alias-aida - Tumblr blog

[alias-aida]

Habiba I sincerely apologize for disrespecting you again. I know you told me not to do that but I accidentally did it again out of frustration of not being able to talk. It just slipped out, and I apologize for letting it happen again.

"I accidentally did it again out of frustration of not being able to talk." SO you are telling me that because I was not letting you speak you were not able to talk and because of me not letting you talk— you disrespect me by showing me the hand motion that you do. Treating me less than a mosquito. Telling me to "shh shh".

So due to my action you had that reaction.

When in reality, if you had not acted and choose to disrespect me. You would be mindful of loosing me enough to not even for 1 second disrespect me. But you are not afraid of ever loosing me due to your behavior in the first place. So it's gotta happen now.

I want to die. Why did I fall for you. I can't believe that you are the first person that I loved. Gave my virginity to, and you turned out to be a monster. I don't have the energy to accept you disrespecting me again. I do not want to be my mom or your mom who accepted the kind of man your dad is and my dad is. And now I don't want to accept you ever because you are just like them Brandon......... my heart cries so much. I feel like I'll die. But I won't ever return to you. You don't value me. I won't try to find my wroth from you. Or make you realize how much I worth to you.

I hope I can just die as soon as possible in this life. With the forgiveness of Allah.

[alias-aida]

[alias-aida]

[alias-aida]

Man I just suck at living fr

[alias-aida]

How every single thing made sense about Brandon. Feb 12, 2024

[alias-aida]

Dear God,

Little habiba never had a father. He was as cold as an iceberg. She lost her mother at the age of 10. Because her mother was too busy collecting love from the iceberg. And then little habiba decided to run away and get her freedom. She grew up and thought she met a guy who loved her. Wouls give her all the love she never got from her iceberg father. But then she realized that he is a robot. So just as frozen in ice like her father. Iceberg robot. He was both an iceberg and a robot.

I just wanted to be loved ya rab.

When I met Brandon I was barely out of the water in the ocean. I hled my right hand out of the water to signal for help. I saw brandon and pulled me out. I thought I had found the guy who can love me finally.

I gave myself away. My virginity my soul my heart, every drop of love from myself to a guy called Brandon. He took it and then gradually i see him drag me towards the same ocean he rescued me from. One day he held his hand on my face and drowned me further down in the water. Just like that I died.

I just wanted to be loved ya rab. How can someone be that cruel? I was someone's little girl. But even then, my own father never called me his "little girl".

My sweet little girl habiba.

My sweet sweet baby.

If my father and mother can live and move on with their lives as of I never existed and they never hurt me then, Brandon wasn't even someone of my blood. He cried for his blood everytime. But never for the woman he killed and drowned. He is also the iceberg who will also move on just like how my parents did. Little habiba gave her heart away like that to these 3 people and people just walked over it God. They just walked over it God. I am so hurt. Please call me over. This life was already filled with pain for me. But now it's ever more filled with pain. Please I want to go back. Let it be in hell but at least I'll be with You. Please?

[alias-aida]

It just turns out to be me again. The alone Aida.

[alias-aida]

[alias-aida]

Dec 18th, 2023

So far:

[alias-aida]

Gentleman

so, Brandon by default doesn’t know how to be a gentleman.

he’s only respected his mum, the lady in his life. He’s.

[alias-aida]

Heartbreak season ❤️

[alias-aida]

I won't go. I'll sleep in. I can't do this. At least not tomorrow.

[alias-aida]

I'm scared. I feel like I can't go fly tomorrow to the XC solo.

I feel like I don't belong here. I don't belong anywhere. That I'm tired. I can't just be a housewife either.

I lost my citizenship document. I feel overwhelmed with Brandon. I feel scared for tomorrow's flight. I can't make it.

I don't have a spine. A support. I just feel abandoned and lonely. I can't navigate through life. I'm so stuck. I just want to die. I don't at the same time. I'll go to he'll immediately. I literally have like 0 good deeds at this point. I wanted to be at a position where at least God can see that I'm doing something correctly. But I can't. I'm not doing it right anymore.

Idk who I thought I was. Some good person or whatever. I could build a career. Fuck this, I can't do anything. I can't. I'm so weak. I'm so close to the dust in the air.

Everyone has a purpose, and I seem to be lost. This void is deeper every time.

[alias-aida]

It's okay.

He didn't turn out the way I thought he would. He cried, and we cried. We embraced.

[alias-aida]

What do I even feel towards you?

