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[alasdair-trench-blog]

Say Goodbye to Your Friends

Everything kept shifting. One second he was in control of himself and the next he wasn't. Alasdair was trying so hard to stay in control of himself and his actions. But the more he tried the worse everything got. He had picked up a few diffirent Hits on the side of his new duties. Thinking it would be a good way to clear his head. He was wrong, the smell of the blood when he was fiished made him sick for once. What was he doing? Killing people for? He didn't care about the persons life.... the problem was it made him realize how little of a life he had. Alasdair had nothing to be proud of. From killing his mother to going to juvey to being placed in bootcamp... nothing made him feel like it was worth it anymore. The onyl thing that had helped him before was Angel, she was everything to him, and a complete accident too. When she was around all of the bits and pieces were easier to control. Now that she has been gone for so long the closest thing to that he had was Branwen.  So what did Alasdair do? He beats him and forces him to have sex. Well... he doesn't so much force him anymore, sometimes it just happens or bran initiates it. But it was still really fucked up. So now that he had nothing except a broken relationship what was he doing besides ending lives? Nothing.  Alasdair drove home slowly going over his plans. He would write letters for everyone; one for his Mom, Dad, Bran, Angel and just a general goodbye. After that he would make dinner, a very nice one in fact.Maybe he would read over the notes and revise before taking the pills and having a final drink... Yeah that was what he was going to do. 

It was maybe an hour or two later though when he found himself staring at the pill bottle, still unopened. Letters were spread across the table and a large glass of whiskey was waiting for him. Everything had been quick and emotionless. Was he really going to do it? His eyes flashed to the phone. maybe he should call Bran. He owed him that much after all. As far as Alasdair had known he still lived in his apartment more then halfway across town. he didn't realize how close they were now. So after opening the bottle he cradled about 5 pills in his hand before dialing Branwen. Hearing him pick up he didn't realize how hoarse his own voice was, "Hey Branwen, got time to talk man?" Alasdair never before started a phonecall normally in his life.

[alasdair-trench-blog]

Journal 4: No homo I mean home

Home? What is home? Is it this big empty house full of material possessions? Is it the mop top with a garden in my basement? NO to all of the above.

I do not have a home, nor do I expect to get one. I don’t think I ever had a home to begin with. Just strange people making me do things every day. The only place that came close to being a home was boot camp. The everyday work outs, the drills, making us move and the best part was they taught me to be a soldier, how to kill. Back then it was easy, waking up each day having a routine being told what to do. That’s my favorite being forced into a schedule. I really hate having to find things to do by myself. Then I get bored, hungry for something. When I’m hungry is when the mischief starts.

Boot camp though. My only “home” I felt welcomed because when I was there everyone was treated the same. Nobody was lower than the other. We were all dirt and nothing could change that.

People are gross, humans are disgusting awful things. The worst creatures ever to roam this stupid planet. I hate everything about this place and therefore no I do not have a home. My only home if I ever get one will be somewhere that treats me for what I truly am. Another blood thirsty animal crawling around slithering in the dirt. 

[alasdair-trench-blog]

Journal 3: Butt Buddies

I have two relationships I could describe, but one you already know about. The second one? Yeah that one is a bit of a trick in itself. First of all let’s get this straight, I am straight. I will end up with a woman and enjoy sex and my life, if I don’t die first. Okay enough beating around the bush but the big secret is that Branwen and I are sort of fuck buddies.

When he first joined he was almost as broken as I had been. Except I didn’t care, in fact the idea of seeing someone as helpless as Bran excited me. It just sent chills through my veins. It started with me just harassing him each day. Following him around, showing him the ropes of the gang, you know normal stuff. Eventually I started just beating the shit out of him. Looking for something to just take all the aggression out on. It was thoroughly the worst thing I ever did, bringing him so close to death and just nursing him back to health. It was some kind of twisted game. Eventually it wasn’t enough for me. My twisted mind needed something more, something more meaningless.

Somehow it turned to sex. Angrily fulfilling sex. I took complete control and I’m not sure he enjoyed it at first. But, the sick fuck must have been screwing someone before, he wasn’t a virgin. That was for sure. Eventually I left him alone for a while, satiated with my blood thirsty tendencies. It didn’t last long though. Maybe a month.

When I came slithering back to him though he was stronger. Man it was a hell of a fight. We beat each other black and blue and well… I got respect for him now. He’s a really cool guy. We hang out and have sex on the occasion, but I refuse to be bottom. Shit ain’t happening man. But now we can talk and joke around, it isn’t so bad. Just without him I know I’d be out of line still. Hell I might of gotten myself killed if not for him. He’s one of the best things to happen to me, my best friend.

[alasdair-trench-blog]

Journal 2: What if

Well, a life changing event would be meeting Angel. But… I already talked about that. So instead I’ll talk about something else. Something that could happen but probably won’t happen.

If I found Angels daughter, you know and like adopted her or something then settled down with somebody nice pretty beautiful…. yeah that’d be great. Maybe I would be able to finally stop this killing thing. I mean like sometimes it’s from my job and others it’s like just a game to me. I just zone out. Get too involved. Anyways, back to life changing what ifs.

