alands9

[alands9]

S3E16 Prophet Motive

Quark is getting played, isn't he?

Also, not entirely comfortable watching Quark get a handjob.

Time for the Nagus to walk in? Time for the Nagus to walk in.

Why is the Nagus entirely covered? Is it actually the Nagus?

Why is Bashir all twitchy about the nomination?

Are we doing Rom and Quark: The Odd Couple?

I had gathered there was an episode where the Grand Nagus went a little crazy and made the Rules of Acquisition all warm and fuzzy. I suspect this is it.

The Grand Nagus only wrote on one side of each piece of paper?

When in doubt lick the book?

Poor Quark keeps getting stuck with self-sealing stem bolts.

Did they set up the dart board so someone off-camera could activate the LED for the appropriate region based on what happens to get hit? Or were the same three lights always going to come on, and they had somebody who actually knows how to throw darts well?

Also, what sort of rubbish darts game only cares about the wedge, not the ring?

Are you intentionally rattling Bashir so you can win at darts, O'Brien? Kind of a dick move.

I appreciate that the Ferengi ship has low ceilings, befitting the shorter Ferengi.

Where did the Grand Nagus find an hourglass shaped orb?

The first name that pops to mind when Quark is looking for someone, anyone, is Morn?

So inside a vision caused by opening the orb box he opens the orb box. That's a bit meta.

Morn! Hallucinatory Morn, but a still better than no Morn.

I like Odo's ability to read and predict others.

So the prophets were trying to “help” by making the Nagus nice.

“Your argument is specious.” That describes most Ferengi arguments, I suppose.

Go Rom, you clever embezzler!

[alands9]

S3E15 Destiny

Why would you need to reprogram the replicators with cardassian food? The replicators used to know how to make cardassian food. Why would you remove that knowledge?

Seeing Quirk arrive with what looks suspiciously like free drinks leads me the following guess: Quark has a massive supply of cardassian alcohol and drinks that other species aren't interest in. He's hoping to convince the cardassian guests to buy a bunch of it.

Called it.

Dax, why were you sampling somebody else's booze? That just seems rude.

The prophecy is clear! To the extent that all incredibly metaphorical borderline gibberish prophecies are clear.

There's going to be a third cardassian on the ship, aren't there? I'm willing to bet on that one.

That the magical wormhole-crossing subspace repeater might break the wormhole does seem plausible.

Also the prophecy seems to suggest that this is going to happen. Not that it's something that could be changed.

They may plead that they are scientists, not diplomats, but they're better than most of the diplomats we've seen in the series and Next Generation.

And, there's the third cardassian.

I'm curious what the batting average is for prophecy successes. And you can't just walk through the prophecy and count hits. You need to count the times that somebody was sure the prophecy was about to come true, and turned out to be wrong.

You don't have an agenda, Sisko? Except for the part where you want the peace treaty to succeed. That's anagenda.

Yes, I imagine Sisko might be uncomfortable being a prophet for a religion he doesn't believe in.

Morn! Oh, we're not going to see him, just hear about him.

I'd like to hear more about factions within the Bajoran religion. What offshoots have there been? Which ones were political splits and which ones were doctrinal splits?

Why are the two cardassians grossed out by cardassian food? This would have literally been the food they grew up on. I can totally see acquiring a fondness for other species food. But I find it hard to believe that you would actively dislike your childhood foods.

It's not the first time we've heard of “red leaf tea.” Do cardassian’s not have names for plants? This is my red leaf field. Over there I'm growing some yellow fruit on my green trees.

You first determined that there was no sign of Dominion activity, you then determined that there were no ships in the area? I would have expected the first to be easier to discover.

That is a suspiciously spherical comet.

This is a good example of the problem with metaphorical prophecies. Kira was looking for a sword of stars, so she was trying to interpret anything unusual as the sword of stars.

The cardassian is prejudiced against men. I'm sure the writer thought they were being very clever.

Didn't the wormhole need to be open for this entire experiment to work? Also when things started acting weird, why didn't you shut everything down instantly?

It would be bad if the comet hit the wormhole. Fine. Can't you blow it up, or use a tractor beam to redirect it?

Okay, at least there's some technobabble for why it won't work. And then somewhere technobabble for why it will work anyway.

Sexist cardassian has a crush on Miles. Sigh.

Cardassians indicate their romantic interest by being jerks to each other? They're all elementary school kids?

Just enough truth to make you wonder, Sisko? That is exactly how mentalism works.

I appreciate that Kira is open to the idea of her religion has a basis in science, or at least willing to spin it that way.

No way of stopping them? Could your shields potentially take the hit?

The irony of a member of the Obsidian Order claiming she can't be charged because there's no proof. I'm pretty sure “proof” is not how the Obsidian Order operates.

What happened to the tail of the Comet? It just kind of disappeared. The remaining pieces seem plenty large enough to behave the same.

The gates being opened referred to the wormhole staying open.

Cranky excommunicated religious dude acknowledges his error. I'm a bit surprised.

[alands9]

S3E14 Heart of Stone

“It's not important.” But I'm going to have a snit about it anyway.

So the Maquis uselessly shot at another ship for a bit and then left without accomplishing anything?

Plasma clouds jams sensors. The moon's atmosphere jams your sensors. Everything jams the sensors!

That seems like a hell of a lot of latinum to be offering Sisko, Nog.

Expecting new adults to purchase an apprenticeship, that does strike me as very Ferengi.

Wanting to be Sisko's apprentice, interesting.

It was established in the Next Generation that the Starfleet Academy entrance exams are pretty hard. We've also established that Nog’s education has been pretty miserable. Indeed, Ferengi education seems pretty miserable. Letter or recommendation or not, I don't see any way Nog can make it in.

Yes Kira, split the party. That won't backfire in the slightest.

The transmission from Kira is totally faked, isn't it?

Oh, it wasn't. A magic rock is eating her foot.

You can break rocks with your bare hands, you're quite strong Odo.

I originally thought it was some dubious CG. but upon reflection, I think they're just using a morph effect between different props. I don't think it works very well.

