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[alineadaykeepsthedoctoraway]

5-9-2020

I’ve been walking down memory lane. If you want to do it. Here are some things to check out: 

wlaiwa

laiwa_wng

suck3rzz

gwabens

livejournal

blogger

enjoy. I’m 3 hours deep and still going. 

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9-13-18

Perhaps, what I miss the most about Raquel is how right she usually is. Even when I hated it. 

Like, yesterday when Loren said that after I came back from my break, she didn’t think she could have been friends with me, like ever. 

That’s what Raquel said. If I hadn’t taken a break, i would have no friends because no one would be able to speak to me, or handle how different and aloof, and how non-conversationalist I was. 

That hurt me, but it didn’t feel true. I hoped to god it wasn’t true. But hearing Loren say that about our friendship...it hurt a lot. How would my other friends have reacted? I guess we’ll never know for sure, but I would have had a very lonely last few years at Union-- I could have dropped out for god’s sake.

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literally used to look for photos of naked men. more specifically dick pics with faces. that was my questioning time

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7/11/15 brasil

O tempo aqui me forçou pensar em outras pessoas. O fato é que tudo mundo vai ter um tempo de fazer um pouco de tudo.

Tem pessoas que eu admiro e tem pessoas que eu não posso admira-- mas é uma coisa que eu fiz. É tipo um comforto que as pessoas mesmo permitiram-se.

Agora, eu não posso saber a coisa verdadeira. Tem amigos que me-entende só por que é o tempo disso. Marley me ensinou que as coisas mais maravilhosas do mundo são as coisas que nos sinto mas não vejo. Eu acho é por causa disso que não podemos dormir facilmente

As vezes, quando a pessoa está muitíssimamente tendandote-entender, eles está deixando-lhe entender as coisas por que é uma coisa que eles não precisa se-desculpar.

Tem pessoas que não pode entender o mundo-- mas tem coisas que não posso mesmo. Então, para colocar seu mundo no lugar dos outros é uma coisa importantisimos.

Tina me countou uma coisa que eu acho agora posso entender. Ela me contou que a vida é como uma aula de calculo. A primeira vez que eu não entendi, eu não gostei disso, de jeito nenhuma. Tem coisas, que eu odiava em ela e não entendi e eu sei que ela não qer que eu faço isso--- pensar em coisa que me deixar ou me fazem sentir estúpida, mas nnão posso fazer isso por ela. Mas eu acho, e a verdadeira coisa que todos humanos precisa, são as pessoas que entende tudo. As pessoas que são verdaderamente, não, é as coisas que eu já não quero saber. 

Eu quero é só entender. Mas não quero entender todo mundo. Não é isso que não entendo. Eu acho que é quando voçe não quer saber, é que não quero. Mas, para entender, eu preciso de ajudar. A verdade é que eu posso ver mas não podia-- e não gostei nada das coisas que não podia. Mas ninguém tem essa coisa de verdade.

Quando as pessoas fazem coisas que eu não gosto, não é que eu não gosto deles por que eu quero gostar deles. Se gosto deles, e eles fazem coisas que eu não gosto, eu posso concluir que eles não gosto de mim. Mas, se eles gostam de mim, e eu tenho certeza disso. não pode ser isso. Então, o que pode ser? Pode ser, por exemplo, que eles não entendem. Na verdade, é que posso parar de pensar sobre tudo isso, se eu não me-importo o que é a razão verdadeira. Mas se gosto sim da gente-- em um nivel importante mesmo, um nivel que eu posso entender 100% e não sentir diferente, isso tem significaé a razão verdadeira, o que é a razão então:

eu entendo que eles não pode fazer isso, mas fazem porque eles não entende disso, eles tem

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7/17/15

I just finished watching an episode of Rookie Blue and it just feels so good. Just one episode made me feel so much-- I was completely lost and swimming in their storyline and plot. I had forgotten how much time passed by and by the end of it, I can’t even explain what exactly I feel. 

I guess I feel happy, but I also feel sad. I feel so many weird random things. That episode pulled on a lot of different heartstrings. And that might be the best thing about these cop shows. 

Or maybe not. Maybe it’s the figuring things out and then feeling things afterwards. Dov finally admitted to loving Chloe. Maybe that was just it. But then there was the drug dealer that started to deal in the clinics. And... just so much more. Thank you Rookie Blue directors for this episode. It was truly amazing. I have not felt so good watching a show in a while.

