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Look for the Light - Part 9
Masterlist
Summary: Four years ago, Joel saved you from certain death. In return, you followed him faithfully. Always ready to do and give him whatever he asked, despite the hurt it inflicted on you, body and soul. Agreeing to go with him to deliver Ellie to the Fireflies… this would be the last time you’d follow him… After this, your debt would be paid.
Relationships: Reader x Joel Miller, Joel Miller & Ellie, Reader & Ellie
Warnings: Like AO3, I choose to give none. Read at your own risk. 18+ (Sorry this took a so long... This particular chapter was a tough one to write but I am so glad I managed to do it. I hope it was worth the wait ♥️)
Series Masterlist - Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8
Your day just seemed to go from bad to worse.
It started with bad eggs. You had made scrambled eggs for breakfast. They were Joel's favourite, and after a tough week building the new schoolhouse for the town—pulling in late nights to try and get it finished before the snow came—you’d wanted to do something nice for him.
He had scoffed them down with a satisfied groan, kissed you goodbye with eggs still on his breath, and dashed out the door, promising he’d be home before dark.
You’d eaten yours slowly, staring out the window at the frost creeping across the glass. You’d washed the dishes absentmindedly… then, out of nowhere, you were hurling your breakfast into the sink. Your stomach turned like it had been waiting for the exact moment you were done to rebel. You wiped your mouth, stared at the half-cleaned dishes with blurry eyes, and cursed under your breath.
Then Ellie had come barreling in, dropping what could only be described as a mountain of muddy laundry onto your arms. “I need these washed like… now,” she said, already walking away. “I don’t have anything clean.”
You’d raised an eyebrow. “You ever think about doing your own washing sometimes?”
She’d waved you off without turning around. “Sure, sure. Thanks!”
You sighed, staring at the pile that already smelled like damp socks and teenage recklessness.
Just as you were loading the washer, Mandy from next door came skipping up your steps like a damn puppy. She was glowing… literally glowing… and before she even said hello, she was screeching, “We’re pregnant!”
You blinked.
She was crying. Laughing. Hugging you too tight. “I just— I can’t believe it happened so fast!”
You’d managed to smile, congratulate her. But the second she left, you’d stood frozen in the hallway, hands on your hips, jaw clenched.
The icing on the bloody cake…
You and Joel had been trying for a year now.
Each month your period came, it was like another shard of glass wedged deeper into your chest. But Joel had always pulled you into his arms, whispering promises against your hair, telling you it would happen. That these things just… take time.
But hope was a funny thing—too much of it, and it starts to feel like poison. So to say your day had been a shitter? That was the understatement of the year.
And then Maria had come over—with little Benjamin in tow—and, for a moment, the weight pressing on your chest lifted just enough for you to breathe.
He was the light of your life. His chubby cheeks, thick thighs, and gummy smile made your whole world slow down. Something about the way he reached for you like you were his favourite person in the universe made your broken heart feel a little less shattered. When Benjamin had been born, you'd jumped into being an aunt with both feet. You and Joel had gotten married just weeks before his arrival, full of hope and joy and whispered dreams of a baby of your own. But you hadn’t told anyone you were trying. Not even Maria. You wanted it to be a surprise. A soft, glowy announcement after that missed period finally happened.
Something happy.
Instead, it had become a secret that festered. Each failed month felt heavier. Lonelier. And each “Mandy” in town getting pregnant while you stayed empty… it chipped away at you. You’d started to wonder, in your darker moments, if the miscarriage you’d had before had left more damage than you realized.
“Hey, how have you been?” Maria asked, watching you bounce Benny on your lap.
“I’ve been okay,” you replied, smiling and hoping it didn’t look forced.
“You sure?”
There it was. The confirmation you were fooling no one.
“Yeah… Just had some bad eggs this morning. Felt off all day.”
“Joel eat them too?” she asked, cocking her head.
“Yeah. Hopefully he’s okay. It was rough.”
“He looked fine when I saw him earlier.”
You shrugged. “Man’s clearly tougher than me.”
You reached for your coffee, took a sip, then recoiled.
“Ugh. This coffee is so bitter.”
Maria raised an eyebrow, studying you. Her gaze lingered—too long. You saw the moment the thought clicked into place for her.
“Sickness. Coffee aversion…” she murmured.
“What?” you asked, eyebrows pulling together.
“Honey… could you be pregnant?”
You choked on your sip. “Why do you ask?”
“You liked that coffee a few days ago, now suddenly it’s disgusting? Aversion to food…”
“The eggs were bad—”
“And yet Joel’s fine.”
“I’m not pregnant, Maria,” you snapped, gently setting Benjamin down on his playmat.
“How do you know?”
“Because I haven’t been pregnant any other fucking month, so why would I be now?”
The words exploded out of you before you could stop them. Bitter, sharp, and too honest.
Maria went quiet for a moment, then softly asked, “Are you guys trying?”
You nodded, and just like that, the tears came. You tried to blink them away, but they slid down your cheeks anyway.
“How long?”
“A year.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
You sobbed harder as she stood and pulled you into a hug. Her arms were warm and safe, and it was all too much.
“Joel wanted it to be a surprise. But it hasn’t happened. And now I just feel so alone,” you whispered, clinging to her.
“Oh, hun. You should’ve come to me. I could’ve kept that secret for you.”
“I’m sorry…”
“Don’t you dare apologize,” she said firmly. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”
You nodded against her shoulder, and she gently pulled back to look at you. “But… in all honesty… is there a chance you could be?”
“I mean, I guess, but—”
“Right. You wait here.”
She disappeared for a moment and came back holding a cup and a handful of faded pregnancy test sachets.
“Pee in this. Dip these. They’re out of date, but they still work. That’s how I found out about Benny.”
You stared at the objects in her hand like they might bite.
“Maria—”
“Just humour me,” she pleaded.
So you did. You disappeared into the downstairs bathroom, heart hammering like a war drum. You peed into the damn cup with shaking hands, dipped the sticks, placed them on their packets like Maria said, and threw away the rest.
Then you found Maria in the dining room, gently rocking Benjamin, who was finally asleep in the cot you and Joel had set up just for him.
“What now?” you asked, placing the tests on the coffee table with trembling fingers.
“Now we wait.”
And so you did.
The minutes dragged. You stared at the mantle clock like you could will time to move faster. When five minutes passed, neither of you moved.
“I don’t think I can look,” you whispered.
“You want me to?” Maria asked, and you nodded quickly.
She picked up the packets, carefully removed the first test… then the second.
Her face was unreadable. You tried to judge her expression, tried to see some hint—anything—but she was a damn vault.
Then she looked up.
And smiled.
“They’re positive, hun,” she said, voice thick with emotion. “Both of them.”
Your hand flew to your mouth as you choked out a sob.
“They’re positive?”
“They’re positive.”
You sprang to your feet and grabbed the tests from her, hands trembling. There it was. Two faded but unmistakable lines.
“Oh my god…”
“Congratulations.”
“I’m pregnant,” you whispered, then sobbed. “I’m finally pregnant.”
…
Joel stepped into the kitchen, his shoulders stiff and eyes tired. He rubbed at the back of his neck and draped his coat over a chair.
“Babe?” he called, not seeing you. “You home?”
“Be down in a sec,” you called out, trying—and failing—to keep the excitement from your voice.
He smiled. “Someone’s in a good mood.”
He flicked on the kettle. “Want a coffee, sweetie?”
“No thanks.” You entered the room and gave him a quick peck.
“What’s got you all chipper?” he asked, sipping from his mug.
“I’ve got a surprise for you.”
“Oh really?” he smirked.
You pulled him into the lounge and motioned for him to sit.
“Cover your eyes.”
“Why?”
“Just do it.”
He chuckled, then obeyed. You grabbed the small box from the window seat and placed it in his lap.
“Okay… open them.”
He opened his eyes, stared down. His eyes widened. Then shimmered.
“We’re… we’re having a baby?” His voice cracked halfway through the sentence.
You nodded, barely able to breathe.
“We’re having a baby,” you echoed.
He was on his feet in a heartbeat, kissing you, holding you. You barely remembered how you got to the wall, clothes disappearing between kisses, tears, laughter. His mouth traveled down your neck, your chest, and paused at your stomach. He pressed a kiss to the skin there, reverent.
Then he dropped to his knees and devoured you like a man starved, your back hitting the wall, your head slamming into it, but you didn’t care.
“Fuck, Joel—”
“Cum for me, mummy,” he purred.
You did. Instantly.
Then you had him on the floor, needing to feel him inside you, needing him to fill every empty part of you. The way he held your hips, how your bodies moved in sync, how he whispered praises as you both tumbled over the edge together—it was like worship.
“I love you,” he panted.
“I love you too,” you whispered.
“I can’t wait to raise this baby with you.”
You kissed him soft and slow, your foreheads touching.
No more words needed.
…
The next few weeks were hell.
You kept it quiet… just a little longer. The clinic had finally acquired a working sonogram machine, and you wanted that first blurry picture before telling the town.
The day finally came.
You lay on the creaky exam bed, Joel gripping your hand. The nurse pressed a gooey probe to your belly, muttering apologies for the ancient Vaseline.
Then—there it was.
A tiny bean-shaped baby flickering on the screen. A heartbeat.
"Everything looks good," the nurse beamed. "Congratulations."
Joel choked back a sob. “Thank you,” he whispered, kissing your forehead.
“Our little miracle,” you whispered.
The nurse tried to print pictures. The ink was patchy, the paper old, but you didn’t care. You held them like gold, eyes brimming.
It was finally your turn.
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Hope - Hopelessly in Love
Masterlist
Summary: After Joel loses his wife and your best friend during childbirth. You support him as he takes on parenthood on his own at 22. But when feelings start to develop, you battle with the guilt you feel for falling for your best friend’s husband.
Relationships: Joel Miller x Reader
Warnings: Like AO3 I choose to give none. Read at own risk. 18+��� this is to avoid spoilers! (Sorry this has taken a while. Trying to do as much writing as I can, when I can, but ya know how it is 🤷🏼♀️😅… hope this was worth the wait 😘 I haven't managed to proofread this so any mistakes are my own... Enjoy 🫶🏼)
Series Masterlist - Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8
Six months had passed since the night that you and Joel confessed your feelings for each other. The two of you had decided to keep your relationship a secret from the kids for the time being. Not wanting to confuse things if it wasn't going to work out.
But it was becoming clear to both of you that this relationship wasn't going to break any time soon. You fit together as a couple so seamlessly that the two of you had confessed that you wish you'd just confessed your feelings sooner.
But… You could never regret marrying Alec.
You had loved him so fiercely and you shared two children with him. Noah had always felt like yours despite not being related to him in blood and two years after the accident, and Alec's health started to decline, he has asked if you would consider adopting Noah.
You had accepted without question.
A year later, Noah was legally your son.
His mother had given up her parental rights without argument, which had both saddened and relieved you. You could never understand how someone could just walk out on their child the way she had but you also felt like her loss was your gain. You loved Noah with every fibre of your being.
You had started to discuss with Joel when you should tell the kids about your relationship. You were sure they had their suspicions. You spent most evenings at each other's houses, with the kids of course, but it was pretty obvious that getting them together was just an excuse for you two to spend time together.
So it was no surprise when Ali sprang the question of your relationship on you both that Sunday at your bi-weekly BBQ.
"Are you two together?" She asked out of the blue, poking her head up over her book and spying the two of you talking quietly to one another with sweet smiles plastered over your faces.
"What makes you think that?" Joel asked and the girl shrugged.
"Just being all gross together."
"Oh, thanks." You huffed and Joel sniggered at your reply.
"Well?" She asked again "Are you?"
"Would you care if we were?" You asked and Ali shook her head.
"Nah… Makes sense." She replied casually "But I dunno about Noah and Sarah… They might find it weird… with them being together and all."
This is the reason the two of you hadn't said anything.
Despite Noah having told you that he wouldn't care… you were still nervous. Neither of you minded if the young couple stayed together. They weren't related after all but you knew people might talk, and that's why, 6 months on, you hadn't gone public.
"I won't tell them if you are." Ali continued "It's up to you guys to do that but don't leave it too long."
For a 9-year-old, she was wise beyond her years. You felt like it was partly to do with the fact she had been forced to help you take care of her father towards the end. You'd had to take on more hours in order to ensure you could cover the bills after he'd been medically retired and that had meant Ali and Noah had taken on a little of his care. Something you'd never asked of them but they had done without complaint.
"Yes, we are together." You stated simply, you and Joel sharing a sweet smile before you finished with "We will tell Sarah and Noah so yes, we would appreciate it if you kept this to yourself for now."
"We'll tell them soon." Joel finished and Ali shrugged again before returning to her book.
.
You were finishing up the dishes when Joel came up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist as he placed sensual kisses along your shoulder and up your neck.
"Joel, the kids…"
"Are all passed out on mattresses downstairs in the basement." He stated, spinning you in his arms so that he could kiss you.
You hummed against his lips, savouring the feel of them against your own and he growled slightly as his hands grabbed your ass and lifted you onto the counter.
"But what if they-"
"Pretty sure they're in a meat coma." He chuckled as he nibbled your chin "Sarah begged me for a sleep which I said was fine as long as Ali slept down there with them and they slept separately."
"What did she say to that?"
"Her exact words were… 'Why would I wanna share a sleeping bag with a boy… ewwww' so I don't think we have anything to worry about."
"Does that mean that I get to sleep over too?" You ask seductively and he grins as he kisses you hard which is all the answer you need.
After peeking down the stairs again and assuring yourselves the kids were okay, you threw caution to the wind and snuck upstairs together. In almost no time at all, you were stripped down to just your underwear and trying not to moan too loudly as Joel lavished your breasts with attention.
You wish you had the time to enjoy his ministrations but you were conscious that the kids could wake up at any moment so after pushing Joel down onto the bed, you rid yourself of your underwear and he did the same. You took a moment to admire him, laying there looking delicious with his length painfully hard and practically screaming for you. You climbed onto his bed and straddled his hips, throwing your head back in a silent scream as you sank down onto his thick length. No matter how many times the two of you did this, you never seemed to get over how perfectly he filled you.
Then, after taking a moment to adjust, you were moving together in perfect harmony. Swallowing each other's pleasured moans with languid kisses as he stroked that spot inside of you that made your toes curl. His hands urged you to move faster when your moans became louder as you neared your peak.
"Cum for me baby." He mumbled against your lips and your movements became more frantic as you started to cum, squeezing him hard as you crested.
Pulling him along with you.
You lay there limply for a moment as you soaked in the moment… loving how this was your life now. You'd never thought you'd get this. You had always felt like he was the forbidden fruit… being that he was your dead best friend's husband.
"I love you." He uttered against the apple of your cheek and you turned your head to look him in the eye, yours filling with happy tears as you replied "I love you too."
"Reckon I can get away with sleeping in here without the kids noticing?" You asked after sharing a few sweet kisses.
"I think it's worth the risk." Joel replied as he flipped you so you were spread out beneath him "I'm not done with you yet."
…
You and Joel allowed yourself a few weeks longer to plan how you planned to tell Noah and Sarah. You had told Joel about what Noah had said… How they'd work it out. But Joel wasn't so confident Sarah would feel the same. He had only ever had one girlfriend that he had introduced to her and that was Sandy, she hadn't been a fan.
So to say, Joel was nervous that he would be telling her that her boyfriend's mum was his new girlfriend, was an understatement.
"I think she'll surprise you." You said before taking another bite of your sandwich "She's a sensible girl."
"She is and I am sure you're right she hated Sandy so you can understand my concerns." Joel replied as he wiped his hands on his napkin and grabbed his coffee "How you feel if you were in her shoes and you found out that your dad was knocking boots with your boyfriend's mum?"
"You have a point." You conceeded "But she has also said to me once or twice that she wished you could find someone to look after you." You revealed, "She worries that you're lonely."
"Is that what you're going to do for me?" He asked, one of his eyebrows quirking as he gave you a suggestive smirk "You going to take care of me, baby?"
"You know it." You replied, giving him a bright smile before finishing off your sandwich.
After finishing lunch together, you decided to take a walk. Sarah and Noah were at football practice but one of the kids' parents was having a BBQ afterwards and Ali was at a sleepover. So you were both kid-free for a while and decided to bask in the ability to just be together for a few hours.
The heat was beating down on you both and you were glad you had chosen to wear a sundress. The idea of any clothes clinging to you made your skin crawl.
"Anywhere you'd like to go?" Joel asked as he spun you into his arms so he could kiss you sweetly and you swooned as you grinned against his lips.
There's this little pub I know that has live music playing all day on a Saturday in their pub garden." You suggested, "Perhaps we could go for a drink and listen to some music?"
"That sounds perfect." Joel replied, kissing you one more time "Lead the way."
.
You had been to an English pub once as a child, that you could remember. Your mum's parents had lived there and you had gone to stay with them for the summer. They had taken you out for drives in their classic Bentley and one day, had taken you to this quaint little pub near where they lived. This place reminded you of there and it made you smile as you thought about how special that day had been.
"You okay?" Joel asked when he noticed how quiet you had gotten and you simply smiled and nodded.
Leading him to the bar, you ordered a glass of white wine and Joel ordered a beer. Then, following the music outside, you were welcomed by a lovely little garden set up with a mixture of benches and garden furniture set around the space. Taking a seat in one of the comfy garden chairs, you placed your wine down and snuggled back into the large cushion at your back.
The two of you sat in comfortable silence for a while. You sipping at your wine and trying not to grimace at the flavour… Something you failed miserably at.
"Something wrong with your wine?"
"Just not nice." You replied with a shrug "It's fine… I'll still drink it."
"Hmmm… that's weird." Joel hummed and your brows pulled together as you asked "What is?"
"I saw the bottle and it's one of your favourites. The De Abelo one that you keep telling me you served at your wedding."
"Really?"
Joel nodded and you frowned "That is weird… maybe its just a bad batch." You replied with a shrug and Joel nodded in agreement.
A slow song came on a few moments later and your eyes noted how a few couples had gotten up and were now slow dancing. It made your heart sore to see such beautiful outward shows of love and when Joel's hand appeared in your line of vision, you looked at him and swore you fell in love with him more.
"May I have this dance?"
You took his hand without question, the two of you embracing each other as you swayed to the music. The moment was so perfect. You wanted to freeze time so it would never end. But alas, the song started to wind down and people's dancing started to slow. Joel nudged your face with his and you felt dizzy as he kissed you so sweetly. But when he pulled his head back to look at you, you realised it wasn't the kiss that had given you the feeling of dizziness.
Your hearing suddenly became muffled and you didn't hear what Joel said to you as your vision darkened around the edges. You only saw his brows pull together as you felt you legs give you and everything went black.
…
Joel stood by your bed, chewing his thumbnail nervously and you reached out to grab the hand closest to you in the hopes it would calm him.
"I'm fine Joel." You assured him "It was probably just from the heat."
"Baby you fucking collapsed." He stated, giving you the saddest eyes you'd ever seen "Your eyes rolled back into your skull and I thought…"
"Oh, baby." You said softly "I'm sorry I scared you. I've been having some dizzy spells lately but I suffer low with Low Iron. So it's probably a combination of that and the heat… I'll be fine I promise."
Joel nodded but you could tell he wasn't convinced.
He was a natural worrier and it was sweet that he was so concerned about you. You knew it was going to be nothing but Joel wouldn't believe that until the doctor told him. So you both waited for someone to pull back that curtain.
Minutes blended into hours. Nurses came by to make sure you had water and even Joel pulled himself away for a brief time to grab some decent coffee.
You would be lying if your anxiety didn't start to spike, the longer it took for someone to come and see you but finally, after laying in that uncomfortable bed four four hours, you got your answer.
Your name fell from the doctor's lips as he skimmed through the notes on the clipboard in his hands "Sorry for the wait." He said as he looked at you both apologetically "Short-staffed in the lab… Anyway, your results came back fine. Nothing to be concerned about but there was one thing that did crop up."
Your stomach dropped.
"What is it?" Joel asked, his hand tightening around yours "She okay?"
"She's fine… Healthy." The doctor assured you both before he said your name and dropped an utter bombshell on you "I am assuming you weren't aware you're pregnant?"
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Hope - Hopelessly in Love (Preview)
Masterlist
GIF by hoffmans-hoffman
So.. yeah... this has taken a while. Sorry about that. Life has been super busy and I will confess... Work wife kinda took over.
I hope this preview will wet your appetites and I will try to get the full chapter finished and up either today or tomorrow ♥️
Read previous chapters here
Six months had passed since the night that you and Joel confessed your feelings for each other. The two of you had decided to keep your relationship a secret from the kids for the time being. Not wanting to confuse things if it wasn't going to work out.
But it was becoming clear to both of you that this relationship wasn't going to break any time soon. You fit together as a couple so seamlessly that the two of you had confessed that you wish you'd just confessed your feelings sooner.
But… You could never regret marrying Alec.
You had loved him so fiercely and you shared two children with him. Noah had always felt like yours despite not being related to him in blood and two years after the accident, and Alec's health started to decline, he has asked if you would consider adopting Noah.
You had accepted without question.
A year later, Noah was legally your son.
His mother had given up her parental rights without argument, which had both saddened and relieved you. You could never understand how someone could just walk out on their child the way she had but you also felt like her loss was your gain. You loved Noah with every fibre of your being.
You had started to discuss with Joel when you should tell the kids about your relationship. You were sure they had their suspicions. You spent most evenings at each other's houses, with the kids of course, but it was pretty obvious that getting them together was just an excuse for you two to spend time together.