I like the circuits printed on the clear plastic. It's visually interesting and looks meaningful.

It's kind of funny, Sisko assumes Jake wants to enter Starfleet, but he doesn't. Jake's best friend and non Federation citizen does.

Why does Nog want to join Starfleet? Is he just looking for a way out from his sad-sack father and abusive uncle?

It's going to take 2 days for the message to get back to Deep Space Nine? They engage in real-time communication with Earth. Why so slow?

I think we're reaching the point where you amputate her leg. It sucks, but it would save her life.

I appreciate you want to protect the ensign from hazardous materials. But what about the other crew? You just going to let them get exposed to hazardous materials?

Dax, why so down on Nog? He's actually better than most of the Ferengi you’ve met.

See, now you waited, and amputation is no longer feasible. I'm pretty sure amputation at the waist is not going to go well.

You can form a protective dome, Odo? That's a pretty neat trick.

Odo, you've got a stray hair.

if you want to know why Nog wants to join Starfleet, you could try something crazy like asking him.

Calling him “Nothing” once you know he's sentient seems a bit insulting.

Time for a confession of love? Time for a confession of love.

I assume that this rejection is some sort of test for Nog.

You may not have a knack for business, Nog? The one episode where we saw you try, you were really freaking good at it.

Indeed my assessment of the Ferengi as a whole is that success is as much a matter of luck and nepotism as anything else.

It seems a bit premature to offer Nog a recommendation letter. He just isn't ready, even if his heart is in the right place. Something like the apprenticeship he asked for makes sense. He needs to improve his education and get some practical experience. Practical experience beyond running a bar.

I'm glad you're good at observing human nature, Odo, but you remember she's not human, right?

Oh, it was a changeling, clever. That wasn't a bad plan. It also explains the choice of morphing effect.

Is that the same cryopod from like two seasons ago?

Sad Odo is sad.

I also suspect that that whole incredibly sexist thing might be a problem in Starfleet.

We have several seasons ahead of us. I hope we get to see Nog’s attempt to enter Starfleet.

[alands9]

S3E13 Life Support

Jake has picked up the awkwardness that Wesley had. I suppose there's a certain commonality to teenagers.

Also, Jake, you appear to have a way with the ladies.

Did sanctimonious asshole bleach her hair?

You're okay with suggesting in public that it's sabotage, but not okay with discussing why you would believe that.

How much does the government of Bajor feel about the religion of Bajor engaging in treaty negotiations?

Sanctimonious asshole’s expectations for this treaty negotiation seem incredibly implausible. Doesn't seem like you're offering Cardassian's anything, but you want a lot from them.

Liberal religious dude/Kira's boyfriend is about to spontaneously reawaken, isn't he?

I'm claiming partial success.

if you're going to wear a ridiculous headpiece to try and minimize contamination during surgery, I think you should probably also wear a mask. That's 20th century technology.

Nog, are you sure you should be giving Jake crap about lack of dating experience? Which one of it you was the one dating the Dabo girl again?

The Cardassians still have several of the Orbs. I'm curious with the Cardassians get visions from them.

Doctor Bashir, I feel like you owe a liberal religious dude/Kira's boyfriend an explanation of what will happen if he refuses any treatment. It might be a reasonable option.

How is Sisko an impartial oobserver?

The Cardassian is trying to claim Deep Space Nine, isn't he? That might be a big enough coup to justify the Cardassians participating in the talks.

Sanctimonious asshole is using a pile of data pads. The future has terrible information display technology.

Sisko, you being an apologist for Ferengi sexism is kind of awkward.

I'm sorry, are you proposing giving him an artificial brain? Bashir, why are you taking this proposal seriously?

So we're going with “brains are magic, and science cannot understand them?”

You know, we can lobotomize people today. We don't need our artificial brains to do that.

Nog is on the ball. He knows something is up.

Ferengi women premasticate for the men. I. Erm. Okay.

You won't remove whatever shred of humanity is left in liberal religious dude? I'm kind of hoping you didn't have any humanity in him. More bajoranity.

Given that you use technology that copies and kills people on a regular basis, I would think you'd be okay with the idea of replacing his brain with an artificial equivalent.

[alands9]

S3E12 Past Tense, Part II

“Calm down, no one's going to hurt you.” Except maybe the crazy guy with the gun. Yeah, he might totally hurt you.

The gang leader has a definite Point Break vibe going on.

Putting benches to cover the windows it's a good idea, but putting them in such a position that they cause the blinds to have a large obvious gaps in them is a less good idea.

Dax’s outfit is so awesome.

Tasmania? He wants to go to Tasmania?

No, not Point Break. Kidd Rock. He totally looks like Kidd Rock.

How will giving your demands to the governor help? The sanctuaries in multiple states, and the federal employment act sure sounds federal to me.

I'm pretty sure it's poor gun usage to sleep with your finger on the trigger.

So does the Federation occasionally have to update their history books? “You know that famous guy. Turns out he was a time traveler.” I suppose they have to suppress it so that people don't get it bad ideas

I still find it hilarious to think that between learning dead languages and listening to Klingon Opera, people in Starfleet Academy also get lessons at how to be a polite time traveler.

Kira and O'Brien visiting various “wacky” periods of history is not as entertaining as the writer thought. Especially since there's no actual tension. Obviously the last possible jump back in time they can do will happen to take them to the correct one. And they will save Dax, Sisko, and Bashir.

Stereotypical hippies are stereotypical.

The sewer system is still linked? And people aren't using this to escape?

Ah, that's why Dax has to get in there. Because she can hack the Gibson.

Okay, she had the scammer way past the sanitation checkpoint.

Maybe it will pay off, but the scene of Dax asking a mentally ill man for her combadge back sure as hell seems like filler.

Real-life manhole covers are a bit heavier than that.

Apparently in 6 years we’ll be back to using flip phones.

O'Brien and Kira visited 2048, but they did it off screen? That's weaksauce. That would have actually been interesting. Especially since in the official canon, that's World War 3.

Also, if they can pick the era that they transport to, they should have been bisecting time looking for differences.

