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Today on lists no one asked for

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((I love her))

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"Wooooow, do me, do me!" Flan paused. "By that, I mean, do your best impression of me, Eri! But if you actually wanna do me, well." she giggled, trailing off with a mischievous smile.

"Best impression? Really?~ Wouldn't it be better to prove it in bed? The one who lasts the longest makes me the real one, right? You know I never say no to almost anything, I am a very open girl...~"

"But mmm... I'm quite horny, true, but I also really like cuddles... Specifically the kind of cuddles where the both of us get together naked, then the other person releases inside of me, then we stay like that all night... I haven't had that in a while."

"You know what? Just talking about it makes me want to do it right now! Spread your legs! It's just us here, no need to be shy!"

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"What do you mean, girlie pop?~ That's totally how you sound like! Flan can't tell the difference between us! Speaking of which, I'm hungry for period blood, don't suppose you have reserves?"

HE CAN BE SERIOUS but FOR NOW, he's just goofing OFF

"You know what? It's not terrible. I'd say I whine less than that but, all things considered it's a good impression."

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"Mine is small, leave me alone

"Hey now, Eri, that only happens if they aren't big and throbbing hard like yours is!~"

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Eri, now I need to hear your impression of Remilia. Please.

"Men always complain about their problems and their little inconveniences, but the moment when another woman starts talking about want to eat pussy, they start shouting like 'NOoOooO! thAT's because you haven't had dick yet!!!'. Like, Bitch??? What makes you think anything about you compares to my hot and sexy maid?"

"At least there's lots of other women with taste who loves being seduced by a hot lesbian vampire. Kindly approach. Wink wink."

Don't ask where he got her clothing from.

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"When I'm sad, I squish my boobs together, then I'm happy again."

He doesn't do that.

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"My pussy turns dicks into ground meat, so by all means! Put it in!~"

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"Aaand I hope this has been an engaging lesson for her of 'Why I gave up trying to socialize with these people'. Not even the the most holiest of angels can save them."

No, your reason is completely different.

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This is a completely alternate reality.............

Either that, or this is the 'doomed' timeline

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"That's exactly what's wrong with it, plushie-san! Once you go 'It's fineee, no big deaaal~', that's how traditions crumble! I didn't just pull this stuff out of thin air, there's ancient scrolls! Teachings by elders! People who actuALLY COMMUNICATED WITH THE KAMI..."

"You can't just go 'tee hee, it feels good', and just throw your purity away! The miko outfit means something! Discipline! PURITY! I may not have spoken to Ameterasu, but everyone knows that she encourages practicing RESTRAINT........."

"Are you sure it's common sense? Do you really know? Have you asked this Amaterasu what they think? Are your teachings accurate?"

"Besides, what's the harm? Who's being hurt right now?"

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"It's called 'common sense', Plushie-san! I'm a youkai who guards humans too, and Ameterasu does not condone these kind of things! The teachings say so!"

"Ummm, I don't think you're quite picking up what I'm putting down. You said you'd been here a week or two at most... Do you actually know if this shrine maiden subscribes to the same beliefs as you? What if you're misunderstanding things? It's really not good to project your values onto others like that, you know."

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They might be doing it

... probably not, but.............

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"Very true! Purity is extremely important among shrine maidens, so the Hakurei Shrine Maiden is required not to fall into temptation!"

"And you're sure that's true? Where I come from, stuff like that happened all the time, even among our, uh... 'holy' folk. Doing something that feels good isn't a bad thing, necessarily."

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"Because the Hakurei shrine maiden is supposed to be holy and not fall into lust and temptation! And yet, she's there, naked in the sauna with Hermit-san! The kami would be displeased!"

"What's wrong with lewd stuff?"

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"Why is the shrine maiden and the blue hermit doing lewd things in the sauna?!"

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"She has been into a multitude of trouble, and... I'm quite lucky that her test subject, one certain 'Eri', is quite honest in revealing who he is shortly."

"But other shapeshifters than him are a wild card. Can't let down my guard in case 'Chloe' suddenly had a knife behind her back, you know?"

"I'll be frank its amazing you've avoided that so far. Not because of the fact I can perfectly take on anyone's appearance But more because are you sure a certain alchemist has stayed out of trouble?"