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[alexiaugustin]

Zendaya, Josh O’Connor, and Mike Faist for The New York Times

“We discussed a lot about how we could flesh out the basic point that the triangle is not just two people after one, but the corners touch together all the time. You’re not jealous of your girlfriend or your boyfriend. You’re jealous because you’re not chosen by one and you’re losing the other.” — Luca Guadagnino, about ‘Challengers’ for The New York Times

[alexiaugustin]

i was immediately drawn to the lyric about being left at the house by the heath and i’ve spent the last few days trying to work out why. i realized as someone who has lived in several different places i’m very well aquatinted with moving somewhere new and feeling like you’re always just a lil out of place. and i know it was her decision, but i can only imagine how difficult it must’ve been to move away from everyone and everything familiar; trying to fit into an existing friend group with their own inside jokes and traditions and different points of reference. and then you get left all on your own coz your partner thinks you’re a fucking liability. it’s not a surprise it broke her

[alexiaugustin]

a husband and wife were leaving walmart in front of me and she was pushing the cart so (without asking) he took her sunglasses from the top of her head and put them on her face. If nobody loves me soon I'm going to do something drastic

[alexiaugustin]

Realizing that Taylor wrote and rewrote her meeting and falling in love with Joe over and over on each album because she was desperately clinging to the hope that the magic and golden love would come back, but over the years it never did.

[alexiaugustin]

Taylor Swift, I hate it here

[alexiaugustin]

just realized she changes the lyric in i can do it with a broken heart (he said he’d love me all my life/he said he’d love me for all time) because two different people made and broke this promise during this story

[alexiaugustin]

[alexiaugustin]

i hate it here so i will go to lunar valleys in my mind when they found a better planet only the gentle survived i dreamed about it in the dark the night i felt like i might die no mid sized city hopes and small town fears i’m there most of the year cause i hate it here i’m lonely but im good i’m bitter but i swear i’m fine i’ll save all my romanticism for my inner life and i’ll get lost on purpose this place made me feel worthless lucid dreams like electricity the current flies through me and in my fantasies i rise above it and way up there i actually love it i hate it here so i will go to secret gardens in my mind people need a key to get to the only one is mine i read about it in a book when i was a precocious child no mid sized city hopes and small town fears i’m there most of the year cause i hate it here

[alexiaugustin]

thanK you aIMee explains the whole concept of the album so well because she says in the song that only she and the person it’s about will ever know who the song is about and that she removed all real defining clues for the rest of the world. so either she’s being sarcastic because she put kim in all caps in the title so obviously everyone knows exactly who the song is about or the kim in all caps is just another way for her to distract everyone else from knowing who the real muse is. this is also true for all the other songs on the album. are lines about joe and matty blending together and the songs are about neither of them specifically because they both hurt her so similarly that her feelings and lyrics about them are intertwined? or is it a bait-and-switch with everyone believing the album would be about joe but she’s already written songs about their relationship ending for years, now she’s writing about how matty healy hurt her afterwards? or is matty healy the red herring and she’s processing her feelings about joe by distracting her audience from who she’s really writing about? and the only answer we will ever get is in how did it end?; after listening to the album we still don’t know and never will.

[alexiaugustin]

people confused if songs are about matty or joe but the “went from an oven to a microwave” is pretty cut clear that they both hurt her in similar ways and that the songs are muddled and confusing cause it was confusing for her. we never fully know which one she’s talking about cause they both hurt her so similarly she can weave the pain together

[alexiaugustin]

the prophecy is like evil invisible string

[alexiaugustin]

in peter, taylor spends the song talking about how she thought if she would just wait, the goddess of timing would fix things up and their time would come. he would grow up and come back to her, he would keep his promise of dealing with his shit and being there for her. in so much of her previous work, she talks about how he knew her so well, and now she is wondering if he can still read her. he was high above everything and could see the whole forest (her and her life) for what it was, but now he is so far high above that he can’t see it (her and their relationship) anymore while she’s still in the thick of it alone. they’re in the same difficult time, but their minds are working differently. same page, but on different lines.

she sings how she was fine with letting the lamp burn and waiting, she didn’t wanna come down, she kept her hope up, and she was okay with him being absent because she thought they’d gain perspective when he came back and it would’ve made their love better and it’d be worth it. but then she just realized that she doesn’t want that. she doesn’t wanna be betty, waiting 20 years of her life, thinking if he’ll ever be there. she wants more and she wants better. in their time together, he never grew up, so now she’s turning out the light and leaving.