So it was no surprise when Ali sprang the question of your relationship on you both that Sunday at your bi-weekly BBQ.
"Are you two together?" She asked out of the blue, poking her head up over her book and spying the two of you talking quietly to one another with sweet smiles plastered over your faces.
"What makes you think that?" Joel asked and the girl shrugged.
"Just being all gross together."
"Oh, thanks." You huffed and Joel sniggered at your reply.
"Well?" She asked again "Are you?"
"Would you care if we were?" You asked and Ali shook her head.
"Nah… Makes sense." She replied casually "But I dunno about Noah and Sarah… They might find it weird… with them being together and all."
This is the reason the two of you hadn't said anything.
Despite Noah having told you that he wouldn't care… you were still nervous. Neither of you minded if the young couple stayed together. They weren't related after all but you knew people might talk, and that's why, 6 months on, you hadn't gone public.
"I won't tell them if you are." Ali continued "It's up to you guys to do that but don't leave it too long."
For a 9-year-old, she was wise beyond her years. You felt like it was partly to do with the fact she had been forced to help you take care of her father towards the end. You'd had to take on more hours in order to ensure you could cover the bills after he'd been medically retired and that had meant Ali and Noah had taken on a little of his care. Something you'd never asked of them but they had done without complaint.
"Yes, we are together." You stated simply, you and Joel sharing a sweet smile before you finished with "We will tell Sarah and Noah so yes, we would appreciate it if you kept this to yourself for now."
"We'll tell them soon." Joel finished and Ali shrugged again before returning to her book.
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Firm Friends - 2
Masterlist
Summary: After a bogus raid leads to the DEA duo getting ambushed. Steve see's a different side to his asshole partner.
Warnings: Angst, Blood and Injury, Hospitalisation,
PTSD. (Please let me know if | have left any out)
Notes: so @novemberrain-writes and and I thank you all for being super patient as we pit together this update for you! Between wedding planning for her and a sick baby for me its been a bit mad! We hope you enjoy 🫶🏼
Series Masterlist, Part 1
Connie held her shaking husband as he sat and stared at Javier, as if staring at him would prevent him from seizing again. Once the doctors managed to get the seizure under control, extensive tests were run. The Murphys had been warned that due to the severity of Javier’s head injury, there was a chance that he could be at risk for more. That news seemed to shake Steve to his core.
To say that his reaction to his partner's condition surprised Connie would be an understatement. Until now, all he'd really done was complain about the man but, it seemed his guilt over what he'd said had brought out different feelings.
"Do you need anything?" Connie asked, breaking what felt like hours of silence. She was starting to feel on edge. The constant beeping of machinery and the whooshing of the ventilator were beginning to rub her nerves raw. This seemed like an appropriate excuse to escape the sight of Javier’s ashen and bruised body and her husband’s overwhelmingly guilty expression.
"No." He replied and she sighed.
"I was going to go in search of coffee. Do you want some?" Steve looked up at her with tear-brimmed eyes and gave her a small nod. "Okay. I won't be long, " she said before leaving the room and heading in the direction of where she was sure she'd seen a cafe.
The walk gave her time to think. She knew that when Javier was well enough to leave, he'd still need some care. Depending on how severe the aftermath of the accident was, he may struggle to walk, talk or perform other basic functions. There was a chance Javier wouldn’t be himself for a while. Hopefully, the seizures were just due to the head injury and wouldn't be permanent but there was still a chance. TBIs can trigger epilepsy. Connie wondered how that possibility could affect Javier's being able to work on the case. Would they let him stay and work in the field if he could drop and fit at any given moment? What would that mean for his career? What would that mean for her husband?
She supposed the DEA probably wouldn't want the liability. Javier could be benched permanently.
It didn't take her long to find a cafe near the entrance to the hospital that served fresh coffee. Making her order she grabbed some on-the-go snacks also, just in case Steve did decide at some point to eat something.
Carrying the coffee's out into the hot Columbian sun, she watched as an ambulance came screaming past her and her heart sank remembering that she was heading back to her husband's partner and friend who was fighting for his life. She wasn't quite sure what she was expecting when she came with Steve to help fight the war on cocaine but she hadn't really prepared herself for the idea that her husband might get hurt. She felt silly thinking about it now because, of course, there was that risk. His previous partner had been killed in the field but you never expect it to happen to you. Had Steve’s car been in front and not Javier’s or if they hadn’t fought that day and had been in the car together, it could have easily been her husband trapped beneath tubes and wires, a shell of his former self struggling in a drug-induced abyss.
She was realising now how naive her lack of worry was.
"You gotta fight this brother." Steve mumbled after an extended period of tense silence "I know I said some shit but this is not the way to punish me for it." Steve continued, chuckling awkwardly "I was an ass and I wanna make this right but... Well, you gotta get better man."
Javier didn't even twitch save for the precise movements of his machine-induced breathing and Steve wasn't sure what he expected, he was sedated after all. He supposed he had hoped he'd just give him something. Just some sort of sign that he had heard him...that he forgave him.
"How's he doing?" Connie's voice tore the agent's gaze away from his partner and to his wife who was holding a to-go coffee cup out to him.
He accepted it graciously and took a sip of the hot liquid, humming at the flavours that assaulted his senses. It brought him momentary relief from the stressful situation before him and he thanked his wife again before taking a few more sips and then placing it on the table beside Javier's bed.
"The doctor came by while you were out. Said that the head injury doesn't appear to be worsening... They're confident that he won't need surgery."
"That's good news. Javier would hate it if they had to shave his head," Connie said as he took Steve's hand and squeezed it gently.
Steve let out a half-hearted scoff. “Yeah. That would throw off his flirting game big time.”
Another long stretch of silence followed.
"He's going to be okay Steve," Connie said finally.
"How can you be so sure?" her husband asked, his voice so small and she squeezed his hand again before she answered.
"Because from what you’ve told me, he sounds like the most stubborn man you’ve ever known. I think he has you beat. And, because he'd never turn down a bottle of expensive whiskey."
Connie found she couldn’t just sit and keep vigil over Javier’s unconscious body while her husband was home showering and getting a change of clothes. Her nurse mode had kicked in and she found herself fussing over him; making sure his blanket was straightened and his wires weren’t tangled and that his pillows were fluffed comfortably.
She was checking his most recently updated chart when suddenly, Javier took a ragged breath against the ventilator.
“Javier?” Connie called softly as she abandoned the chart and moved to his side. Maybe she’d imagined it?
The agent’s body hitched with another fighting breath as the heart monitor started to speed up. His fists clenched weakly for a moment before relaxing.
“Hey, hey it’s alright, Javi. You’re ok.”
She noticed his eyes were moving beneath the lids and his once slack face was now strained. Another breath and some of his monitors were starting to get a little more incessant. His eyes were moving behind the lids like he was trying to fight through the sedation and rejoin the waking world.
“Don’t tire yourself out, Javier,” Connie soothed gently as she rested her hand on his chest. “You need to rest until you’re stronger.”
Dark irises appeared as Javier somehow managed to open his eyes just a sliver. He gazed blankly at her.
“We’re safe,” Connie reassured. “Everything’s ok. Don’t fight it. Just sleep, Javi. You still need to sleep a little more. We’ll all be here safe and sound when it’s time for you to wake up.”
Javier’s eyes closed and he was still once more. The monitors gradually returned to a normal rhythm and he no longer tried to fight the ventilator. With a sigh Connie smoothed his hair back, taking care not to exacerbate the bruises or mess with the bandage around his head.
“We’ve got you. I promise,” she whispered.
Three days later, Javier was taken off the ventilator and appeared to be making progress. His vitals got stronger as the days passed but the doctors kept Peña sedated, wanting the agent to rest as much as possible with the hope that his head injury would heal with minimal complications.
But today, they'd decided to start weaning him off the drugs so they could begin to assess where Javier was in the recovery process. The Murphy's had been advised that it might take a while for the agent to come round so they sat patiently and waited.
There were a few false starts. Javier stirred but never quite managed to break to the surface yet Steve and Connie cheered him on each and every time and reassured him that he was safe and not alone.
"Steve." Connie nudged her husband who had dozed off in his chair. It had been roughly 24 hours since the doctors had fully tapered Javier off the sedative. Her eyes locked on Javier's as they cracked open. "Steve, he's waking up."
This dragged the blond agent back to earth and he practically leapt out of his chair to stand over Javier as he slowly blinked his way back to consciousness.
It was slow and Steve's back started to ache from his hunched-over posture but he wanted Javier to see a familiar face when he came to. It was probably twenty minutes or so before Javier was somewhat coherent. His eyes roved around the room, then settled on Steve and Connie as a frown formed on his slightly bruised face.
"Javier, do you know where you are?" Connie asked and he shook his head, wincing at the pain this elicited "Do you remember what happened?"
The agent shook his head again but it was slight this time, clearly an attempt to avoid the pain he'd felt previously.
"Do you know who we both are?" she prompted.
"What sort of question is that?" Steve asked his wife, his panicked tone not matching his query.
Javier nodded and they both breathed a sigh of relief. Javier still wasn’t quite himself, but at least his memory was still somewhat intact.
"Javi, you were involved in a raid with Steve. Do you remember that?" Connie asked as she tenderly smoothed a rogue lock of hair out of his eyes.
Javier nodded again and Steve placed a friendly hand on the man's shoulder.
"We were ambushed on our way back to base. Your truck was t-boned and then we were fired upon. You fought like a champ, brother, but you were running off adrenaline," Steve recounted as he gave Javier a reassuring smile. "You suffered a pretty nasty head injury and some internal bleeding. You've been out nearly four days but you're going to be okay now. The docs are pretty optimistic. You didn’t even need surgery for your head."
"We're gonna take care of you, Javi," said Connie as she stood so the agent could see her better "You'll be back to pissing this one off in no time." She pointed to her husband with her thumb.
Javier gave her a weak smile before wincing again at the pain in his head. His heart rate was slightly elevated now, something Connie immediately noticed.
"I'm going to fetch a doctor." She said simply. "See if we can get you some more pain relief."
Javier nodded again and closed his eyes as he attempted to breathe through the insistent throbbing in his skull. Everything seemed to exacerbate it. Suddenly the overhead light seemed like too much and the beeping of machinery felt like spikes driving into his head. A hoarse groan escaped his lips. Steve grabbed Javier's hand and uttered calming words as the pain grew worse, tears leaking from the corners of the injured agent’s eyes.
"It's okay, partner. Con will be back soon with the good stuff. Just hang in there."
Javier couldn't answer as his head rocked weakly against the pillow and he clenched his teeth. The pain had become too much and he cried out as his hands went to grab for his head, only to be stopped by his partner.
"I know it hurts. brother, but you can't grab your head like that. The doctors are coming."
"Steve... it hurts." He gritted out as he grabbed his partner's hands weakly and squeezed.
"I know. Connie'll be back in a moment. Just squeeze my hands."
Unfamiliar hands and voices suddenly filled the room and swarmed Steve's vision, and then he was being pulled back so their owners could work. Connie joined them, ensuring that Javier didn’t feel alone. Alarms started to blare and Steve's stomach sank.
"You gotta breathe, Javi," Connie urged from Javier's side and Steve looked at his wife with a stricken expression. "Just breathe. The pain will start to fade soon. Don’t hold your breath. Just breathe with me for a moment."
The alarms calmed and the frantic tone that Steve had previously missed on Javier's monitor started to settle. Connie stepped back enough for Steve to notice there was an oxygen mask covering his partner’s face now; something he’d been unable to see when the swarm of medical professionals had blocked his view.
"That's it, Javi.Slow and steady." Connie encouraged, her hand resting on his.
The medical personnel started to filter out, allowing Steve to return to his partner's side. Javier looked more relaxed than he had a moment ago, the medication bringing him the blessed relief he needed. The creases in his face ironed out and his eyes fluttered shut as exhaustion took hold.
“Extra oxygen helps with pain management. I didn’t want him hyperventilating and passing out,” Connie said, wanted to explain the mask’s sudden appearance.
Steve nodded numbly. “How’s he looking?” He mumbled, afraid his voice was going to crack with emotion.
"He's got a long road ahead of him." Connie stated, her eyes not leaving Javier "He'll need someone to stay with him and help him for a while. The head pain could stick around a while, especially with how severe his head injury is and seizures..." She trailed off, pulling Steve's attention off of his partner.
"The seizures what?"
"The seizures could be permanent, Steve."
"No..."
"I just want to prepare you for-"
"No, they won't be." He replied sternly "We will stay with him and help him get better and then he will be fine."
"Steve-"
"He'll be fine." He repeated and Connie said nothing else, deciding it wasn’t worth arguing about. She just hoped for Steve's sake that he was right.
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Work Wife - Nine
Masterlist
Summary: Working as a Secretary at Miller & Sons Construction, you fall hopelessly in love with the eldest son Joel. What you don’t realise is that Joel’s completely in love with you too. What will it take for the two of you to realise whats’s right in front of you?
Pairing: Young Joel Miller x Reader
Warnings: Like AO3, I choose not to give any so the plot isn’t spoiled. This fic is 18+ (Well... sorry this took so long. Safe to say, life has been a bit mental lately. Lando is currently cutting two teeth at once so yeah... bit grizzly. We've also put our flat up for sale so yeah. Lots going on. Hope this was worth the wait 🥹)
Series Masterlist - One Two Three Four Five Six Seven, Eight
Your hands were shaking so violently that you weren't really sure how you made it to the hospital. You parked and ran into the ER like your life depended on it. Soon finding a particularly shaken Simon with his head in his hands, along with Joel's parents and younger brother.
"Pip, sweetheart." Joel's mother said sweetly as she swept you into her arms hugging you tightly "I'm so glad you're here."
"Any news?" You asked as your eyes flitted between her and Joel's father who was cradling a sleeping Sarah in his arms.
"Nothin' yet." Replied Simon, pulling your attention away from the older Millers "They had him all strapped up in a body brace 'n everythin'... He wouldn't wake up no matter what they tried..." Simon trailed off as he again threw his head into his hands.
You were quick to drop to Simon's side, pulling into a sideways hug as you tried to comfort the distraught man.
"This ain't your fault son." Replied Cole Miller as he took a few sure steps towards you and the younger man "It was an accident, plain n' simple."
"But I didn't even see it happen... If I'd just-"
"No one saw what happened, son." Cole interrupted "You cannot blame yourself for this. This stuff happens. Unfortunately, it comes with the job."
Simon nodded in reply but, you knew that he wasn't convinced by Cole's argument. You knew that until he knew that Joel was going to be okay... He would never stop blaming himself for this.
"Miller family?" Called out an unfamiliar voice and you all perked up as you turned to find its owner.
"That's us." Piped up an uncharacteristically quiet Tommy and a moment of guilt washed over you for not speaking to him when you arrived.
"Is he okay?" Asked Lucia as she hooked her arm with her husbands and you looped your own with Simon's.
"He's a very lucky young man." The doctor replied and you all breathed a collective sigh of relief "He's shattered his left arm and broken his femur. He will require surgery to repair both so he is going to be off his feet for a while. He's also got a pretty nasty concussion so we will want to keep him in for observation for that also. All things considered, he's lucky to be alive."
The doctor's words hung over you all as you took them in.
Lucky to be alive.
Joel could have died.
And you have been giving him the silent treatment over a kiss that you weren't entirely sure was really a kiss at all. You could have lost him today, without ever really having the chance to see where this thing between you could go.
You had wasted so much time.
"When can we see him?" Asked Cole, pulling you from your spiralling thoughts.
"We are going to be taking him into surgery shortly so it's going to be a little while yet." The doctor answered honestly"My advice would be to go home, get some rest and come back in the morning. The surgery is going to be extensive andthen he'll likely be in recovery for a few hours."
"But what if-"
"We will call you if anything changes but you need to get that baby home and you're all going to be no good to Mr Miller if you're all dead on your feet."
The doctor had a point and you all knew it. Yet the idea of leaving the hospital and Joel didn't sit well with you.
"I'll stay. Keep you all updated." You said and Cole and Lucia gave you a small nod before gathering up Sarah's things.
"We'll see you in a few hours Pip." Said Lucia as she gave you a peck on the cheek.
"See you soon." You said softly "Go get Sarah into a proper bed."
They left then, Tommy trailing behind them both and not sparing anyone a glance.
"Can I stay with you?" Asked Simon softly and you turned to see him standing across from you, his hands wringing together as he waited nervously for you to answer.
"Of course."
...
"Dadadadada..."
You were woken by babbling. Your neck was sore from resting it on Simon's shoulder whilst you waited on news of Joel. Cracking your eyes open, you were greeted by Lucia stood across from you with Sarah in her arms. Your sitting up abruptly grabbed the baby's attention and she squealed and reached for you, her small hands grabbing at you. You didn't hesitate, you were on your feet in a heartbeat and pulling her into your arms.
"Oh, baby girl." You sobbed as you placed a kiss on the top of her and breathed her in "So good to see you." You breathed as you held her tight.
"Any news?" Asked Lucia and you shook your head.
"Where's Cole?" You asked as you noted her husband wasn't with her.
"He stayed home with Tommy." The older woman replied, "Kid's a little beside himself so we felt it would be better for Joel to have a less stressful environment to wake up to."
You nodded in understanding. Tommy's a pretty hot-headed young man and struggles to keep a level head. As much as you knew the kid would want to be with his brother and no doubt Cole wanted to be there for his son, it was best to keep away till they knew what condition Joel would be in.
"Miller family?" Called out an unfamiliar voice and you all turned to look at the owner.
"Yes." You replied in unison and the nurse smiled "He's out of recovery and responding well." They stated "If you follow me, I will take you to him."
The three of you followed eagerly, desperate to see Joel after what felt like weeks of waiting. You were taken into a ward and then led to a small room just off from the main area. A bed sat in the centre of the room, equipment, cabinets and a few chairs lined the walls. Joel's leg was elevated by what looked like a bit like Sarah's door bouncer. He was sleeping. A dark bruise painted the left side of his face, a nasty gash along his hairline, neatly stitched but red and angry.
"He's been coming around for a little while." The nurse stated as she finished off her checks "Might still be a little while before he's coherent so be patient with him.
"He's been through quite an ordeal."
You all nodded then grabbed some chairs and placed them strategically around his bed. You sat with Sarah in your arms, smiling at her little snores beside your ear and with your free hand you took Joel's uninjured one, needing to touch him in some way to reassure you he was here.
He was going to be okay.
.
You almost missed it.
The slight pressure on your hand. Your attention set on a bird hopping around on the branch of a tree just outside the window. Lucia had taken Sarah home for a little while, the baby having grown restless from hours of sitting and waiting for her daddy to wake up. Simon had gone in search of Coffee and sustenance. The fact that neither of you had eaten in quite some time made itself known when your stomachs started to growl loudly.
Joel hummed as consciousness started to trickle through a little more. You were sat bolt upright in your chair. Watched as his brain almost visibly booted up and his eyes cracked open.
"Joel?" You uttered, leaning closer so you were in his eye line "Can you hear me?"
He nodded weakly, his eyes fluttering closed again and you deflated a little but soon perked up when they reopened a little wider.
"Hey." He croaked out and you sobbed, smiling brightly at him.
"Hey yourself."
"Where am I?..." He asked, trialling off as his eyes took stock of his surroundings.
"You had an accident on site." You replied, voice wobbling a bit as you spoke "You fell from the scaffolding. You shattered your arm and broke your femur. They had to operate to repair the damage but you're going to be okay. Got a nasty concussion too... Doctor said you're a lucky man considering what happened."
"Where's mum?" He asked, closing his eyes and taking a steadying breath as he processed what you'd told him.
He was lucky to be alive. That's basically what you had said in so many words.
"She took Sarah home. She was getting a little restless." You replied and Joel nodded "Oh! I should call her. She'll want to come see you now you're awake."
"Why are you here Pip?"
Joel's question took you by surprise. Your brows pulled together as you looked at him in confusion.
"What do you mean, why am I here?"
"Well, we've not exactly been close lately."
"Joel-"
"If you're here because my parents asked you to be then you can go now."
"That's not..." You trailed off, shaking your head as tears started to pool in your tired eyes "I'm here because the man I love nearly died."
Joel's eyes widened at your statement and his lips parted as if to speak but no words were uttered. So you continued.
"When Simon had called and told me that you'd had an accident... Everything just flashed in front of my eyes." You choked "All the time we have wasted not just being together."
"Pip-"
"I thought about that day with Anna... When I saw you kissing and the more I analysed it the more I realised that you looked as stiff as a corpse."
"Oh, thanks." Joel snorted and you playfully punched his uninjured arm. "Gentle... I'm injured remember? Injuring me physically as well as emotionally."
"You know I didn't mean it that way." You groaned "I just meant... It was clear that it wasn't something you wanted but at the time I just saw red and I..."
"I know Pip." Joel said softly as he took your hand in his "But, the reason you came to that conclusion is also because you don't trust me and if we're going to do this... that's something you need to work on."
"I do trust you Joel it's just..." You trail off as you think about what to say.
You let out a long sigh as you bring his hand to your lips and place a soft kiss on his grazed knuckles.
"We didn't have a good start you and I." You chuffed "After the incident with Sarah's mum I... Well, my confidence was knocked and I struggled to believe that you ever liked me.
"Then everything happened with Sarah coming along and you telling me you did have feelings for me but then I got pregnant and lost it and I-"
"Pip, sweetheart... You're ramblin' darlin."
"Sorry." You said breathily, rubbing the palm of your hand not holding Joel's on your jeans "My confidence has taken a real knock Joel and I just needed time to re-centre myself but not I realise that I just wasted precious time we could have had together."
