alien-nuts

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Unless you hit me in the face with a brick that says “I’m flirting with you,” I’m most likely just gonna think you’re being nice.

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as i sit on the toilet i realized that

my hips hot wider

i can’t see the toilet unless i lean over to look

that this is one of the many kinds of mom bodies

my ass cheeks are itchy so does that mean i’m getting more stretch marks which means my butt is getting bigger?🤔

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Women deserve to have male friends without worrying that they’re plotting to someday have sex with them

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if you’re rude to waiters at restaurants i hate you

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uterus v2.9.1 has been installed.

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me: *is jokingly mean to my friend*

friend: *jokingly pretends to be hurt*

me:

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I will never get over how weird it feels to have tragic and emotional chapters of your life where you just also still go to work, and the grocery store, and see funny videos online all while feeling such paralyzing fear and heartache

life just goes on no matter what

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seeing mutuals in my notes like yes...i'm entertaining the besties

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anyone else remember being 13 on tumblr and every morning youd scroll down until you got to posts from the night before like it was the morning paper 

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my friend took in a stray and she’s the cutest kitty ever but he named her oil so whenever he sends a picture of her me and my other friends look like we’re roleplaying as the US military