akuseru92 - Tumblr blog

[akuseru92]

Time flies by but not because fun is being had. Instead I had taken in the advice of my fellow humans. Ones that have felt and understood the place I am coming from. A rarity to see, atleast for me. To have people acknowledge not only what your saying but to have them share their experiences with us. I thank you all. Everyday is another good morning, afternoon and evening. These days what makes me smile is knowing others are miserable. A grin slaps my face when I see someone get angry or upset. Part of me does not know why I smile but only that life is too fucking short for these emotions to rule my life. I long to love and to be love but for what reason? Because my soul burns for it, because its the natural thing to be. The more I learn to love myself, the more I realise how emotionally adapted the humans are around me and could never possibly understand what it is like to have love from different perspectives. It's not their fault. The world has this idealistic way of what love is and is meant to be. Those that are trapped within this false love box are hurt when love isn't conformed to what they know of it. Instead they would rather live in ignorance, knowing that love is a positive emotion. I am stuck, I want everything but I don't. I want to love but I don't have the strength. I want to be loved but I am scared. I want to fly but I hate heights. I want to scream but am afraid I'll break. To love one self less is to welcome the idea of love from another. The more I love myself the more distant I become to wanting any other love. Its a difficult balance. A balance I fear will never be right with me. I write this, not as myself but as a collective of thoughts that I am struggling to contain their frustrations. I fear that one day and one day soon I will break. Tell the world of humans how I really feel about them. Until then, I'll stay dormant, silent. I love this world.

[akuseru92]

Starting to feel like I am losing myself in a world where we are meant to be connected but we've never been more alone. Life does suck, and being given it really feels more like a bad hand. Just have to do the best with what you have been given. We were given a chance to live a life for a reason. God, Matrix, Self belief but what ever that reason we are here. In here just feels so confusing with you. I should listen to and act apon where in reality it's whoever has the strongest will to live. Growing up, feeling like I have lived so many lives. Maybe I have. Each one of you taking turns to live. My characteristic change so often that maybe right now, I am just a little of all of you. Life is something that what's to flourish but them why does death come? Making me feel asif life is a weed with our beautiful universe and death manages it.

[akuseru92]

I have no idea where yous came from and I wish that I could atleast interact with yous more. We wish that too but you know how hard it is to do so. You need complete silence and no distractions. As soon as you get distraction that's that. We can't get your attention. It does bug us but it's who you are. We've learnt to deal with it. Talking to you indirectly by images and other forms seems to be a perfect way to get you to heed us when we get bored. Remember as an extension of you we do get just as bored. That's the fun of life though. Nothing bad or good. Nothing beautiful or ugly. Nothing warful or peaceful. Best of your world. Having your own opinion isn't something to be ashamed of but relished in. This world is all to easy to just follow footsteps and be guided by emotions. Lately you've been using that emotion of yours and we need you to stop it. You been getting angrier easier and your getting fed up a whole alot quicker. Even we can't keep you amused and we need you. Don't give up. Don't get bored. Don't stop believing. I had to throw that in there for yous. Got a few smiles I noticed.

[akuseru92]

The heart can appear in many shapes and sizes through out our history. Which makes me think that love itself can come in all shapes and sizes. Just because it's different from what you have seen doesn't mean that it isn't the same thing. A heart can appear to be two - three different shapes but it's still a heart non the less. Love is a mystery and I know it's one that I will never figure out, will anyone us. Doesn't mean I won't give it a damn good try to understand the complexity that is love. From doing everything you can for someone to trying to break someone that you care about. Love is weird and wonderful but horrible and scary. It's one that covers a whole ground of feelings. Some of us feel it differently towards others and it can't be helped, we are only human and have to go but the chemistry that happens when we meet people or objects.

[akuseru92]

The consequences of our actions are determined by the consequences of other actions. Constantly moving in this momentum of consequences. Owning those consequences in your life turns them into responsibilities. That's what we fear, not the commitment. Not the work load. It's the responsibilities of our actions that could have a consequential effect on those within our action. We go through our day butterflying effecting with every action not knowing of any of the responsibilities of that occurs with what you do. Which would be considered Indirect consequences. Ones we can't take responsibility for. Then the ones where we know the consequences of our actions. More like ripples in a pond. Where you know what consequences your actions have. This would be called Direct consequences. The ones we can take responsibility for. We as a race choose our consequences by taking responsibilities for our actions directly. Indirectly affecting those outside the pond.

[akuseru92]

What is it we as a species can both enjoy and hate what we have. Positivity and negativity are attracted to one another. Negative people will have their views towards positive people and vise versa. Nothing about good and evil, divant and innocent, dead or alive, past and future, and finally fiction or non fiction. It is becoming apparent the more we look into ourselves the more we realise that its not about that balance of good vs bad. It is about finding that control of the positive and negative consciousness that lies within. We become the manifest of which we imagine. We see such things when movies are watched, characters can ignite our positivity. Making a cause. While others can provoke our negative side. Making an effect. We are such sensitive creatures, we can feel a rooms energy just by being in it. Our negative side, would wrap its energy around us to protect. Making us learn about our outside world. While our positivity would guide us. Helping us learn about ourselves. Together they us understand the life we've been given. In people, this formula might have its roles reversed. Where positivity would help us connect with the outside world and negativity then would be protecting ourselves inwardly. Also peoples polarities can shift, move, dissappear, fade, intensify, and multiply. The two energies are infinite within ourselves. Not one out- balances the other. Its about inner control of that balance.