“I'll meet up with you later.” You are so doomed, aren't you?

Yeah, just hand the guy who claims he's a hostage a gun. That seems like protocol.

So the cops covered up their survival. I guess that amuses me.

I will not complain about the inconsistencies in the time-travel logic. I will not complain about the inconsistencies in the time-travel logic. I will not complain about the inconsistencies in the time-travel logic.

“How could they have let things get so bad?” Subtle, writer, real subtle.

A+ dystopia. Would experience again.

[alands9]

S3E11 Past Tense, Part I

There's an annual Symposium on the Situation in the Gamma Quadrant? So this is, what the second one?

You took the only warship defending DS9 on a trip to a symposium on Earth?

Is the zany Quark request going to have anything to do with anything?

2024? Something to look forward to in 6 years.

Military is a heck of a last name.

Dax is much quicker on her feet than Sisko and Bashir. She was coming up with plausible lies almost immediately.

Oh, if you add magic transporter to magic cloaking device, you get time travel!

A surge in temporal energy? Uh, huh.

Nothing says science fiction like the Mac OS 9 system font.

Go ahead and talk about the future in front of the locals. That won't mess with the time stream or anything.

I find the portrayed dystopian America depressingly plausible.

Even by the standards of 1995, that is a super retro looking computer.

This actor looks incredibly familiar. For some reason I want to say he was in Buckaroo Banzai across the 8th Dimension.

The idea that you would tune into a channel to get access to a database? That's incredibly retro.

San Francisco listing temperatures in Celsius by 2024? This is science fiction.

I want to hear more about what these riots were about. Or is it just generally that this place sucks?

I'm not surprised that the sanctuary residents could overpower the guards. They are sloppy as hell.

I'm so glad to know that Starfleet has a temporal displacement policy.

The setup for the episode was super doofy, but I'm actually really enjoying the dystopian future.

The doctor doesn't know about major political events in the 21st century, but it is familiar with the state of the 21st century Art psychiatric treatments?

So it was nosing around in Star Trek lore. About 20 years earlier where the Eugenics Wars, about 30 million people died. And 2 years later World War 3 starts, it will last decades, and 300 million people will die. So, cheery time.

Also, given that they're about to have a World War, I'm a little surprised that the riots would have a real impact on society. I'm guessing the writers just weren't aware of all the complicated back lore.

They're still using the beds of the Cardassian's installed? That's not something they could replicate nicer ones of?

That's a pretty awesome outfit and hairdo you have, Dax.

Neo-Trotskiest?

I really want to see the two people who ended up with Sisko and Bashir’s clothing.

I'm not sure that CPR is the recommended treatment for being stabbed in the gut.

I'm also a little surprised that de facto law enforcement was not created by the people in the sanctuary.

Oops, famous person got accidentally killed early.

Might contaminate the timeline? I think that leaving three people in the past might contaminate the timeline.

Oops, looks like the timeline is already trashed.

Why weren't we affected by the time when changes? Magic. It's always magic.

My wife guessed that Sisko is going to play the role of the man who saved the hostages. We're definitely setting that up.

So in the end is Sisko going to be beamed out and people are going to assume that Bell died?

[alands9]

S3E10 Fascination

Real life voice cracking action.

Jake got dumped, didn't he?

So you didn't give her the earring as a going-away present, Jake? I guess you are a teenager.

Sisko dadding remains awesome.

“Oh, believe me, I'm looking forward to Keiko and Molly's visit as much as you are.” “That I'm a poor substitute for your wife.” Bashir, this entire conversation is making me very uncomfortable.

You know, O'Brien, I'm pretty sure you can take some leave yourself. Bajor is not that far away. You can go visit your wife and daughter.

Odo, are you putting the moves on Kira?

Based on his reaction to being reminded that she has a boyfriend, yes.

Spontaneous unexpected young child vomit, I know it well.

Oh, and Lwaxana, the infinite source of helpfulness.

Nice hat, though.

Wait, last time she was on DS9 she was macking on Odo. I hope that everybody involved remembers that.

Oh, Lwaxana is the reason Keiko’s trip was so bad. That just feels like a repurposed mother-in-law joke.

Lwaxana’s first stop: Odo. Eeeeexcellent.

Kira, why did you totally lay down in let's-have-sexytimes position if you were almost immediately going to get up to go deal with work?

Keiko, the brown velvet catsuit with brown brocade vest is very retro.

Miles, you're biffing this. Badly. Tell your wife to take a nap. Of course, the part where she believes you're going to have a snit because of her nap, sugggests that maybe the problem is deeper.

You know it's science fiction because the juggler is juggling glowsticks.

If it's a Bajoran Festival, why is only some of the ceremony done in the Bajoran Language?

it's called a Gratitude Festival, but appears to be more about forgiveness and moving on. That seems wrong.

As promised in the previous episode, Dax’s spots to appear to go all the way down.

Oh my, Dax and Kira’s boyfriends are making lovie-dovie eyes at each other.

Apparently bad headaches are going around? Lwaxana’s empathy is running backward, isn't it? Lots of bad decisions are about to be made, aren't they?

Jake is the first winner in the romance bad idea bear sweepstakes.

Morn!

And apparently Kira’s boyfriend is the second winner.

Odo, are you high?

Based on the headache, is Dax the next winner?

Quark, you're reduced to hawking trinkets?

The survey is going to take another two or three months? Who's paying for this?

Someone in the comments suggested that Keiko and Miles broke up. I can definitely see it. Maybe this is just a temporary stress flare-up, but this does not look good.

I also remain baffled that Molly went with Keiko. Because we're really emphasizing how incredibly swamped with work Keiko is.

Oh, derp, of course, is this another side effect of Lwaxana.

Sisko, Jake's problem is a little worse than just a rebound crush.

Why is Quark still single? Because he obviously has an alien fetish. Although, I suppose, it seems like every ferengi has an alien fetish. In which case I guess it's not a fetish?

So Quark is just handing out free stuff now? Not even trying to liquidate at a discount, just giving them away? That seems out of character.