It’d be cool to have some kind of family again. Maybe it’d make me be able to have feelings again, ones that made sense. Instead of feelings that would leave me wondering what the hell I even try for each day. It would make me respect life more and the little things. I’d be happier, so much happier if I could have a family, people to love and care for. But at the same time? I think I would totally mess it up. Get them all killed due to my dark past just like angel… I wouldn’t be able to protect anyone.

That’s why I’ll probably be alone. I’m sick of all this blood on my hands.

[alasdair-trench-blog]

Alasdair rolled his eyes, "No, I forced it from him when he decided to just open a random bottle and pop a pill." Pushing past the two he still felt numb, or was it jealously? Sure as hell wasn't from ashton. He didn't have feelings for him and it was Ryan. perhaps it was the fact that they were so comfortable and able to be that close that sent a few pangs in his chest. He couldn't have that. Unlockign the closet he walked in and back out with ashtons backpack. Holding it awkwardly he tried to remain as detached as possible, "Here you go then."

An interesting turn of events

alasdair-trench:

There wasn’t even a beat between when Alasdair started talking and when Ashton was flipping him the bird over Ryan’s shoulders, not even glancing up to him. “You said you’d give me my back pack. Get it.” Maybe he was being a little sharp but, hell, he had a right to right now! Today had been shit and, while it was okay now, this still sucked. He’d probably lost a good four hundred and fifty dollars with that pill. Marked the bottle down by at least a thousand just by opening it. He’d have to make that up now.

[alasdair-trench-blog]

Alasdair had followed Ryan loosely despite the warning. He had his fingers crossed for the two of them. He didn't even know why, the relationshit really weirded him out. But... maybe it was the fact that his ended in a pool of blood and tears. Alasdair stood there watching them. Memories of small kisses and hugs and joking punches flashed before him and it made it hard for him to breath. He forced the detachment this time, spoke with a monotone voice, wolf grin spreading acroos his face his eyes almost bleak, "Glad it all worked out."

An interesting turn of events

The moment Ashton was against him, his arms were wrapped tightly around him. He’d never let go, never again. “I promise.” All the relief in the world washed over him as he buried his face in Ashton’s hair, squeezing his eyes shut as he kept his arms locked tightly around him. The past 5 hours had been hell. He had seen hell, and he didn’t like it. Not one bit. Ashton was his haven, and he’d never be so stupid to let go of him again.

[alasdair-trench-blog]

Alasdair nearly jumped out of his skin hearing Ryan downstairs. Throwing water onto his face he walked quickly out of the bathroom and unlocked the door. Figuring that Ashton wouldn't go downstairs by himself he moved to pick him up, then stopped. If he did that it would probably make things worse, "Don't tell Ryan what happened okay? I don't need that shit, in exchange I will let you just be free, sell how you want, I'll even give you your backpack back. Just Talk to him first." Hearing the knocking again he turned around and disappeared down the hallway. Going downstairs he opened the front door, "Hey Ryan, he's upstairs. Couldn't get him to move."

An interesting turn of events

Ryan was in the car - the crown vic he had fixed up and repainted - and over at Ashton and Alasdair’s place in a flash. Not because Alasdair had suggested it, but because of the SOS Ashton had sent him. What the hell did Alasdair do to freak him out so much? Besides lock him in his bedroom-… Oh fuck no. If he touched Ashton, he would die. Well, he couldn’t afford to lose Alasdair at the moment. He’d be in for a world of pain though. He parked - nerves kicking in now. The fuck would Ashton to say to him? He felt like such an idiot right now. He was an idiot. He suddenly felt like taking his time getting to the door, stretching and sighing and doing whatever he could to distract himself before painfully raising his hand and knocking on the door.

[alasdair-trench-blog]

Alasdair: Yup okay got it seeya soon

Texting Time

ryanhighkingleader:

alasdair: Naw he’ll be fine in fact I think it’d snap him out of his little daze. it’d be good for him you know just like see you? That way anything you want to yell at another can come out now. 

[alasdair-trench-blog]

alasdair: Naw he'll be fine in fact I think it'd snap him out of his little daze. it'd be good for him you know just like see you? That way anything you want to yell at another can come out now. 

Texting Time

ryanhighkingleader:

Alasdair: UH no I think it’d better to just you know come talk to him. Just get it over with, running away sounds like a bad idea. You should just dive first so it can just erase this whole kerfuffle. 

[alasdair-trench-blog]

Alasdair: UH no I think it'd better to just you know come talk to him. Just get it over with, running away sounds like a bad idea. You should just dive first so it can just erase this whole kerfuffle. 

Texting Time

ryanhighkingleader:

alasdair: Uh, yeah sure but you should come here you know talk to him. Maybe set things straight. Or you know gay whichever works for you

[alasdair-trench-blog]

alasdair: Uh, yeah sure but you should come here you know talk to him. Maybe set things straight. Or you know gay whichever works for you

Texting Time

ryanhighkingleader:

Alasdair: Oh so that was you texting? He’s really not himself havent heard a smart ass remark once from him. Well I just gave him his phone back so maybe he will text you?

