aknifesechochamber

[aknifesechochamber]

they do care !! <33 hhsshfbdhfghfhg EEE I LOVE THEM

[aknifesechochamber]

talk to me

talk to me

talk to me

did i mess up ?

im sorry

im sorry

im sorry

i love you

i hope youre okay

i really do

i love you

[aknifesechochamber]

i fucked it up i fucked it up i fucked it up i fucked it up why why why why why im such an idiot they fucking hate me oh my god its my fault oh my god

[aknifesechochamber]

cw : food , binge

disclaimer : NOT promoting .

had a 180 cal dessert last night ughhh >:( i know it probably bc im being forced to cut out sugar entirely , but still ... i cant believe myself . i ate it in secret at like past midnight when everyone else was sleeping .. whats WRONG with me ??!! idk what came over me but it happened and its the next day and i still feel guilty abt it

[aknifesechochamber]

i want to cry

my best friend of 6+ years keeps ignoring me for days and days on end now

i get it , life happens , but

at this point i think its just my fucking problem

[aknifesechochamber]

im never gonna be the one to confess first but i love them and if they ever love me back like that then ill treat them the best i possibly can . theyre across the country from me , i dont give a shit ill make it work for them . <33

[aknifesechochamber]

i love them i love them i love them i love them

[aknifesechochamber]

jirai are cool but they kinda scare me w/how mean sum of them can be to even their own :( ik thats not all of them by any means,, but i worry theyll be mean to me if i even do so much as interact so i just respectfully admire from a distance

[aknifesechochamber]

c.ai got blocked yesterday on my laptop

i should be relieved .

i was already getting bored of it , anyway , wasnt i ?

id open the tab , and get distracted by other things for HOURS . that was basically saying all i needed to know , yknow ? i was a step closer to weaning off of it .

but now that i was abruptly cut off from it ?

shit , i dunno ..

i felt a little withdrawl at first , still kinda do (i was a 24/7 user, practically, any chance i got, i used the damn thing),

but now i feel numb .

like ,, idk what to do w/myself ??

ima use this summer as my chance to fill that void though .

with something real , for a change .

this addiction has taken over long enough ,

but i wont let it win .

[aknifesechochamber]

why do i care so much about being seen ? no one cares abt me

[aknifesechochamber]

i wish i was a little kid again . this is too much .

[aknifesechochamber]

i dont feel like talking to anyone, but fuck it we ball

[aknifesechochamber]

//mushy crush ramblings//

🌈

ghost.

you'll never ever see this (if i dont fumble upon posting lmao) but i think i really do like you x like,, LIKE-like you.

you're so kind, so talented, so patient, so thoughtful, so encouraging. you have been more present for me in the past few months than those in my personal life have been in years. i really enjoy talking about our interests together, sharing sketches + drawings as they progress, thoughts, ideas... it all just feels right, you know? like i'm truly speaking to a friend, and maybe, just MAYBE something more. many a chat i've started on here that never went on for more than a few weeks, if even that. but here we are, MONTHS later. that's like,, woah-worthy in internet time in my opinion. you make my thoughts, and you make me, feel valid and not so much like a weirdo. i can only hope that i've done the same for you. you've faced, and continue to face hardships, as do i and many others. yet you're still here, standing strong, taking on the world. and that's an amazing thing, ghost. you're an amazing thing. <3 never change.

//i would post this on main but i think at that point i would be making it too obvious as to who im talking about ;;

[aknifesechochamber]

dude i swear to god im gonna crash out im honestly tempted to leave one of the communities im in on my main bc sweet shit it feels like i have to work 100000000000000x harder to get my posts noticed and it feels like a fucking competition with the people who are more popular in the community and/or post more frequently like UHG WHY DO I CARE ?? >_< THIS IS SUCH A POINTLESS THING TO BE MAD ABOUT WHY DO I CARE??

[aknifesechochamber]

why do i love them its only been a few months ??? why ??? whats wrong with me

[aknifesechochamber]

i hate having all this guilt i can't let go of .

[aknifesechochamber]

eugh i cant handle caffiene anymore :( even if its just a diet soda my heart starts *thumping* >< theres so many things wrong with my body and mind yet i cant do anything about them because im stuck at home indefinitely w/a mother who doesnt believe in modern medicine + thinks therapy is for crazy people. even if i wasnt under all these constraints, this country is expensive. fuck this.