For the past 2 days now, I've distanced myself from you Brandon.

The thought of you being like that isn't digesting this time.

You are completely normal today. You love the time you've gotten away from me. You're playing games and you are the happiest when you're there. Smiling, laughing and bursts of emotions burst all along your face.

With me, there's nothing like that. It's always monotone. Your face. Your emotions. Nothing is like whne I see you with your friend playing video games.

You can enjoy your time knowing that I haven't talked to you properly for 2 days now.

You can live like that.

I don't have anything to feel anymore. You took my virginity and you don't even care about it, the next person you could hit, you'd be okay. Not with me. Not within my religion. Not on my body. I won't be okay. So I am restricted to you. I'm bounded to you because I lost my virginity to you.

You are someone who doesn't understand a bit of any pain I'd described so far.

You are someone so easily able to tell me "you don't know what love is. You watch too much Disney. You watched too much Disney." You've said it countless amount of times.

I don't know what real love is? Haha Brandon you've just shown who you are.

I want you to get the citizenship/greencard whatever it is and go on with your life.

I decided to block my emotions away. I don't know how to feel about you anymore.

I was trying to be normal but those words that came out of your mouth at Texas and the whole thing with parents. I can't digest it. It doesn't sit right with me anymore.

I do care. I care a lot. I want you to pay attention to the fact that I'm not talking to you at all for the past 2 days, and you're okay with that. You go on and do your business. You love the time you're getting away from me.

I can't fathom how you're able to just pretend that everything is fine and move on like that playing video games.

Video games.

I never wanted a husband who played video games.

I don't know what I want from you anymore.

I wanted understanding from you about my trauma. My past.

I didn't get that. You told me no one will understand me. It's fine, you can believe that. I don't want anyone to understand me anymore.

I wanted just that from you.

You failed.

Horribly.

I don't feel like anything will ever make up for that, so now you are spending your quality time with your iPad, gym, and your friend— playing video games just makes me question, why does it affect me? If this guy doesn't understand me ok my past then what is exactly he will understand?

When he chooses to not understand the most biggest thing that I needed to be heard for. Understood for. What will he understand?

Nothing.

So i don't know if I should complain that he didn't notice that I haven't talked to him properly, that he is totally okay with that. And moving along with his life.

You know. So yeah. I won't let him sleep with me tonight. I want to throw up. I'm disgusting and disappointed.

[alias-aida]

Words for Skin Tone | How to Describe Skin Color

We discussed the issues describing People of Color by means of food in Part I of this guide, which brought rise to even more questions, mostly along the lines of “So, if food’s not an option, what can I use?” Well, I was just getting to that!

This final portion focuses on describing skin tone, with photo and passage examples provided throughout. I hope to cover everything from the use of straight-forward description to the more creatively-inclined, keeping in mind the questions we’ve received on this topic.

Standard Description

Basic Colors

Pictured above: Black, Brown, Beige, White, Pink.

“She had brown skin.”

This is a perfectly fine description that, while not providing the most detail, works well and will never become cliché.

Describing characters’ skin as simply brown or beige works on its own, though it’s not particularly telling just from the range in brown alone.

Complex Colors

These are more rarely used words that actually “mean” their color. Some of these have multiple meanings, so you’ll want to look into those to determine what other associations a word might have.

Pictured above: Umber, Sepia, Ochre, Russet, Terra-cotta, Gold, Tawny, Taupe, Khaki, Fawn.

Complex colors work well alone, though often pair well with a basic color in regards to narrowing down shade/tone.

For example: Golden brown, russet brown, tawny beige…

As some of these are on the “rare” side, sliding in a definition of the word within the sentence itself may help readers who are unfamiliar with the term visualize the color without seeking a dictionary.

“He was tall and slim, his skin a russet, reddish-brown.”

Comparisons to familiar colors or visuals are also helpful:

“His skin was an ochre color, much like the mellow-brown light that bathed the forest.”

Modifiers

Modifiers, often adjectives, make partial changes to a word.The following words are descriptors in reference to skin tone.

Dark - Deep - Rich - Cool

Warm - Medium - Tan

Fair - Light - Pale

Rich Black, Dark brown, Warm beige, Pale pink…

If you’re looking to get more specific than “brown,” modifiers narrow down shade further.

Keep in mind that these modifiers are not exactly colors.

As an already brown-skinned person, I get tan from a lot of sun and resultingly become a darker, deeper brown. I turn a pale, more yellow-brown in the winter.