You look at Joel then, eyes locking with his as you drive him what the point you really want to make with him.
"Joel... I love you... I'm in love with you and I don't want to waste another damn minute not being with you." Joel's lip quirks at your statement and you smile at him as you say "So if I'm not too late Joel Miller... Can we quit fucking around and just be together?"
Joel didn't say anything for a short while. His eyes searched yours for something but you weren't sure what. So you sat there on bated breath and waited for him to either reject you or accept you.
"If we're doing this... I need you to know that I'm all in." He states plainly and your brows draw together as you await his explanation "Not saying it needs to happen next year or even three years from now but... I want to marry you. I want to have kids with you. Raise Sarah with you." He continues and your heart swells "So I need to know that you're all in too. Because I can't get into something with you, only for Sarah to become even more attached than she already is and then you leave us."
"I won't." You practically squeak and Joel's smile spreads "I want all those things too." You state "I already love Sarah like she's my own and one... I want to have kids with you too. But perhaps give it a few years, eh?" You finish with a wink and Joel grins at you.
"Then what are you waiting for?"
"Hmm?" You hum, looking at him with a bemused expression.
"Well it's not like I can get over to you so... ya'll better come over here and kiss me."
You grin before standing up slightly so you can lean in and brush your lips against his.
"Love you, Miller." You whisper between pecks on his soft lips.
"Love you too Pip."
...
Three weeks later...
"There we go daddy." You said as you finished cutting up his food for him then placed the bowl within reaching distanceof him as he partially sat and partially lay on his couch. Leg and atm both propped up on pillows.
"Thanks, baby." He replied sweetly, puckering his lips for a kiss which you happily gave him.
"Dadadadada." Sarah babbled from her spot on the floor, stuffed pooh bear in hand.
"Come on then angel." You said as you scooped Sarah up and planted a kiss on the apple of her cheek "Time for your dinner too!"
You had easily fallen into domestic bliss with Joel. The man had been rendered utterly useless with his broken arm and leg but didn't stop letting you know how much he appreciated everything you were doing for him. Simon brought over care packages to keep Joel going when you were at the office, his mum taking care of him and the baby and during the day whilst you were at work.
Once dinner was done, you put Sarah down and puttered around getting a few chores done before joining him in the lounge.
"How's your pain?" You asked and Joel nodded.
"A lot better." He answered and you smiled "fancy coming over here for a cuddle?"
"Joel Miller's a... If you'd asked me a month ago I would have said no way... Who knew."
"Careful or I'll take the offer back darlin'"
"No!" You pouted before slipping onto the couch beside him with practised ease.
This is how you'd spent most evenings, cuddling beside him and making out a little before things started to get a little hot and heavy. The two of you having to cool it after that.
And that's exactly how things progressed this evening. Your leg draped over his hip as you try to get closer to him. Only this evening, his working arm wraps around your back and his hand, resting on your backside, urges you to rub your core against his thigh. Your core aches at the perfect pressure this gives your aching core.
"Take what you need baby." He whispers against your lips "You deserve it, baby."
"Joel." You whine, feeling your core tighten as your peak nears "Joel, fuck."
He hums against your lips, his hand urging your hips to thrust a little faster and you comply, feeling your orgasm racing towards you.
"Cum for me beautiful." He mumbles as he kisses you sweetly "Cum Pip."
You do. Kissing him hard, you moan into his mouth as your core pulses with your release and your legs shake this theintensity of it.
"Good girl."
"Want me to finish you?"
"No." He whispers softly "That was just for you. A treat for helping me."
"Joel-"
"We'll get our moment baby girl." He interrupts, kissing you long and languidly "But for tonight... It's just about you." he finishes.
Kissing you hard again, he urges your hips to move again and you can't find it in you to disobey. So you dry hump his thigh till you're boneless. Three more orgasms later your underwear and leggings are a mess. Then once you regain the use of your legs you help Joel to bed. Slipping in next yo him again and relishing how perfect all this felt.
You just hoped that there weren't going to be any more surprises along the way.
Next
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Work Wife - 8
Masterlist
Summary: Working as a Secretary at Miller & Sons Construction, you fall hopelessly in love with the eldest son Joel. What you don’t realise is that Joel’s completely in love with you too. What will it take for the two of you to realise whats’s right in front of you?
Pairing: Young Joel Miller x Reader
Warnings: Like AO3, I choose not to give any so the plot isn’t spoiled. This fic is 18+ (Wow, last chapter got such an amazing reception. So glad you enjoyed it. Hopefully you enjoy this update. I am hoping to get a few other fics updated in the next week or so but for now... enjoy ♥️)
Series Masterlist - One Two Three Four Five Six Seven
2 days earlier…
"Joel!" Anna called as Joel walked out from the lobby and into the hot, texas sunshine.
"Everything okay?" He asked as he took her in. From her stance, it was clear that she had been waiting for him although why she had wasn't clear to him.
"Yeah, I just... I wanted to talk to you about something." She said as she pushed herself off the wall she'd been leaning on "Kinda wanted to discuss it in private."
"What's up?" He asked, resting one hand on his hip whilst the other swung loosely as his side.
"Look, Joel... I'm just going to be straight with you." She started and Joel nodded.
"That would be great." He responded sarcastically, something Anna didn't pick up on when she giggled at his response.
"I like you." She replied plainly, tucking a few strands of hair behind her ear as she walked up to him "I like you a lot and I wondered if perhaps you'd like to get a drink with me sometime?"
"Anna..." Joel trailed off, trying to find the nicest way to let her down "As flattered as I am…" He started as he gave Anna a sympathetic smile "I have feelings for someone else." He stated plainly.
"Oh." She replied, looking down at her feet a moment before taking a step back "Is it Pip?"
"It's complicated." Joel replied and that was all the confirmation that Anna needed.
"Why aren't you two together?"
"It's not my place to discuss this." He replied, "But I am in love with her and I cannot risk losing her."
"I think I have the right to know!" Anna demanded and Joel grew irritated at her tone.
"You're not entitled to know anything." He growled and she instantly looked guilty "I have a baby Anna. Things aren't simple for me right now but Pip and I, we are takin’ things slow."
Anna nodded, smiling sadly at Joel.
"You're a great gal Anna and I have no doubt you'll meet a great guy but... That guy ain't me darlin'."
"I understand." Anna said, stepping closer to Joel "You're a great guy. Pip's a lucky girl." She finished, quickly pecking him on the cheek.
The movement took Joel by surprise and his head snapped towards her, brows furrowed as he gave her a bemused look and then her lips were on his. In that moment his brain seemed to disconnect from the rest of his body. His whole body seemed to freeze, only the sound of Sarah crying seemed to allow Joel to escape from the icy prison his body seemed to be caged in.
His head quickly wiped to his right and there you stood, holding his crying daughter, looking utterly devastated. Tears streaming down your cheeks.
"Pip..." He mumbled as he looked at you, his heart, shattering at the sight of you crying.
You were then storming past him, and he jumped to attention, grabbing your elbow when passed him.
"Let go of me." You growled at him and he felt sick to the stomach.
"Pip please." He pleaded but your eyes turned from sad to firey in an instant.
"I need to feed YOUR baby Joel." You spat "So let. Fucking. Go. Of me."
He did as you asked and watched as you disappeared inside.
"Joel..." Anna said from behind him and he instantly felt his blood boil.
"Get the fuck out of here Anna." He growled, turning to face her with a face of thunder "Get the fuck out of here and don't show your face around here again."
"But-"
"No buts." He spat "You kissed me without consent... You're fired with immediate effect."
"You can't do that!" She squeaked and Joel laughed humourlessly at her.
"I can." He growled out, his eyes burning as he glared at her "Leave now and we might give you a reference." He snapped "But that's the best you're going to get from me."
...
Present day...
You hadn't spoken to Joel all weekend.
You had ignored his calls and hid upstairs when he'd knocked on your front door. You didn't want to see him or speak to him but unfortunately, there was no way you were going to avoid him in the office. You were dreading the inevitable grovelling. You couldn't care less what excuses he had for kissing Anna. He had promised you that he would wait for you.
He'd lied...
Your body tensed when you spotted Joel out of the corner of your eye, entering the office. Just like every morning, he had two coffee cups in hand and you braced yourself for his greeting only it didn't come. He placed the coffee on your desk and walked to his office. Not saying anything to you. He didn't even glance your way.
To say you were surprised would be an understatement but at the same time, you had no right to be upset about his lack of greeting. You were the one who had been ignoring him since the barbecue.
"Everything okay with you and Joel?" Simon asked a few hours later, having noted how if Joel had spoken to you it had been to the point. Preferring to leave notes if that was possible.
"Not really." You replied honestly, thinking it futile to try and state otherwise "Caught him kissing Anna on Friday at the barbecue."
"Huh." Simon replied, and this made your brows draw together.
"What?"
"Anna's been sacked." Simon replied "Apparently it was something to do with sexual harassment. Didn't go into detail, just said he'd sacked her with immediate effect."
"Oh."
"You sure he was kissing her back?" Simon asked you let out a humourless laugh.
"Yes... He was definitely kissing her back."
"You sure you didn't just see what you wanted to see?"
"You think I wanted to see that?" You growl at Simon and he let out a long sigh as he replied.
"You know that's not what I meant." He groaned "Shock can make us see shit that's not there. He fired her... makes you wonder if the kiss was consensual."
"I know what I saw Simon." You growled and he threw his hands up in surrender.
"Perhaps you should just hear him out." He said turning to walk back to his desk "Just think about it."
.
"Any messages?" Joel asked as he walked up to your desk and placed the shredding he needed doing.
"You sacked Anna?" You asked and Joel nodded "For sexual harassment?"
"Yes." He replied plainly.
"Right."
"Messages?" He asked again and you handed the few you had taken for him "Thanks."
"That it?" you asked as he started to walk away from you "Did you sack her because she kissed you?"
"What do you want from me Pip?" He growled "You ignored me all weekend. Hid from me when I came to your house to see you. I got the message. You want space… So I am giving that to you..." He trailed off "What more do you want from me?"
"I want to understand why." You choked, tears pooling against your bottom lids "Why tell me you'd wait for me then kiss her?"
"I didn't kiss her." He replied simply "She kissed me but I know you aren't going to believe me."
"Joel-"
"Because the fact of the matter is... you don't trust me." He continued "You're constantly looking for reasons for us to not be together."
"That's not true." You choked, watching Joel's hand as it scraped over his mouth.
"I don't have time to discuss this with you now Pip." He sighed "Can you shred all that for me when you have a chance. I need to go relieve Mum."
"Joel-"
"Come find me when you're ready to trust me Pip."
With that, Joel left. You tried, in vain, to blink away the tears that stung your eyes but they fell anyway. You hated that you were upset that Joel was giving you the space you had, without saying it, demanded from him.
Was he right? Did you not trust him?
Only you could answer that question.
...
The awkwardness between you and Joel continued in the weeks that followed. He still brought you your coffee every morning but only spoke to you when it was absolutely necessary. The longer this went on, the more confused you felt about it... But if you were being completely honest with yourself, you wanted him to fight for you.
It felt like he had just decided to give up... But in reality, you know that he's just giving you what he thinks you want.
.
"How long are you two going to continue going on like this?" Simon asked as he glanced at you through the window of Joel's office.
"Till she decides to hear my side of things." Joel replied sharply and Simon let out a long sigh before responding.
"Try and see it from her perspective Joel. You had sworn to her that you'd wait for her just a week before and then she walks in on you and Anna kissing."
"I didn't kiss her." Joel growled and Simon huffed.
"I know that but she's in a delicate place Joel." Simon sighed "She's been through a lot and her emotions are all over the shop at the moment."
"I know that." Joel growled out "But I don't know what to do Simon. She clearly don't trust me or she would have let me say my piece weeks ago."
"I don't think it's a matter of trust." Simon said softly, giving Joel a sympathetic smile as he said "I think it's more a case of her insecurities getting the better of her."
"She knows how I feel about her." Joel argued, "She should trust that I think she's the most beautiful woman in the world."
"Then fight for her." Simon said as he stood from his chair "Don't let her slip through your fingers man."
.
Later that day found you and Simon enjoying lunch outside. He’d offered to treat you to a burger from your favourite diner and it had taken little persuasion to get you to agree.
"When are you and Joel going to work shit out?" Simon asked as he dipped a bunch of fries into his mayonnaise.
"Simon..."
"I know... I know... You're upset for him for kissing Anna." He said as he grabbed another bunch of fries "Only... he keeps telling me how he didn't kiss her. She apparently, kissed him on the cheek and it startled him." He continued, shoving the chips into his mouth and chewing them a few times before saying "He turned to look at her and she just went for it."
"That may be so but he didn't stop her." You grumbled.
"You telling me that if I kissed you out of the blue... you wouldn't freeze too?"
"Simon-"
"He's hurting Pip." Simon interrupted "He's doing what he thinks you want but I think we both know that this isn't what you want."
You look away from Simon, tears gathering again on your bottom lids and you quickly wipe them away.
"You need to talk to him Pip." Simon urged as he threw his arm around your shoulders and pulled you into a sideways hug "You're just going to hurt more and more the longer you leave it."
You nod but you don't say anything.
"I'm not saying you have to do it tomorrow or anything." He said softly "Just think about it yeah... And don't leave it too long."
"Okay." You replied with a nod, not trusting your voice not to crack.
...
You took a few days to ponder what Simon had said to you. The more you did, the more you thought about that day and what you saw. Anna stood in front of Joel, their lips locked.
Except... the more you thought about it, the more you realised that Joel's posture had been so rigid. Like he'd been standing outside in the snow for hours.
Yet...
There was still that little voice in the back of your head that told you that he had lied to you. That he had kissed her just a week after promising you that he would wait for you to be ready for more.
And you had almost been there. You were so close to being ready and now it was all up in the air. You wanted to believe Simon. You wanted to believe him and yet your heart didn't seem willing to let you forgive. Yet the longer this went on the more you missed him.
The more you missed Sarah.
So when Mrs Miller had asked if she could pop over with Sarah that Saturday morning, you couldn't have said yes quickly enough. Sitting there with Sarah smiling at you as you bounced her on your knee, you felt the most complete you had in months.
"How have you been?" The older woman asked and you shrugged. There was no hiding things from this woman.
"I know what happened with Anna." She said, "Joel told me that evening and he was a wreck." She paused to take a sip of her tea before continuing "He's still a wreck."
Lucia gave you a sad smile before waving at her granddaughter who was completely unaware of what was going on between her father and you.
"I'm scared." You replied honestly "I'm scared of getting trampled again. I don't think my heart can take any more sorrow."
"I know darlin' but Joel isn't gonna hurt you." She said softly "He just wants the chance to prove he loves you."
You nodded, smiling at Sarah who was grinning at you, her two bottom teeth making you smile and want to weep in equal measure.
"He loves you, sweetheart." She said sweetly "Not saying the boy isn't thick as soup sometimes but he loves you somethin' fierce."
"Thank you, Lucia."
"You're welcome."
...
It had been a slow morning.
Joel and the boys were on site that morning, meaning you hadn't had a chance to see him. You'd had the rest of the weekend to think about what Lucia had told you and you knew you needed to give Joel the chance to tell you his side of things.
The phone rang a little after 11 and after quickly chewing and swallowing the mouthful of toast you'd made yourself as a late breakfast you answered with your usual greeting.
"Miller and Son's construction, how can I help?"
"Pip it’s Simon." He started and his tone instantly made your blood run cold "There's been an accident on site..."
"Is everyone okay? What happened?"
"Um... We're not sure what happened... Nobody saw it." Simon continued, his voice wobbling "One minute he was next to me on the scaffolding and the next he was on the ground. I have no idea how he fell."
"How who fell?"
"It all happened so fast that I... Shit, I just froze but-"
"Simon!" You shout, stopping his rambling "Who's fallen?"
"Joel."
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Work Wife - Seven
Masterlist
Summary: Working as a Secretary at Miller & Sons Construction, you fall hopelessly in love with the eldest son Joel. What you don’t realise is that Joel’s completely in love with you too. What will it take for the two of you to realise whats’s right in front of you?
Pairing: Young Joel Miller x Reader
Warnings: Like AO3, I choose not to give any so the plot isn’t spoiled. This fic is 18+ (sorry this took a while… as many of you know, we unfortunately lost my husband's brother before Christmas so my writing took a bit of a back burner. Lando's also cut two teeth so that's been fun. I hope this was worth the wait. Slightly shorter chapter this time but hopefully you all enjoy it ♥️)
Series Masterlist - One Two Three Four Five Six
You watched as Anna twirled her hair around her finger whilst she talked to Joel, practically eye fucking him. You wanted to walk up to her and rip the bangs from her head but, you also knew you didn't have any right to be jealous. You'd rejected Joel's advances. He had every right to move on.
But if you were being completely honest with yourself, you had hoped that he would wait for you. Hadn't he said that he would?
"The whole office can hear your murderous thoughts." Simon pulled you from your silent stewing session and you jumped a little in your chair as you looked up at him.
“They’re not murderous.” You argued, rolling your eyes at him.
“So you’re not planning her demise because she’s openly flirting with the man you love in the middle of the office?”
You choked on the sip of coffee you’d just taken and looked up at Simon with wide eyes.
“I don’t-“
“A blind man could see you’re in love with each other.”
You fumble for what to say. This is the man that you had dated for quite some time. The man you had lost your virginity to... and he's trying to talk to you about the man who'd, technically, been the reason for that relationship failing.
"Simon..."
"Don't worry, Pip." He said softly in an attempt to placate you "I was hurt for a while, sure, but to be honest... It was kind of a diskish move for me to make a move on you knowing how Joel felt."
"No... it was-"
"It was." Simon interrupted "It was but I just liked you so much and he didn't seem like he was ever going to make a move so I thought... Why not take my shot."
"I'm glad you did." You said softly and Simon smiled sweetly at you.
"I am too." He replied, "We had fun whilst it lasted... right?"
"Definitely." You replied, blushing furiously and Simon beamed at you.
"I know that you have stuff going on and I respect that you're taking time to recover from that before jumping into anything with him... but... Don't wait too long."
'Simon-"
"I just mean that life's short and we don't know when our number's up." He said, giving you a sympathetic look "Don't let your chance of happiness slip away."
You nodded and gave him a sweet smile as he winked at you and left. Leaving you to ruminate on what he had said to you. You weren't ready for anything yet but you also didn't want to lose Joel whilst trying to get yourself to the point where you are. You want to be with him and Sarah. To embrace that family you can still have, even without the baby you'd lost. You just needed to heal a little more first.
...
"You excited for the office party next week?" Asked Joel as your eyes scanned the shelves for the next food item on your shopping list.
"Sure." You reply, shrugging "I mean, it's a BBQ out in a constructors yard but..."
"We try'n make it pretty." Joel argues and you chuckle and roll your eyes at him.
"No amount of polishing can make a construction yard look pretty Joel." You snicker "But the food's always good so..."
"Exactly."
"You bringing Sarah?" You asked as you threw the item you'd been looking for into the trolley Joel's pushing.
"Of course." He grins, smiling at the little girl who's resting on your hip whilst you continue to read the list you'd put together.
"Wouldn't be the same without this little peanut." You said as you nuzzled her little cheek and grinned at the giggle this elicited.
"Mum said she's happy to take her home if I wanted to stay a little later but I expect I'll stay for some food and maybe a drink then head."
"Not wanna stay and party for a bit?" You ask and he shakes his head "Anna will be disappointed."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Joel asked, two lines forming between his brows as he looked at you and awaited clarification.
"She just seems pretty smitten is all." You replied, not looking at him as you spoke "She was telling me how she was hoping to get to know you a little better."
"Why are you telling me this?" Joel growled and you finally looked at him "You know I have feelings for you so why are you throwing this BS at me?"
"I didn't mean anythin' by it I just-"
"I told you I'd wait for you. Said that when you're ready for us to be somethin' more, I'll be here." His tone made your heart twist painfully in your chest as you waited for him to continue "Now you're telling me the new girl likes me... for what reason Pip?"
"I guess I was jealous and I wanted to know how you felt-"
"You know how I feel!"
"I know... I'm sorry." You choked back, trying not to upset Sarah who was watching you both with a concerned expression on her little face "I don't know what came over me."
"You don't need to worry about who I have feelings for Pip." He said softly and your shoulders relaxed a little "I love you Pip... and I will wait for you to be ready."
"I know... Joel, I'm sorry I just... I guess I'm scared that you'll get fed up of waiting for me to be ready and I want to be ready I do it's just..."
"I know Pip... I understand." He said as he stepped a little closer to you, pinching Sarah's cheek when she smiled at him and then yours "Just don't play with my feelings like that. Please..." He trailed off and you nodded, giving him an apologetic smile and grinning when he pulled you into a side hug "Right, what have we got left on the list"
.
Later that evening you were finishing the dishes when Joel came down, baby monitor in hand and a fresh t-shirt on.
"She pee on you again?" You asked, trying not to laugh.
"Who said women can't aim?" He asked as he ran a hand through his slightly damp hair, something you hadn't noticed initially "Got me right in the face this time."
"Good girl." You chuckled and he bumped you with his hip when he came to a stop beside you.
"Careful." He warned with a smirk "We may fall out."
"Nah..." You say shaking your head "You love me too much." You freeze at your statement. Not because this was new information or anything but because you weren't sure how he would take the statement.
You looked at him gingerly, shoulders relaxing when you saw him smiling down at you sweetly.
"Yeah... I do."
