alisabaker

[alisabaker]

Feeling like a disappointment

How do we overcome our lowest moments, when we know we've let the people closest to us down? How does one pick their head back up and say, "just try again, just try to do better -- to be better". I feel like I've recently just kept messing up. Like everything I touch fails. Everything I look at fails. I'm not sure what I'm suppose to learn in this season. Perhaps I should learn to be less lazy and less lucky. Thus far in life I've had it pretty good. It's been easy to get the job or impress people but I think things are changing. I need to actively try. Be engaged. Get up. Get moving. I need to talk less and work more. Serve more. Be more -- not to be acknowledged but to actually get the job done. This needs to be a wake up call. Don't waste the life I have. Don't take the granted the people in my life -- the opportunities I have. WAKE UP. GET UP. DO MORE.

[alisabaker]

Seasons

The last year was been rough. So much change. Missions. Moving. New friendships. Ended friendships. Work. Work. Work. It's insane to believe a year ago I was applying and interviewing for my current job. It's been a hectic year. But constant in all of this is Jesus and His calling for me to love people. But loving people is not easy. It tests my heart. I am terrible at giving grace yet I'm quick to demand it for myself. My prayer for this season in my life is to slow down and rejoice is God's Goodness. Often times I'm just so overwhelmed in His Goodness and I want to move on from crying or being overwhelmed so I don't give it the attention and recognition it deserves. God is good and I would be nothing without His grace and mercy. The fellowship and opportunities I've been gifted with ... good good good stuff. I'm still really struggling with/to be obedient and responsive to the CALL to missions. Right now I'm living my dream job, working FULL TIME at an amazing church (something I yearned for for a LONG time) and have multiple opportunities to go on missions and even lead missions but I still feel God calling me to FULL TIME missions. I'm so confused. How can God be pushing me onto the next thing already? I haven't had enough time to even feel complete in this season of my life... how is it already time for the next season? My head is confused but my hearts knows. Another season in my life has come and gone and soon I will need to embrace the new and next season God has planned for me. As I know, God won't stop calling. He will pursue me for forever. He will equip me if He calls me. And now He is calling. It's time. I need to respond.

[alisabaker]

The goodbyes

2016 was a year full of some many hard goodbyes.  I said goodbye to two jobs -- both giving me opportunities to meet and make friends, giving me confidence in myself, and to build my people skills.  Both jobs tested me, several times. But both jobs were awesome. I learned a lot about the people around me and learned even more about myself. 

I moved 200 miles. I know that doesn’t seem like a lot, considering some people more cross country or even across the world -- but for me, these 200 miles were a lot. I left my family, my community, my safe zone. I left part of my heart in central IA. 

Not only did I start a new job, I started to understand my heart a little bit better. The move helped me understand the people around me -- who would later come to help me, spend time with me, or just love me well from a distance. 

I wish I could say 2016 was not the year of heartbreak but sadly my heart broke a few times. Not only did I find love (ewww), I lost it too. It all happened so quickly, it’s hard to believe it really even happened.  Haiti stole my heart again --- no surprise. With that being said... I’m returning to Haiti in 71 days.. AHHHHH! God willing, this will be one of two trips I take this year to Haiti; in preparation for leading a trip in 2018. 

Back to heartbreak though... I lost a friend in 2016. Not to death but to her own heart. She found someone who makes her heart beat faster, her smile shine even brighter and her mom/wifey desires sky rocket. In life when we grow closer to people, other relationships become distant. And that’s exactly what happened here. She’s a great girl, with a big heart. I’m sad that 2017 won’t include new memories made with her but I know that 2017 will be a big year for her -- regardless if I’m in it or not.

2016 sent me on several adventures. Starting off the year, I was uncertain where God was leading me. At some points, I thought about running from him. I’ve found the more I run from God, the more he comes to my rescue but I don’t want this to become a pattern. I’m not in my faith relationship for the chase. It’s immature and plain stupid. I’m learning to be content with God and how he uses me day-to-day. I’m learning that my BIG God is BIG enough for me. Seeking Him will always be ENOUGH. If I’m feeling like my heart desires something better than God, I need to re-evaluate my desires. 