[alexiaugustin]

L + ratio + when you wake up next to him in the middle of the night with your head in your hands you're nothing more than his wife

[alexiaugustin]

the who's who of who's that is poised for the attack but my bare hands paved their paths. you don't get to tell me about sad! if you wanted me dead you should've just said... nothing makes me feel more alive. so i leap from the gallows and i levitate down your street crash the party like a record scratch as i scream WHO'S AFRAID OF LITTLE OLD ME........ YOU SHOULD BE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the scandal was contained the bullet had just grazed at all costs keep you good name. you don't get to tell me you feel bad! is it a wonder i broke? lets hear one more joke! then we could all just laugh until i cry. so i leap from the gallows and i levitate down your street crash the party like a record scratch as i scream WHO'S AFRAID OF LITTLE OLD ME??? I WAS TAME. I WAS GENTLE. TIL THE CIRCUS LIFE MADE ME MEAN. DONT YOU WORRY FOLKS WE TOOK OUT ALL HER TEETH. WHO'S AFRAID OF LITTLE OLD ME? WELL YOU SHOULD BE!!!!!!! YOU SHOULD BE. YOU SHOULD BE. YOU SHOULD BE!!! so tell me everything is not about me. but what if it is..... then say they didn't do it to hurt me. but what if they did..... I WANNA SNARL AND SHOW YOU JUST HOW DISTURBED THIS HAS MADE ME. YOU WOULDN'T LAST AN HOUR IN THE ASYLUM WHERE THEY RAISED ME. SO ALL YOU KIDS CAN SNEAK INTO MY HOUSE WITH ALL THE COBWEBS. I'M ALWAYS DRUNK ON MY OWN TEARS. ISN'T THAT WHAT THEY ALL SAY? that i'll sue you!!!! if you step on my lawn. that i'm fearless... and i'm wretched... and i'm wrong...... put narcotics into all of my songs and thats why you're still singing along........ WHO'S AFRAID OF LITTLE OLD ME??? I WAS TAME. I WAS GENTLE. TIL THE CIRCUS LIFE MADE ME MEAN. DONT YOU WORRY FOLKS WE TOOK OUT ALL HER TEETH. WHO'S AFRAID OF LITTLE OLD ME? WELL YOU SHOULD BE!!!!!!! YOU SHOULD BE. YOU SHOULD BE. YOU SHOULD BE!!! you caged me and then you called me crazy......... i am what i am cause you trained me...... so who's afraid of me? who's afraid of little old me? who's afraid of little old me?

[alexiaugustin]

now that i am a real adult i am starting to realise. media lied to me about the availability of rooftops to go hang out on. every day i wish i could be hanging out on a rooftop somewhere looking cool as fuck

[alexiaugustin]

Not only do I fully support A Little Life I think Hanya’s next book should be even more gratuitous and melodramatic and I think everyone who is offended by it is a little stupid bitch baby

[alexiaugustin]

Yeah it does bother me that the most ardent critics of “controversial” female writers like Ottessa Moshfegh (Persian Jew) and Hanya Yanagihara (Japanese, Korean, and Hawaiian) are white dudes using as much coded academic language as they can to mask the fact that what they’re essentially advocating for “women, especially women of color, should only write nice, happy, pleasant and clean cut fiction, writing about people with complicated lives is bad when these women do it, but fine when guys like us do it…because…it’s uh…different then.”