You return his soft smile, looking away shyly before placing the final dried dish with the others. He helped you put everything, music floating from the radio sitting on the windowsill and you both bop and sing along to it. The whole situation was very domestic and you could not notice how right it all felt. Being here, doing such mundane chores. It all felt so natural, so right and it made you feel that little bit closer to being ready for this. All of a sudden, Joel grabs your waist and pulls you close, stealing the breath from your lungs as he starts to dance with you.
"Joel." You chuckle and he grins at you "What are you doin'?"
"Can't a man dance with a pretty lady in his kitchen?"
You don't say anything then. You just let Joel lead, swaying from side to side as the song plays softly through the speakers. You rest your head on Joel's chest and listen to the steady thump of his heart. It was a perfect moment. One you never wanted to end. But nothing lasts, and Sarah's cries coming through the baby monitor brought your moment to a premature end.
"I'll get her." You said sweetly, heading upstairs where you take her sniffling form into your arms and rock her from side to side, smiling as she falls asleep in your arms.
It makes your heart hurt a little, knowing that you would have started to feel your baby move by now. You'd imagined lazy mornings in bed with Joel, his hand on your swollen belly as he felt the little life you were growling rolling and kicking under his hand. Sarah lying with you and trying to copy her daddy. It's an image you've imagined a lot lately. One that you know isn't completely out of the question one day.
When she's back down, you rejoin Joel downstairs, smiling when he hands you a hot chocolate with all the trimmings. Just the way you like it. Sitting next to him and watching the movie he put out you think to yourself that perhaps you're not so far off being ready for this.
...
Day of the office party...
You had to give the guys credit. They had done a pretty good job this time around of doing the yard up for the party. A tipi-style tent had been erected to give people a little shade from the hot Texas sun. Joel's father's large grill had been brought over and was cooking burgers, sausages and steaks, filling the air with a rich aroma of spices and such.
You sipped at your refreshing lemonade as Joel regaled the latest tale of Sarah being her vibey self, making all the other guys laugh as you bounced the baby in question on your knee. You loved listening to him talk about her. He was such a proud dad despite it being thrust upon him out of the blue nearly 6 months ago. He had come so far in that time. Taking fatherhood by the horns and thriving.
"She's so fucking cute man." Simon gushed as he glanced at you and then at Sarah "Think you'll have more?" He asks and you glance at Joel before looking back at Sarah.
"Oh yeah." Joel chuckled "A bunch more I hope."
You looked at Joel with wide eyes, noting the apprehension in his but also noting the hopeful smile he gives you too. This man wants to have more kids... and he wants them with you. It's written all over his face. You smile back, hoping it gives him some relief.
"What about you Pip?" Pipes up Calen and you try not to wince at his question. He doesn't know... you remind yourself.
"Sure." You reply, trying to play it cool "Someday."
"I'd love to have a whole bunch." Anna states suddenly and you startle. You'd almost forgotten she was sitting with you all.
"Well Joel... Maybe Anna's ya girl." Caleb jokes and you can't hide how your stomach sinks at the insinuation. You know you shouldn't feel threatened. Joel had told you only last week that he had no feelings for Anna. That he loves you... that he will wait for you.
"He knows where I am." Anna flirts and you feel sick.
"Food's up." Shout's Joel's father and you're glad of the distraction.
Everyone gets to their feet but Joel motions for you to stay put, it's then that you notice Sarah has dosed off on you.
"One of everything?" He asked and you nodded.
"You know it!"
.
The food was delicious, as it always is. You continue to talk about work and girls the guys have been dating. The trip Mr and Mrs Miller had recently taken with Tommy. How Tommy's talking about enlisting when he leaves school. How his father thinks it'll be good for him but his mother hates the idea. The day is turning into one of the best parties you've been to since starting at the company and you're so engrossed in the conversation that you didn't notice when Anna slipped off after Joel announced he was going to the bathroom.
After a short while, Sarah starts to get fussy, so grabbing her bag you make your way to the office kitchen so you can change her and prepare a bottle for her. Bouncing the fussy Sarah in your arms, you talk softly to her and try to console her. Stopping in your tracks when you come across Anna and Joel kissing by the main entrance. Your sudden stopping makes Sarah cry harder and that's what steals Joel's attention from Anna and brings it to you, his eyes widening when he sees you standing there. Tears streaming down your face.
Sarah's distressed cries pull you from your trance and you quickly sprint past Joek and Anna, trying to get into the building but Joel's hand on your elbow stops you.
"Let go of me." You growl but Joel held firm.
"Pip please."
"I need to feed YOUR baby Joel." You spit "So let. Fucking. Go. of me." You growl and he does.
You head in and try to keep your cool as you change Sarah and prepped her bottle. You heard Joel come in but chose to ignore him. You couldn't face him right now. Not whilst you were tending to Sarah.
"Pip."
"Don't!" You warn him and he lets out a shaky sigh "You're a fucking liar Joel."
"It's not what you think!"
You don't say anything. You just leave the room and sit on the couch in the breakroom so you can feed Sarah. It felt bittersweet now, feeding his baby after he'd just torn your heart on and stomped on it but she was innocent in this.
Joel said nothing as you fed his daughter. Just stood there silently and waited for you to finish. When you were done, you burped her and pulled her into your arms. Getting up to leave, you don't look at Joel, just walk past him as you make your way out of the office. You are met by a concerned Lucia Miller. She takes the baby without a word and walks back to the party and you stand there, your shoulders heaving as you await Joel's inevitable explanation.
"Pip." He pleads and you let out a shaky breath "Please look at me."
You finally turn and face him, your eyes greeted by a sobbing Joel Miller and for a moment your heart aches to comfort him... But then you remember why you're in this position.
"It's not what you think."
"Not what I think?" You scoff "So I didn't just witness you kissing Anna?"
"Well... yes but she kissed me." He urges "I swear to you! She caught me by surprise and then I heard Sarah cryin' and saw you and I..." He trailed off and your impatience grew.
"And you what Joel?"
"I froze."
"Fuck you." You growl and he sobs.
"Pip, please... I love you." He choked "I swear to you that I didn't kiss her."
"Yeah well... Your promises mean shit all to me, Miller." You growl, turning your back on him "You're a fucking liar and I want nothing to do with you."
"Pip." Joel sobs as he watches you leave, his heart shattering into a million tiny pieces "I love you." He whispers as you disappear out of view.
Everything was fucked now.
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Firm Friends - 1
Masterlist
Summary: After a bogus raid leads to the DEA duo getting ambushed. Steve see's a different side to his asshole partner.
Warnings: Angst, Blood and Injury, Hospitalisation, PTSD. (Please let me know if I have left any out)
Notes: With the help of the lovely @novemberrain-writes, I bring you my first proper angsty fic in what is probably a good few years. Probably going to be a 2 or 3 chapter fic. See how it goes 😘
Series Masterlist
Steve was fuming.
Javier had assured him that the lead was solid and dragged him out into the field away from his real work for what he had said was the best lead they had had in weeks.
What a hoax that had been.
They had arrived at the disclosed location, a sketchy-looking warehouse, and had been laughed at by the men dressed up like Escobar and his lackeys. Steve had fired a shot in anger at the portrait of Pablo hanging on the wall of the warehouseand stormed out in a fit of rage. He refused to get back in the Jeep with Javier on the way back, unable to even look his smug partner in the eyes.
"He didn't know, Steve,” Carillo said as he took a toke of his cigarette, blowing the smoke out the cracked open window of his car.
"He's getting sloppy,” Steve growled "Man has been here years! He should be able to tell the difference between a legit lead and bullshit. I think the drinking and the whoring around is starting to get to him.”
"The information checked out,” the colonel defended and Murphy snorted in derision.
They were about ten minutes away from Carillo's base when they attacked. One moment, Javier's blue jeep was in front of them, and the next, it was on its roof, its wheels still spinning with the front end of an enemy vehicle smashed deep into its side.
“Fuck!" Steve yelled as Carillo's car screamed to a halt.
"On your right,” the colonel shouted as he leapt out of the door and took cover behind his vehicle.
Steve managed to clamber out of the driver's side, taking cover beside Carillo. Glancing over at Javier's truck, he breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that his partner had managed to climb out of the wrecked truck on shakey legs and was now taking cover also, his gun in hand. His partner seemed sweaty, eyes wild with adrenaline.
"Peña's alive,” Murphy reported as he fired a shot over the bonnet of the colonel's vehicle.
“Good," Carillo replied as he took down 3 sicarios in one fell swoop.
Adrenaline was running high as Steve took out the men shooting at them from the roof of the houses opposite, glancing at Javier periodically to make sure the man was okay. His head was bleeding from a nasty wound on his head, his ear painted in the scarlet liquid. He otherwise looked okay. His gun was steady as he took shot after shot, taking down the animals that had attacked them out of nowhere. Steve had come to learn that Javier, despite his numerous shortcomings and failings, was always good in a crisis; calm and dependable on the outside. At least he had that quality about him.
"This was a trap,” Huffed Carillo as he reloaded his pistol.
"No shit,” Spat Steve as he took out two more sicarios, narrowly missing a bullet that bounced off the bonnet.
After what felt like hours but had probably been less than half of one, the shooting stopped. Steve let himself breathe a sigh of relief as his eyes scanned over the bodies of the men and teenagers who had been waiting to ambush them. It made the blonde agent sick to his stomach to see such young boys among the dead but, they had chosen to follow a monster. They knew what they were getting into.
Steve looked over at his partner whose back was turned. His shoulders appeared to be heaving, probably from the exertion. Steve found himself out of breath as the adrenaline from the firefight they had just survived wore off.
"Are you alright Peña?" he called out, his brows furrowing when the man didn't even twitch. "Javi?"
Suddenly, almost in slow motion, Javier crumbled to the floor. His head lolled to the side as his body settled on the tarmac, his arms and legs bent awkwardly beneath him, and Steve sprinted to his side, screaming his name as he dropped to his knees beside his downed partner. Gently, he shifted Javier's limp body so he was lying on his back. The agent's limbs jerked and twitched for a minute as his eyes moved restlessly beneath the lids like he was fighting to wake. Steve felt a weak hand grab his boot as Javier blindly reached out clumsily before his grip went lax.
"Peña... Peña... Can you hear me?" He panted as he checked over the agent's injuries "Javi, can you open your eyes for me?"
The agent went limp and didn't move a muscle. His expression slack as he lay there unconscious beside his totalled truck.
"CARILLO!" Steve screamed as he stabilized his partner's head, wincing at the deep gash that looked a little more severe now that he could get a better look at it. The colonel dropped to the younger agent's side, inspecting Peña's injuries before making a call over the radio for a medical evac.
"His head's bleeding bad,” Steve said as he pushed the hem of his floral button-up shirt against the steadily seeping wound.
"I think he has fractured his skull,” Carillo replied, his eyes locking with the agents a moment before lifting Javier's shirt and spotting fresh bruises "And he's bleeding internally.”
"We need to get him to a fucking hospital,” growled Steve as he looked around at their surroundings before glancing at Carillo's truck "Help me get him in the car."
"We can't move him, Steve." Carillo warned and Murphy growled in frustration.
"He's dying, man." Murphy growled, slightly lifting Peña's eyelids to check his pupils. They were both dilated to different sizes, confirming the severe head injury. Almost as soon as Steve had settled Javier comfortably and supportively in his arms so as not to exacerbate the head injury, the man started to gasp desperately, blood splattering his lips as they began to take on a startling shade of blue and his nostrils flared.
“Shit,” Steve cursed.
Javier's chest heaved rapidly as his body fought for oxygen. His breathing skipped and stuttered while his injured lung continued to fill with blood. He was slipping away right in Steve's hands.
"Lung's punctured,” Carillo stated before demanding an ETA through his radio. “Try to prop him up a bit. It might help,” he directed Steve, who obeyed numbly.
Steve could feel the mounting stress and guilt press down on him like a ton of bricks. It felt as if the wind had been knocked out of him as he knelt dumbly on the pavement beside his dying partner. His mouth felt dry and he tasted bile.
Carefully, he cradled Javier's bleeding head in his hands, wishing he would open his eyes.
"Javi? Javi, listen to me please," he found himself begging. "You hang on ok? I need you to hang on. Ambulance is almost here and you'll be fine. Just...just..." Steve felt his voice crack as his emotions got the better of him.
The sound of sirens filled the air just a few minutes later.
Steve paced the waiting room, his thumbnail bitten so badly it bled. Carillo had been by to inform him that Javier was in surgery and would be some time before they had any news. Steve simply asked if he could call his wife and let her know he probably wouldn't be home.
His mind kept going over what he had seen. Javier lying there white as paper but for the blood that had coated the right-hand side of his face. The unnatural shade of blue his lips had turned. How the EMTs had worked frantically to stabilize him before loading him into the ambulance, shooing Steve when he tried to get in with him.
Steve hadn't been able to tear his eyes away from his partner while the medics cut open Javier's blood-stained button-up, exposing his chest and belly that was a mapping of darkening bruising; a tell-tale sign of internal trauma and severe bleeding. They were frantically rushing to get leads on him to monitor his vitals, inserting IVs and pushing liquids. Javier almost seemed like a corpse until his weak body jerked with a violent cough that brought up more blood.
Steve found himself in a fog, unable to comprehend anything as Carillo managed to pull him away from the ambulance.
"They need room to work,” Carillo had told him and Steve had simply nodded limply "We'll follow in my car."
Steve caught a glimpse of one of the medics wiping the blood from Javier's mouth and securing a plastic oxygen mask over his face before the doors closed.
He remembered what he had said to Javier when the agent had told him to get in the truck.
"I can't fucking stand to be around you right now, Peña,” he’d spat, venom dripping from every word "You have done nothing but waste my fucking time since I arrived."
Steve had seen the agent visibly wince at his words but at the time he had been so angry he hadn't cared. Now he hated the idea that the man might die thinking that Steve thought him a failure. He'd heard what Javier had been through in the years he'd spent here before Steve had arrived. He had been more or less going it alone, chasing lead after lead in the hope that he would finally catch Escobar. To say Peña had been relieved to get a partner was an understatement, even if he'd had a strange way of showing it.
"Steve?"
The familiar voice of his wife pulled him from his self-deprecating thoughts. He spun on his heels, practically sprinting to his wife, scooping her into his arms and sobbing into her neck.
She rubbed his back soothingly as he cried, placing a soft kiss on his temple when he started to pull away.
"What happened?"
"We were ambushed,” Steve choked "Javier's car was hit and then chaos."
Connie gasped. Her hand flew up to cover her mouth as Steve regaled what had happened.
"Javier collapsed. Got a fractured skull and internal bleeding,” he continued "Carillo said it's bad... but they're doing everything they can."
"Shit... Steve, I'm sorry,” Connie said as she stroked the apple of his cheek with her thumb "You couldn't have known this would happen." She said, reading the guilt he felt on his face.
"I was an ass to him,” he replied, a tear escaping from his bloodshot eyes as he looked at his wife "The raid being a dud wasn't his fault and yet I blamed him. I basically called him a failure and he looked so hurt, Con. I can see how what I said affected him and I-"
"Steve stop,” His wife ordered, taking his face in her hands. "You're spiralling. What happened wasn't your fault. It wasn't Javi's fault. "It was Escobar's. Remember who your enemy is."
Steve nodded, knocking more tears free.
"Javi's going to be okay,” his wife reassured, sounding so positive that Steve believed her "He is strong and stubborn. Going to take more than this to take him out."
"You didn't see how bad he was Con, he-"
"He's going to be okay Steve,” she repeated, "I know he will."
"Okay." Steve said with a nod before crumbling in his wife's arms, praying that she was right.
.
Steve was starting to dose off on his wife's shoulder when Carillo entered again. His expression looked as exhausted as Steve's. Six hours had passed since he had last come in to update the agent on Javier going into surgery. He had been standing vigilant outside of the theatre, watching things unfold and keeping an eye on the doctors. Javier was a sitting duck in the hospital and he intended to keep his colleague and friend safe.
"How is he?" Connie asked, rousing Steve.
“Stable,” Carillo replied, scraping a hand over his face "They managed to stop the internal bleeding and they are going to observe him and his skull fracture for now, hopefully, he will not need surgery for it."
Steve nodded as he took in everything Carillo was saying. His body numb.
“He’s got a long road ahead of him. He’s been sedated and intubated and has a chest drain to treat the collapsed lung. They managed to get his internal bleeding under control. The doctor doesn’t want him on the vent for too long, though, so they are going to try to remove it in a day or two,” Carillo continued.
"That's good." Connie said, giving Steve's arm a reassuring squeeze.
"He's not out of the woods but the man is strong,” the colonel stated firmly "He'll be okay."
"Can I go see him?" Steve asked and Carillo nodded, motioning for him and Connie to follow.
The colonel let them through the clinically blue halls, coming to a stop outside a faded veneer door, men posted on either side of it. Peering through its window, he could see Javier lying there with a thick tube jutting out between his lips. Whitetape held it in place, standing out against his tanned complexion. It was a relief to see his colour had somewhat returned.
"I'll be outside if you need anything,” said Carillo as he opened the door and motioned the Murphy's inside.
Steve hesitated when the door opened. He could see more clearly, all the equipment Javier had smothering him to keep him alive. His guilt threatened to consume him as bile rose in his throat.
"Steve?" The agent looked up at his wife who was now standing just inside of Peña's room, her hand outstretched to him "Come on."
He took the hand she offered and they stepped slowly towards his bed, studying him more closely. His head was bandaged, and his right eye had started to bruise. The tube looked huge close-up, sitting snug between his straight teeth. His partner didn’t seem real. This was merely a ghost of the cocky, often annoying man he knew.
"Talk to him,” Connie urged, and Steve nodded, perching in the chair beside his bed. "They have him sedated, but things will filter through. He needs to know you’re here and that everything is okay.”
"Hey, man,” he started, letting out a steadying breath as his emotions started to get the better of him "Listen, what I said to you, that I can't stand you, none of that was true." Letting out a long sigh, he leaned forward and placed his hand on Peña's, hoping it would bring the agent some modicum of comfort. "You need to get better, brother, so that I can buy you the most expensive whisky I can find to apologize for being such an ass."
He wished desperately that his partner would make some sort of movement save for the mechanical rise and fall of his chest from the ventilator but that was impossible. Javier was deep in some dreamless abyss from the drugs.
Silence settled over the room. Just the clicks, whooshes and beeps of machinery could be heard for some time. Connie managed to get another chair and the couple sat at the agent's side, silently praying he'd be okay.
They had just started to drift off, the machines lulling them off, when Javier's heart monitor started to scream. The blood drained from Steve's face as he and Connie were dragged from the room, forced to watch Javier convulse limply with seizures through the blinds as the doctors swarmed him.
Steve couldn’t stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks this time.
Next
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So, super excited to be collaborating with one of my fave writers @novemberrain-writes ♥️ Queen of Angst! Hope you enjoy the Whumpy goodness we’ve put together for you
Summary: After a bogus raid leads to the DEA duo getting ambushed. Steve see's a different side to his asshole partner.
Part 1 (Coming Soon)
Part 2
Part 3
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Something’s cooking
So, I wanna thank everyone who have been super supportive through what has definitely been one of the toughest periods of my life.
You have all been super patient with me and I appreciate it so much ♥️
I have been working on some updates. There is a chapter cooking for ‘Work Wife’
But…
What I am most excited about is my first colab fic! Super excited to tell you all that I am working on a Peña Whump fic with the lovely @novemberrain-writes.
Can’t wait to share it with you all! Stay tuned 🥹
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Work Wife - Six
Masterlist
Summary: Working as a Secretary at Miller & Sons Construction, you fall hopelessly in love with the eldest son Joel. What you don’t realise is that Joel’s completely in love with you too. What will it take for the two of you to realise whats’s right in front of you?
Pairing: Young Joel Miller x Reader
Warnings: Like AO3, I choose not to give any so the plot isn’t spoiled. This fic is 18+ (sorry this took a while… had a poorly baby to deal with! Hope it was worth the wait ♥️)
Series Masterlist - One Two Three Four Five
You sat with Sarah perched on your lap, the 9-month-old clapping as you sang along to Barney. The little girl was obsessed with the Giant Purple dinosaur, grunting and wriggling whenever he graced the TV.
She did not like Bananas in Pajamas or Elmo, finding them all rather alarming. Her face would crumple and she’d cry inconsolably until it was turned off and Barney was turned on.
“Not that damn dinosaur again baby girl.” Joel chuckled as he walked into the lounge “Haven’t you seen this episode before?”
“Probably.” You chuckled as you kissed the baby’s crown, humming at the feel of her settling against you.
“You okay, baby?” Joel asked and you smiled and nodded.
“Yeah… yeah I am.”
…
4 months earlier…
You hadn’t moved from your couch in days. Joel and his mum had been taking turns to take care of you, making sure you ate, bathed… breathed. You were a shell of your former self and Joel was losing his mind with worry.
He didn’t talk about Sarah with you. Didn’t bring her by despite your mum telling him it might help. He was just too terrified of losing you that he kept that side of his life away from you. Not knowing how you might react.
“Here.” He said softly as he placed some food on the table opposite you “Mum’s famous pumpkin soup and I got the sourdough bread you like. Drowned in butter just how you love it.”
“Thank you.” You whisper, allowing him to help you sit up and then gratefully accept the tray that he hands you. “You don’t have to keep coming here.” You say after taking a few bites of the delicious food he’d given you “Sarah needs you more than I do.”
“Mum’s with Sarah.” He says sweetly as he sits himself down beside you and digs into his portion of food.
“But she needs her dad.” You argued, “You should make the most of every moment with her.”
“Pip-“
“I don’t need your pity, Miller!”