Back to adventures -- I returned to Haiti which encouraged me to apply for my current job. The love and support from my Haiti team was more than I could have ever imagined or wanted. They are awesome. I moved in July. Went back to Summer Games, after a gap year (Seattle Summer Travels 2015). After only four weeks in the QCA, I directed my first Vacation Bible School. The next week I was off to Thailand for 15 days. Thailand was amazing. The energy, the hustle, the ability for everyone to focus on themselves --- man, I wish I focused on ME. I’m always so into what others are doing, how they are feeling -- if my feelings and actions mimic others... I need to be concerned about myself. Life isn’t a show. YOU DO YOU. Following Thailand, life slowed down a little bit. Most Fall weekends in 2016 consisted of Rockford travels. I helped Rachael and Rod move in together the beginning of November. I visited central IA a few times. I saw a few old college friends. The final fall days were all about seeing people I care about. Which was good for me. As winter quickly approached, Mom and I took a short trip to Seattle to meet little miss Nora Rose. She is actually the cutest baby. It was a good trip --- not just because Nora is the sweetest but it was good to see my mom for a week, along with reconnecting with Dan & Bre. Seeing their relationship gives me hope that one day God will provide me with the right one. Final days of 2016 consisted of TWO weddings. My friend Dan Lierman married his little lover Zoey. They are perfect for each other. Dan is so structured. Meanwhile, Zoey is the sassiest, sweetest, free-spirited, joyful person I know. She is down-to-Earth and loves Dan with her whole heart. There wedding was on December 30, 2016. Wedding #2 was for Michael Solomon, a middle school lover and high school friend. Michael is an interesting follow. He holds his cards close to him. The love he has for Chelsea is so apparent though. Michael’s wedding was on December 31, 2016. Both were great weddings. Again, I am reminded that God will provide the right person for me, at the right time. I need to hand this (this as in my love life) to God. He has got me covered. 

As I launch into 2017 with my arms wide open, I’m anxious but mostly EXCITED to see what opportunities God grants me. My return (trip #3) to Haiti is in March. I’m leading a youth mission trip to Ohio in June. I was asked to be on a marketing and staff committee for Summer Games in July. Hopefully Trip #4 will be at the end of July (over my 23rd birthday). VBS (round 2) in August. And perhaps an adventure with Doug somewhere along the way. I’m so happy with life right now but sometimes it’s really hard for me to show it. I need to express myself more often. I’m joyful today. Cheers to 2017.  

[alisabaker]

Take take take

I’m not going to lie. Normally when I give something, I want something back. It’s  usually not a material item. Almost always it’s appreciation. I want to feel appreciated. I want my efforts, time or monies to be valued. Lately I have really be struggling with having these desires. With walking away unless I FEEL like I’m appreciated. 

Tonight was a really hard night for me. In four hours, only twice did I feel appreciated. I received TWO hugs and in those TWO moments I did feel appreciated. I left work tonight feeling (and still do) angry, sad, bitter, disappointed, and mostly just worthless. 

I know when I give, (my time, my love, my emotions) that I normally always end up “receiving” instead. Has that now become my reason to “give”.. so I can “take”?

God, pursue my heart. Not just right now, but always. Let me be still. Calm my soul.

[alisabaker]

Small wins.. Jesus wins

Lately I’ve been so stressed that I feel like everything I am a part of is a fail. I haven’t been able to be present in moments and appreciate my surroundings.  As I’ve come to realize, life does not slow down for anyone. 

Tonight I was reminded that God works in so many ways. He continues to pursue our hearts even when we are distracted. He continues to love us, guide us, seek us -- in all things we do.

Tonight, and every night, Jesus wins. 

[alisabaker]

TWO days until Retreat 2016. Last minute to-do list. Retreat: A time to seek God. To feel God. To love God.