While best used in combination with a color, I suppose words like “tan” “fair” and “light” do work alone; just note that tan is less likely to be taken for “naturally tan” and much more likely a tanned White person.

Calling someone “dark” as description on its own is offensive to some and also ambiguous. (See: Describing Skin as Dark)

Undertones

Undertones are the colors beneath the skin, seeing as skin isn’t just one even color but has more subdued tones within the dominating palette.

pictured above: warm / earth undertones: yellow, golden, copper, olive, bronze, orange, orange-red, coral | cool / jewel undertones: pink, red, blue, blue-red, rose, magenta, sapphire, silver. 

Mentioning the undertones within a character’s skin is an even more precise way to denote skin tone.

As shown, there’s a difference between say, brown skin with warm orange-red undertones (Kelly Rowland) and brown skin with cool, jewel undertones (Rutina Wesley).

“A dazzling smile revealed the bronze glow at her cheeks.”

“He always looked as if he’d ran a mile, a constant tinge of pink under his tawny skin.”

Standard Description Passage

“Farah’s skin, always fawn, had burned and freckled under the summer’s sun. Even at the cusp of autumn, an uneven tan clung to her skin like burrs. So unlike the smooth, red-brown ochre of her mother, which the sun had richened to a blessing.”

-From my story “Where Summer Ends” featured in Strange Little Girls

Here the state of skin also gives insight on character.

Note my use of “fawn” in regards to multiple meaning and association. While fawn is a color, it’s also a small, timid deer, which describes this very traumatized character of mine perfectly.

Though I use standard descriptions of skin tone more in my writing, at the same time I’m no stranger to creative descriptions, and do enjoy the occasional artsy detail of a character.

Creative Description

Whether compared to night-cast rivers or day’s first light…I actually enjoy seeing Characters of Colors dressed in artful detail.

I’ve read loads of descriptions in my day of white characters and their “smooth rose-tinged ivory skin”, while the PoC, if there, are reduced to something from a candy bowl or a Starbucks drink, so to actually read of PoC described in lavish detail can be somewhat of a treat.

Still, be mindful when you get creative with your character descriptions. Too many frills can become purple-prose-like, so do what feels right for your writing when and where. Not every character or scene warrants a creative description, either. Especially if they’re not even a secondary character.

Using a combination of color descriptions from standard to creative is probably a better method than straight creative. But again, do what’s good for your tale.

Natural Settings - Sky

Pictured above: Harvest Moon -Twilight, Fall/Autumn Leaves, Clay, Desert/Sahara, Sunlight - Sunrise - Sunset - Afterglow - Dawn- Day- Daybreak, Field - Prairie - Wheat, Mountain/Cliff, Beach/Sand/Straw/Hay.

Now before you run off to compare your heroine’s skin to the harvest moon or a cliff side, think about the associations to your words.

When I think cliff, I think of jagged, perilous, rough. I hear sand and picture grainy, yet smooth. Calm. mellow.

So consider your character and what you see fit to compare them to.

Also consider whose perspective you’re describing them from. Someone describing a person they revere or admire may have a more pleasant, loftier description than someone who can’t stand the person.

“Her face was like the fire-gold glow of dawn, lifting my gaze, drawing me in.”

“She had a sandy complexion, smooth and tawny.”

Even creative descriptions tend to draw help from your standard words.

Flowers

Pictured above: Calla lilies, Western Coneflower, Hazel Fay, Hibiscus, Freesia, Rose

It was a bit difficult to find flowers to my liking that didn’t have a 20 character name or wasn’t called something like “chocolate silk” so these are the finalists. 

You’ll definitely want to avoid purple-prose here.

Also be aware of flowers that most might’ve never heard of. Roses are easy, as most know the look and coloring(s) of this plant. But Western coneflowers? Calla lilies? Maybe not so much.

“He entered the cottage in a huff, cheeks a blushing brown like the flowers Nana planted right under my window. Hazel Fay she called them, was it?”

Assorted Plants & Nature

Pictured above: Cattails, Seashell, Driftwood, Pinecone, Acorn, Amber

These ones are kinda odd. Perhaps because I’ve never seen these in comparison to skin tone, With the exception of amber.

At least they’re common enough that most may have an idea what you’re talking about at the mention of “pinecone." 

I suggest reading out your sentences aloud to get a better feel of how it’ll sounds.

"Auburn hair swept past pointed ears, set around a face like an acorn both in shape and shade.”