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4/22/15

I’m going back home for NYCAASC YAAAAS! I’m hella excited for it, but even more so, I am excited to finally come back to the City and this time it’s for free. Thank God for Asian Student Union. I’m pretty darn excited for that. :D

Anyway, on Monday I spent a majority of my day freaking out and being extremely unproductive. I was not being productive at all. It was bad because I was supposed to meet with Iracema but that didn’t happen. Then, I was supposed to work out, and that didn’t happen either. So I ended up sleeping after my 8:00AM class and I woke up at 11:30am. 

And I proceeded to do absolutely nothing until 9pm. It was a real struggle getting things done and I do regret not being productive. I am quite behind in my school work and still... I do not have anything going for me (for the summer) FACKK

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I may have actually failed that math 199 test. I'm very disappointed in myself, yet I can't say that I am all that surprised. My studying methods weren't all that helpful and instead of tackling everything on my own knowing how I study, I did it with other people. The only thing that was actually the most helpful was when I sat down by myself and tried working it out for myself. The last couple of days were really... just so difficult for no reason. 

Yesterday, I killed a day doing absolutely nothing. I don't even know what to say about that.  I've been slacking and I think the lack of energy comes from all areas of my life. I've just finished doing something productive and I think I want to get some work done later today. That dinner thing might actually fall through because I don't think I deserve all that good stuff. Man... life sucks.

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a lot of work today.... there's no way I can complete al the work he wants me to. so let me just do what i can and call it a day.

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I couldn't log into here last night so i didn't do anything but it was really fun last night because I got to talk to loren until we knocked out which kind of reminded me of the nights Victor and I would talk in his bunk bed. 

Today's sentence has got to be like...pretty awesome considering the fact that my day went pretty well, I had all of my classes and I should get a lot of homework done as well as get my work schedule set up so i can start earning that mulaa. 6 hours though, so it ain't too bad and i'm not too worried

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Last day spent in NYC with Diana, Tommy and Irene (towards the end) marks the end of the summer for me and a new start of school tomorrow...Got home today to celebrate the moon festival with Victor and Dad and dinner together before I for another trimester :)

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Gotta apologize, my bad for not keeping this up to date. 

Today was funnn, got to hang out with Jacky and her friend, Ying Ying and 'twas a good time :) I'm feeling pretty good about my day outside. I had Shake Shackk which was hella good :) I'm just feeling good in generall. Yaaaaas. 

This is a comeback post so it's not one sentence but the rest of them will. It is a promise I plan to keep. :)

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she definitely likes girls. There is no doubt about it. But then again, it really has nothing to do with me...at all. I mean I was looking for some kind of agreement or something when I first came out to her... but I guess not. We weren't alone, so I guess that makes a difference. It also speaks on how people are ready at different times. 

I'm so glad that I came out when I did. Having people being okay with me being who I am is...great. It's not really who i am.. .it's simply who I'm attracted to. It really isn't that big of a deal.

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Oh hellla yeas :) I've got a job that i've wanted for the time being. I went for my century 21 interview and that was just awesome :) I'm really happy that I went today with Jacky because we both got the job! The good news is that orientation is paid! yayyy :) But the bad thing is all black, i can do that....i just need to change my entire closet hehehe, it won't be too bad :)

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Test for math tomorrow and I'm cramming BIG TIME. At least I know that my soc test next friday and I'll be ready because I'll read and catch up soooo badly. Yes, I got this. I believe in myself. 

But for now, with all of this studying I think I can do this. 

One more thing, music helps me get less pissed off. 

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Let's be real for a minute. I left Raquel's room tearing up before actually starting to bawl my eyes out because I was afraid of this math test and the stress of this crazy eights project coming along. It's really a pain in the booty because as of right now, I'm not feeling prepared for any of it. I don't even know the real reason, maybe it was because she suggested the fact that we shouldn't kiss until the end of the week and that's... just not what i wated to hear when I wanted a kiss at the time. I don't know even know, i need to get on this math but I"m not. so i'm going ot get off this and start working on this again. I need to get my shit together, asap

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Too much time spent together means too much time spent together and today, we figured it out together and we need a change, so we have decided to not see each other every second of everyday because even though we didn't mean to, we're hindering each other really really badly. 

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It's crazy how much sometimes I take your hand on waist for granted and it always hits me when it isn't there and then how happy it makes me when you bring that back to me-- I"m feeling better on this project but I still got more work to dooo, let us goooooo!