[alisabaker]

Ash Wednesday God, I need you

[alisabaker]

Haiti treasures

I was going through my phone this evening and found this note I wrote the second to last evening in Haiti. 08/06/2015 Tonight I had a beautiful conversation with Dave. He is always so encouraging. So uplifting. He is always using scripture to bring Truth to my struggles. The joy and love Dave has for God is just inspiring. To know someone who also worries and struggles yet really leans on God for understanding and mercy is really comforting. Tonight I was also able to open up about my story. It's hard sharing and sometimes I think people think I'm really loud to get attention but deep down I really just want to me alone sometimes. I'm not sure if I just want to be alone because I want to isolate myself or God is just granting me peace. Either way, I know I need to yearn for God more. I need to crave His Words, presence and peace. I got to talk to Marisa and Kelsey tonight and I honestly loved that. Marisa is really just her own person and I really love how sometimes she just needs to do her own thing or express herself a certain way to fully be able to be herself. Kelsey is just so special. Her spirit is just alive and her love for the Lord is too sweet. I pray she feels encouraged and knows that a lot of people believe in her but most important God is always on her side. As for Marisa, I pray that this year she finds peace in her journey with the Lord. Often we ask God for answers rather than peace but sometimes we just need peace when we aren't feeling very patient. God thank you for this beautiful second to last day. I'm so thankful for this opportunity and the ability to meet so many people who have changed my life in so many ways. My eyes have been opened.. I've experienced love in ways I haven't before but most importantly I feel so empowered, encouraged and loved by not only the communities we work in but also by my team.

[alisabaker]

Missions matter

[alisabaker]

[alisabaker]

9.3.15 I never thought I'd miss the bumpy rides, obnoxious honking or lack of flushed toilets so much but my heart is really yearning to back go and serve the beautiful people and country of Haiti. Today's prayer: peace & joy

[alisabaker]

Sappy post coming in hot.. Two years ago I was a sophomore in college wondering what else was out there for me. My old youth pastor had asked me to visit my home church and on a whim I decided 'hey why not, I have nothing better to do on this random Wednesday night'. Little did I know that God would have WAY bigger plans for me. Just that one night there was all I needed. As I continued to volunteer God continued to pursue my heart. A year later I was hired and now TWO years later I'm still so overjoyed. I seriously cannot wait to see what God does for this church this season. God, you are so stinking good and I am still in awe that you are always pursuing my heart.

[alisabaker]

God knows exactly who I need in my life. I have known this girl for a little over 3 years and she is seriously the best.

Day 2: Megan

God has blessed me by putting this lovely lady right in my path. Somehow God knew that I needed this girl in my life. Although I hate how we live so far away from each other, I’m so grateful for her being in my life. But anywho! Megan is always so supportive and encouraging. Whenever I need a pick-me-up, a cute snapchat, a heart-warming text or the perfect bible verse, this girl has got it.  So blessed. Love you Megan.

[alisabaker]

Is being pretty overrated?

Being pretty is something that I've been striving for for a long time. I don't know what exactly I am continuously searching for. I feel like this "pretty" thing is so unattainable. Mostly because I've made it that way. I'm always trying to be this thing. And lately I've been so lazy at trying and it's been frustrating that I can't seem to be "pretty" naturally. But I think it's time I redefine my desire for "pretty". I need to learn that pretty is seriously overrated. I don't want to be the "pretty" girl. I want to be strong, and funny, and kind and sincere. And patient, and loyal and I just want to love Jesus and feel and be enough. I am enough.

[alisabaker]

Hurting hearts

I’ve battled with confidence ever since I can remember. I was always the girl with the weird name or scars on her face or the “big girl”. I never wanted to be known for these things but that’s just how it was meant to be -- or so I thought. I thought that because other people made these labels for me that that would forever be how I labeled myself. I yearned to be known for other things but no matter what I would do, I would forever be known for the things that I really didn’t want to define me. My heart really does hurt knowing that some people really do define me by my past, mistakes or even physical features. I have no words besides today (and other days that come very often) my heart really is hurt. I am hurting deep, deep down inside. I pray that God continues to comfort me and give me peace. 

[alisabaker]

He's my favorite #huddleonereunites #isaaciseverything #summergamesgavemefriends #meganisheretoo

[alisabaker]

Meeting the perfect people

When I say perfect I don’t mean they are perfect. I mean God has placed the exact person I need in my life, at the exact right time, for the exactly right reason.

This last summer, I had met someone, thinking nothing much of it– yeah, they were cool but I thought right away it would be a friendship that would only last a season. God told me otherwise. This person who I first thought was so ordinary turned out to be so extraordinary. Their story, their passion for life, their passion for students, for God – is something they didn’t know mattered or existed. Their struggles which seemed like the biggest burdens turned out to be their biggest blessings from God. Tonight I am humbled to know this person, to have heard their stories and to pray over someone who will one day change the world we live in.