akaspeaker-blog

[akaspeaker-blog]

aweseme

I’ve been wanting to put together a picture where one half of it shows one season, and the other half shows another. So I decided to use two pictures of this bridge that I took and put them together.

It took me quite a while to match them up properly and this was about as good as I could get...

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[akaspeaker-blog]

Foliage, texture and colour © Keartona

Cornwall, UK

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No more cheese puns, just leave it brie already. [penguinslide]

[akaspeaker-blog]

its late

so i'll be quick. i just can't stop dwelling on this one thing. no matter how long its been. no matter how loved she makes me feel in private. i still cant shake it. i have a girlfriend. i'm like 95% positive i do. thing is you'd never know it unless you asked me about it. she always refers to me as a friend. "i'm at a friends house" "just hanging with a friend" "having lunch with a friend" etc... a select few close friends know that we're dating. another few have an idea that maybe something is going on. but that's about it. now i'm not saying i don't feel lucky to be with her, i do. what bothers me is that i can't help but feel inadequate in some way. not good enough maybe? idk.. it just hurts when you look at your girlfriends fb twitter or blog and see zero signs that you exist in her life. don't get me wrong, i'm not asking for daily posts about how much she loves me and all that annoying mushy stuff that sometimes floods my feed and makes me sick. not even asking to be "facebook official" (i honestly don't believe that does any good for a relationship anyway) i guess i would just like to be mentioned as her boyfriend when i am brought up. whether it be in her blog or in an actual conversation somebody. i don't understand why she still refers to me as a friend. it's like she wants to keep the perception of being single. but why? am i not someone to be proud of? or is it because she is keeping her options open? i seriously don't know what i'm doing typing this out at 3am..but i'm tired of feeling this way and i don't know what to do about it.. so much for being quick.. help me tumblr

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[akaspeaker-blog]

snap. like a co-dominant leader with poor taper and a narrow crotch angle

sitting in arboroculture and one of my peers grabbed her backpack for whatever reason and the professor says “whenever someone reaches for their backpack i get nervous because i don’t know if they’re planning on leaving early, or grabbing a gun because they decided they’ve had enough”. and i start laughing for like a solid minute, to the point where everyone looks back at me. 

i found it so funny because if i were to finally snap, this class would be the place.

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[akaspeaker-blog]

I'm sitting on the toilet at work pretending I'm sick. Well i am sick. But i doubt theyd send me home for a broken heart. I just want to go home. I can't work when we fight. And when you say those hurtful things I can't even function. I don't understand why you're so quick to dismiss me. Why you're even with me if you think you could do a hundred times better.  A HUNDRED. That's a lot. I guess things are different from my side of it. I feel lucky as hell everyday that you're in my life. And although it may not seem like it, I try really hard with you. I want you to be happy and comfortable. I smother you I know it. I don't mean to. I just want to please you. I guess I do all these things because somewhere deep down I think it's the only thing keeping you around. I wish I could make you feel as lucky as you make me feel.

[akaspeaker-blog]

To all the drivers out here who lose their shit in the rain.

[akaspeaker-blog]

Maybe I expect more than I should. Maybe my coneption of your struggle to accept the idea of us is undersrated. Or worse.. understated. Maybe you feel no one would be interested in actually being your friend without any hints of possible romantic attraction. Maybe my insecurities are making me feel an overcoming need to be shown off, felt proud of.. idk Maybe I'm a fool.

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want

Check the online store at igotasubaru.com to pick up this sick hoodie! $39.97 shipped

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I like you. And you like me. I'm pretty much the happiest I can be.

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A Meeting of Three Benjamins http://cartoon-fanatics.tumblr.com/

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icy

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I promise I would.

[akaspeaker-blog]

I guess now is a good example of what I set myself up for everytime I successfully deny the truth. Even as I type this I am talking myself into having hope.