“Pip, we’re worried about you!” He sighed “I’m not here because I pity you… I’m here because I love you and I swore to you that we’d get through this together.” He paused a while, scraping a hand over his face as turned to look at you.
“I’ll be okay, Joel.” You squeaked, trying to keep your voice steady.
"Yes, you will be." He agreed as he continued to eat his food "But in order for you to be okay... You need to eat." He finished, motioning at your bowl of food.
You didn't argue then. Returning to eating your food together in silence whilst the TV continued to play in the background. You truly, appreciated the help Joel and his mum were giving you. You knew that you weren't taking very good care of yourself. You didn't have the drive to do much more than wallow.
"How is Sarah?" You asked a little while later, your hands shaking a little as you placed your tray down.
"She's good." Joel answered with a smile "She's started to fake cough for attention which is hilarious. Keeps givin' mum a heart attack."
This brought a chuckle out of you and Joel tried not to look too excited about it. He hadn't heard you laugh in what felt like forever. You had a whistful smile on your face and it gave Joel hope.
"If you want to bring her here that would be okay." You said softly, and Joel gave you a sweet smile as he nodded.
"Thanks, Pip."
...
It was two weeks later that Joel finally brought Sarah around to see you. He had been anxious about how you would react to seeing her and so had decided to leave it a little longer before he did. You were sitting on the couch nursing a mug of coffee when he let himself in, Sarah's head whipping around as she took in her surroundings with her large brown eyes. Eyes she'd definitely inherited from her dad.
"Knock knock." Joel called out and you looked up and smiled at him, your eyes growing round and filling with tears as you saw Sarah in his arms.
Joel instantly started to panic when he noted the tears begin to trail down your cheeks but then you were at his side in an instant and pulling Sarah from his arms.
"Oh baby girl, I've missed you." You sobbed as you placed a long kiss on the crown of her head.
"I'll go make us more coffee." Joel said then, knowing you probably wanted some time alone with the baby.
You nodded, smiled at him then carried Sarah to the couch so you could sit. You rested her on your knee, grinning even harder when she gave you the sweetest little gummy smile.
"Look at you." You choked as you took her in "You've gotten so big."
Sarah screeched in delight and you let out a wet chuckle, knocking another few tears loose.
"God you're so beautiful." You uttered as you stroked Sarah's plump cheek with your thumb.
"Yeah, not quite sure how that happened." Joel chuckled and you rolled your eyes at him.
"Well her mum was gorgeous for a start." You grumbled, eliciting a smirk from Joel "But she looks so much like you."
"Poor kid."
"You're very handsome Joel." You stated so nonchalantly and Joel's cheeks heated at the compliment.
"Schucks." He chuckled, trying to wave off the compliment.
"What shall we do today?" You asked and Joel gave you a look of surprise before looking at Sarah who was happily snoozing on you.
"Well, what would you like to do?" He asked sweetly and you hummed as you thought about it for a moment.
"Did you take Sarah to the aquarium in the end?" You asked and Joel shook his head.
"No, I... I wanted to do that with you so it didn't feel right." His answer made your heart swell and you smiled sweetly at him.
"Okay. Then I say let's go to the aquarium today."
"Perfect!"
.
"You ready to see some fishies, Sarah Sue?"
Joel grinned at the silly nickname you had given his daughter.
"Do you want me to take her?" Joel asked and you shook your head.
"Nah I'm good. You stick to snapping the pictures, Daddy." You finished, winking at him.
Joel's length twitched in his jeans at your statement. He nodded, hoping the dim light of the aquarium hid his burning cheeks. He threw Sarah's baby bag into the pram and pulled out his camera.
Sarah was instantly taken with the fish. Giggling and smiling at the creatures as they flitted around their tanks. She would screech at the bubbles and grin at the sharks as they swam overhead when you walked through the glass tunnel and you smiled brighter than Joel had seen you in months. He took so many pictures of the two of you as you walked through the aquarium, grinning at how mystified Sarah looked as she watched a giant sea turtle swim overhead.
"Hey, want me to snap a picture of you and her together?"
"Oh, it's okay." Joel said nervously but you rolled your eyes and walked to his side.
"Here..." You said handing him the baby then taking the camera you took a few steps back and looked through the viewfinder to square up the shot "Say fishies." You grinned as you snapped a few photos.
"Thanks." Joel said as he handed Sarah back to you and grabbed the camera.
"You're welcome, Miller."
By the time you got to the end of the aquarium, Sarah was out for the count in her pram. Joel suggested lunch and you dragged him to an English pub you'd been wanting to try since Simon had mentioned it a few months ago.
"That burger looks incredible." You stated when Joel's food was placed in front of him and he nodded in agreement before eying up yours.
"Your chicken burger looks pretty damn good too."
You both took a bite of your food and hummed as the delicious flavours assaulted your senses.
"Good?" You both asked in unison before chuckling together.
"Wanna try some?" You asked and Joel nodded, leaning forward so he could take a bite.
You watched him as he did, thinking it was the most sensual thing you'd seen in months then chuckled when a little garlic mayo dribbled onto his chin. Quickly swiped it with your finger, you jumped when he grabbed your hand and wrapped his lips around the digit.
"That's good." He said and you came back to your senses, nodding in agreement "Wanna try some of mine?"
"Definitely."
You leaned towards him, biting into the juicy burger he held in front of you and hummed at the different flavours that hit you. Leaning back, Joel chuckles and you look at him with wide eyes as he leans toward you.
"Got a little something..." He trails off, cupping the back of your neck and pulling you towards him.
You get so caught up in his eyes that you don't see what's about to happen, but the moment his lips touch yours the trance is broken and you're pulling away.
"Don't." You say as you pull yourself out of his grasp and shuffle along the bench seat you're sitting on "Don't do that."
"I'm sorry I..." He's instantly panicking, his eyes wild as his eyes started to fill with tears "Shit... I completely misread this." He choked "Fuck..."
"Joel." You said but he continued to ramble and continued to panic. Sarah chose that moment to wake from her nap and scream bloody murder.
"Fuck." He growled as he pulled a premade bottle of formula from her cool bag.
"Let me sort it, Joel."
"It's fine." He said "Can you watch Sarah please." he pleaded before getting up and running to the bar.
His hands shook as he waited for the bartender to bring the hot water he requested. His heart felt like it was trying to pound its way out of his chest. Why had he thought kissing you was a good idea? He had got so caught up in the moment that he had just gone for it and now you probably hated him.
How the hell was he going to get himself out of this mess?
When he made it back to the table, you’d managed to calm Sarah down and you were singing to her sweetly as you rocked her from side to side. He watched you a moment with his daughter and his heart crumbled to dust. He couldn't lose you. If keeping you meant forcing himself to fall out of love with you then that's what he'd do.
It was for the best.
When he sat back down again you looked at him and opened your mouth to speak but his eyes morphed into those of a sad puppy and you stopped yourself.
"Can we just please forget it happened." Joel pleaded and your heart sank a little but you nodded.
"Sure."
You knew your reaction had hurt him but you just weren't ready yet. Your heart was still bleeding for the baby you had hoped to raise with him and the life you'd dreamed of sharing with him. You wanted to open yourself to him and today was the first time you'd felt at peace in what felt like a lifetime but you didn't want to skip any steps.
Joel handed you the bottle after checking the temperature on his wrist and you started to feed the ravenous Sarah, smiling sweetly at her as she watched you whilst she fed.
"Today's been wonderful." You said, breaking the tense silence "Thank you for this Joel." You finished as you looked at him and smiled.
"You're welcome Pip."
...
Joel smiled at you as he brought over your usual morning coffee. You had been back at work a week and each day you seemed to be a little brighter.
"How is my favourite secretary this morning?" He asked and you chuckled as you graciously took your coffee from him.
"She is good." You replied honestly and he grinned at you.
Not a word had been said about the incident at the pub and though it hurt you both not to discuss it, neither of you wanted to hurt the other. So the subject had been pushed to the side and forgotten. Or so each of you thought.
"I have a favour to ask you." Your eyebrow quirked at this but you said nothing as you waited for him to elaborate.
"Could you watch Sarah for a few hours this evening?"
Your interest was piqued.
"Hot date?" You asked, trying your best to sound unaffected by the idea.
"Yeah." He answered and your heart sank "With a 70-year-old woman and her son." He continued and you felt your lungs fill with air again "Guy's looking to do a huge refurb that includes a granny annexe extension. Dad was supposed to go but it's his and Ma's anniversary so he's asked me to go instead."
"That's huge Joel!" You gushed and he nodded as a smile crossed his lips.
"If I can win the contract it will be a really great payout."
"You will knock 'em dead." You said with a surety that made his heart skip a beat.
"So is that a yes?"
"You know I love an excuse to spend quality time with my girl."
"You're a life, saver." He said, leaning down to peck your cheek "Thank you."
You blushed, touching your cheek and remembering how his lips felt against it. You watched as he walked away, ducking into his office and grabbing the phone as it started to ring.
"Take a picture. It'll last longer."
Simon speaking beside you made you jump and you looked at him with an expression similar to a dear in headlights.
"I don't know what you mean." You replied, trying to brush his statement off.
"Oh come on hun..." He chuckled, leaning against your desk "I see the way you guys look at each other."
"We're friends."
"Friends who are in love with each other."
"Simon." You pleaded but he carried on.
"I know for a fact that he told you he loved you so what's the issue?"
"How?"
"How what?" He asked and you growled in frustration.
"How do you know that?"
Simon looked at his hands a moment before answering.
"He told me." He confessed and your brows drew together.
"When Sarah was sick, I went over to the hospital to see him and the baby." Simon's expression grew sad "His mum came and told him to get out for a bit. Clear his head so we went for a drink... six in his case."
You could see where this was going but you let Simon continue.
"He was heartbroken. Telling me how he'd confessed how he felt and you'd told him that you were no good for each other, which is bullshit by the way."
"We worked through that."
"Okay... so why aren't you guys together?"
"It's complicated." You answered.
No one knew why you'd been off work for a month and you weren't sure you wanted to share it around the office.
"How can it be?" He pushed "You love each other. So just be together... Something happen?"
"Simon please stop pushing this." You pleaded "It's between Joel and I."
"Look... I care about you both and I want you to be happy. And y'all are both happiest when you're together. So whatever it is that you or he did... fix it."
"I lost a baby." You said suddenly and Simon’s expression started to resemble that of a fish out of water "I got pregnant but I lost it."
"Was it...?"
"Joel's?" Simon nodded and you shook your head "No, the guy I had the arrangement with... was his."
"Shit, Pip I'm so sorry."
"I would appreciate it if you kept it to yourself." You asked and Simon nodded "Joel and Mr and Mrs Miller know but that's it."
"I won't tell anyone I swear."
"Thanks, Si." You sighed “But that’s why we aren’t together… I need some time”
Simon didn’t need to say anything. He understood and his heart broke for you. So instead he gave your hand a squeeze and left.
...
You always knew when Joel had arrived in the office. The air seemed to change and your heart always raced as you waited for him to give you your morning coffee.
"Morning, Pip." Joel said sweetly as he placed your coffee down in its usual spot.
"Morning Joel..." You trailed off when your eyes locked with the young woman beside him.
"Oh... How rude of me." Joel chuckled "Pip this is Anna. She's our new trainee accountant."
"Oh?"
"Did I not tell you she was starting?" He asked and you shook your head.
"Shit, sorry Pip it must have slipped my mind. Sarah's had a cold so a little sleep-deprived." He chuckled "Do you mind giving her the tour? I have a call with the cement supplier in five minutes."
"Sure." You replied, trying to smile sweetly at him.
"He seems nice." Anna said and you nodded your agreement as you watched him leave.
"Yeah, he's great." You replied as you got to your feet, grabbing your coffee and taking it with you.
You started the tour by showing her the two meeting rooms, then moving on to the bathrooms, and offices, introducing her to the few people that were in the office and not on one of the sites. You finished off with the kitchen area, showing her how the utilities worked and where to find the communal coffee and tea.
"Any questions?"
"Just one." Anna replied as she smiled at you
“Shoot.”
"Joel."
"What about him?"
"He single?" She asked and your stomach twisted.
"I think so... why?"
"Just curious." She gave you a sly grin "I wanna climb him like a tree."
"He has a baby." You stated but she just shrugged.
"Make's him hotter in my opinion." She replied, grinning like the cat that got the cream "You and him involved?"
"No... No, we're just friends." You replied and she seemed to smile even wider.
"So he's fair game?" She asked and you fought hard not to cry.
"I guess so."
Next
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Happy Accident
Masterlist
Summary: When Steve learns that Javier has been in a, perhaps not so casual, relationship with you, the office secretary. He tells him to cut ties before you get hurt. Little do either of them know that breaking things off won't be quite so simple.
Pairings: Javier Peña x Reader
Warnings:Like AO3, I choose not to give any so the plot isn’t spoiled. This fic is 18+... Read at own risk. (This is a little one shot that I popped together. Been floating around in my brain and I needed to get it out. Hope you enjoy and I promise updates for Hope and Work Wife are on the way. Also slowly but surely getting an update for Only You finished. It's all cooking away. Enjoy ♥️)
Steve had had his suspicions for some time that something was going on between the two of you. He was sure you thought he hadn't noticed how you both looked at each other when the other wasn't looking. The younger agent hadn'tconfronted Javier about it because he'd wanted firm evidence before he did. It's not that he didn't want you or Javier to be happy, but getting involved with a DEA agent painted a target on your back, and that wasn't something Steve was willing to let happen.
His suspicions were confirmed that evening.
You'd not even really made it much through the front door. You were both just too desperate to taste one another that Javier had spun you, pinned you and lifted your skirt so he could fuck you against the wall of his entryway.
"You feel like heaven, Carino." He purred against the skin of your neck as he continued to hit that perfect spot that had you teetering on the edge of your third orgasm since this had begun "I can feel you squeezing me. Just one more Hermosa."
You gave him what he asked. Cumming so hard around his length that you pulled him right along with you. Then, you stood there tangled in a sweaty embrace as you tried to catch your breath.
Neither of you heard the door opening.
"I fucking knew it." Exclaimed Steve, making Javier cradle you closer in the hope of preserving your dignity.
"Steve-"
"Have either of you thought this through?" He interrupted, turning to give you both a little privacy as you untangled from one another.
"What's that supposed to mean?" You growled and Steve let out a frustrated sigh.
"This." He said, motioning between you both "Could get messy."
"We're both adults Steve." Javier grumbled in reply.
"That's not what I mean and you know it."
"I should go..." You trailed off, grabbing your purse from the floor and making for the door.
"Baby no, Steve was just leaving." Javier pleaded, gaining a bemused look from his partner.
"Was I?"
"Steve obviously needs to talk to you, otherwise why would he be here?" You started plainly "I will see you tomorrow." You finished before slipping out of his apartment.
A long, tense, silence hung over both the agents for quite some time before either of them spoke. Steve could feel Javier'sfrustration coming off him in waves but he needed the man to see reason. You and Javier were treading on dangerous territory.
"Do you really think being in a relationship with her is wise?" Steve asked after what felt like an age and Javier's gaze grew icey.
"What business is it of yours who I have relations with?"
"It's my business when the woman in question is a colleague and a friend." Steve growled out "Have either of you stopped to think what kind of danger this could put her in if Escobar were to learn about it."
"He won't" Javier rolled his eyes at the notion but Steve wasn't going to back down.
"You and I both know that he has eyes everywhere." Javier's shoulders tensed as he waited for Steve to continue "Shedoesn't even live in this building. What if someone saw her coming here with you? We know that Escobar knows where we live. It's not a stretch to consider that he has this place under surveillance."
Javier tried his hardest not to gape at his partner as the reality of what had just been said sunk in. He knew Steve was right. Neither of you had stopped to consider what the potential risks were when starting something together. Too desperate to act on the undeniable connection the two of you shared.
"You need to break shit off with her." Steve said gravely before giving his partner a sympathetic look "You and I both know that she will be at risk if you continue to see each other." He continued, looking down at the wedding band on his hand as he twisted it between his thumb and pointer finger "Don't get the same kind of protection for office flings."
Javier wanted to argue that you were more than just a fling. That, what had started as something casual, had evolved into something much deeper. Yet, he knew that Steve was right. He needed to protect you from his ugly world.
He knew what he needed to do.
He just wasn't sure he had the strength to do it.
You had been in a fairly good mood when you had gotten into the office that morning, but your mood had soon beensoured when your manager had called you into her office that morning.
You were being transferred to a different department.
A complaint had been made about your performance and to spare any awkwardness, they had decided that moving you was the safest bet. When you had gone in search of Javier and Steve to tell them what had happened, your mood had soured even more.
"You have been a little distracted lately." Steve had said and you had fought not to scream at him.
Javier had simply shrugged and agreed with his partner.
That had stung the most.
So that's how you found yourself dragging Javier into the supply cupboard in the hope of a private word.
"What the hell is up with you today?" You asked as you shoved his shoulder slightly "I'm being moved to a different department on the other side of the embassy and you don't seem even a little disappointed about it."
Javier sighed as he scraped one of his large hands down his tired face.
"Probably for the best." He stated plainly and your expression fell "We have allowed ourselves to get carried away."
"What are you saying?" You choked and he let out a huff before continuing.
"I mean that this..." he motioned his hand between you two to emphasise his point "This needs to stop." He growled, "We got too carried away and let our work slip because of it."
"But Javier... I-"
"It will be best for everyone if we just don't see or speak to each other anymore." You choked on his last statement.
You left the room abruptly before he had a chance to see your tears. You didn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing you cry over him. Little did you know that he was fighting to keep his own tears at bay as he watched you leave.
He didn't want to end this with you.
He was falling in love with you. But, sometimes to love someone is to let them go. Or at least, that's what he told himself in the weeks that would follow as he tried desperately not to spiral.
He wouldn't see you then for 4 months.
It had killed Javier to stop seeing you but, you being moved to the other side of the building had helped make accidental bumping into each other almost impossible. The fact that you also didn't live in the same building added to the fact he had not seen or heard anything from or about you in months.
Steve had done the smart thing and kept his mouth shut about it. He could see that his partner was hurting but he knew that in time, his pain would pass. This was for the best after all.
Well, he had certainly believed that until Connie had dropped a bombshell on him the night before. He had been trying to figure out a way to tell his partner what his wife had told him about you. He wasn't sure how the older agent would react but he was fairly sure a fist was almost certainly going to come his way.
And he would deserve it.
"Why do you keep shifting like you've got crabs?" Javier grumbled, pulling Steve out of his inner turmoil.
"Uh..."
"What's going on with you?" Peña growled, "Been acting off all fucking morning."
"I kinda need to tell you something." Steve replied and Javier simply sat and waited for his partner to reply. Perking up when your name slipped from Steve's lips. "She paid Connie a visit at the clinic a few weeks ago."
"Everything okay?" Javier didn't even try to hide his concern.
"Well..."
Three days earlier...
You sat nervously in the waiting room as you waited for your name to be called. Your friend had told you about this clinic when she’d had a similar issue a few years back and had assured you that they were safe and discreet.
That's exactly what you needed.
Your name was called and you looked up to see a kind-faced older woman smiling back at you. She motioned for you to follow her and you did, thanking her when she held the door to the exam room open for you.
"Lay on the bed and lift your dress for me please." She said and she pulled out the equipment she needed "This your first?"
"Yeah." You replied with a nervous smile "Not planned."
"Are they ever?" She joked and you smiled at her, shivering when she put the jelly on your abdomen.
As the probe started to dig and slide around your slightly rounded stomach, the room fell into a tense silence. You didn'tdare look. Too scared of what you might see.
"Everything looks perfect." The older woman said, pressing a button that allowed a rhythmic thumping to fill the air"Strong heartbeat." She continued "Looking at these measurements I would say you're about five months pregnant. So a little further along than you had originally thought.”
"Five months?" You asked and the woman nodded "So I am already halfway through?"
"I would say so." She confirmed, "I also can't be one hundred per cent sure but, the first shot I got of them gave me a fairly good indication of what you're having."
"So you can tell me if it's a boy or a girl?"
"Fairly certain yes... Would you like to know?" You nodded eagerly.
"Well, judging from this picture here." She said and she pulled one of the images she'd printed for you out "I'd say you'rehaving a girl."
You gasped, smiling at the picture as she handed it to you before handing you a few more of the perfect little accident growing inside of you. Part of you wondered if you should tell Javier now that you had confirmation that all was well.Then you remembered how he had cut ties with you and avoided you at every turn. Even if you wanted to, you didn'tknow how you could get him to listen to you. He was elusive.
After the exam finished, you were handed the remainder of the images the woman had taken and sent on your way with a grin on your face and happy tears in your eyes. Yet, you had failed to notice Connie as she led her own appointment out and the woman's eyes widened when she saw you hug her colleague before slipping out.
"Maria, what was that woman here for?" She asked as she walked up beside her.
"She's pregnant." The woman beamed "Happy accident but she was further along than she expected. Girl's going to be in a mad panic now to get things sorted." She finished with a small chuckle.
"Pregnant?" Connie gaped, her eyes the size of saucers as she saw you get into your car and pull away. Maria, completelyoblivious to the blonde's reaction to you.
"Pregnant?" Javier whispered. His eyes were wide and watery as he replayed what Steve had just told him on repeat in his head.
"About five months according to Con." Javier glared at Steve with a look in his eyes that made the younger man shiver.
"She's pregnant." He choked out again "Why didn't she tell me?"
"You have been avoiding her." Steve replied and Javier snapped.
"And who was the one who told me to break shit off with her and avoid her?"