[alasdair-trench-blog]

Alasdair: Oh so that was you texting? He's really not himself havent heard a smart ass remark once from him. Well I just gave him his phone back so maybe he will text you?

Texting Time

Ryan: I sent him a text already. He hasn’t answered yet. I really fucked up. How is he doing?

[alasdair-trench-blog]

He handed him the phone before slightly shaking his head, "I was... I'm sorry ashton... do you want me to take you to your moms house? Anywhere? I'm that was so shitty of me...." It wasn't like being around Bran, to just pull the other into a random kiss and have a quick fuck to satiate himself. This was a kid who was already feeling shitty and he probably just made it ten times worse. He set the phone down quietely before locking the closet again and going into the bathroom and closing the door behind him. Ashton would have to come get him to get out but Alasdair didn't know if it was a good idea... He grabbed his phone and tested Ryan, 'You and that kid need to talk.' Maybe he was making things worse but he didn't care. Maybe he could get Ryan to come and talk to Ashton there. With Alasdair nearby to watch out for them.

A week to learn

Ashton didn’t know what to do, really, as his mind was still working over what had just happened. What was Alasdair saying? Did he care? He grabbed his phone and clutched it to him, not even in glancing at the screen as he sat up and watched Alasdair move around. “Open the door. I’ll sleep in the living room.” He wanted out. It was… Shocking, he supposed, the run of this all, but he couldn’t exactly think through anything when he was this close to someone. Especially someone like… Well. 

[alasdair-trench-blog]

That bite did the trick in bringing him back down. Making a bit of a wounded dog sound he flew off of Ashton covering his face. "I'm sorry I'm... I have mowmnts I'm sorry... Just this means you really like Ryan right? Or that you hate me... Dot worry kid no feelings just... I don't know." Getting up he got the keys out and unlocked the closet grabbing Ashton's phone, "I Stan by my word that you won't get your backpack but fine here's your phone." Alasdair was still rubbing his nose, it would probably be bruised, "I'm sorry." It was weird being him not knowing how to work his emotions in any way.

Alasdair groaned a bit at him kicking him. At this point it was just nice to have a body beneath him… In fact it was really nice. Something possessed Alasdair as he planted a passive aggressive kiss onto Ashton’s stubborn lips. They were soft, softer then he thought they’d...

[alasdair-trench-blog]

Alasdair groaned a bit at him kicking him. At this point it was just nice to have a body beneath him... In fact it was really nice. Something possessed Alasdair as he planted a passive aggressive kiss onto Ashton's stubborn lips. They were soft, softer then he thought they'd be. Wait what was he doing again? It was happening again, it was like watching himself from far away. Yelling at his body to stop but it just wouldn't. He watched as his body pressed further against Ashton, as his hands went down the boys sides like spiders. He hated himself so much, but whatever disorder Alasdair had that caused these out of body moments couldn't be helped.

Alasdair let out a small laugh, “You are on probation kid. No work until noon when im awake enough to watch you do your shit. Probation. No worky. Just sleep.” THe nails in his sides though sent a weird chill through him. The mere thought of somebody touching him like that…...

[alasdair-trench-blog]

Alasdair let out a small laugh, "You are on probation kid. No work until noon when im awake enough to watch you do your shit. Probation. No worky. Just sleep." THe nails in his sides though sent a weird chill through him. The mere thought of somebody touching him like that... well it wasn't a bad thought. "Careful I like to be kicked and scratched." Sure he was sleepy but now he was just being an ass on purpose. Pulling the blanekts around them he cocooned them. Hugging Ash so tight that there was barely room for movement, "Shhh just sleep."

A week to learn

"I can’t!" Ashton groaned and shoved against Alasdair, digging his nails into his sides as he tried to roll out from under him. "Gotta answer. Client, maybe. Work." Even if his hands and feet still had the pins and needles, Ashton was wide awake now that this want wasn’t satisfied. The clock finally focused, a bright 9:49 PM barely illuminating the room. A few hours of sleep and now a text. This would either be clients or family.

[alasdair-trench-blog]

Alasdair grumbled again. Interrupting his sleep was a definite no go. It'd be easier to just give him the code but then he'd just leave. He wasn't even sure if Ashton had heard something or if he was just using it as a reason to go.When he moved the blanket he let out a rather agitated noise. Quickly moving to grab Ashton he laid on top of him pinning him down. "Shut the hell up and just sleep." Going dead weight he sorta just started to fall asleep on the boy.

A week to learn

Ashton furrowed his brow down to him. No. No, he was getting that phone. “Important. One ping.” He grumbled, lightly shoving at Alasdair’s side. However, when he found it was providing no response, he reached over, untucking the blankets from his other side, and pushing again. “Code to box. I’ll get my phone myself ‘nd you sleep.”