“We are the only people here.” I literally just saw an extra walk by in the background.

Sisko, civilian clothes and a com badge? I’d say it made sense because you're kind of always on duty, but you’ve previously worn civilian clothes and not bothered with the com badge.

Okay, he was wearing the combadge so he would have an easy way to call the doctor.

Also, props to Sisko for immediately realizing that something was very, very wrong, and going to see Bashir.

Sisko, you're going to have to be firmer about this. She is your direct subordinate. I'm hoping / praying that there is some Starfleet rule against dating your direct reports.

That is a cute stuffed warthog.

I got the impression that leaving Starfleet was more than just a matter of leaving a letter of resignation.

Are Bashir and Kira about to start making out?

Apparently yes.

Is Lwaxanas telepathy not working, because she's reflecting off of Odo?

That's the red dress they made such a big deal about earlier? I'm not sure I agree with the assessment that it is unusually tight.

The O’Briens have made up, but not really addressed the core conflict. Indeed Keiko rejected Miles��s offer, which would have (sort of) addressed it.

This would have been a pure comedy episode, except for the O'Briens’ marriage meltdown. It's probably stronger for it, but let's see if they can actually land it.

Yep, nothing resolved. Are we going to get back to the O'Brien's marriage problems, or just pretend that they didn't happen?

[alands9]

S3E09 Defiant

Riker? Riker!

Wait, in one episode of Next Generation Riker referred to Quark owing him, is that an actual reference to something that happens in this episode?

Riker has a grudge against O'Brien? The hells?

Something is wrong. Is this really Riker? Shapeshifter?

Well, I called that something was wrong mere moments before things went wrong.

I'm not sure space has Badlands.

It's post-apocalyptic Ryker? I assumed we were never going to see him again! This pleases me immensely! http://alanstng.tumblr.com/post/172847891335/s6e24-second-chances

How did post-apocalyptic Riker get Riker’s command code? Did Riker just never change it? Of course people blurt out their command codes in front of everybody else like it's nothing, so maybe he just listened.

We previously established that Sisko is in charge of the Federation shipyard. However that he would be involved in the design of a ship seems a bit of a stretch.

Sisko, I'm pretty sure weaknesses and vulnerabilities are synonyms. You don't need to offer them both.

I feel like Cardassia has incentive to keep the Defiant active. I don't think they want the Dominion on their front door, and would prefer that the Federation be a buffer.

Come to think of it, isn't there a Romulan owned cloaking device on the ship that just got stolen? I expect the Romulans to be super pissed about that.

I see the Cardassians apply the “you need to step over the door frame” design to their home bases as well, not just Deep Space Nine.

I'm seeing a flaw in your plan Sisko. You're going to be handing the Cardassians valuable military intel on your cutting edge warships.

Ah, we get the details of the Romulan/Federation deal. Loaning the cloaking device in exchange for limits on its use and intel from the gamma quadrant seems reasonable.

So what exactly is post-apocalyptic Riker’s end game?

“Order all warships in the sector to converge on the Defiant.” That's what post-apocalyptic Riker wants, isn't it? Everyone focus on the big shiny distraction while the rest of the Maquis accomplishes something else.

Cardassian outposts break awfully easily. A freaking mining station had better shields.

If it's that easy to figure out the weakness in the cloaking shield and correct for it, why didn't they the first time?

This is why even on a warship you should have some dedicated brig space. Or the very least, keep someone watching her.

You're on the cusp of war, but no reason you shouldn't bond as fathers.

I guess Dukat’s not in a bonding mood.

How does the Maquis have Intel irom deep inside of their hated enemy’s space?

Riker, you don't need to whisper, everybody here is Maquis.

Terrorists don't get to be heroes? You literally did an episode about a famous terrorist who was a hero to all of Bajor.

Obsidian Order lady is about to order Dukat to not send anyone to the totally abandoned sector which certainly doesn’t hold a secret military shipyard, isn't she?

We’ve got about 10 minutes left in the episode, and the final arc seems incredibly clear. The Defiant will successfully lure a bunch of Cardassian warships to see the top secret military shipyard, which will give the Central Command the leverage they need to rein in the Obsidian Order.

Is this the end of post-apocalyptic Riker? I genuinely don't know.

I remain incredibly confused by these burst fire phasers. That's not how they've ever worked in the past, except on the Defiant.

I kind of like that post-apocalyptic Riker was attempting suicide by Cardassian.

Despite Dukat’s belief, they are totally going to open fire on their own people, aren't they?

Or not.

Ugh, post-apocalyptic Riker, didn't you promise you were going to stay faithful to Troi?

Leaving aside the question of how the Maquis got information that the Cardassian military wasn't able to get, that was a pretty awesome episode, and a pretty great send-off for post-apocalyptic Riker.

[alands9]

S3E08 Meridian

Given that Odo doesn't have internal organs, yes, I expect his attempting to eat something would be very messy.

It may be centuries into the future, but women still need to pretend to have a boyfriend to convince other men to leave them alone.

So was the planet cloaked, or did it just arrive from another place or dimension?

Sisko sitting in a captain's chair still feels a bit like a betrayal of the series’s premise.

Not cloaked, I guess.

Alternate dimension it is.

Quark’s friend is still there? Does this mean that Kira and Odo are going to have to keep pretending to be lovers? Snicker.

He wants a holosuite program of Kira? That is super creepy. Barclay levels of creepy.

If the planet is going to functionally cease existing, you could move. There's only 30 of you.

You're going to try and stabilize the planet? There are only 30 of them. Evacuate.

The yellow feathery things near their eyes keep making me think they're a type of bird.

Morn! Morn? Oh, you were just teasing me with Morn. No actual Morn for me.

“We both know this is just a harmless little walk.” To have some harmless little sex.

Nice use of coliage and Camera motion to conceal the fact that they didn't really climb very high up. They're like eight feet off the ground.

Come, sit with me in the astroturf.

You're going to build a house right here? I think the golf course would object.

There is no way that Dax is getting a stable boyfriend at this point in the series. I wonder what's going to go wrong?