"I was just trying to protect her." Steve tried to defend himself but Javier was having none of it.
"I was falling in love with her and I hurt her and myself because you told me I needed to." He growled, getting up from his desk and fisting his hands in Steve's shirt as he shoved his partner against the wall "Now she's pregnant with my child and alone."
"I'm sorry man." Steve choked out "I didn't think-"
"Think what?"
"I didn't think it was serious for you." He confessed, earning a punch to the gut.
"Fuck you." Javier growled before leaving the office he shared with Murphy.
He had to find you and make this right.
"Are you going to continue to practice Karate all night in there or do you fancy giving mummy a break at some point?" You said affectionately to your small bump as you stroked it with your thumb.
A knock at your door pulled you from your moment.
"One sec." You called out as you pushed yourself to your feet, the pelvic girdle pain had been getting steadily worse as your pregnancy had progressed and moving was becoming a chore.
Looking through the peephole you were surprised to see Javier standing on the other side. You were torn about whether you wanted to open the door to him but the woman inside who still loved him wanted to see him so with a little hesitationyou opened the door. He looked a mess and your heart broke a little at the sight of his tearful and bedraggled appearance.
"What are you doing here Javier?" You asked, trying to keep your tone neutral.
"I know about the baby."
Your jaw hit the floor.
"How do you?"
"Connie works at the clinic you went to and saw you leaving. Her colleague told her why you were there."
"Oh."
"Why didn't you come to me?" He asked and you let out a slightly deranged laugh as you turned your back on him and walked back into your apartment.
"Would you have seen me if I had tried?" You snorted "Done an excellent job of avoiding me for the last four months."
"I'm sorry." He choked and you rolled your eyes.
"Yeah well, sorry doesn't make up for the fact you broke my heart, Javier."
"I never wanted to do that."
"But you're good at it." You growled, "I know that what we were was more important to me than it was to you but I deserved better."
"You're right." He conceded "But, what we had, it meant a lot to me too."
"I'm sure the latest pussy you're fucking does too." You grumbled as you sat down and picked up your tea that had been cooling on your coffee table."
"I haven't been with anyone else."
"Sure you haven't."
"I was falling in love with you." His confession took you by surprise and your head snapped up at it "Was... Still am..." He trailed off "I broke my own heart breaking things off with you but Steve reminded me that a relationship with me puts you in danger."
"You don't think I already knew that?" You growled, "I chose to be with you in spite of the risk Javier."
"Why?" His question broke your heart.
"Because despite what you think... you're a good man and you deserve to be loved as much as anyone else." You confessed "I fell so madly in love with you, Javier... But I knew that you would never commit to me. I was willing to break myself, just to have you for a little while." You finished before turning your back on him.
"You have all of me." He announced as he grabbed your wrist and pulled you close "If you'll have me... I will give you and this baby everything I can."
"You can't promise me that, Javier."
"I can... and I will." He said, gently lowering himself to one knee before pulling out a small box from his pocket.
"What are you doing?"
"I made the mistake of letting you go once before and I refused to do it again." Javier stated plainly as he smiled up at you, your name falling from his lips as he said "You have made me feel more alive this past year than I have since I... Well since ever I think."
"Javier..." You choked, your hand shooting your mouth as he opened the box to reveal a gorgeous antique ring.
"I can't promise I won't be an idiot again but I can promise to love you and our baby with every fibre of my being." He choked as his eyes darted to where your hand rested on your small bump "Please... Mi corazón... Will you make me the happiest man on this earth and marry me?"
You choked on your words so simply nodded, your whole body shaking as you placed your hand in his and smiled when he slipped the ring on your finger. His lips were on yours then. Kissing you with a passion that you had thought was lost to you forever.
"I love you, Mi Amor." He whispered against your lips and he smiled brightly at you.
"I love you too."
Four months later...
"How are you feeling?" Connie asked as she handed you a steaming mug of coffee.
"Good... great actually." You replied as you beamed at her "Being a mum is so amazing, Connie."
"I completely agree." She grinned as she looked up at Steve who was in the kitchen preparing Olivia's bottle as she sucked on the shoulder fabric of his t-shirt "How's Javier getting on?"
"He has taken to fatherhood so well." You gushed "He dotes on her. She's a week old and already got him wrapped around her little finger."
"Damn right, she does." Javier stated as he entered the room with a freshly changed baby in his arms "She's perfect and deserves the world."
"Whipped dude." Steve chuckled from the kitchen.
"Proudly!"
"Fatherhood looks good on you Javi." Connie gushed and the older agent grinned at her before looking down at his tiny daughter in his arms.
"It's the greatest gift I have ever been given." He said as he placed a gentle kiss on her brow.
You and Javier had, had a quickie wedding before the baby had been born. Deciding that once she had been born, you could start planning and eventually throw a more extravagant party. Javier had slipped into married life like it was all he knew. The arrival of your daughter meant he no longer did the ridiculously late nights he had before. He was more careful about the situations that he threw himself into. He had a wife and baby waiting for him and home after all. Things had been more perfect than you could have every imagined.
All thanks to your happy accident.
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Work Wife - Five
Masterlist
Summary: Working as a Secretary at Miller & Sons Construction, you fall hopelessly in love with the eldest son Joel. What you don’t realise is that Joel’s completely in love with you too. What will it take for the two of you to realise whats’s right in front of you?
Pairing: Young Joel Miller x Reader
Warnings: Like AO3, I choose not to give any so the plot isn’t spoiled. This fic is 18+ (So… I decided I couldn’t leave this fic the way I had, before buggering off for a week… finished my book and had some time to kill in the evenings so managed to get this written 🥹… I do wanna give one warning for this particular chapter… If anyone is triggered by anything pregnancy related, read at your own risk. I apologise in advance, this chapter is pretty heavy but it will all come together I promise ♥️)
Series Masterlist - One Two Three Four
“You said yes?” Joel asked, frowning when you nodded in reply.
“Why?”
“Because we’re having a baby Joel!” You growled back
“Do you love him?”
“No, but-”
“So you’ll marry a man you don’t love because he knocked you up but won’t be with me?” He spat “You claim to be in love with me and I told you I’m in love with you but you decided that we’re no good for each other and carried on your casual relationship with Ant. Now you’re pregnant and marrying him?”
“Joel-“
“You never even gave us a chance.” He choked, hurt saturating his tone. “You never gave me a chance to fight for us.”
“We’re not good for each other Joel!” You argued and he let out an exasperated sigh as he ran his hand through his hair for what must have been the hundredth time that evening.
“How do you know?” he growled. “When we’re together, we are amazing! We make each other laugh and smile, and Sarah adores you… I know you love her.”
“It’s not that simple Joel.” You choked “I’m pregnant with another man's child!”
“And I will love it as if it were my own!” He argued, “If you give me a chance I will love you and that baby with every fibre of my being.”
“What about Ant?”
“Does he love you?” Joel asked and you shook your head.
“I don’t think so.”
“So you’re both willing to spend the rest of your lives in a loveless marriage, just because he got you pregnant?” Joel’s statement made you pause.
He was right. It wasn’t fair to either of you. Ant deserved to spend his life with a woman he loved and you deserved to marry the man of your dreams. Yet there was a baby to think about now.
“I’ll need to talk to Ant about this.” You stated plainly and Joel nodded.
“That’s all I ask.”
You both sat in a tense sort of silence for a while. Neither of you knew what to say. Joel watched you as you hugged yourself tighter, resting your chin on your knees.
“Are you happy?” He asked and you looked at him with a quizzical expression “About the baby?”
“I guess.” You replied with a shrug “I’ve always wanted to be a mum but I had hoped I’d be married first. Maybe a little older.” You paused, looking away again and fixing your gaze on something Joel couldn’t see “With the man I love.” You said quietly as silent tears started to slip down your cheeks.
“You were there for me when Sarah was thrust into my life.” He said as he stood up and made his way over to you, sitting down and pulling you into his arms “I will be here for you too! We’ll get through this together.”
“Really?” You asked, looking up at him through your lashes.
“I promise.”
You smiled at him, gave him a slight nod then rested your head on his chest. Soaking in the solid, calming presence of him.
“I’m scared Joel.” You choked, snuggling in closer to him.
“I know sweetheart.” He said softly as he placed a tender kiss on the crown of your head “But everything is gonna be okay.”
…
You didn’t go to the aquarium with Joel, but he wasn’t all that surprised. Come Monday morning you were back at your desk and putting on a brave face. Joel had promised not to mention the baby to anyone for the time being.
“I’m not going to marry Ant.” You informed him over lunch that afternoon.
“No?”
“You were right.” You confessed as you steeped your peppermint teabag in the mug in your hands, dunking the teabag in and out of the boiling water “We don’t love each other and it would be wrong to trap each other in a loveless marriage. Not fair on us or the baby.”
Joel nodded but didn’t say anything.
“He wants to be involved though. We’re going to try and work out a schedule once the baby’s arrived.”
“It’s great that he wants to be involved.” Joel piped up and you nodded and smiled in agreement.
“It’s not the way either of us wanted this to happen but there’s a baby’s coming and we’re going to love them all the same.”
“Of course you will.” Joel beamed, giving you a warm smile.
“There was something I wanted to ask you.” You confessed after a short pause.
“Shoot.”
“I booked an ultrasound. It's in a month and wondered if you would come with me?” You asked shyly, looking up at Joel through your lashes.
“Can’t Ant go?”
“He’ll be back at College by then so won’t be able to get back for it.” You answered nervously “I get it if you don’t want to come but I just thought-“
“Of course, I will come with you.” Joel stopped your rambling, placing a hand on yours “We’re in this together remember?”
“I remember.” You choked and he smiled sweetly at you.
“How far along will you be by then?” He asked and you gave him a sheepish look as you answered.
“Around 13 weeks.”
“So he knocked you up…”
“The night we went for drinks, yeah.” You confessed.
“We were a bit drunk and, apparently, not very careful.”
“Pip-“
“I know what you’re gonna say Joel and you’re right but in my defence… I was cut up over Simon and I was just looking for some meaningless rebound sex.”
“Hey, I’m not exactly one to judge.” Joel chuckled “Didn’t even know I’d gotten Eliza pregnant!”
“Was wrong of her to keep that from you.”
“It was.” He agreed “But she gave me Sarah and I wouldn’t change that for the world.”
“She’s a pretty special girl.”
“That she is.” He agreed with a grin.
“Thank you, Joel.”
“For what?” He asked with a confused smile.
“For everything.” You replied with a shrug “For talking me out of marrying a man I don’t love… for helping me keep my head.”
“You did the same for me.”
“Yeah but… I’ve made a lot of dumb fucking decisions lately. After the breakup with Simon, confessing my feelings to you and finding out you had a baby… I just kinda lost sight of shit for a while.”
“I haven’t exactly made stellar decisions either.”
“Well no but… despite me pushing you away, you’ve stuck by me and I… I’m just really glad you’re in my life.”
“I always will be.” He assured you, leaning forward in his chair “No matter what happens between us. I will always be here.”
You gave him a tearful nod and a small smile. Glad of your tea occupy your shaky hands. Things were scary and uncertain but you felt confident that Joel would stick by you no matter what and that in turn, made you wonder if not being together was the right decision after all.
…
You were just finishing giving Sarah her bottle when Joel emerged with two plates piled high with slices of pepperoni pizza.
“My hero.” You cooed at Sarah and you popped her over your shoulder and rubbed her back to coax out the burp you knew would follow. It had taken a few tries to find the best way to pull them out of her but after trying out many different techniques; back rubbing came out on top.
“How’s the sickness?” He asked as he placed your plate down on the table beside you.
“It’s, basically, completely disappeared.” You replied, “Thought it usually went on longer but I guess it can ease off sooner.”
“Have you spoken to your OB about it?”
Joel asked, trying to hide his concern at the fact your symptoms seemed to have vanished. Your scan was in a few days and you were a mixture of excited and terrified.
“I haven’t. Not had any concerning symptoms so I’m sure everything is okay.”
Joel nodded, giving you a small smile before you returned your attention to Sarah who was kicking and stomping away in her rocker you’d just placed her in.
“I am convinced she’s trying to march somewhere.” You chuckled as you placed her bottle down and picked up a slice of pizza.
“As soon as she’s able to walk we’re going to be in big trouble.’ Joel chuckled, not noticing how you had tensed at the word ‘we’.
You hadn’t spoken about the potential relationship that Joel and laid on the table a month ago. You had decided it was probably best to focus on the baby for the time being and perhaps revisit the conversation once you knew all was well.
Joel had already started to talk about how Sarah would react to a little brother or sister, and it both warmed you and terrified you in equal measure. You were thrilled to know that if you and Joel did decide to pursue a relationship with each other, he was all in with this baby. It also scared you how ready he was to take on another man's child. Would he change his mind further down the line?
He and Ant looked nothing alike which meant that when this baby was born, it wasn't going to look anything like him. Would he decide then that he didn't want to raise a child that wasn't his? You knew these thoughts were unreasonable. Joel was probably more excited about this baby than you were.
But...
That didn't stop the nagging voice in the back of your mind that told you that this man was too good to be true. Despite knowing him for several years and seeing how perfect he truly was, your hormones wanted to scare you… plant doubt in your heart.
"You're thinkin' loudly." Joel chuckled, pulling you from your thoughts.
"Just got a lot on my mind is all." You confessed. It wasn't a complete lie.
You and Ant had been speaking on the phone about him potentially moving in for a few months after the baby was born so that he could help. You knew Joel would hate that idea but you wanted to be fair to Ant. This was his baby just as much as it was yours and if he wanted to be there to help with night feeds and nappy changes then you were willing to let him.
"Wanna share with the class?" He asked and you shrugged in reply "You don't have to tell me." He said then before picking up another slice of pizza "Just know that I am here to listen. Whatever you wanna talk about."
"I know Joel." You replied with a small smile.
Sarah's screeching pulled your and Joel's attention back to her. She was grinning at the two of you and you felt like the girl knew that you loved each other. You pictured her doting over the baby growing inside of you. She'd be coming up to her first birthday by the time your little one was born. It was exciting to think about how they would grow up together. Perhaps Joel would build them a castle in the backyard so they can play and explore and expand their imaginations. When you thought about that future you saw it with Joel by your side. Perhaps a few years down the line, you may have a baby of your own. When Sarah and this little bean were a little older. It was a nice mental picture.
One that the more you thought about it, the more you yearned for it.
Perhaps it was time to revisit that conversation with Joel. He hadn't pushed you for anything. He was patient and supportive but you know it must be killing him, desperate to know how you felt about him. So you decided then and there that after your scan you would have that conversation with him. He deserved to have his mind put at ease. It was the least you could do for him.
...
Joel drove you to your appointment, his old rock playing through the speakers as Austin's streets shot past the window.
"Ant asked if he could move in with me after the baby's born." You piped up, unsure why you were bringing it up now.
"Oh?"
"It will be purely platonic." You assured him "He just wants to be there to help for the first few months. Take some of the load off."
"That seems fair."
"He's the baby's father and I feel like he deserves to be there."
"You're right." Joel's answer surprised you and you looked at him in shock, your mouth flapping as you tried to figure out what to say "If the wind changes your face'll stay like that." Joel chuckled, pulling you from your shocked state.
"You're not angry at the idea?"
"Why would I be?" Joel seemed genuinely confused.
"Just thought... Well, I assumed that you'd hate the idea."
"I get it." Joel replied, "I know if I was in his shoes with Sarah I would have wanted that option."
"So you're okay with it?"
"Do I have any right not to be?" He asked and you shrugged.
"Guess not."
"Look, we haven't made any promises to each other. Sure I hope that further down the line we might talk about us again but I understand that you have bigger things to worry about right now."
"Yeah?" You asked and he nodded.
"I will be waiting for when you're ready Pip." He stated with a smile that made your heart race "No pressure from me."
...
You were nervous as you sat in the waiting room and waited for your name to be called. Joel was a calming presence beside you. His hand holding yours and his arm resting gently against yours acting as an anchor, keeping you rooted in the choppy ocean of your mind. When your name was called you looked up at the nurse and smiled, giving her a shy wave and standing up, Joel's hand staying firmly in yours as you followed her into the examination room.
You were so nervous.
Up until this point, the only evidence you had that you were pregnant was the four pregnancy tests that you had taken. All firmly confirming that you were pregnant. You had felt foolish that you had failed to notice that you had missed a period but you had been so caught up in this whirlwind relationship with Ant that you had thought nothing of it. Now you were living with those consequences.
"So is this dad?" The nurse asked as she prepped the machine, pulling out the equipment she needed to perform the procedure.
"Just a friend." Joel replied, giving your hand a friendly squeeze.
"The father is back at College for his final year so Joel kindly came with me today." You said, "Baby wasn't exactly planned." You confessed sheepishly, pulling a chuckle from the nurse.
"They hardly ever are these days." She stated and that relaxed you. Glad that there was no judgment of your situation.
"Father to an unplanned baby, sitting right here so I can attest to that." Joel chuckled and you smiled brightly at him.
"Right well, the gel might feel a little cold so sorry in advance." She said sweetly "If you could lift your shirt and pull your trousers down a little."
You did as she bid and let out a shaky breath as you waited for her to start the examination. Holding Joel's hand tightly, you looked only at him and not the screen.
There was silence for some time. The probe slid around your pelvis, digging in at points for her, you assumed, to get a better look at your baby. When Joel's expression grew concerned, you looked over at the nurse and noted that her expression wasn't so jovial anymore.
"Are they okay?" You asked as your heart leapt into your throat.
The nurse gave you a tight smile as she said "I just need to fetch a doctor a moment."
"Why do you need a doctor?" You push and she shakes her head.
"I just want to get a second opinion before we confirm anything.
"What the fucks going on?" Joel growled and you squeezed his hand tighter, rolling your head and locking his eyes with your tearful ones.
"Just a moment." The nurse repeated as she got up from her seat and walked from the room.
It felt like an eternity before she returned with a female doctor in tow.
"I'm Doctor Sims." She said sweetly "Nurse Roberts has asked me to take a look at baby if thats okay?"
You nodded then watched as she took up the nurse's seat and resumed the examination. Hers taking a lot less time than the first. You could see it in her eyes.
It wasn't good news.
"I am so sorry to inform you that there is no heartbeat." The doctor confirmed and your heart shattered "From these scans, it appears that they stopped developing after around 8 or 9 weeks."
Around the time your morning sickness disappeared.
"We call this a silent miscarriage." The doctor continued "It's when the embryo or fetus dies but the body doesn't expel them."
A tight silence fell over the room for a while whilst you processed what the doctor was telling you. Your baby was dead.
The life you were growing that you had just started to get your head around was no longer thriving in your womb. The life you had imagined with Joel and Sarah had disappeared in a puff of smoke.
"What happens now?" Joel asked, knowing you wouldn't have the strength to ask.
"We need to give you a pill to expel the embryo." The doctor answered, trying to keep things brief upon seeing how you were silently falling apart on the examination table "To ensure we don't risk infection, we need to do this as soon as possible.
Joel nodded, squeezing your hand and dragging your gaze away from the lifeless shape on the screen.
"Pip?" He said softly and finally, you looked at him, your body numb.
"Do whatever you need to do." You said, your eyes empty of the sparkle that had been there when you first entered this room.
.
Joel pulled a blanket over your sleeping form and placed a soft kiss on your temple. After giving your permission to tell his mum what had happened, the woman offered to stay with Sarah so that he could take care of you. You stirred a little as he perched on the edge of your couch and rubbed your back affectionately.
"Will you tell him?" You asked.
"Tell who?"
"Will you tell Ant for me?" You clarified and Joel nodded in understanding.
"Anything you need." He replied as he leaned down to kiss you again.
He watched as you dosed off again. Placing his hand on your arm and giving it a few affectionate strokes with his thumb before standing and making his way to the kitchen.
Ant's number was stuck above your phone so Joel dialled it and waited for the man to answer, his stomach in knots. He didn't want to do this but he knew he needed to for you. He would tear himself apart if it made you feel even the slightest bit better at this moment in time.
"Hello?" Ant's familiar Texan drawl floated into his ear.
"Ant it's uh... It's Joel." He replied, trying to keep his voice steady.
"Hi man, what's up?" He asked, saying your name followed by "Is she okay?"
"No... she's uh... No, she's not." Joel confessed as he rested his brow against the wall beside the phone.
"What happened?" Ant's tone was definitely panicked and Joel felt sick at what he had to say next. What he had to tell this man who until this morning, he kinda hated.
"We went to the scan this morning and... Shit I'm so sorry to tell you this man but there was no heartbeat." Joel choked on those last few words.
"What?"
"Doc said the baby stopped developing." Joel explained, his voice now shaking as he told this man about how his baby was gone "They had to give her a pill to expel it so she's bleeding a lot right now."
"Is she going to be okay?"
"She'll be fine." Joel confirmed, hoping to put the man's mind at ease a little "Apparently it's common before 12 weeks." he didn't know if that brought Ant any comfort. It certainly hadn't brought you any.
"So I'm not going to be a dad?" Joel knew it was rhetorical.
"I'm so sorry man." He hoped his sincerity came across, but he was. His heart was breaking for them both.
"So am I." Ant replied, sniffing wetly before saying "Thanks for letting me know man..."
"Of course."
"Take care of her."
"Always."
Ant hung up after that. Placing the phone on its cradle he crept into the lounge and noted that you had fallen asleep again. Your cheeks and nose were raw from crying and your hair a mess as you'd tore at it earlier. All the emotions you'd not had a chance to feel coming down crashing all at once.
