aleeyaaaa

[aleeyaaaa]

THIRD JOURNAL ENTRY: LAST DAY WITH HIM

16 April 2022

His journey with leukemia was one of the most difficult chapters of our lives, and watching him

fight against the illness was both heartbreaking and humbling. In the beginning, there was hope-

hope that the treatments would work, that he’d recover and we can looked back on this as a

temporary trial. But as the months passed, it became clear that his body was struggling.

The hospital visits become more frequent, and the once energetic, lively person I knew slowly

faded. His strength waned, but his spirit remained resilient. Even on his worst days, he would

smile, telling me not to worry, that he is stronger, and everything would be okay. He was always

more concerned about how I felt even when he was the one who’s enduring the pain.

There were days when it felt like there was a glimmer of progress, moments when he seemed a

bit brighter, and we clung to those moments, hoping they were signs of recovery. But the

disease was relentless. The doctors did their best, and he fought bravely, but the treatments

took a toll. Despite the physical changes and the exhaustion, he never lost his kindness. His

eyes, even when tired, still held the same warmth they always had.

As his condition worsened, I felt the weight of helplessness. I wanted to do something, anything,

to ease his pain, but all I could do was stay by his side and spent all the time we had left. We

spent hours together, sometimes talking, sometimes sitting in silence while hugging each other.

He would share stories, memories from our past, and tell me to remember all the good times

with him. He told me not to dwell on the sadness but to move carry forward with strength and

always remember that I’m his last love. It was as if he knew his time was limited, and he wanted

to make sure I would be okay without him, to make sure that I would move forward even he is

not here anymore, and make me promise to love another person so I have someone to grow old

with.

When the end come, it was peaceful. He was surrounded by family, by love, and I could see the

relief in his eyes-relief from the pain he had endure for too long. Holding his hand, I whispered

that it was okay to let go, because I know he had fought long and hard. And as he took his last

breath in my arms, I felt a mix of sorrow and gratitude-sorrow for the loss, but gratitude for the

time we had and for his courage to be with me until today.

In the days that followed, I was overwhelmed by the quiet emptiness he had left behind. His

absence was felt in every corner, every memory in my mind. But sometimes I also felt his presence, in the small things-a familiar song, a shared memory, or the way the sunlight filtered

through the window, just as it did when he would smile while looking at me.

His journey ended, but the love and lessons he left behind will remain. He taught me to cherish

life, to be brave in the face of hardship, and to hold onto the people we love while we have the

chance. His life may have been shorted than I hoped, but it was full of meaning, courage, and

grace. Lastly, Muhammad Arshad Ayan Bin Muhammad Khairul will always be the loved of my

life now, yesterday, tomorrow and forever.

[aleeyaaaa]

SECOND JOURNAL ENTRY: OUR INTIMATE ENGAGEMENT DAY

20 September 2021

Today was our engagement day and it was a very beautiful, intimate chapter of our love journey,

marked by warmth, love and simplicity. The date we choose to engage mark our third year

anniversary. It was a day that we had long anticipated, not for the grandeur but for its meaning-a

promise between us and the blessing of our families.

The setting was modest and minimalist, a very cozy gathering at home where our loved ones

could come together, share laughter, and celebrate this new step between both of us. The room

was filled with the scent of flowers and the gentle murmur of excited conversations. Our families

exchanged smiles and warm embraces, and I could sense the joy that filled the air, a feeling of

unity and shared happiness.

When the time came, we sat together in the center, surrounded by those who mean the most to

both of us. I felt a flutter of nerves and excitement as I was just 15 when we engaged, but by

seeing him by my side, calm and reassuring, was enough to ease any uncertainty. Our families

exchanged simple gifts, a symbolic gesture to honor this moment and showing the bond forming

between them. It was also a reminder that this journey wasn’t just ours; but it was a merging

between both families, of histories, and of love.

As his mother slipped the engagement ring onto my finger, I felt the significance of the moment

settle in-a quiet promise, a commitment that I felt both grounding and exhilarating. We both

exchanged smiles, and in that glance, I’m sure everything will be alright. The room filled with

congratulations, blessings, and the sound of happy voices. Our parents also asked us to take

pictures together so we can always remember the day that we both bound to one another.

When the day ended, and his family bid their goodbyes, I felt an overwhelming sense of

gratitude. It wasn’t a grand celebration, but it was perfect in its on way-an intimate beginning of

a lifelong journey, marked by the love and support of those who mattered most.

[aleeyaaaa]

FIRST JOURNAL ENTRY: FIRST MEETING WITH HIM

5 Jun 2019

Today was Eid Al-Fitr, a day of celebration, joy, and reconnecting with loved ones. After so long,

I finally met him again. He is my childhood family friend, I think it had been months-since we last

saw each other. Time and distance had stretched between us, making this moment feel both

familiar and foreign.

As I stepped into the room filled with laughter, the scent of festive dishes wafting through the air,

and that moment I spotted him. He hadn’t changed much, but there was a subtle difference-

maybe I just miss the way his smile, or the calmness of his eyes when he’s looking at me. My

heart quickened, a mix of excitement and nerves, as I made my way toward him without

breaking our eyes contact.

We exchanged polite greeting, then he pulled into his arm and hugged me tightly, and it felt

surreal. I noticed how his smile reached his eyes, just as it always had when we are together.

But this time, there was a gentleness, a warmth that lingered. We talked about everything and

nothing-catching up on life, family, work. There was a sense of nostalgia that hung in the air,

each word reminding me of the moments we shared in the past.

The noise of the gathering faded, and for a brief moment, it felt like it was just the two of us, the

way it used to be. I could feel the familiarity returning, but there was also the recognition that

time had changed us both. We weren’t the same people we once were, but perhaps that was

okay.

As we parted that day, there was an unspoken understanding that even though it been a long

time since we spoken and the connection was still there. And as I was waving him from my

house, I felt a mix of happiness and longing-grateful for the chance to see him again, but also

finally aware of his feeling toward me.