What dark mysterious things does Dax's lover need to deal with?

This is all building towards Kira substituting herself for her holodoppelganger, isn't it? And she will be unpleasant in some way, at the very least insulting, perhaps physically violent. Hilariously, I suspect that that may actually please Quark’s customer.

I'm dubious that Quark was throwing his games of Tongo to Dax. There were several other players at that table, and I find it unlikely that they’d take a loss just to help Quark get laid.

The dimensional shift managers to transform and preserve literally an entire planet. I'm dubious the Dax to some special snowflake that cannot be transformed.

Dax, you're still in the infatuation stage of a relationship. It's a little early for you to be modifying your quantum matrix for someone else.

Dax, I think you're supposed to wait for approval of your leave of absence before you actually leave.

Is the planet going to preemptively disappear, eliminating the dilemma?

If Quark thinks that a private individual owning a holosuite is an impressive show of wealth, it suggests Quark is doing better than he occasionally complains. He owns multiple holosuites. That's a pretty impressive investment.

I was pretty confident in my guess. I was wrong. They just rewrote Quark’s program while he wasn't paying attention.

Poor Bashir is having to confront the fact that he's never going to get inside Dax’s pants. Not that he ever was going to, he's just having to confront the fact.

I'm incredibly curious how we are getting Dax out of the situation?

Why would the people fade out before the planet?

So, plot thwarted by magic?

[alands9]

S3E07 Civil Defense

This is why you should have just wiped the hard drive, not tried to delete files individually.

The setup is a little silly, but I find it entertaining that they got caught by an old anti-riot system.

How does Odo know that they're having problems with the security codes? He's in his office. He wasn't looped into the conversation.

Why would the warning videos be played throughout the station? You don't want to alert other Bajoran workers that some of them are revolting.

If their sweep upon taking control the station fail to find deadly poison gas canisters, I'm not sure they're qualified to run DS9.

This is like one of those cartoons that saves money on animation by just following the pipe and playing sounds.

Like proper television in movie poison gas, it's very opaque. I'm a bit disappointed that it's white, looking like theater smoke, instead of green as is traditional.

I respect the multiple layers of defenses they had against a rebellion. Although based on what we know happened in the past, they weren't so good against sabotage and assassination.

I kind of hope you would know where you are.

Maybe ask O'Brien to move first, then point the gun?

You can just rip the handle off of a minecart with your bare hands? Sisko, you’re Superman.

Even if Garak can't take anybody else with him, something I'm not sure is true, he can still move things and information around. That seems useful.

If the existence of the Dominion killed off most of the traffic and visitors to Deep Space Nine, I think the revelation that the station may just try to kill everybody will drive off the rest. Which is a bits of a shame, as I find the plot very amusing. I like the the idea of the Cardassians considering various contingencies and trying to automate as much of the response as possible.

There's a display in the ore loading section?

The replicators can replicate deathbots. Excellent.

To make it clear how serious the threat is, we're totally just going to kill this extra.

I was a little worried this was going to be Deus Ex Dukat, but we're only at the halfway point of the episode. There's plenty of opportunity for this to go sideways. More sideways?

Apparently there are 2,000 people aboard the station right now. Interesting.

There we go, things going extra sideways. Dukat trapped by his own hubris.

I'm not sure how you're going to get electricity out of the fiber optic cable, O'Brien, but sure, let's go for it.

I would expect the first few explosions of the explosive rocks to blast the remaining rocks around the room at which point they would explode. The end result would be blood jam all over the walls. I expect what's actually going to happen if they will inexplicably all explode simultaneously.

Okay, I did not see that coming. The magic explosive rocks just kind of fell over and a hole appeared.

Are we going to solve the problems with technobabble? That will be a bit disappointing.

Odo, not everything is about you. Securing your prison cells extra thoroughly seems like a good idea.

Starfleet uniforms have tear-away sleeves so you can use them as emergency gloves?

I feel like we deserved a denouement with Dukat, not Odo and Quark.

[alands9]

S3E06 The Abandoned

It sure seems like people have winning streaks at Dabo quite frequently. Maybe Quark needs to pick a better gambling game.

Oh my, we have a specific person who is Jake's student/maybe-girlfriend Dabo girl.

She's good at her job. I hope she's getting paid well, given her ability to rope a winner into playing another round so he loses.

Nice dress.

Bwahahahahaha. Sisko invited Jake's girlfriend to dinner.

I remain baffled at this relationship. Jake is what, 16? I would guess she was in her early 20s. That's a bit beyond my uncomfortable cut off. He may be very smart, but he is still a kid.

I guess she is an alien, she could be space 16. Although that makes Quark employing her for her sex appeal more uncomfortable.

Quark found Kal-El!

His cells are dividing at an usually fast rate? He's going to grow to adulthood in the space the episode, isn't he? Or at least two teenager-hood.

Thyroid or hypothalamic problems? Who says this species even has those?

Even space babies get bumpy head prosthetics.

As someone who wishes he was in bed asleep, sitting here comforting a baby who refuses to sleep, I'm not really feeling Sisko's reminiscing about Jake as an infant.

Surly teenager is surly.

Wow, I can hear Jake's actor's voice cracking, just a bit. Realism! :-)

Called it. Kal-El is already 12 or so.

He picked up space English awfully quickly.

Okay, Jake's inexplicable girlfriend is 20. I'm still not comfortable with it.

I'm glad to see that Sisko isn't comfortable with it either.

Jake was saying that the dinner was going to be great because of his father's cooking. But his father is going to be using the replicator. What's going on? If Sisko is just going to replicate raw ingredients, for that he could easily borrow someone else's replicator.

What in the world are you building, Odo?

Your room is is pretty cool, Odo.

You don't know why somebody experimenting with mad science genetic engineering would intentionally add a kill switch to their creations? You lack imagination, Bashir.

I wonder if this is before or after Monsanto created the Terminator Gene.

Grows incredibly fast, but has a built-in kill switch? Jem'hadar is a pretty good explanation.