I pictured some tree-dwelling being or person from a fantasy world in this example, which makes the comparison more appropriate.

I don’t suggest using a comparison just “cuz you can” but actually being thoughtful about what you’re comparing your character to and how it applies to your character and/or setting.

Wood

Pictured above: Mahogany, Walnut, Chestnut, Golden Oak, Ash

Wood can be an iffy description for skin tone. Not only due to several of them having “foody” terminology within their names, but again, associations.

Some people would prefer not to compare/be compared to wood at all, so get opinions, try it aloud, and make sure it’s appropriate to the character if you do use it.

“The old warlock’s skin was a deep shade of mahogany, his stare serious and firm as it held mine.”

Metals

Pictured above: Platinum, Copper, Brass, Gold, Bronze

Copper skin, brass-colored skin, golden skin…

I’ve even heard variations of these used before by comparison to an object of the same properties/coloring, such as penny for copper.

These also work well with modifiers.

“The dress of fine white silks popped against the deep bronze of her skin.”

Gemstones - Minerals

Pictured above: Onyx, Obsidian, Sard, Topaz, Carnelian, Smoky Quartz, Rutile, Pyrite, Citrine, Gypsum

These are trickier to use. As with some complex colors, the writer will have to get us to understand what most of these look like.

If you use these, or any more rare description, consider if it actually “fits” the book or scene.

Even if you’re able to get us to picture what “rutile” looks like, why are you using this description as opposed to something else? Have that answer for yourself.

“His skin reminded her of the topaz ring her father wore at his finger, a gleaming stone of brown, mellow facades.” 

Physical Description

Physical character description can be more than skin tone.

Show us hair, eyes, noses, mouth, hands…body posture, body shape, skin texture… though not necessarily all of those nor at once.

Describing features also helps indicate race, especially if your character has some traits common within the race they are, such as afro hair to a Black character.

How comprehensive you decide to get is up to you. I wouldn’t overdo it and get specific to every mole and birthmark. Noting defining characteristics is good, though, like slightly spaced front teeth, curls that stay flopping in their face, hands freckled with sunspots…

General Tips

Indicate Race Early: I suggest indicators of race be made at the earliest convenience within the writing, with more hints threaded throughout here and there.

Get Creative On Your Own: Obviously, I couldn’t cover every proper color or comparison in which has been “approved” to use for your characters’ skin color, so it’s up to you to use discretion when seeking other ways and shades to describe skin tone.

Skin Color May Not Be Enough: Describing skin tone isn’t always enough to indicate someone’s ethnicity. As timeless cases with readers equating brown to “dark white” or something, more indicators of race may be needed.

Describe White characters and PoC Alike: You should describe the race and/or skin tone of your white characters just as you do your Characters of Color. If you don’t, you risk implying that White is the default human being and PoC are the “Other”).

PSA: Don’t use “Colored.” Based on some asks we’ve received using this word, I’d like to say that unless you or your character is a racist grandmama from the 1960s, do not call People of Color “colored” please. 

Not Sure Where to Start? You really can’t go wrong using basic colors for your skin descriptions. It’s actually what many people prefer and works best for most writing. Personally, I tend to describe my characters using a combo of basic colors + modifiers, with mentions of undertones at times. I do like to veer into more creative descriptions on occasion.

Want some alternatives to “skin” or “skin color”? Try: Appearance, blend, blush, cast, coloring, complexion, flush, glow, hue, overtone, palette, pigmentation, rinse, shade, sheen, spectrum, tinge, tint, tone, undertone, value, wash.

Skin Tone Resources

List of Color Names

The Color Thesaurus

Skin Undertone & Color Matching

Tips and Words on Describing Skin

Photos: Undertones Described (Modifiers included)

Online Thesaurus (try colors, such as “red” & “brown”)

Don’t Call me Pastries: Creative Skin Tones w/ pics I 

Writing & Description Guides

WWC Featured Description Posts

WWC Guide: Words to Describe Hair

Writing with Color: Description & Skin Color Tags

7 Offensive Mistakes Well-intentioned Writers Make

I tried to be as comprehensive as possible with this guide, but if you have a question regarding describing skin color that hasn’t been answered within part I or II of this guide, or have more questions after reading this post, feel free to ask!

~ Mod Colette

[alias-aida]

This curly headed little gurl just looked at me while I was telling her thay "im an only child" and she goes "you're beautiful" and just reassured me by nodding her head. And said "yeahh you're you're beautiful"