[akuseru92]

A person steals bread from a Baker to feed his family. The authorities were called. What would the views of the situation from each party be? How would each party be feeling and acting? Who would you side with?

[akuseru92]

As I grow older in this world. Feeling human is a rarer thing these days. Not sure if we are blind or cut off. Looking at a collective of people. Asking for acceptance. Only to have it thrown in your face. We are who we choose to be. Who we have always wanted to be. Just wanting to life isn't a crime to which we are all guilty. Just leave us to soar through the winds of which yous so dramatically damn. Watch us fly. Watch us reach heights only dreamt of by God's.

[akuseru92]

I often feel like we are living between worlds. Between sets of feelings occasioned with the realm we wake. It's difficult not knowing the out come to lifes grand affair. We stay in comfort knowing that we as a collective have lived to strive for more and do upon ourselves a virtue. With strive comes failure. Don't be scared of it. Infact embrace that cold icy grip that it has round you, and wear it like a cape of confidence. Let it guide you to make all the mistake it takes for you to learn what it means to be human. Humility and perseverance are two strong emotions to feed off of. Let the understanding of the both become a crucial lesson.

[akuseru92]

What are words? When you have none to portray. Words are only as strong as the will they are binded to. The very soul that utters such magic to help us communicate in a world far beyond our reach to understand. We make stories to bridge a gap between what we know and what we want to know. We make such impossible imaginary feats that we ourselves can't help but achieve them, and bring them into a reality we need so badly to call our own. Convinced that nothing can come of the reality we own that we so greedfully called our own. We hunt for more, hungry for more worlds. More possibilities. More reasons to give us purpose. Striving to a goal we never want to reach. We keep falling from grace because we do not dare to stay content with what has been given to us. Your ideas are what make you an engine of endless possibilities. Share your creative mind no matter the size of thought. We want to hear them all, about your world. What was and what you think will be, are two of the most amazing fundamental questions to ask yourself. Stories will arise where you least suspect.

[akuseru92]

Its occurred to me that we don't live one life. Death isn't just an ending of a life but a change to life. We go through what is known as stages in our lives. Things we remember and things we can't even recall doing. Thats our past lives. Life is complicated so why do we simplify it with a start and an end. We are constantly being reborn into different versions of ourselves. Each with their own attributes. Like being a parallel you at different times in your life. Our neurons must have a shorter life span than our bodies or they obey quantum physics and dissapear then reappear from another dimension with thoughts that aren't our own. That's how we can be so creative and imaginative. Our ideas are not our own but instead shared by a collective you.

[akuseru92]

Loosing anything. A hope that there is still life out there. Getting a sign when contact gets made. Eventually gets cut off.  Is such a endearing quality that exsists deep down inside. To carry on a fight that has long past. Not to surrender when all odds have been and done. A reality where it could of been is better than it never happening. So if asked "Do i regret me?" I can say no. When it feels like one life that you are living, the others will think that to. Open up to the possibilities that you can work as a team. We live side by side in time, never fully understanding how. Awakening must happen. An event that happens in more than one world.

[akuseru92]

It's hard, humanity. Complex and curious. We always want something, a burning inside us that wants it all. A fire of sins that delight our day. A wild virtuous nature that drives us insane. Making it something that truly drives my passion for them. Seeing all this, what can be obtained. What can be chained. Can't be tamed are all but a few of the words I would describe my feelings. My Cormeum. Forever shifting like two oceans colliding in a sphere. Fluid emotions.

[akuseru92]

 "To be lost and never found means to find yourself when no one will". The phrase that comes to my mind. Don't know who said it. Or even if it's a phrase somewhere. Think of it. You have to get lost, never to be found. Forever hiding, or the world doesn't notice you. Is when you truly understand yourself. When no one else ever could. I am so scared. I have no clue why. I thought I was lost enough, but I keep getting found. Slowly losing myself because I am the only one that can see him.

[akuseru92]

Thoughts running thin with what else I have to say in life. With a dried up feeling of repeating myself. The internal curse that sways my emotions from subject to subject, has yet to point us towards an interesting topic that can hold our desire. Truly what is left to explore?

[akuseru92]

Thing about our mind is that everything is possible. Issue is not everything is within our reality to live it. All possibilities have been played out in an infinite amount of universes and our infinite selves must be all connected. Afterall we must share the same soul. Each voice I hear could be a parrallel me thinking. Each infinite self having thoughts but I can only hear my neighbouring self to my universe. Each universe differing to my own. That could or would explain why my voices could be similar to the world I live in since my neighbouring universe should not have much differences. Maybe why we suffer deja vu events. Certain events have already happened in a neighbour verse that hasn't happened to us yet because time flows differently there. Or events leading up to it have sequenced in a randomised order in all universes due to cause and effect. Makes me wonder if we have one soul playing out in infinite universes and that we are all experiences infinite things all at once. Could explain why as humans we have some creative imaginations and can dream up anything that we wanted to.

[akuseru92]

I can't stress enough that revealing a feeling could be the most scariest thing that someone can do. It shows who we really are, opening and exposing ourselves. Feeling angry shows we are weak, feeling happy shows we are ignorant while being sad shows we are powerless. Feelings are a direct control of who we are and how we feel it. Being a conduit of emotion and having the ability emote is truly a special talent to have. Being fearless of my emotions would be a gift that would make me happy. I am so scared on how I feel, I tend to mask it with another emotion. After all this time of mixing emotions. It comes so naturally and is like second nature. I can't turn it off, I am not sure what is the real emotion is. So I am stuck deciphering how I feel. So I struggle to tell you how I feel.