You want to know what's going on, Sisko? I thought it was pretty obvious. Odo was experimented on and studied when he was young. He finds the thought of doing it to another sentient being horrifying.

He's addicted to something that he's never been exposed to? Or in his younger stages did he automatically generate it and then his body stopped doing so? Either way it doesn't seem like a great solution, because if he can get past the withdrawal stages, it will break the kill switch. it seems more practical to just build in something his body needs, but cannot produce.

Odo you are very much not the ambassador for smiles.

Seriously Jake, save the make-out session for when your dad is not there.

Somehow I didn't realize that she's bajoran.

“It's amazing how some people will judge you on nothing more than your job.” Real subtle, writer.

You started with to milligrams per minute, then went to 3 CC's? You know those aren't the same type of thing, right?

I'm not sure I would have launched right into video of his people killing.

Kira, the jem’hadar were not just created to kill. That's space racist. They were created to do a whole host of tasks related violence and force.

Starfleet will force an adult sentient being to be a test subject. These are the “good guys.”

Jem'hadar have built-in cloaking shields?

Using the transporters for tactical maneuvers. I'm glad to see it.

Is this the Dominion's Hugh of Borg story?

[alands9]

S3E05 Second Skin

Quark wanders around looking for customers who are late for appointments? I kind of assumed he had a policy of charging even if they didn't show up.

Yes, Kira, it might be better to do it in real life, but the holosuite doesn't require you to travel for several days to do it. You can do it over your lunch break. There are some advantages there.

You're researching a prison and wanted to interview someone who was there for 7 days. I would think somebody who spent a longer time there might be a better resource.

Ominous person watching from above for no particular reason.

Wow, the inexplicable record is mysterious, but simple error explains it satisfactorily, and there's no particular reason to do it in the first place. We'll see if they can pull off good explanation.

When they pulled this silly stunt with Troi on Next Generation, surprise turning her into a Romulan, I seem to remember being a pretty entertaining episode. We'll see how they do here.

I think it might make more sense to restore the person's memories, then restore their body. Doing it the other way around seems likely to cause more psychological harm.

This entire infiltration plan makes a lot of sense, except for the part where there's no way to get any benefit out of it. If the person is so brainwashed they genuinely believe they're part of the Bejoran resistance, they are part of the Bajoran resistance.

Any questions? I would ask how this insane plan was supposed to work.

They're running the exact same loop on Cardassia Prime’s public address system that they ran last season. That's just terrible propaganda. People will tune it out if you don't change it up.

It really is her? I might be more wary a physical appearances given that you can apparently change people between bajoran and cardassian well enough to get past a medical scan.

Hypothesis: they attempted to replace the real Kira, but somehow failed. The undercover agent was in the prison, and the fellow prisoner who thought she had died was correct. The undercover agent died. So this really was an attempt at an extraction, but they extracted the wrong person.

“Commander, this is extortion.” “Mmm, yes, it is.” I love you, Sisko.

Do be careful not to burn your source, Sisko.

I'm going to hope that the questions he's asking are really just primers, and not what they actually care about. Because the information he's asking about, is trivially available.

I still stand by my theory, but Kira’s body is a little harder to integrate. Of course, my theory does assume that the Cardassians are being reasonably honest with her, which may be an unrealistic assumption.

How do you confuse a cat with a cardassian?

What is on this damn recording? The show is made such a big deal out of it, but it seems like what the recording would be is pretty self-evident.

I was under the impression that Bajor wasn't actually that big of a deal for the Cardassian empire. But this episode is giving me the impression that this was their Afghanistan, their Vietnam, their quagmire.

You give her new hair. Why didn't you give her the hair she had before she left on her mission?

I'm baffled that they thought that the shield trick was going to work. Inevitably, interceptions are done at visual range in this universe.

Why does Garak still have a valid security code?

Why does Kira look shell-shocked?

Given that this episode has literally just shown us the ability to fake looking like someone else, I don't know why the recording would be terribly convincing.

She's holding her hands in the wrong position to be framing herself in the mirror. She's doing it to frame herself for the camera.

Okay, this elaborate plot to take down a member of the central command? That's a pretty good plot.

Nice use of the shapeshifter in your tactics.

While I appreciate the desire to have a dramatic scene, this is yet another situation where they should have stunned first and asked questions later.

[alands9]

S3E04 Equilibrium

You eat Klingon food, Bashir, how are you put off by beets?

As cold opens go, Sisko cooks dinner and Dax plays a space piano isn't the most gripping.

Normally someone's personality radically changing is a sign that we're going to do another possession episode. But I don't think that's what's going on here. I hope we do get a good explanation.

Okay, I'm betting on mind control.

I don't suppose Da will have the common sense to see the doctor.

By the Prophets, she did!

The only major trauma was the shuttle accident? What about a season ago when Dax was transplanted twice in the span of the day? I gather that was pretty traumatizing. Maybe only psychologically, but the problem does appear to be psychological.

The trill homeworld? Doesn't it have a name?

You're taking the defiant? The warship stationed there as a defensive measure? Aren't the runabouts good enough for this?

Enjoy your bed with absolutely no sheets.

So 20 minutes into the episode and mostly we've been spooky and mysterious. But I don't feel any progress has happened.

If they're not used to visitors, I would expect them to find the visitors distracting, not their jobs.

These people devote their lives to caring for the symbiotes, and the only one that they happen to stumble across is super cranky about his job.

If the Guardians are freaking symbiote whisperers, why isn't consulting them part of the standard treatment?

Place the records side-by-side? Given that one of the records entirely amounts to a name and date of birth and date of death?

“Federation Starbase Deep Space Nine?” Could have sworn it was Bajoran.

You found it plausible that your brother would murder someone in a fit of rage? Clearly the trill symbiotes program has terrible psychological and background checks.

So there was a joining with this weird composer dude, possibly one that wasn't supposed to happen, Dax was removed from the composer dude, which killed him, and they rewrote Dax’s memories to hide it?

I kind of like the massive Trill conspiracy. I'm willing to let it slide that's implausible. Too many people are involved.

I see the Jadzia has worn her nicest baptism robes.