He wasn't sure how things were going to be. Whether you would want him or Sarah around after this. His baby would serve as a reminder of what you had lost. He wouldn't blame you if you pushed him away.
But he wasn't going to let you grieve alone.
You were in this together no matter what the outcome. He was going to get you out the other side no matter what the cost.
Next
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Work Wife - Four
Masterlist
Summary: Working as a Secretary and Miller & Sons Construction, you fall hopelessly in love with the eldest son Joel. What you don’t realise is that Joel’s completely in love with you too. What will it take for the two of you to realise whats’s right in front of you?
Pairing: Young Joel Miller x Reader
Warnings: Like AO3, I choose not to give any so the plot isn’t spoiled. This fic is 18+ (So, managed to get this finished before my trip this weekend! I hope you all enjoy and don’t forget to share and comment 🥹♥️ I love hearing what you all think 😘)
Series Masterlist - One Two Three
Joel sat beside his daughter's cot silently sobbing to himself, allowing the guilt he felt for how he'd shouted at you to eat him alive. He hadn't meant any of it. Not a single word. Now, the image of your face after he'd said those cruel words haunted him.
It had been three days since your argument. Sarah was a little improved yet the doctors were still concerned. Her tiny body was doing its best to fight but was just so weak. The nurses were kind to him. Ensuring he ate and sent him home when he needed sleep, always promising to call him if anything changed. But the person he was most desperate to see was still nowhere to be seen. Not that he had told you what hospital Sarah was at or even hinted at wanting you to come. He'd made it pretty clear the other day that he didn't.
...
"Why the long face Pip, sweetie?" Asked Mrs Miller as she placed a steaming mug of tea beside you.
You had been quiet for a few days and she was worried. After racing back to be with Joel, she and her husband were taking turns to keep an eye on things at the office and stay at home with Tommy.
"I'm fine Mrs Miller." You replied, trying to make yourself sound believable.
"Pip darling if-"
"How's Sarah?" You asked, desperate to change the subject and learn about how the little baby you'd come to love so dearly was doing.
"Have you not been to see her?" She asked, her dark brows drawing together.
"Oh, no..." You trailed off, looking down at the mug now in your hands "Joel doesn't want me there."
"What are you talking about." The older woman pressed "Of course he would want you there."
"He told me differently." You mumbled, trying to fight back the tears that started stinging your eyes as you remembered what he had said to you.
"Pip, what's going on with you and Joel?"
"Nothing's going on."
"I wasn't born yesterday dear." Mrs Miller chuffed "He's a mess... and not just because Sarah's sick." She continued and you looked at her with a mirroring look of concern "You have been looking miserable for days. You haven't been to the hospital so clearly something happened between you."
You looked back at the mug in your hands for a moment, pondering over how much you should tell her. She had been so good to you since your own mother had passed away.
"We had a fight." You confessed, "I have been seeing someone for a few weeks and the morning Sarah got sick Joel called me, the guy answered and hung up on him."
"Oh." The older woman replied as she perched on the edge of your desk.
"I went round the following morning and Joel arrived shortly after me." You continued, pausing to take a sip of your tea "He told me what happened but... well he got angry with me for not answering the phone when he needed me... I did promise that I would be there for him day or night and I wasn't... I let him down."
"You did nothing of the sort." Mrs Miller asserted "Joel's a good boy. He's a great father to Sarah and he's done a fine job running this company but he's also still a boy.
"We forced him to grow up so quickly."
"You're both amazing parents to Joel and Tommy." You defended and Joel's mother chuckled.
"Thank you dear but no parent is perfect." She replied, taking a long pull of her own mug of tea "I know he'll never forgive me for telling you this but... Joel's been smitten with you since the day you started here."
"Sure." You snorted, surprising yourself with the sound.
"It's true!" You rolled your eyes at the older woman's statement but she pushed on "The boy is just hopeless at expressing how he feels. Always has been but he takes after his father in that respect." She chuckled and you smiled at her reaction "Go see him. I know he would like to see you."
"I don't know-"
"Okay, go see Sarah then." She said softly as she placed her hand on yours and gave you a sweet smile "I'll go with you. Just in case he decides to act like a typical man." She finished with a wink.
You smiled and nodded as you said "Okay. We can go after work."
...
"You have some visitors." A nurse said softly a few hours later, pulling Joel from his pit of self-loathing.
"Who is it?" He asked as he scraped a hand over his tired face.
"Your mother and someone else." She replied and he nodded, his heart speeding up as he looked towards the door, waiting for his mum and this other person to emerge. Praying it's you.
His heart skipped a beat when his prayers were answered.
She appeared first, followed by you poking your head in first then locking eyes with him. In a moment fueled purely by instinct, he was out of his chair and scaling the room in a few long strides. Pulling you into a tight hug, he buried his face into the crook of your neck and sobbed.
"I'm sorry." He choked and you held him back, burying your fingers into his thick curls and scratching his head affectionately "I didn't mean it... None of it."
"I know." You cooed as you squeezed him tighter, eyes shifting to Joel's mother as she smiled at the two of you "I'm sorry I wasn't there."
"You have nothing to be sorry for." Joel said as he shook his head "You've done so much for us... I was being a jealous asshole and-"
He stopped dead upon realising what he'd just confessed. Your eyes widened as the two of you just stared at each other.
"I'll give you two some privacy." Piped up Mrs Miller and you both looked at her a moment, the woman grinning like a cat that got the cream.
When the door clicked shut, the two of you were left alone again, just the beeps and clicks of the machinery in the room filled the tense atmosphere.
"Jealous?" You asked and Joel nodded as he let out a shaky breath "Why were you jealous, Joel?"
"Because I'm in love with you too." He said plainly, no longer wanting to hide how he felt from you.
"Oh."
His stomach dropped. That wasn't the reaction he had been expecting when he decided he'd confess how he felt about you. You looked uncomfortable and the colour drained from Joel's face as he removed himself from your embrace and took a few steps back.
"Oh." He repeated as he chuckled humourlessly.
"Joel-"
"No, it's fine." He said, waving you off "I left it too long and you've moved on. I understand."
"No... Joel its not that... it's just..." You trailed off, unsure how to say what you needed to say without hurting him "I do still love you." You confirmed, stomach tightening at the look of hope that then lit up Joel's features "But it's clear that we aren't good for each other."
That hope vanished as quickly as it appeared.
"Pip-"
"We just keep hurting each other Joel. Not on purpose but, it keeps happening all the same."
"But we love each other." He sobbed and you gave him a sad smile.
"Sometimes love's not enough." You choked and he nodded sadly at you "I don't want to lose you, Joel. You're so important to me and I want us to remain friends but I think it's for the best if we both just move on."
"Okay." He managed to choke out, not hiding how devastated he was by this turn of events.
Your eyes drifted to the cot behind him, noting the wires that smothered Sarah's tiny form. You let out a choked sob at the sight of her, looking at Joel and nodding your thanks when he motioned for you to go to her. She was sleeping soundly but her breathing was so strained. There was a tube in her mouth, obviously providing her with sustenance whilst a tiny nasal cannula rested beneath her nose, supplying her with oxygen to help her breathe.
"Oh, baby girl." You cooed, as you stroked her plump little cheek with your thumb "You need to get better... You're scaring us all, but especially your daddy." You said softly as you smiled sweetly at the sleeping baby "You get better and I promise I'll buy you the biggest stuffed bear I can find."
"Do I get a say in that?" Joel pipped up and you looked at him and shook your head.
"No... this between me and Sarah." The smile that spread across Joel's face was magical.
"Fine." He chuckled before sitting down beside you and resting his head on your shoulder, just like he had the first time you met Sarah "But can I at least pick the colour?"
"I'll think about it."
...
Three weeks later...
Monday
"Is that funny little madam?" You chuckled as you fought to change Sarah's nappy "Are you kicking me in the boobies?"
Sarah screeched with delight and gave you a huge gummy smile, bringing a delighted chuckle from you.
"You're lucky you're cute!" You said to her as you finished fastening the nappy and dressed her again.
"She beatin' you up again?" Asked Joel as he walked into the lounge with two mugs in hand.
"She's a little bruiser." You chuckled, accepting the coffee Joel handed you with a smile and a mouthed thank you.
"She's getting stronger every day." Joel beamed and you grinned at him.
It had taken another week and a half before Sarah recovered enough to be let out of the hospital. Since then you had been staying a few nights a week to help Joel out. He had assured you that you didn't have to but you had confessed that you still felt guilty about the phone call incident and despite him telling you over and over that you hadn't done anything wrong, you wouldn't budge.
Ant had been surprisingly understanding. The two of you had practically been in each other's beds every night, unable to get enough of each other. It scared you a little how intense things had gotten between you. You had both agreed it was just casual and that neither of you was looking for a relationship, yet, before this arrangement with Joel you were going out for meals together and practically playing house.
The nights you weren't staying at Joel's you were at his. Your apartment had been lying dormant for a few weeks now. You popped in once or twice to water the plants and to get a change of clothes but you were practically living out of your suitcase.
"Have you and Ant got plans for the weekend?" Joel asked, pulling you from your thoughts.
"We're not a couple, Joel." You chuckled and Joel snorted.
"Could have fooled me."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"So you're not spending every free moment you're not here with him?" Joel asked, swallowing the lump in his throat.
"Yes but-"
"Whether the two of you want to admit it, you're together, Pip." Joel said as he placed his coffee down on the side table and accepted Sarah when you handed her to him.
"To answer your question, no we don't have plans." You said, hoping to kill the conversation of your relationship with Ant dead.
Things with you and Joel had been better in recent weeks and the subject of feelings had been avoided like the plague. You did feel like laying everything out had made things easier. Now you both knew how the other felt, it was easier to navigate what was spoken about around each other. Both of you desperately trying to avoid hurting one another.
"Well, if you're free I thought maybe we could go to the Aquarium. Gloria said it would be a great sensory experience for Sarah." Joel's eyes were the size of saucers as he waited for your reply.
"Isn't that something you do with family?" You ask, feeling like you might be encroaching on territory you weren't welcome in.
"You're as much family as my parents." Joel argued, "You've been the
closest thing Sarah's had to a mum since she was born."
"Joel-"
"If you don't want to come just say." He pleaded and you could hear the hurt in his voice at what he believed was you rejecting him.
"I would love to join you."
Joel's shoulders relaxed and he smiled brightly at you.
"Great. Pick you up at 10?" He asked as he stood to place a now sleeping Sarah in her bassinet.
"Sounds perfect!"
What neither of you knew was that the events that were about to unfold in the remainder of the week that followed would change everything.
...
Tuesday
Joel walked into the office to find your usual seat empty. His brow furrowed as he walked towards your desk, noting that the computer was still powered down and everything was neatly put away. No sign that you had been there at all.
When he poked his head into the break room and saw that you weren't there either his concern grew. It wasn't like you to not turn up to work.
"Hey, Simon." Joel shouted, grabbing the man's attention "Seen Pip today?"
"She called in sick." He replied and Joel's concern grew even more.
You had been fine yesterday when he had seen you last. What had changed between then and now?
He tried to call you that evening but got your answering machine. His worry was then starting to grow into full-blown panic but, he decided to wait and see if you were in the office tomorrow before he turned up at your door.
...
Wednesday
When Joel arrived in the office, again you weren't there. Simon confirmed again that you had called in sick and Joel was then beside himself. He decided that he needed to go by your house and check on you.
So after asking his mother if she could watch Sarah for a few hours that evening, he went to the store and bought you all your favourite things. Hoping that they would cheer you up. Pulling up outside your house, he scaled your yard and sprinted up you porch steps. After a few hard knocks on your door, you answered, looking more than a little worse for wear.
"What are you doing here?" You asked, wrapping your gown around you a little tighter.
"I was worried about you." He answered, readjusting the tote of supplies on his shoulder "Brought you some stuff. Soup, your favourite candy-"
"I don't want to get you sick, Joel." You sighed "Thank you for checking in but just go home."
"Pip-"
"Please." You pleaded and he nodded.
"Okay." He took a step back and placed the tote in front of your door "I'll leave these here."
"Thank you."
He nodded and turned, walking down the steps of your porch and towards his truck, looking over his shoulder to see you grab the bag and close the door.
Something hadn't been right. You had looked like you'd been crying. Had Ant broken things off with you? He just hoped that you were feeling up to speaking to him about it when the weekend came around.
...
Thursday
When Joel walked in and saw that for a third day in a row, you had called in sick again he knew something else was going on. It wasn't like you to be sick for this long and not call him to come over.
You were super clingy when you were ill and he was always happy to oblige you. He loved to take care of you just as much as you loved to take care of him. He was going to check on you again that evening and this time he wasn't going to let you turn him away.
.
You knew you couldn't go on avoiding Joel. When you had called that morning and Caleb answered, he told you that Joel was going out of his mind with worry.
You weren't surprised. This was abnormal behaviour for you and Joel had always been a worrier. You just didn't know how to tell him what the problem really was.
"You feeling okay?" Asked Ant as he sat down next to you and pulled you into a comforting hug.
"Mhmm." You replied, staring at the TV but not taking in what was playing.
"It's gonna be okay you know." Ant piped up and this dragged your attention to him "I know this situation isn't exactly ideal but- "
Ant was interrupted by frantic knocking at your front door.
"Pip. It's me... Please, answer the door... talk to me." Joel said from the other side of the door and you sighed.
"You can't avoid him forever you know."
"Yeah, I know." You sighed, getting up from the couch to answer the door.
Joel was frantic on the other side, his hair a mess from where he had clearly been running his hands through it. He seemed to relax a little upon seeing you but his hackles seemed to rise when he saw Ant behind you.
"Hi, Joel." You piped up, pulling his gaze back to you "What do you want?"
"I want to talk to you." He sighed "I want to check in on my friend who hasn't been at work for three days."
"Joel-"
"I know when someone's avoiding me." He growled out and you felt a pang of guilt pull at you "I have been going out of my mind worrying about you and I have turned up twice to check in... only for you to ask me what I want."
"Joel... I'm just sick." You said, trying your best to sound believable.
"Can I please just come in?" He pleaded and you let out a long sigh before moving aside so he could enter.
He and Ant gave each other a nod in greeting and then the latter put his arm around you and placed a kiss on your temple.
"I'll give you two some space. Grab you some supplies."
"Thank you." You mumbled and he smiled at you sweetly before returning his attention to Joel.
"See you later man." He said, putting his hand out for Joel to shake, giving the man a quick nod when Joel accepted it.
Once Ant had left, you walked to your couch, curling up into the blanket you had departed to answer the door. Joel followed you, sitting in the armchair that sat proudly in your bay window, the two of you sitting in tense silence for what felt like an age.
"What's going on Pip?" He asked breaking the silence, his voice soft and sympathetic.
"Nothing."
This reply earned you an eye roll and you watched as he scraped one large hand over his face before he looked back at you.
"What did I do Pip?" He asked and your heart broke at the crack in his voice "Monday we were making plans to take Sarah to the aquarium and then suddenly you're sick and avoiding me and I just don't get what I did-"
"I'm pregnant!" You blurted out. Unable to cope with Joel blaming himself for your behaviour.
"What?"
"I'm pregnant." You repeated "I woke up on Tuesday and felt awful. Couldn't keep anything down and all these smells that never bothered me before just made me hurl. I thought perhaps I was coming down with something but then the next day I still felt awful.
"So I went to the pharmacy and the pharmacist recommended I take a test. Was positive."
"Is it...?"
"Ant's?" You finished for him and he nodded "Yeah."
"What did he say?"
"Well he was a little freaked at first but it takes two people to make a baby... As you well know." You chuckled but there was no humour in it.
"Is he happy?"
"He asked me to marry him." You announced and all the colour drained from Joel's face.
His eyes widened as he took in what it was that you had just told him. You were pregnant? Were you happy you were having a baby? You didn't seem to be particularly excited about it. Did you want to marry Ant? You had maintained that you had he were just casual. Joel felt sick as all these thoughts raced through his mind.
"And what did you say?" He asked although he didn't really want to know the answer.
"I said yes."
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Work Wife - Masterlist
Masterlist
Summary: Working as a Secretary and Miller & Sons c”Construction, you fall hopelessly in love with the eldest son Joel. What you don’t realise is that Joel’s completely in love with you too. What will it take for the two of you to realise whats’s right in front of you?
Pairing: Young Joel Miller x Reader
Warnings: Like AO3, I choose not to give any so the plot isn’t spoiled. This fic is 18+
Got such an amazing reaction to this fix concept so its coming people ♥️
One
Two
Three
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Work Wife - Three
Masterlist
Summary: Working as a Secretary and Miller & Sons Construction, you fall hopelessly in love with the eldest son Joel. What you don’t realise is that Joel’s completely in love with you too. What will it take for the two of you to realise whats’s right in front of you?
Pairing: Young Joel Miller x Reader
Warnings: Like AO3, I choose not to give any so the plot isn’t spoiled. This fic is 18+ (So here’s the first chapter as promised! I hope you all enjoy. Let me know what y’all think ♥️… I wrote half of this on my iPad so sorry for mistakes 😅)
Series Masterlist - One Two
You smiled as you entered the lounge and found Joel fast asleep on the couch. 3 weeks had passed since Sarah had been thrust into his arms by Eliza and he had been left to face parenthood alone. You had been amazed at how quickly Joel had taken to being a father. He was a natural with her and no job seemed to phase him but he had called on you for support on the days when nothing he did seemed to calm her cries. You had turned up that evening to a screaming Sarah and a sobbing Joel and without a moment's hesitation, you had taken her from him and ordered him to go and take a shower whilst you got her settled and down for bed. Now, after an hour of erratic feeding, nappy changes and endless hiccups, you found yourself nudging his shoulder in an attempt to wake him so that you could lead him to bed.
"Come on, let's get you to bed." You said softly as you managed to get him to sit up.
"Baby down?" He asked and you gave him a soft 'yeah' before helping him to his feet "Thank you." He said sleepily as the two of you shuffled up the stairs and towards his room, creeping in quietly so you didn't wake the baby.
You helped relieve him of his boots as he stripped off his shirt and jeans, leaving him in just a vest and his briefs as he collapsed onto his bed. You blushed, averting your eyes before standing abruptly and making for the door, only to be stopped by Joel grabbing your elbow.
"Where you goin'?" He mumbled, so quietly that you almost missed what he had said.
"I need to go home, Joel." You replied softly "It's late."
"Stay here." You startled at this, eyes snapping to him and you noted that he was looking straight at you.
"Joel, you don't have room for me to crash here." You stated and he chuckled.
"Got room right here." He said as he patted the empty bed beside him "Come on. It's late and you shouldn't be drivin'tired."
"I dunno, Joel." You mumbled but he was having none of it.
"Get into bed before I drag you in." Your core clenched at the insinuation.
You knew he didn't mean anything sexual by his threat. He was simply offering to let you stay with him after helping him get Sarah settled and down for bed. After a few more minutes of quiet contemplation, you shrugged off your cardigan and climbed onto the bed beside Joel. Laying down on the plush pillow that clearly hadn't been used much since he'd purchased it.
"G'night." He mumbled before drifting off, leaving you to study his sleeping face.
You had strangely enjoyed the last three weeks. Helping Joel with Sarah had brought the two of you closer together again but one thing that still hung over your head like an anvil was your confession.
3 weeks ago you had confessed to Joel that you were in love with him and you were sure that he had heard you. Judging by the flicker of surprise that had spread across his features, he had. However, since then neither of you had spoken about it. Something that you were secretly glad of.
Simon had not spoken to you since the breakup. He avoided you like the plague, only speaking to you when he needed to know if there would be any calls or meetings that day.
Joel's father had given him 6 weeks paternity leave so Simon had temporarily taken the wheel in the younger Miller's absence. He was nothing but curt and cordial to you which you supposed to a degree was better than him spreading toxic rumours around the office.
So the fact that Joel hadn't mentioned your confession really was a relief if you were being truly honest with yourself. You weren't sure you could face any more rejection for a while.
Joel however couldn't stop thinking about your admission. It had been living rent-free in his head since the day you'd uttered those words. It was all he'd ever wanted to hear you say and if circumstances were different he would be dragging you out for date after date. Only now he had��a daughter to think of. She needed to be his number-one priority.
Pursuing a relationship with you, although it's all he has ever wanted since he met you, was not high on his list of priorities at that moment in time. He had a three-week-old newborn that he had to take care of and that meant that his feelings for you had to take a back seat for now.
He just hoped that by the time he could address his feelings, he wasn't too late.
...
The following morning Joel woke to an empty bed. His hand scraped against the cool, crisp sheets and he wondered if he had dreamt of your staying there with him. Rolling onto his side, he looked down at the bassinet beside him, only to find that empty also and in a moment of pure panic, he leapt from the bed and flew down the stairs, calling for Sarah as he stumbled to a stop in the kitchen. There you stood, pouring coffee into two mugs as you bounced Sarah gently in the wrap strapped to your front. You looked so natural with little Sarah strapped to you. Your head shot up a moment later and you smiled at his bedraggled state before kissing Sarah's crown as you grabbed both the mugs up and walked towards Joel.
"Morning sleepy." You chuckled as you handed Joel the coffee you had made him "Sorry if we freaked you out. Sarah started fussing but I thought I'd let you sleep in so I changed her and brought her down for her bottle." You looked down at the baby in question who was cooing against your chest "We've had fun haven't we Princess?"
Joel didn't think about what he did next. In the blink of an eye, his coffee was placed on the kitchen table and his lips were on yours. He wasn't sure what had possessed him to kiss you but at that moment in time, it seemed like the right thing to do. As quickly as it started though, he was pulling away and fumbling for something to say.
