alecksuh

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me as a detective walking up to look at a dead body: ok first of all, big mood,

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hell yeah i’m a catholic i’ve been addicted to cats my whole life

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Being a decent human means holding your trash until you can locate a goddamn trashcan u littering swine

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Elana Loo

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hi just wondering if i were an otter and you were an otter and we were sleeping would you hold my paw so we wouldn't drift away from each other. just wondering

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took it personally because I never would’ve done it to you

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“And it’s amazing how much noise people ignoring each other can make.”

— Eoin Colfer

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one time my dad gave me a glass of milk and i meant to ask him “who’s milk is this” because i wasnt sure if it was for me or if i was supposed to give it to my brother but instead i just stared down at the milk and said “who’s this”

then my dad turned to me without missing a beat and said “that’s your new friend mr. milk.” and we stared at each other and then he asked me if i was high

to this day i still have not lived it down

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“Pretending you’re okay is easier than having to explain to everyone why you’re not.”

—

[alecksuh]