So did the other trill actually murder the doctor? Or was it just an elaborate cover-up and sullying the poor guy's name? That seems kind of important.

Okay, finally, a Trill episode that didn't irritate the hell out of me.

[alands9]

S3E03 The House of Quark

Morn!

Morn is getting laid tonight!

“With bar business especially slow, Rom complains to Quark that their only customer, a Klingon named Kozak, says he's out of money.” we're not even 2 minutes into the episode, haven't even seen the opening credits, and we are already past that point in the story. Whoever is writing these teasers is just killing me.

You took the time to load him onto a stretcher? Why?

Keiko, why are you swabbing your bonsai with a cotton ball on the end of a stick and a tiny translucent dildo?

I find it hard to get into Keiko plots. She really needs more screen time.

How was the disreputable drunkard the head of powerful Klingon family?

“It's not about profit anymore.” Quark, you’re Ferengi, you had one job.

Angry Klingon grabs Quark and accuses him of killing his brother. Cut to commercial. I'm willing to bet said Klingon is quite happy.

Or he could be hoping that Quark killed him you glorious battle. I'm claiming a half hit on that.

An honorable death requires no vengeance? I'm pretty sure we've seen Klingons seek vengeance over nominally honorable deaths.

I'm not sure how many fireworks there's going to be after you gorged yourself and all that food.

Quark, learn to lock your doors when you are closed.

We have established that they can detect transporter activity on the station. it seems like maybe they should be monitoring for any unexpected transporter activity, since it could very easily be a security issue. Clearly they don't.

Bwahahahaha, Quark’s getting a shotgun marriage, isn't he? It's kind of stupid, but if anybody deserves this idiocy, it's Quark.

“It's kind of private.” “Wife problems, chief?” Which part of “kind of private” was confusing, Dax?

“If one empty cargo bay makes Keiko happy, it was worth it.” As solutions go, I don't think that scales to the entire crew.

Also, this kind of presumes that Keiko wants to run an arboretum. She's a scientist, not a gardener. I'm not entirely sure that's going to fly.

I appreciate the Klingon political judo here. It's simultaneously feels clever and very, very Klingon.

I like the Klingon woman. She is amusing.

I like the episodes in which Quark is reasonably good at his job: schmoozing, wheeling, and dealing.

Miles, I think that designing the arboretum on your own is kind of missing the entire point. Keiko should be involved.

By the Prophets, Bashir is actually providing useful advice.

It is worryingly easy to kidnap people from DS9.

Go Quark! We need more episodes where Quark gets to be competent!

You're going to take Molly on a research expedition? She's not really old enough to manage yourself. That doesn't seem very practical.

A six-month expedition? This kind of feels like more of an attempt to write Keiko out of the story for a while than anything else.

[alands9]

S3E02 The Search, Part II

I'm going to charitably assume that they're trying to emulate Odo to make him comfortable. Because the idea that they all just happened to look the same as him is just sad.

Odo, I will support your staying home with your weird shapeshifter family, just promise to never make that creepy smiling face again.

Given the amount of tension that they're setting up, there is no way that the person opens that door is going to be Jem'Hadar.

Called it.

“Solids.” That would be slur is either incredibly brilliant or incredibly stupid.

What's the point of having an airlock if you're going to open both doors simultaneously?

Blam, the Founders show up all the sudden? This is too good to be true. Therefore it isn't. It also makes me wonder about Odo finding home.

Part of why this is too good to be true is that apparently a whole bunch of exciting stuff happened off screen.

I don't think that this species really is the Founders. They're still a puppet of some sort.

I’d take your threats of war from the Romulans more seriously, except you're a bridge rank officer, and apparently you're going to spout your threats off at random people in the hallway.

All hell broke loose but he managed to save his bucket?

The Federation was considering dealing with the Romulans through sheer force with their new allies? Something is super hinky.

“Changeling” was meant as an insult but you took it for your own? Wait, are changeling is crypto gays?

Your exploration strategy was to launch infants into space? Interesting.

You show two humans melting together, you get an X rating. But two shape shifters melting together and apparently it's TV-PG.

“Why would shapeshifters need a door?” That is a darn good question.

Yet again, humans are the only ones interested in being polite in the first contact situation. Everyone else is allowed to be a jackass.

Super, super hinky.

Odo was an Arbazan vulture. which by amazing coincidence looks exactly like in Earth vulture.

So I don't think we're doing hallucinations/holodeck. We might be doing mind control, but it doesn't seem to fit with the Dominions tactics. So I think we're doing every species in the Alpha Quadrant is carrying the idiot ball simultaneously. And I'm betting that before the episode has ended, the treaty will have been shown to be a sham, and everything will return to vaguely normal.

No way is Garak dead. That increases the likelihood of hallucination/holodeck.

Is this some sort of test to verify that the humans are crazy enough to destroy the wormhole rather than strike a deal with the Dominion?

I'm not sure you can really have an attack pattern with a single ship.

So, yes, it was a test.

Okay, the changelings being the Founders is a pretty good plot twist.

So do I need to learn the romulan’s name or was she a one shot? I'm pretty sure the Defiant is a recurring ship.

Okay, I forgive how incredibly hinky everything was, they landed that twist reasonably well.

[alands9]

S3E01 The Search, Part I

Given how incredibly little information you have on the Jem’Hadar (truly outrageous)!, how are you running simulations?

There must be something you've overlooked? You know, sometimes there aren't winning moves.

I see Dax got new, extra ridiculous hair this season.

The Next Generation made a huge deal about how the Federation agreed to not create cloaking devices in a treaty with the Romulans. So what's up with the Federation ship with the cloaking device?

Come to think of it, decloaking right next to the station kind of gives away the existence of your shiny new tech to a huge number of people visiting the station.

Okay, I guess they made a deal with the Romulans. I'm surprised they didn't insist on Romulan guards from cloaking device.

So they found space to install a conference room?

I'm incredibly curious where the Odo plot is going. We did the dance about is he trusted enough to be head of security before, but not much came of it.