"That's one way for you to thank me for letting you sleep in." You chuckled shyly and Joel continued to flounder for a moment before he finally said something.
"Sorry... I'm not quite sure why I did that." He scratched the back of his neck nervously "Guess we can blame the sleep deprivation." He finished with a chuckle.
Your stomach sank. You fought not to let your disappointment show on your face but as your eyes started to sting from the tears developing in them, you knew you needed to come up with an excuse to leave.
"I should get going." You said as you started to unwrap Sarah from your chest, placing her in the bassinet that was set up in the corner of the kitchen.
"I-"
"Your mum called whilst you were sleeping. She said she'll pop around this evening to help with Sarah if you need her."
"Oh, right." He said, failing to keep his disappointment out of his tone.
"I have plans this evening otherwise you know I would be here to help with this perfect little princess." You cooed as you pecked her brow.
"Plans?" He enquired and you nodded as you grabbed your bag.
"Just some drinks with a friend." You replied, "He's back from College for the summer and wants to hook up."
"You're not old enough to drink!" He blurted out and you snorted at his statement.
"Okay, Dad." You replied with a roll of your eyes "Drinks are on him anyway so..."
"Right." Joel felt like he couldn't breathe. This was his worst nightmare coming to life.
"Anyway, I'll see you later." You said finally as you made your way to the front door, waving at him and Sarah as you opened the door.
"Thank you again. For all your help with Sarah." You nodded and gave him a small smile before disappearing through the door.
Joel stood there staring after you, a hand scraping over his face as he tried to steady his breathing. He knew he'd fucked up by kissing you this morning. He knew that your leaving was to get away from him but learning that you were meeting a guy for drinks later was eating him up inside. He knew he needed to talk to you about your confession but the longer you both went without talking about it the harder it became.
Perhaps these drinks were your way of trying to get over him and that thought killed him. All he wanted to do was embrace your feelings for him and walk off into the sunset but he needed to be focused on Sarah. He didn't know what he'd do if you and he didn't work.
Perhaps it was better if he just let you go.
...
Three weeks later...
Joel's first day back at work was hell. His mum was taking care of Sarah for the time being until they found a nanny. Everyone that Joel had interviewed so far just hadn't felt right. He wasn't really sure what he was looking for but he knew that the six women he had interviewed so far weren't it. He missed his daughter and lost count of the number of times he had rung his mum to check in.
You'd been sat at the front desk, like you always were when he walked through the door that morning, talking to one of the new apprentices that Joel's father had taken on in his absence and despite Joel knowing it was unreasonable, he already felt jealous of how you smiled at this guy too.
You had continued to help him with Sarah in the weeks that had followed him kissing you. Neither you nor he had brought it up and you hadn't spoken about your confession either. Despite trying to ignore his gnawing feelings, he had done his best to pretend like the tension between the two of you wasn't killing him. Sure enough, he learned from Suzzy, the office gossip and part-time accountant that you and your 'friend' had hooked up after drinks. You had apparentlyassured her that it was just a one-time thing. After one too many drinks, the two of you had confessed that you'd both always found each other attractive and so one thing led to another and you'd found him back at your place and christening your new couch.
You hadn't talked to Joel about it though. You weren't sure how he felt and he still hadn't brought up the kiss or your confession. You felt like perhaps you should just move on. He was clearly trying to let you down gently by not mentioning any of it so perhaps the suggestion Ant had made to have a friend-with-benefits situation was a good one. He had proposed it after the two of you had slept together after drinks. You both enjoyed the sex but agreed that a relationship wasn't what either of you was looking for. As you looked at Joel who gave you a meek smile before scuttering away into his office you decided that you were going to call Ant after you finished work and take him up on his offer.
You needed to get over Joel.
...
Joel was sipping at his coffee whilst Simon and the new apprentice Caleb chatted about you. In the last week, Simon had seemed to soften to you again. Joel had wondered if the two of you had talked.
"So you dated her but broke up 'cus she's sweet on the boss?" Caleb asked and Simon nodded "That's shit man, I'm sorry."
"Nah, we're okay now." Simon replied and Joel's ears perked up "We're friends. Just wasn't meant to be I guess but I fell hard for her man. Girl's incredible."
"Miller sweet on her too?" Caleb asked a little quieter but Joel heard him.
"Dunno." Simon replied with a shrug "I thought that maybe at one point he was. She was practically his work wife. The two of them were inseparable but since he had a baby, things have been different between them."
Joel looked at Simon as he thought about what the man had just said. Was it that obvious to everyone that the dynamic between the two of you had changed? You were still over a lot to help with Sarah but he never asked you to anymore. It was always off your own back and he knew that it wasn't really for him anymore but because you wanted to spend time with Sarah. Your face lit up every time you were in her presence and he knew that one day you would make an amazing mum.
Part of him hoped that he would be the one to make you one.
But he knew that probably wasn't ever going to happen. The longer things went on the way they were, the less likely the two of you would find your way back to each other. He only had himself to blame for that.
"Well, maybe she'll end up dating that Ant guy she hooked up with." Caleb chuckled and Simon punched him playfully.
"You're a worse gossip than Suzzy." Simon chuckled and Calel shrugged.
"She's the one who told me." Caleb confessed, "Said that apparently, they're fucking casually now."
"I wouldn't believe everything Suzzy tells you." Simon chuckled "Woman loves to blow shit out of proportion."
"Right, let's get back to work lads." Piped up Joel, no longer wanting to listen to their conversation.
But he couldn't help but wonder if what Caleb had said about you and that Ant guy was true. He really hoped it wasn't.
...
You chuckled as Ant placed sensual kisses down your neck and along your shoulder whilst you poured you both some coffee. Your core clenched as he placed a kiss on the spot behind your ear that he'd discovered the night before made you whimper.
"Ant." You whined as his hands started to wander "I'm pouring coffee."
"Needs time to cool down." He purred in your ear and you chuckled.
.
Joel was hysterical. No matter what he did, Sarah would not stop screaming. She had woken with a fever and a hacking cough and after trying to call his mum, did he remember that she and his dad had gone to visit his Grandma in Houston. So, in pure desperation he dialed your number, praying that you were home. The phone rang a few times before someone answered.
"Hey, I need-" He didn't get to finish his sentence before you hung up.
.
The phone started to ring just as Ant's hand slipped into your underwear and his deft fingers began to circle your clit. You whined, your core aching and needy.
"One sec." Ant rumbled into your ear before grabbing your phone.
"She's busy." Was all he said before he slammed it down on its cradle again.
You gasped as he spun you around and kissed you hard, pushing your underwear to one side before plunging his fingers into your core.
"Now where were we."
...
You wrestled with the bag of supplies you had in one arm as you opened Joel's front door with the key he'd had cut for you.
"Joel." You called out, not too loud in case Sarah was asleep "I brought supplies."
You found an empty house.
Confusion filled your features as you walked into the kitchen to see that Joel wasn't there either.
"Joel?" You called out but there was still no answer.
Something gnawed at you. It was early so you couldn't think where Joel and Sarah would be at this hour. You walked to the kitchen and dialled the number for Joel's parent's house, sighing when no one answered. You tried one more time before remembering that they were away and then you started to panic. Where was he?
Your head jumped up at the sound of the front door opening and you sprinted into the lounge, breathing a sigh of relief when Joel appeared through the door. It took you a moment to realise Sarah wasn't with him.
"Where's the baby?" You asked and Joel looked at you with an expression that made your blood go cold.
'I tried calling you." He said coldly and your brows drew together.
"I uh-"
"You hung up." He interrupted and you tried to swallow the lump in your throat "Sarah had a fever." He continued "Real bad one. She kept coughin' and screaming and her fever just kept climbin'" He choked on the last part of that sentence and you felt your pulse start to race as you and he held each other's gazes.
"Where's Sarah?" You asked again, your voice shaking.
"She's in the NICU." He stated and you sobbed "Doc says it's whooping cough. She's real sick with it..." He trailed off and you couldn't stop the tears "They're doin' everything they can but..." He broke down then, unable to finish his sentence and you scaled the room swiftly, wrapping your arms around him and letting him sob into your sweater.
"It's going to be okay Joel." You said as you held him, gently stroking his hair.
"I needed you." He sobbed and your heart shattered.
He pulled back to look at you, eyes bloodshot and still full of tears.
"I needed you and you just hung up on me."
"It wasn't me it was Ant." You confessed and Joel felt sick.
"Right." He said as he pulled away and took a few steps back "I think you should go." He said as he looked away from you and to the groceries that you'd clearly brought for him.
"Joel-"
"I need to shower and get back to the hospital."
"Let me come with you." You pleaded but he shook his head.
"I'd rather you didn't." He said bluntly and you winced as he said "Besides, you should get back to whatever it was that made you too busy to answer the phone whilst my daughter was dying in my arms."
"That's not fair." You growled in retort "I didn't know-"
"You said that I could call you day or night and you'd be here for us." He growled and you shrank back "Well news flash... We needed you but you were too busy fucking your new boy toy to give a shit about either of us."
You didn't hide the hurt his statement inflicted on you.
"Fuck you." You growled as you grabbed your bag and left, the door slamming in your wake. Joel jumped at the sound, sobbing again as soon as he heard your car's engine start and pull away.
He knew he hadn't been fair to you. He hadn't really meant what he said but he was angry and lost.
He simply didn't know what to do.
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#joel miller#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller fanfic#joel miller the last of us#last of us#the last of us#pedro pascal character fanfiction#pedro pascal characters#pedro pascal#pedro pascal gif
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Hopelessly Blind - Hope
Masterlist
Summary: After Joel loses his wife and your best friend during childbirth. You support him as he takes on parenthood on his own at 22. But when feelings start to develop, you battle with the guilt you feel for falling for your best friend’s husband.
Relationships: Joel Miller x Reader
Warnings: Like AO3 I choose to give none. Read at own risk. 18+… this is to avoid spoilers! (Sorry this has taken a while. Trying to do as much writing as I can, when I can, but ya know how it is 🤷🏼♀️😅… hope this was worth the wait 😘)
Series Masterlist - Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7
The weekend of Joel's BBQ was quickly upon you. You had originally planned to bail and had concocted several, of what you thought were solid lies, to get yourself out of attending the event. Still, when Tommy had bumped into you at the bar a few days prior whilst you had a few drinks with Simion, a chap from work you had started seeing, he had invited him too. So now you were stuck with no good reason to avoid what you knew was going to be a painfully awkward afternoon.
Simion was nice. You had been on a few dates since Sandy had come onto the scene. You had hoped that getting back out there would help put a dampener on these feelings you had for Joel but alas, those pesky butterflies still tore you up inside when you knocked on Joel's door and was greeted by a smiley Sarah.
"Hey, sweetheart." You said sweetly as you pecked her on the cheek "Noah is just grabbing the desert from the car if you wanna help him." You finished with a wink, chuckling as she sprinted out the door.
You announced your arrival and placed the beers that you had bought in the fridge, rubbing your sweaty palms down the front of your jeans. You turned to Simion and gave him a nervous smile before motioning your head in instruction to follow you outside. There you found Joel getting the grill set up whilst Tommy set up the lawn games. Ali was already there, having had a sleepover with Sarah the night before.
"Hi, Mum." She called out from her spot on Joel's swing seat, her nose of course buried in a book.
"Hey, baby." You called out as you placed a kiss on the crown of her head "You enjoy your sleepover with Sarah?"
She nodded excitedly before going into detail about the movies they'd watched and how Joel had braided their hair so it would be curly for today. At the mention of his name, you turned to see him watching you closely, his eyes then flicking to the man beside you and you could have sworn his features grew darker.
"I hope she was okay?" You called out to him as you took a few nervous steps closer.
"Yup. Good as always." He replied rather abruptly and you winced at his tone.
Yes… this was going to be an exceedingly painful afternoon.
Once the food was served and beers were in hand, things went from bad to unbearable. Tommy had spent an hour interrogating Simion but to your surprise, the man took it in his stride, chuckling at how absurd some of the questions were.
"We just wanna make sure you're gonna treat our girl good, right brother?" Tommy stated as he nudged Joel but his brother simply shrugged.
"Sure."
Tommy gave his brother an incredulous look, his brows drawing together before he returned his attention to you and the man sitting beside you. You couldn't help but notice how cold Joel's behaviour was. Just a week ago he was practically pleading with you not to bail on all the small traditions your two families had started and now he was looking at anyone and anything but you. He'd barely spoken two words to you either.
"Where's Sandy?" You asked a little while later. The woman's absence had not gone unnoticed and you had also noted that no apologies had been given by either Joel or Tommy for her absence.
"We broke up." Joel replied casually with a shrug of his shoulders and you couldn't stop the look of surprise from spreading across your face.
"Oh?" You said as you tried to bury the small thrill that ran through you "I'm sorry to hear that. What happened?"
"I'm sure you are." He replied coldly and you felt your patience snap.
"Do you have a problem, Miller?" You growled, taking a small amount of satisfaction from the look of surprise that filled his face as he looked at you "You've been an asshole to me and Simion ever since we arrived."
"Babe."
"No!" You interrupted your date as you continued to rip into Joel "We don't need to put up with this." You growled "Ali, baby get your stuff we're leaving. Noah sweetie, can you help her and meet us by the car."
"But mum-"
"No buts." You said sternly, not taking your eyes off of Joel "Just do it please."
Ali and Noah didn't answer back. They simply scurried off and did as you asked, leaving you, Tommy, Simion and Joel in an increasingly charged situation. When you finally broke your staring match with Joel, you stormed into the house to gather your things. Simion helped you, grabbing a few of your things and taking them to the car for you, desperately trying to get out of the house and away from what had become one of the worst afternoons you'd ever experienced. You could hear Tommy screwing at his brother through the kitchen window and you tried to ignore how satisfying it felt for the younger Miller to stick up for you for one.
You were finishing up portioning the pudding you had made into bowls and covering them in clingfilm when Joel walked into the kitchen. He watched you as you finished what you were doing before finally piping up.
"You didn't have to do that." He said, his tone different from how it had been prior to you blowing up at him.
"I made enough for all of us. Tommy and Sarah shouldn't have to miss out just because you decided to be an asshole." You growled as you placed the bowls in the fridge "Heat it in the microwave for 3 minutes when you want it." You stated before covering the rest of the desert.
Joel called your name as you scaled his kitchen but you refused to look at him. Carrying the desert over to the table, you grabbed your coat and slung it on.
"Will you just stop a moment!" He growled out and you did but still you didn't look at him.
"I'm sorry okay." He sighed as he scraped a large hand over his face "I was being an asshole… I just. I have shit going on okay and I took it out on you."
"If you have shit eating at you, you can talk to me, Joel."
"Can I?" He asked and it was your turn to look confused "Just last week you were telling me that you were going to be too busy to hang out and now you're here with a guy and-"
"What does Simion have to do with this?" You asked and Joel's mouth snapped shut as he looked away, unable to answer your question "Thanks for a lovely afternoon, Joel." You snorted as you picked up the desert you had brought and headed to the door "Not." You mumbled under your breath as you walked out the door, leaving a very guilty older Miller in your wake.
"So you just let her go?" Tommy asked as he walked in from the garden "Not gonna tell her why you've been such an insufferable ass this afternoon."
"She's with someone now. Doesn't matter." Joel growled out before walking back outside, noting how Sarah was sitting on the swing seat with her own book in her hands. He could see that she'd been crying and he felt his anger come to a head but not at you. At himself for his inability to just let shit go.
Noah found you that evening, sitting on the couch nursing a coffee and he assumed it was likely dosed with Baileys. It was your go-to drink when you needed cheering up and after the awkward conversation that he had overheard between you and Simion earlier, he knew you likely needed some cheering up.
"You doing okay mum?" He asked and you nodded before taking a small sip of your drink "You need anything?" He asked and you shook your head.
"No thank you, sweetie." You said, your voice cracking as you spoke "I'm sorry about earlier."
"Don't be." Noah said as he sat down beside you and pulled you into a comforting embrace "I'm sorry about Simion." He said after a while and you let out a shuddering breath before taking another sip of your coffee.
"Don't know what I was thinking with him, to be honest." You sighed, wiping your tears away with your sleeve "Too soon after your dad anyway."
"You know… Just before he died, Dad told me something." You looked at Noah with furrowed brows as you waited for him to continue and the boy smiled at you "He said that you and Joel had been pretty sweet on each other before he came along."
"Noah-"
"He said that he knew that the two of you were just hopelessly blind to it." He continued as his eyes drifted to a framed photo of Alec on the wall "He said that he'd always felt a little guilty for getting in the way of you two finding each other but that he was two head over heels not to want to keep you for himself."
You chuckled at that, your own eyes then drifting to the photograph that your son was looking at.
"You know it's okay." He said after a short pause and you looked back at him again "If you and Joel want to be together. I'd be okay with it."
"But Sarah…"
"We'd work it out, mum." He said as he smiled sweetly at you "All I care about is that you're happy and if being with Mr Miller does that then who are we to stop you."
"It doesn't matter baby." You said, stroking his dark locks and giving him a soft smile "Joel doesn't have feelings for me."
"But-"
"Let's just drop it okay?" Noah nodded but he knew that you were hiding something. He just wished you'd let yourself be happy for once.
.
A knock at your front door tore you away from the TV show that you had on but you weren't really watching. What Noah had said to you was still running laps in your mind and you didn't know what to make of it. Had Alec really been able to see how you felt about Joel?
Answering the door, you were surprised to see Joel standing there. Scratching the back of his neck nervously as he shifted from leg to leg as he waited for you to say something.
"What do you want Joel?" You asked, trying to feign disinterest at his sudden appearance at your door.
"Can we talk?" He asked, his brown eyes killing any resolve you had.
You motioned for him to come in before making your way to the kitchen, pouring him a mug because you knew he'd want one. He thanked you as you handed him the mug and then you both proceeded to sit in awkward silence for what felt like an age.
"So… what was it you wanted to talk about?"
"I wanted to apologise for earlier." He replied, staring at the black liquid in his mug "I was an ass and you and Simion didn't deserve that."
"You're right." You grumbled and he looked at you then, noting your expression was impossible to read "We didn't."
"I wanted to apologise to him too but I guess I'll have to when I next see him."
"We broke up." You stated plainly and Joel's head jumped back at this piece of information.
"Why?" He asked and you snorted.
"Why do you think?" You growled, "He was invited to a BBQ at the house of the chick he's dating's best friend's house and said best friend acting like a complete Hozer all afternoon."
Joel uttered your name but you continued.
"As soon as we got back he told me that he couldn't get involved in whatever drama we had going on and left." You finished as you threw back the last of your coffee.
"I'm sorry." Joel muttered again and you let out a humourless laugh as you stood to refill your drink.
"Yeah well, so am I."
"Look I-"
"Why were you being such an ass?" You interrupted him again, leaving him to flounder for an answer "I'm sorry that you and Sandy broke up and all that but it's not fair to take it out on me."
"We broke up because of you." He rushed out and your mouth snapped shut as your eyes grew wide.
"What do you mean, because of me?" You asked after a short pause and Joel let out a long sigh before he answered.
"After that night when you told me that you wouldn't be around a while, she came over and I was talking to her about what it was that I had done wrong." He started and you shook your head as you answered.
"You didn't do anything wrong Joel."
"But then she told me that you had feelings for me." This statement made your body jolt and you opened your mouth to answer but didn't get the chance "She said that it was really obvious that you had feelings for me so I went to your house to talk to you about it…" He trailed off as his eyes grew sad at the memory "I parked up across the street and I was about to get out of my truck when you answered opened your door and there was Simion."
"Joel-"
"I knew she was wrong but to see it with my own two eyes just felt like a punch to the gut." He sighed "So a few days later I called it off with Sandy. Then Tommy told me he'd run into you and your new boyfriend and that he had invited him to the BBQ and I just… I dunno I just wanted to hate him so badly because he was with you and-"
Joel didn't get to finish his sentence. He was silenced by your lips on his and pulling away you grinned at him like a cat who'd gotten the cream before saying "She wasn't wrong." The two of you stared at each other for a moment. The air between you crackled with pent-up energy before you were both kissing again. You both allowed 10 years' worth of feelings to bleed into this kiss. You both felt like you needed to make up for lost time. Like if you stopped this kiss, the moment would disappear like a puff of smoke and it would have never happened.
So you didn't think twice when you opened Joel's jeans and pulled out his straining erection. Grinning at the whimper your hand around his member pulled from him. You climbed onto his lap and in the blind of an eye, your underwear was being pushed to one side and you were sliding down his impressively thick length.
You rested your brow against his as you allowed yourself a moment to adjust. It had been a while since you'd fucked anyone so the burn was both delicious but also took your breath away. Yet, when his hands cupped your ass and urged you to move, you soon found yourself languidly bouncing on his lap, moaning into his mouth as he hit your sweet spot as if he were made for you.
"Fuck, you feel incredible." He purred in your ear as you fought hard not to scream his name, his thumb not rubbing your needy clit and bringing you closer to your orgasm.
"Fuck." You whimpered as you bounced a little faster in his lap "Fuck Joel… you're gonna make me cum." You sobbed and he grinned.
"Cum." He purred in your ear and you did, squeezing him so tight that he fell over the edge with you.
Then the two of you were left panting in each other's arms as you soaked in the after-sex bliss. Kissing each other lazily as you came down from your highs.
"What does this mean?" You asked after a pleasant bout of silence and Joel smiled as he answered.
"It means, can I take you for dinner this week?" You smiled at him sweetly as you kissed him in answer, feeling him start to harden inside you again.
"Definitely."
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