirt as you think of a response.

"i- um.. yeah, i do," you say in a small voice.

he smiles. "good. i like it too."

sometimes it's easy. he knows when he'll be able to get things out of you but you try to lessen his opportunities as much as you can, wanting nothing more than his satisfaction to come first. you don't realize a relationship goes both ways.

one day, the two of you go to a gathering at someone's house. you don't know where you are and you don't ask, being okay simply knowing that quinn and the rest of the team are going to be there. the moment you step into the house you immediately feel overwhelmed by the amount of people, almost cowering behind quinn in fear.

"what's wrong?" he looks back at you, clenching your hand in reassurance.

you don't want to tell him how you really feel. it would be wrong of you to do so. he's ready to have fun and see his friends so you're not going to be a burden by telling him you already want to go home.

you give him a shaky smile. "nothing. just.. just didn't expect this m-many people to be here."

"i didn't either," he nods his head in understanding. "just let me know when you wanna leave, okay?"

you hum in response and he leads you somewhere by your hand. you ache to wrap your arms around his bicep but you stop yourself. what if he doesn't like it?

it would make you feel better, feel safe. maybe even lessen the growing anxiousness in your core. you worry people will find it weird, childish even. you shouldn't be clinging onto him just because you can't handle a couple people.

you spend the rest of the gathering in silence, only speaking when you're spoken to. you don't know why quinn tells you he wants to leave early but you don't argue with him, the only thing on your mind being his muscly arm.

the thought hasn't left your mind since that night. is it weird that you haven't touched his bicep yet? you haven't even squeezed it, not once. you thought it was a normal thing for couples to do and you wonder why quinn hasn't asked you to squeeze his. assuming the worst, you start to believe he doesn't like his arm being touched. it doesn't cross your mind that maybe you just haven't squeezed it because you haven't asked.

you're sitting in the living room with quinn, the two of you cuddled up on his couch, wrapped in each other's arms. your head rests on his chest once again and your arm is draped around his midsection. the tv is off, both of you doing nothing more than enjoying each other's presence. you sit in thought, staring at his left arm.

unconsciously, you begin to squeeze quinn's side. he doesn't think much of it until he looks down and sees you're in your head.

"babe, what's up?" he rubs your back and snaps you out of your contemplations.

"nothing," you murmur, nuzzling further into him.

"you've been squeezing me with your hand for the past five minutes," he chuckles, not buying your reply.

you finally tear your gaze away from his arm and look up at him. "i'm just thinking about you."

his eyebrows raise in surprise. "good things, i hope."

"always," you nod, giving him a cute closed-mouthed smile.

he wraps his other arm around you and presses a soft kiss to your head. his warmth coats your mind and you've never felt more loved than in this moment. you hope someday you're able to muster up the courage to wrap your arms around your favourite body part of his; his bicep.

the next time your urge to hold your boyfriends bicep gnaws at your aching heart is when he comes to your apartment after a workout, already showered and dressed in a tight fitted long sleeve. his muscles bulge against the flimsy fabric and you curse the universe for making quinn so incredibly attractive.

"stop looking at me like you're about to eat me," he laughs as he walks over to you.

your eyes snap towards his and you find yourself at a loss for words. your mind is now running on overdrive, the two sides conflicting with each other. a part of you is screaming not to touch his arm but the other is saying you should, and you don't know what to do.

you gulp, sweat forms at your hairline and you wipe it away with the back of your hand. quinn stands in front of you with his arms crossed and you almost let out a moan at his flexing muscles.

you feel overwhelmed, a wave of anxiety washing over you with no attempts to save you from your thoughts.

"hey, you okay?" quinn asks quietly, holding your face in the palms of his hands and running his thumbs back and forth along your cheeks. you nearly jump at his sudden touch and you pray he can't sense your sudden change of expression, even though you know he does.

you shake your head, teary eyed as you fail to trust your voice. it's stupid, crying because you want to hold his bicep. when you say it like that, it really does sound pathetic. you don't realize that you're crying because you can't tell him what you want from him, what you want to do to him. you're struggling to express your desires and it pains you to no end.

"what's wrong, love? tell me what's wrong," he demands softly, his heart breaking at the sight of you so vulnerable.

he's seen you cry many times before you started dating and he was always there for you in every way possible, but this is the first time he's seeing you like this since you got together and it feels different to him. almost as if it's his responsibility to make sure you're okay and less of his will to take care of you.

you stay quiet, your eyes fluttering as tears trickle down your face with no end.

"are you anxious?"

you nod your head timidly at his question and he frowns.

"do you know why?"

yes, you do know why. at least you think you do, but you don't tell him. unable to speak, you nod again and his frown deepens.

"you can't talk?"

you shake your head, agreeing with him. his head raises in understanding and he looks down at you, mouth parting.

"do you know what i can do to make you feel better?"

you try not to cry out for him to lend you his arm and nod in response to his question again.

"okay let's think.. do you want some water?"

you shake your head.

"juice?"

you shake your head.

"hot chocolate?"

you furrow your eyebrows at him, shaking your head once more. he realizes that he's not on the right track and tries taking another approach.

"do you want to go to bed?"

you shake your head.

"do you wanna go for a drive?"

you shake your head.

"do you want to watch your favourite movie?"

your face scrunches in slight annoyance, not at him but with yourself. if only you could tell him what you want.

he steps back and you make a sound of disapproval, your hands clenching and unclenching at your sides. he notices the movement and looks down, a lightbulb beginning to flicker in his head.

"does it involve me? do you want me?"

you perk up and nod your head, spiders crawling up your stomach and making you feel light.

"do you wanna cuddle?" he wraps you into a hug, swaying you back and forth.

you shake your head against him and he sighs. "babe, you've gotta tell me what you need."

you open your mouth to speak but nothing comes out. a poor whine rings in his ears and he holds you a bit tighter, your tears drenching his neck.

"do you want me to hold you?"

i wanna hold you, you think to yourself.

you pull away from him and stay frozen in your spot. quinn looks at you with sad eyes, upset that he doesn't know how to help. your eyes focus their attention back onto his bicep and the screaming match in your head begins once again.

finally, unable to resist the urge, you wrap your hands around his arm and hold him close, burying your face into his soft yet solid bicep. quinn's eyebrows knit together, his other hand making its way into your hair and scratching your scalp lightly.

you let out a sound of satisfaction, happy that you finally got what you wanted.

"that all you needed?" he mumbled into your head, pressing a kiss into your hair. you nod and he lets out a sigh of relief, throwing his head back.

you squeeze the back of his bicep and grin, receiving a small smile from him when you catch his eyes.

"god, you're adorable. just needed to hold my arm, hm? it's yours, they're both yours. you don't even need to ask, use them all you want," quinn tells you softly.

the spiders in your stomach turn into butterflies and you reach up to kiss his cheek, a small blush making its way onto his face.

"thank you," you whisper back into his arm.

"don't thank me," he replies instantly.

you stay quiet for a moment. "i really like your.. like your arm."

your voice is almost too quiet for him to hear but he does and a smile makes its way onto his face.

"is that why you've been staring at it instead of me for the past week?"

you giggle at his words and nod your head, not knowing he noticed.

"everything you want is yours, i promise."

for the first time, you actually accept it. your mind no longer makes excuses for his kind words. you take it wholeheartedly and you couldn't be any happier.

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