Sisko has a significant collection of ancient, and implicitly rare, artifacts? I guess like Picard his hobby is looting archaeological sites.

I feel like the costume designer is trying to make Jake look even doofier then last season.

Sisko, I'm pretty sure the person you actually want is the Ferengi woman. She was the real force in that contract negotiation.

“Now, there's no way you can legally force me to do this.” Poor Quark does not understand dramatic irony.

Sisko is such a great troll.

You wanted to let the commander know that the Defiant would be ready at the time he told you to have it ready by? Performance Review: Jadzia Dax: Meets expectations.

Starfleet ran probability studies on this mission? For the probability that they would penetrate an Empire of unknown size with unknown defenses to find unknown leadership with unknown goals and who may not exist? Those are some impressive studies.

Seriously, Dax, is that hair, or some sort of safety helmet?

Starfleet built a ship, a warship, that did not contain a full copy of the latest medical research? Data is small. That's just incompetent.

Why is the Romulan doing anything other than babysitting the cloaking device?

So we're only on season 3, and we felt the need to give them a serious starship? Feels a bit like they're betraying the premise of the show.

So we're taking basically the entire command staff of Deep Space Nine because... reasons? I mean obviously because they're the main characters of the show, but that doesn't seem like a good idea in-world.

I guess it's a good thing that the Dominion didn't have someone guarding the other side of the wormhole to watch you activate your cloaking device.

Most of the crew quarters don't have “life supports.” What does that even mean?

Bashir, as a regular visitor to Quark's Bar, maybe don't insult the guy who can spit in your drink.

Odo gets snippy when he hasn't had his liquid time, doesn't he?

There is no way they're getting detected this early in the pair of episodes. They're just trying to create false tension.

I assume Odo inexplicably recognizes something about the strange nebula? I assume this is some sort of clue about his origin.

Why would you leave a relay station on a planet? Orbit seems far more effective.

This is some sort of trap, isn't it?

Last time we saw the Jem’Hadar their ships were firing bursts, not beam weapons. What changed?

Poor red shirt.

And now the Federation ship is firing burst weapons. Nothing makes sense any more!

Seriously, having a Romulan act as command crew, where she can carefully study your cutting-edge worship, seems like a mistake.

They beamed on board with rifles of some sort, but proceeded to charge with the intent of attacking with the butt of the weapon? Are they Jem’Hadar, or Klingons?

Why did the Jem'Hadar let a shuttlecraft escape?

How can you have a class M planet not orbiting a star? I kind of assumed that class M implied a certain amount of solar energy.

How does this planet have trees?

Suspiciously rendered ocean is suspicious.

I feel like the Odo Finds His Home story deserved to be stretched out over a few episodes. More rumors and chasing leads.

[alands9]

S2E26 The Jem’Hadar

I'm glad you're excited, Jake, but that science experiment is super boring.

“I bet we'll have a great time,” he said, foreshadowing disaster.

Morn!

Billboards will triple your profits? If that's true, I think you might have deeper problems.

Poor Morn.

Sisko’s civilian wear is every bit as dorky as Jake's.

Wow, Jake really sprouted like a bean pole, didn't he? The joys of actors in puberty, I guess.

It seems a little weird that Sisko was planning on going for a jaunt to the Gamma Quadrant with him is the sole adult/pilot.

Jake, I get why you're going to bat for Nog. He’s your friend. But why in the world are you going to bat for Quark?

You're going to do your planetary survey by wandering around on the ground? Not by just scanning from space? Is this just an excuse for a camping trip?

So for their first day's work they waved a tricorder at a few things? I'm not sure this is much better than measuring the roots of plants.

Fire, bad?

Lolwut? Who the heck are you?

Jem’Hadar! They're truly outrageous! Truly, truly, truly outrageous!

Your name is Eris? That has unfortunate but awesome implications.

Your entire planet had only one communication center?

Why in the world would you drop the security field and enter it? You can talk to them from other side.

“I hear the Klingons are effective warriors.” You clearly haven't been watching The Next Generation.

The pacing for this scene is atrocious. it feels less like they were interrupted by an unexpected from ship from the wormhole, and more like they were trying to read their lines without breathing.

So the Jem’Hadar have magic technology. I find that more tiresome than anything.

Ooh, a list of ships you've destroyed. You've been running around blowing up civilian ships? I'm not super impressed.

I might have opened with mentioning that you wiped out a colony. In some ways that's more impressive, or at least more terrifying.

Their magic extends to ignoring tractor beams. Of course it does. So tiresome.

I wouldn't get so smug about not having slavery, Quark, given that you functionally hold your women in that state.

I was curious about your plan, Jake, where you were going to disable the autopilot, then ask the autopilot to fly you home. I'm glad to know that the computer remembered that that doesn't work.

“Starfleet's orders are simple, traffic through the wormhole will be suspended...” Ummm, it's not Starfleet's wormhole to close. Are we just going to blow over this whole Bajoran sovereignty thing?

So again, why wasn't there a presence on the other side of the Wormhole?

So Jake and Nog’s Excellent Adventure had no particular point? They were just killing time until the adult showed up? Disappointing.

What is attack formation and what other formations are there?

You are literally at the very start of a fight, and you're giving them 10 minutes to faff about? You expect the fight to last longer than 10 minutes? What is this, the Monitor versus the Virginia?

Given how much they're having the shit kicked out of them, sticking around for 5 more minutes seems a bit over-optimistic.

Poor Quark’s actor, having to go jogging in that enormous prosthetic. I suspect it's very hot.

So the runabout beamed up the third stranger who was with them? No idea who they are or if the were friend or foe? Sigh

How exactly do you expect them to engage in evasive maneuvers if their systems are dead? Come to think of it, weren't they already engaging in evasive maneuvers? Or they just leaning back and forth for the fun of it?

So let's see, we saved four people at the cost of hundreds of people and a mind-bogglingly expensive worship. Good job everybody!

I don't know, I kind of expected more for the first appearance of the Dominion. It was a bit of a lackluster episode. It felt less like the stakes have been raised, and more like the writer was trying to impress me that the stakes have been raised.